Daily Comments 2023
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Monday, 4 December 2023 – I have been experiencing migraines almost daily since I was 19 years old. The first one I recollect was on a Saturday evening. My boyfriend at the time (who became my first husband) had to take me to the ER on the U of Michigan campus. Neither one of us knew what was wrong but the pain came on so suddenly I was scared, and nothing was relieving my pain. In the ER they doped me up with some medication (I have no idea what) and sent me home to rest. We went back to his apartment in the fraternity house where he made me a bed on the couch where I slept off most of the pain. However, that was just the beginning.
When I told my parents about the situation, they arranged for me to get a complete physical with blood work, etc. The medical results pointed to me having Graves Disease. (Graves disease is an autoimmune disorder that involves overactivity of the thyroid (hyperthyroidism). I began treatment for this; however, the migraines did not go away and when they became extreme, I found myself in the ER drugged-up to ease the pain. This all began in 1969 -70, and I am still experiencing migraines today, 54 years later.
In 1974 it was determined that I needed thyroid surgery, medication was not controlling the disease and the surgeon at the time assured me that this would resolve my migraines as well…it didn’t. Although the thyroidectomy was supposed to be a solution. (Total thyroidectomy involves the removal of the entire thyroid gland. This procedure is most often performed to treat thyroid cancer, but it may also be performed to treat uncontrollable hyperthyroidism or goiter that causes severe symptoms.) I had a partial thyroidectomy, and I was informed it was not cancerous, and the procedure would eventually provide me with improved health.
Over the years I have been treated by various doctors to control my thyroid and migraines and I now understand the term, “practicing medicine”, because there is no cookie cutter cure for everyone. What I have learned over the years is how to live with my migraines and the ups and downs of hypothyroidism. (Hypothyroidism, also called underactive thyroid, is when the thyroid gland doesn’t make enough thyroid hormones to meet your body’s needs.) I do take a thyroid supplement. However clinically via bloodwork it shows it is working but physically I can attest to it not working. Western medicine uses the bloodwork findings to treat me which often results in me fighting my weight and migraines.
To be honest I don’t think I would know who I am if my head did not ache. I have learned to function with the pain and when it is too extreme, I have medication that calms it and if I am not too stubborn, I take the time for self-care. However, those who know me have seen me push myself to the limit because I have the need to accept this as, “this is my life, live it!”
Now, I understand that there are some of you reading this and thinking, well your pain cannot be that bad if you are living with it, and my answer is pain is personal both physical, emotional, as well as mental. We have choices in life when it comes to how we perceive things. I will admit for a good portion of my life I have been a pessimist, and my glass was always half empty. I could not see above the ½ way point until I decided that I didn’t like myself. I wanted to be happy and enjoy my life even if it appeared that everyone else was succeeding, I knew it was my responsibility to find my own success.
When I chose to change my attitude, I found happiness. Not every minute of every day, but happiness that lingers even at the darkest moments. When my mother died in 2016, I thought everyday was going to feel like a cold dark rainy day, but I found myself smiling at her funeral remembering her smile, her words of wisdom, and her nagging. The memories brought me happiness and I noted I was succeeding and living.
When I began podcasting some 10 years ago, I had no idea that I would still be riding the wave to success today. My success is based on connecting with people and providing an opportunity for healing. We all have our personal paths to travel, taking twists and turns and becoming mindful of where we are going.
It’s Monday morning and it’s your opportunity to face your challenges and create a path that brings you happiness.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440-526-1530
Sunday, November 26, 2023, Thanksgiving is behind us on the calendar, but I am full of thanks and positive motivation. For the last three years I have anticipated our trip to Saratoga Springs, where my brother and sister-in-law live with an abundance of family and friends. It is not lonely at the Thanksgiving table with three generations filling the seats, and sometimes with new faces. This year was no exception. However, it was not a Hallmark™ movie event and as my niece Rachael says, more like a BRAVO™ reality show. But I am left with good memories despite feeling a vague sadness.
My brother worked the whole time we were in Saratoga, when not cooking and baking for the feast he was busy recording and producing at the one and only Caffe’ Lena. Our time with Joel was minimal but I am glad we had, what we had. My sister-in-law TL is in retail so I think that tells you how busy she was too and if not for a migraine that I suffered on Thanksgiving morning I may have taken a walk through the park with her.
My niece Rachael is like my best friend, daughter I never had, and just a special human in my life. We planned on having one-on-one time with each other, but she was playing hostess to all of us while spending whatever extra moments she has on her home renovations. She is extremely talented, and she is a one woman show. She needs to be hired by HGTV! This week I will have to call her and have a one-on-one chat.
Griff and Zuzu are now all grown up. Griff is working and going to high school, and he is exploring his various interests which now includes filming & editing. Zuzu took this year off from college, she has a job she enjoys, new friends, and possibly a new boyfriend. It was so nice seeing the young adults these two are becoming.
Again, grateful memories include Alex coming in from Texas and being with all of us. On Friday the three of us, Rich, Alex, and I drove to Cooperstown, NY to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Now if you know anything about my son this is his heaven on earth. This the holy grail where he met Bob Feller and had a personal conversation with him in the Hall of Plaques including Bob Feller’s. I will remember that day for ever as does Alex. Also, on one of Alex’s solo trips to the Hall his contact at the Hall took him into the archives where he was able to find the documentation that Joe and Abe Moss (my grandfather and great uncle), played for the barnstorming team, The Holland Dutch Shoes. They played with Ty Cobb and when offered a spot to play professionally, their mother, my Baube Muskovitch, said; “no way, only bums play baseball!”
