It came from out of nowhere – the feeling of something is wrong, but why and what. Sitting at my desk reviewing Facebook post and emails before heading off to the gym, this wave of ANXIETY hit! I could feel a low ebbing tidal wave approach, and I got up and said to myself, why now? This happened to me about five years ago during the winter of 2013, and I tumbled fast into a pit of despair! It took months of medication trials, a change of work scenery and getting my physical and emotional side to come to terms with the word DEPRESSION. DEPRESSION sucks! It is not something we choose, and often it sneaks up on us, and we are aware of the chemical both inside and out changes that are occurring. I can say all I want I will not go there, and this time I will fight like a warrior to stop this flood up unknown feelings!
Please do not tell me or anyone else you know who may experience this malady to get over it; they can’t just do anything, they will need to work through it as I will too. What works for me may not be the same course of action for another, but you must accept and tolerate that what we feel is real even if it is unexplainable. Some like myself may pretend to be ‘OK,’ well others will take refuge in solitary personal confinement. Sadly some will turn to self-medicate, beware and know you may need to pick up the pieces. I will work through this maze of discomfort through self-talk, journaling, sharing my voice out loud so I may hear my thoughts through a different filter.
Bruno Mars sings: “Is it strange that i talk to my self (oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Is it weird when I hear someone else (oh oh oh oh oh oh)
what do I do (what do I do)
There’s no more you (There’s no more you)
And I tell me you’ll be coming home (coming home)
Is it strange I believe them again (oh oh oh)
Voices in my head, the voices, the voices
Voices in my head.”
Although Bruno wrote this as a love song, the refrain says it all; we allow an inner voice to invade us and tell us what may or may not be true. Through my podcasting with Candace Pollock, the Intentionality Gurus has taught me to be more intentional in my thinking. When this wave of anxiety or uncertainty hits me in the gut, it is time to take a deep breath and focus and cleanse the demons out. It may not be easy, and along the path, I may stumble and fall, but I will get back up, I will stand tall.
To prove or display one’s pride, confidence, or fortitude.