During this Thanksgiving get away we were able to go to a magic show at Caffe’ Lena, and to Henry’s Tavern to hear our friend Jeff Brisbin perform and sing.
Yesterday, Saturday, we said our traditional good-byes and hit the road to travel home. Since my husband, Rich does the driving I tried entertaining him with non-stop chatter and highlights of the Michigan/OSU game – and I am a Go Blue Girl! After a couple of stops for short naps to refresh we finally stopped for the night in Allegheny, NY, exhausted! And now we are back on the road soon to pass through Jamestown, NY, the home of Lucille Ball. (We’ve been to the museum many times and have seen the house she grew up in.)
We are anxious to get home. Rich and I need routine, and home provides that for us with work and just being amongst “our things”. I will miss my family, and I will soon start thinking about returning next year, God Willing We Will All Be Well!
In just about three weeks I will be flying to Texas to spend time with Alex and Rich will follow for the Christmas weekend. I can’t believe it was a year ago that Alex flew to Texas to secure housing for his job with The Panther City Lacrosse Team and The Dallas Wings (WNBA). It surely has been an eventful year for all of us and I have not gotten use to saying good-bye to him after our visits.
However, 2024 looks like a great year for us all. Rich is still working full-time and despite the hour to and from work ride, he enjoys what he is doing and the people he works with.
I will be spending more time coaching in the coming year as well as growing our podcasts on newclevelandradio.net.
What I am taking into the new year are the wonderful memories. My brother Gary and I keep in touch despite the fact he is on the opposite end of the U.S., but phone calls, emails, and Facebook keeps us smiling and amused. Joel and I keep int touch between our yearly visit, as do TL and me. My niece is the icing on the cake and every connection I have with her keeps me smiling.
Although Steve was not with us for the holiday we did connect, and I feel like a very blessed momma.
My blessing go beyond those that are here on earth in my circle, if not for the love of my parents, I may not be feeling so happy.
Wishing you a Happy!
21 November -It is Tuesday, November 21, 2023, and I have anxiously been waiting for this day since last year. So much has happened in 2022-23 for me (and not just me), and I feel lucky, blessed, and gratitude for the last 12 months.
Last year as we prepared to drive to Saratoga Springs for Thanksgiving, I was harboring excitement and anxiety as Alex had just accepted a job (in his field of sports) and he would be moving to Texas the first week of December. My baby, actually a young man of 32, was truly soaring and even though that is what a parent wishes for their children, it was leaving me feeling empty.
I had to remind myself that I truly had an independent life as well as a wonderful 38+ year marriage and that his move was just an extension of greater things to come. It was time for my son to go and sow his oats (not sure where that phrase comes from). In Saratoga surrounded by family and friends I didn’t dwell on the emptiness that was creeping through my veins. I laughed it off saying, “It’s about time,” “Wow now I can walk around the house naked…” Too much info, sorry folks.
I love Thanksgiving in Saratoga where my brother cooks and bakes most of the meal. My niece offers up her home and hospitality, and I get to be a guest, although I have to bring the chocolate chip cookies, and offer my assistance in setting the table. This get away has become a tradition and this year marks #3 and I hope and pray we will all be healthy and happy for many more to come.
This year my anxiety is at a minimum, and I am looking forward to the conversations even though some will be political since my brother Joel takes a stand on what he believes. If you haven’t read his blogs, go to: https://managramusic.com/site/category/blog/
Today as I wait for my husband (I am sitting in a Panera) while he is at work down the road, I have time to get caught up on my work which I will be suspending over the next couple of days. I will be on a time-off so needed for my mental and physical health.
As many of you know I have been podcasting since 2013, podcasting has been my contribution for my mental health as well as offering up conversations for my listeners. On each show – https://newclevelandradio.net/listening-links/ – our podcasters at newclevelandradio.net as well as myself, share real conversations with you and our guests. We bring you real talk through a virtual network. We know there are millions to choose from:
[Spotify and Apple Podcasts are the biggest players in the podcast game. Spotify claims to have 4.7 million podcasts on its platform. While Apple has 2.5 million as of January 2023. According to Podcast Index, there are an estimated 4,216,180 podcast episodes.]
We place our podcasts on Spotify, Apple, and YouTube, sometimes people like to see who we are and what we look like. We are not AVATARS!
In addition to podcasting I developed, #YESICAN coaching with Karen: https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey-today/ I believe in the coaching process I have seen it work, I have experienced the benefits, and I know I have the ability to help others find their niche, happiness, achievement, and love for living. I will never tell a client what they should do or how they should do it, I will work with you as my client to find the tools that work for you. Some like using a butter knife to tighten a screw and others prefer a screwdriver, and some choose the best screwdriver in their toolbox. How do you know which one is the best? You keep trying one after another until you get that “aha moment”.
To kick off 2024 I am offering a special on my coaching services. To learn more, you can email me at: [email protected] or call 440-526-1530 – Please do not use this contact information to promote or sell your services. If you have no interest in hiring a coach that’s OK. If I am not the right coach for you, I will be glad to provide you with a list of other coaches who may be best for whatever situation you want to work in.
This time of year, is often associated with those who may be suffering from an illness or who are elderly and tired, passing away. When our time is up, we may not have a choice, the fight for life may be exhausting. We know that losing a loved one, a friend, a pet or anyone who has touched your life is difficult. There are many books written on death and coping with your grief, but I want you to know it is your personal journey. During the holiday season, if your grief is fresh or if it one that has lingered, or if it is associated with the holidays, know you are not alone. You are entitled to your feelings; they are yours and how you deal with them is part of your life’s journey. However, if you need assistance to get through your grief consider one of our Grief Coaches from GRIEF BeLIEF – https://newclevelandradio.net/grief-belief/
Alison Pena
Candace Pollock
TheIntentionalityGurus.com
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Carol Kalnow
[email protected]Kristy Anderson
www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/kristy-anderson
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As I sit here writing this and wrapping up my thoughts at the moment, I want to share with you the wise words of my older brother, Gary.
It was Christmas Day just about 10 years ago, and it was midafternoon. My youngest adult son had retreated to his room playing video games, watching Football, and sleeping. My husband had fallen asleep in the living room, and he was peacefully snoring. I on the other felt lonely, detached, and sad. I had gotten up that morning and made a special breakfast that was eaten in haste so three adults could check out their gifts. I then stood in the kitchen baking and preparing a feast for three for that evening, and now I found myself in my bedroom scrolling through Facebook and saw so many ‘happy’ family faces. I got triggered and the tears fell from my eyes and turned into a gushing waterfall as I began to sob. While sobbing I posted on Facebook how alone and sad, I felt and why is it everyone else was happy with family and friends and the three of us were alone? I kept writing feeling sorry for myself.
Within minutes of posting my “Oh Whoa is ME document”, my phone rang, and it was my brother Gary. Now Gary very rarely gets angry with me, but he started out the conversation with me in an angry tone that I had only experienced from my father and mother in the past. What he said knocked me back a few pegs. “STOP feeling sorry for yourself. Find something to do to make yourself happy. Take a nap, go for a walk, watch a movie, go to a Homeless Shelter and volunteer, but do something and stop crying and pouting. Only YOU can make yourself happy!
I felt stupid when we got off the phone because I knew my brother was right. It was up to me to identify what would make me happen (more than one thing) and do it! I don’t remember what I did on that day to wash away my tears but what I have been doing ever since that phone call is asking myself the difficult questions and answering myself honestly. Becoming a coach has allowed me to expose my vulnerability. When you are mindful and see where your brain is taking you and how maybe you need to hijack it to be the Happy Person You Want to Be.
Bring It- Be Happy!
3 November 2023 Approximately 24 hours ago I was admitted into the outpatient surgery center to have the debris in my left ear cleaned out. The procedure in the office has been difficult as the slightest pressure/ suction in that surgical ear gives me extreme vertigo. So, it was determined to do this under anesthesia. My surgeon (Dr. Ramerez- UH) and his team at suburban did a fantastic job in caring for me and understand the need for this procedure. Although we hoped it would be 100% routine I had quite a bit of inflammation either caused by the swelling he witnessed or there may be a secondary cause. I am on antibiotic ear drops and I will be seeing him again after Thanksgiving and prior to my weeklong trip to Dallas. At that appointment we will create a new healthcare plan for that ear as my hearing is stable and we don’t want to make it worse.
Today under normal circumstances I would be up and around but due to some imbalance from the procedure I am taking it slow (although I truly have only two switches, On and Off.)
As I have shared 10+ years ago I was treated for Mastoiditis. “The condition sometimes requires repeated or long-term treatment. The infection is treated with antibiotic injections, followed by antibiotics taken by mouth. Surgery to remove part of the bone and drain the mastoid (mastoidectomy) may be needed if antibiotic treatment does not work.” When the bone is removed and reconstructed it is possible it will fail. My first surgery only lasted short of two years. I lost significant hearing which led to wearing hearing aids. Let me explain hearing aids are just that, they aid your hearing, they do not fix the source and the moisture the hearing aid causes can create debris and fluid buildup in the ear. Not only must I adapt to the hearing aid, so must those I am communicating with.
For the first year wearing my aids I failed to share this situation with most people. I could cover them up with my hair and pretend everything was alright, but it wasn’t, and I realized how much I was missing since I did not ask people to speak up, or look at me when they were talking, or using a head set on a phone or as I do now use Bluetooth. I have adjusted to keeping the TV sound at the level others need and I use close captions as well as Bluetooth as needed.
I do wear my hearing aids daily and all day they are now another part of my make-up and when needed I share this information, so I am not left out of a conversation or fail to understand what is happening in my environment. When I am sleeping at a strange place, a hotel, etc. I sleep with one hearing aid in as I did for my surgical procedure yesterday. Being aware of my surroundings is important to me.
I was once embarrassed to tell people I wear hearing aids but the best part of being vulnerable is that most people accommodate for any deficit I may have.
Today is a new day and I am recovering in my way and accepting that if I do what is right for me, I will be using the tools in my toolbox to be the best version of myself.
#YESICAN Coaching with Karen – check word of the day https://newclevelandradio.net/word-of-the-day-2023/
31 October 2023 Halloween was once a fun holiday for kids. In the 50s we would dress up and either wear are winter coats under our costumes or in many cases over our costumes – but we carried our paper shopping bags or pillow cases from house to house calling out ‘Trick or Treat’. Back in the day there was little fear of someone lacing our treats with drugs, glass, or any harmful substance. Our parents did warn us not to eat anything that wasn’t wrapped, and we obliged as most of the candy came wrapped.
Today Tick or Treating is often held in a safe area where there is less fear of tampering. In fact Halloween gatherings seem to be taking place all of October so by the time we come to the 31st our kids are sugared out (as are we).
In fact Halloween seems to have become more of an adult holiday with employees dressing up and going to work as Clowns, WWE Wrestlers, and of Course this year as Barbie and Ken.
My costume most of my childhood was dressing up as a Gypsy wearing one of my mother’s skirts under my coat and lots of her costume jewelry. I loved all the make-up and the fun of looking like someone or something different!
Well things have changed and change can be positive so I want to wish you all a Happy and Safe Halloween.
When we are born, we have no say as to who our parents/family will be. We are innocent little beings and the majority of us are very blessed/lucky to be part of a nurturing family. It is important to note that nurturing takes on a variety of definitions based on the culture and environment we are born into. The word nurture means: “the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something.”
There is a saying, “You can’t choose your family…” and that relates to our birth family, but family is not just blood relations. Many of us create family through relationships defining commonalities and gaining trust and acceptance. Sometimes the biological family fails the newborn, and that human may struggle until he or she finds their core of individuals often called extended family.
Family is a community of individuals who come together supporting and encouraging each other to be their best version of themselves. If we all can follow the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” a biblical concept related to many religions and spiritual beliefs, our communities would be mindful of the needs of each other and support and guidance would prevail for all, not just for some.
Some days I feel like I am writing just to convince myself that ‘we’ can live harmoniously and in peace with acceptance. That our differences will be accepted, and we will grow with the knowledge of that uniqueness is alright. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we lived in a non-violent world where it is their way or the highway? (And what if the highway is blocked leaving us no choice!)
I grew up in Jewish Conservative home. My parents provided us with Jewish learning, customs and traditions and my brothers and I attended Sunday and Hebrew School where additional education was provided. My brothers and I all received the same messages at home with love and yet as adults we took our education and the messages, we received from them and chose to live our lives differently from our upbringing but never forgetting what we learned. We assimilated our religion to create a meaningful life experience, yes, we are Jewish, and we are American, we are peaceful humans interacting with our extended families of unique individuals.
When I married my husband who was raised in a non-practicing Christian home, we brought together his learnings and mine and we cultivate a life that shares equally. When we met, we were both told our relationship would not last. Interfaith marriages can be confusing and cause dramatic issues for some. However, we chose to be friends, lovers, and soulmates and we have combined our differences into a mutual respect as we honor each other. My husband was going to convert before we got married. We attended conversion classes together and at the end I asked him not to convert. I would not give up my faith, and I did not want him to give up his and that is why we will celebrate our 40th Wedding Anniversary in 2024.
Wen we are born, we do not have the choice to be born into wealth or poverty. We don’t have the option to have two loving parents. Our choices will come later in life when we can make changes that suit us, our uniqueness. When those choices are made, we should be allowed to be the best versions of ourselves without judgement. Choice does not need to be war against what was or is. Choice is a possibility, an action taken to create a solution. Solutions should be peaceful.
My word of the day is Choice – I have the right to live my life as do you, but it must be in peace!
Sunday, what does this day mean to you? Growing up Sunday was the day I went to Sunday School. My day would drive me and while I was in class, he and my Grandpa Abe went to the Men’s Club where they traditionally had a Jewish Style Brunch including smoke fish, lox, and bagels and of course pastries and coffee. Often the Sisterhood would put together the brunch and serve the men and sometimes the men took charge. (Remember this was in the 50s and early 60s.)
I have a warm and fuzzy feeling for those long-ago Sunday’s and even more so for the Sunday’s Grandpa Abe took me and Grandma Jenny to Toledo to see my Aunt Leiba and Uncle Herb and their girls, Kayla, Claire, Jo, and Diane. Driving to Toledo meant I sat in the front seat between my grandparents, and they would talk to me and listen to me!
One Sunday drive terrified me and still does to this day. As we neared Toledo we came upon a drawbridge over the Maumee River. Grandpa Abe either didn’t see the flashing lights or the gate slowly lowering to stop us from crossing the bridge and there we were in his DeSoto (he sold DeSoto’s and Plymouths), inclining on the bridge as the port authority people were yelling at him to back his off the bridge. From my front seat, sitting in the middle between my grandparents all I could see and imagine was we were going to fall off the bridge. (Hence my fear of bridges!) Somehow Grandpa Ave slowly reversed the car off the bridge and when it was safe to cross, we did, arriving at Aunt Leiba and Uncle Herb’s safely.
If I didn’t join my grandparents going to Toledo on Sunday’s my parents would pack us all into the car, Gary, Joel and myself and we would do what I have since called the family rounds. We often began on Gladstone visiting my Baube and Zayde (mom’s parents). My Baube always had treats for us. Sugar cubes (no candy) and Garbanzo Beans (it seemed normal and natural to me.) Often one of mom’s brothers or sisters would be visiting at the same time with their families so it was like having a mini party. From there we would travel to my Grandparent’s apartment in the Rainier Building on Hamilton in Detroit. When you walked into the lobby there was this huge lobby and a staircase, we would walk up to get their apartment. Upon arrival Grandpa was always in the kitchen making something, a Jell-O mold, or frosting a cake, and sometimes what was a delicacy back then beef tongue in tomato sauce.
Sometimes Grandma and Grandpa’s cousins would visit on Sunday as well or Grandma’s sister Aunt Rose, who was a loveable character as well as Spinster Cousins, Henrietta & Hilda. In fact, on my grandmother’s side of the family there were so many first and second cousins they formed a monthly group called the Cohen Cousins Club. Typically, it was restricted to the adult cousins but occasionally we would sneak in too.
Growing up I thought my life would look similar – bringing my children to visit their grandparents on the weekend, and having large family gatherings, however my journey did not follow that path. In fact, the 1970s saw a shift in adult children moving away from their hometowns or their parents and older relatives moving to warmer climates like Florida and Arizona. The 70s proved to be a time when families started to fracture and for me that was difficult.
When I met my current husband, I was blessed with in-laws that accepted me and my son as their family, we created our own traditions and with my parents only 3 hours away by car we began formulating trips to observe birthdays and holidays and some of my childhood dreams resurfaced with delight. However, over the years we lost my father-in-law, then my father, shortly thereafter my mother-in-law and seven years ago my mom so in the span of 30+ years the traditions ended. However, life continues and so we have created new traditions and opened our hearts up to new friends and some we now call family.
Today Sunday is a day that we sometimes plan but most often I find myself blogging, podcasting, or coaching a client because this is now who I am. My husband uses this day to get caught up on the things he didn’t have time for while working all week. Sundays for me are also just a day to reflect and to see where I once was and where I am today. At 73 I am blessed to be the best version of myself each day!
Happy Sunday – Make a Day!
Shabbat Shalom
I remember as a child, a teen, and a young adult, Friday was a special day. Friday night (Shabbat) dinners at our house were not religious but traditional. There was always a full home cooked meal with chicken soup (rice, noodles, or both), roasted chicken or roast beef, and often for desert momma’s chocolate cake and maybe a pie. No matter what anyone may have planned, dinner together was a given even as my brothers dated and hung out with friends. On more than one occasion friends were invited to join us at our table.
I came from a home with two working parents. Preparing for Shabbat was a long process on Thursday nights for my mother, after a full day of work she would kosher her meat and prepare the cake and or pie along with making the chicken soup which always came out better than mine today. On Friday after school, I would come home and vacuum and dust and clean as best as I could. Even at a young age I understood how important it was for my mother to work and that anything I could do to assist would be appreciated. Unlike my many friends with stay-at-home moms they had someone who came into their homes and cleaned, since we did not, I chose to do it.
I am not sure when the Friday night tradition of family dinners came to halt, but with time they did and when I got married and moved away, I truly missed them and believed that some day I would incorporate them into my home. In my first marriage my mother-in-law would invite us for Friday night dinners, but the Friday night she had a ham on the table I knew this was not about Shabbat but about dinner.
In my first marriage I found I dropped the traditions I was brought up with only to please those who were now in my immediate circle. Upon getting divorced I sought to bring those traditions back with a group of Jewish singles and I felt like I was reclaiming a part of my identity back that I so easily threw away for 7+ years. When I met my husband Rich, who was brought up in non-practicing Christian home I introduced some of my traditions which he gladly accepted. I, like my mother, worked all week and on Thursday nights after work and dinner, I would prepare a Friday night meal including baking as well. Although this was more about dinner for my husband and son since they enjoyed the meals, I prepared they nurtured my need for this family time.
Although as life evolved so did the traditions, I began in the 1980s. They have dissolved into memories. With both of my sons grown and living in other states, Friday night dinner is sometimes prepared with love and thought and sometimes it is about finding a restaurant that will satisfy our taste buds. (Mine and my husbands.)
In my podcast Avoid the Maze, https://www.youtube.com/AvoidtheMaze, I have share that as a young girl, living on Ohio in Detroit, in the Bagley – Mumford area, I believed I would get married and live down the street from parents with my husband and children (and dog) and Friday nights we would come for Shabbat dinner and on Sunday they come to my house for brunch. Well, shortly after I spoke of those dreams to my parents, we moved to St. Louis Park, Minnesota. Four years later we returned to Michigan while I attended EMU and my parents lived in Oak Park…No I was not going to be living down the street from them. In fact, when I got married in 1971, my husband at the time moved me to Philadelphia, and then Cincinnati. When I got divorced in 1979, I thought about moving back to Detroit, but I remained in Cincinnati until I met my husband of almost 40 years and have been living in Cleveland since.
Today is Friday, October 13, 2023, and although so much has changed the feelings in my heart are filled with beautiful memories. How we live today is just another version and we are creating new memories. We are never too young or too old to dream and change our trajectory. “If you will it, it is no dream; and if you don’t, a dream it is and a dream it will stay.” – Theodor Herzl
Herzl was talking about the state of Israel and claiming it as the Jewish Homeland. As Jews we often end our prayers with next year in Jerusalem. It is the hope and decree for peace. So today as I share my memories and my thoughts I pray that whether it is Israel, the Ukraine, South America, China, or Korea that we can find it in our hearts to declare peace and not war and come together as civilized individuals accepting that we may not agree on all things but when it comes to love and peace we are on the same page. Go back and re-read it.
Mixed emotions on this October 14, 2023, morning. In December of last year when Alex moved to Texas, we had no idea when we would get together, we knew we would, but his new job was his priority and he had to take the time to settle in. As it turned out two weeks into the job, he had ten days off for the Christmas Holidays, his brother offered him airline miles to come home. As excited as we all were within 24 hours of landing, he got sick and spent the whole time in bed as I nursed him through a terrible virus – not COVID!
Again, when he left, we wondered when and where we would get together again. It’s not a short ride from Ohio to Texas and plane fare is steep. So, with tears in our eyes and hearts we hugged and kissed goodbye. Now the positive side of his being 1000 miles away he calls us regularly and even more so as he settled in.
An emergency illness in late March took us (Rich and I) flying down to the Dallas area as Alex had emergency gall bladder surgery, and of course his wasn’t routine so he needed some extra care. The majority of that visit consisted of shopping, cooking, and caring for him (what’s a mother for.)
However, this trip, ending today, was planned and it worked out well, no illness and very little drama. Alex was busy with his many friends living here in the area, and he also worked his job from here which kept him a bit secluded. Rich and I had stuck to our normal schedules (work) but we carved out time for talks and a meal here and there.
When he boards the plane today, we know we will see him again when we meet up in Saratoga Springs for Thanksgiving and again in December when we fly down to Texas to help him organize his new apartment. We have plans to do some sightseeing with him and we will begin our trip at a Panther City Men’s Lacrosse Team home game.
I moved away from my family at the age of 21. When I got married (the first time) my husband and I lived 800+ miles from my family and about the same from him. Although I missed family, I did not think of how they may have felt, especially my mother who wanted to help me as a young bride get settled in. However, it didn’t not happen that way…
Eight years later, after my divorce and meeting Richard, I knew my destination would not be back home close to my parents, but I lucked out having a wonderful mother-in-law and family here. Visiting my parents and their visits to us became harder for me as time went on and as my parents were ageing. I became more aware of precious time was. Until the time when long-distance calling and free long distance on cellular became available our calls were limited to Sunday nights when the rates were at their lowest. Now today phone calling, texting, and video calls are abundantly available to keep our loneliness at bay.
However, my mixed emotions are confusing today. I love the hugs and camaraderie Alex brings into our home, yet he will always bring a bit of drama king, and that takes a toll on me, but he offers it in our phone conversations too. He will always be my baby 33 or 63, and yet I am proud of the man he is and the obstacles he has overcome and will continue to face and challenge.
So, I will shed some tears at the airport and feel some emptiness in my gut, but I know he knows WE love him, and WE know he LOVES US.
Today is the day to spread our wings to fly high with peace and love in our hearts!
A week ago, Thursday night, my youngest son came home for a visit, and in two days he will be returning to his now home, Texas! I wasn’t sure how things were going to play out with him at home. I couldn’t wait to see him, and as much as I don’t want him to go, it’s really ‘OK’ despite this emptiness I am feeling. As he has matured and become the young man he is, I realize how much I missed that little boy who drove me crazy…but we all want our children to grow up and find their niche’. I have had my opportunities, and I must be loving enough to allow him his.
For those mothers and fathers who experience what is called the empty nest syndrome, we must take this time to spread our wings and fly as well. With flight we gain experiences that allow us to continue growing and finding those common threads that will unite us again.
I am feeling blessed at this moment in time, and I will not complain or allow myself to feel lonely because despite what is happening in our world at this moment in time, we are both safe and I will continue to pray and do my part in keeping peace. I never thought of myself as an unkind person, but I will do my best to be kinder to others even if we don’t agree on all issues. I pledge to be more mindful and accept as alike as we may be, we are all unique butterflies, or snowflakes, or whatever peaceful image we see ourselves as.
When I met my husband some 40+ years ago we had friends and family who said we would not last as a couple. I had been divorced and had a child, he had never been married and wanted a child. He was brought up in the Christian (not religious) faith and I was raised Jewish (with a more religion and a lot of tradition.) However, the differences were minor for the two of us and we became good friends and lovers determined to make our relationship work despite those that said, NAY! Our lives have not been easy, and we have been on an uphill climb, but we are doing it together, holding hands.
If I had to live my life over from the moment I met Richard, my husband, I would follow the same path as it has taught me how to be strong and yet vulnerable. Our differences are small compared to our passion for living our best life often with not a penny to spare!
10/13/23 This week has been difficult in so many ways as I remembered the passing of my mother 7 years ago this past Wednesday. My Jewish mother was one of the lucky ones and yet under other circumstances may not have been as her parents fled the Cossacks when they came into their Russian Village of Horadock (which was part of what we now call the Ukraine.) When the war in Ukraine began I wondered and still do if I have any relatives still living there and if so are they surviving? Now with Hamas attacking Israel and Putin blaming the US I feel sick and numb like so many (Jews and non-Jews). We are human beings and we don’t hate each other but we hate the vile in this world. I have friends who live in Israel and I have family who has family living in Israel and I feel helpless. This week has been about loss and yet I feel that we are blessed and we must use that for good and not evil moving forward.
I was told once life isn’t fair but we can take the steps to even it out and that would be the blessing!
10/10/23 Explain to me why we have WARS?
Today is erev Yom Kippur is tomorrow. Seven years ago, on this Hebrew date my mother took her last breath. According to Jewish traditions: “Dying on Yom Kippur is a good sign, because it implies dying without sin (the day of Yom Kippur atones for sin, providing the person repents). Conversely, dying on the eve of Yom Kippur is a bad sign because it means that the person did not merit the atonement of Yom Kippur, or would not be written into the book of Life at Sundown on Yom Kippur.” At 96 ½ years young or 24 ¼ Leap Year Birthdays it was my mother’s time to leave this earth and move into eternity with the love of her life, her husband, my father, J H Moss. (No need for repenting, although she did over the 2 ½ months I lived with her.)
I believe when my mother approached heaven, she was surprised to see my cousin Gloria waiting for her as Gloria had passed away just weeks prior and mom did not know. I also believe my mother was now free of any discomfort both physically and emotionally that she may have been experiencing from her stroke.
Over the past few weeks, I have been in a Grief Recovery Method program with Kristy Anderson who is a certified GRM Coach. This program has provided me closure to issues that may have been unresolved prior to and after my mom’s dying and I bottled them up so as not to let them soil my good memories. I have had the opportunity to review those thoughts (memories) and check them off as I have made peace with them, and I have chosen to love my mother for the person I now understand more clearly. It is not about forgiving her or myself for any negativity that may have occurred between her and me in the 66 ½ years we spent together on this earth. This has been my occasion to love her more deeply and continue to communicate with her in various ways (this is one, writing, journaling, speaking, etc.)
Tonight, I will light a memorial candle that will burn for 24 hours to remember my mother, Dorothy D’Vasha t Moss. My mother was known to many as Momma Moss, Auntie Dorothy, Baube, Mom, Momma, Ma, and by her Hebrew name D’Vasha (translated means honey!). My mother was actively involved in various organizations over the years. As a young child I would go door to door with her collecting for the March of Dimes. She was involved in the Sisterhood program at Beth Aaron Synagogue in Detroit, Michigan. She also served as a Den Mother to the cub scouts and a youth advisor for USY.
My mom was known as the go to person for baked goods for the holiday or a special event, and as a seamstress she made wedding veils and head pieces for friends, family, and acquaintances. (She even made my wedding dress and head piece.)
Mom and dad were active in the Mizriter’s Group (Spelling???) a group of Jewish Senior Adults who formed a group where they had numerous parties, putting on skits, and developed long lasting friendships.
My mother was also a baby cuddler, she volunteered at a local hospital to rock, feed, and cuddle with newborns often dealing with the side affects of drugs taken by their birth mother. She loved her babies, one day at a time.
Momma also knitted/crocheted baby warming caps, hospitals, and newborn agencies were in need of various sizes and some were made with intricate designs making the giving more personal.
My mother cared equally for her three children, Gary, Joel, and Karen (that’s me). When mom was in her last weeks of life Joel and I would ask her who her children were and she would say: Joel, Joel, Gary, Gary, and Kiki she was a mischief maker. It’s funny she said that because of the three I tried to be the perfect child, I feared not being good.
Although my mother left this earthly life, a part of her resides in me. It is not just her DNA that links us together, but the wonderful memories that make me smile, sometimes with tears in my eyes.
If I could offer you one gift it would be the gift of love – forget the negativity it serves no purpose.
To my momma, your momma (and dad’s too)
may they continue to feel our love in the heavens above.
To my sons on this Rosh Hashanah – as we enter the year 5784 – I wish you good health, and happiness. You are the captains of your own ships, and you can choose to be healthy and happy. Do not wait for someone to make you Happy, because you are the only one who can choose that emotion.
As you both know I have struggled most of my life trying to create happiness for others and believing that someone else’s smile would reflect those same emotions to me. However, it is not until recently that I have chosen to make myself happy and to stop reflecting on the past and look forward to enjoying each day.
Alex and Steve, you complete me. I have learned so much from the two of you since the day you were born. Today I feel blessed to have you in my life as I watch you seek your happiness, making choices that are best for you.
May the Jewish New Year (whether you observe or not) bring you the sweetness of honey to make each day the day you are at your best.
“A son is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the promise of the future.” (unknown)
Today many of us are remembering where we were on 9/11/01 and how we learned of the planes flying into the World Trade Centers 1 & 2 as well as the Pentagon and the crash landing in Pennsylvania. So many lives were lost, and so many more were affected by this TRAGIC Day! I was sitting on the end of my bed as my husband was dressing to go to work, I have no recollection of my plans. But when I saw not the first but the second plan fly into the World Trade Center, I felt sick! The question as to WHY kept penetrating through my brain. How could this be happening? What has created such evil and hate? And then we saw the out stretching of arms and hearts to get us through the day and the weeks and months to follow.
Not understanding the geographic location in distance to my son’s apartment and law office, my brain went to survival mode, I had to believe he was alright and when the cellular connections would allow, I would hear his voice and know he was alright. My brother who lives in upstate New York was traveling back and forth to the city as a music producer. I wondered if he was upstate and safe or was in the city and possibly not safe.
My parents called me frantically and asked if Steve (my oldest) was safe and at that moment all I could say was I didn’t know. They reassured me my brother Joel and TL were OK, in fact just hours before they were in the city tearing down a concert that was held in Battery Park. (Again, I have no frame of reference as to where that was in conjunction with the Trade Center.)
We finally heard from my oldest son, and we marked him safe…now we went to my son’s Middle School to assure him that his brother and uncle were safe and not casualties. However, the grief and relief for ourselves made us more empathic with those around us also trying to locate family members and we soon learned that our community took a loss. A friend of my youngest son was to learn in the next 24 hours that his father was in the Towers when the planes hit and sadly, he did not make it out alive.
The world was in a state of mourning. The United States was attacked and innocent people going to work to support themselves and their families, died a useless death. Up until that day, 22 years ago many of us felt safe and now that was to change. We saw ourselves opening up and helping our neighbors through this life altering incident, and I know I wanted to believe despite the loss of lives on this day that life would change for the better. However, I think the love thy neighbor jargon simply was just that as we harden ourselves to what may come next.
As we have said about the Holocaust, “WE MUST NOT FORGET”. What we say about 911. “WE MUST NOT FORGET”. As true as that is, we must do something to stop the anger, negativity, the corruption of hate. We cannot keep blaming our tragedies at EVE because she took a bite out of the APPLE. “God says you must not eat any of it?” “Of course, we can eat it,” Eve replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that we …” And as the story goes, they were banished from the Garden of Eden taking good and evil out into the world. Isn’t time for us to stop the evil?
Today I ask you, what can you do to promote positive outcomes learning from the Holocaust and 911? Let’s make today the day when we need to take a step forward and continue until we have developed peace and harmony?
AGING-This is What Life is About
I just read an article about aging, something I have been fearful of since I was a young child. Now some 73 years later my fear is not of aging but of not being able to be the best version of myself with each passing year.
We have all heard that ugly comment, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks…” that is a fallacy because even an older dog can continue to learn by creating a practice. If we want to do something new, or even just do, we must not be complacent!
Studies show that many people after the age of 60 go through a personality change and I cannot agree more, we do. Here is why (in my opinion.)
- At least in the United States we have this arbitrary idea that by age 65 we retire. My question is why? Now what do you expect me (us) to do? Maybe I have been able to save up a nest egg to go out and explore and try out new adventures but in today’s volatile economy how long will that nest egg last me? And what if I wasn’t able to save up, how do I make a living if you expect me to retire?
- Yes, our personalities change because of our circumstances. Some choose to ignore the wishes and wants of others and go off into their adventures leaving friends and family behind because they believe in the theory, they earned it! (Let them, it’s their choice!)
- If we can change the trajectory of aging, it would not be about getting old, it would be more about being active in life finding our niche(s) and living our mission. For some that may be sitting on the front porch rocking the hours away but for many is finding the positive in our situations (without judgement). (To all the financial advisors out there not everyone has the money to put away and save it for the future. Personally, all the money my husband and I have saved has paid out bills so we could get to this age!)
- When we were born, we did not receive a get out of life card…as a Jew every year from Rosh Hashannah to the end of Yom Kippur (10 long days), we ask God and community to forgive our sins that we may have committed upon them and or to ourselves. When the first star in the sky shines as Yom Kippur reaches sundown, we ask to be written in the Book of Life for another year. We can look forward to the light and satisfy each day enhancing our lives.
- With age we physically change and that can cause an emotional disruption. One day you look in the mirror and ask, “who is that older person?” Acknowledging ourselves as our best version can make living feel worthwhile without focusing on death and dying.
Over the last 13 years I have been learning to recalibrate my thoughts and accept the changes I cannot control and work on those that I can. While I still have a mind that is in a sound body, I am going to seek out new ways to live my life and capture the passions that ignite my inner fires. I will not succumb to how society may look and judge. It’s time for us to be …. “I am ME; I AM Just AS Different As YOU, together we are UNIQUE!” (KMH 2014)
(This dedicated to Barbara Rose Brooker, “Age March”, and Carin Rockind, “Women Rising.)
BE KIND
Well, July seems to be speeding by – as much as I love this time of year – I know the summer is moving faster than the time I must enjoy it, but I am doing my best. Since I need to keep my exercise going, I am making use of the pool here in our Condo subdivision. I am not a swimmer, but I walk, slide and squat in the water. I have found over the past 15 years living here I do not know any of my neighbors who use the pool. Granted there are apartments, townhomes, and single-family homes here which means we share a common subdivision, but they may not live on the same street. I tend to be a loner at the pool however my ears (hearing aids) pick up on the many conversations happening in and around the pool.
There is one woman who gravitates to me. She is a cancer survivor, and she uses that as her identity. She believes whatever she shares with you (whether you are actively listening or trying to ignore her) is the truth. However much of what comes out of her mouth makes me ill! For instance, did you know that Republicans care more for their families than any other group of people politically or nonpolitically involved. I am not a Republican, I identify in the polls as a Democrat, however; I vote for the person who I believe will represent me and my values. She also believes that January 6 did not happen, the scenes they repeatedly show on the news she claims are from Hollywood…
She told me on Thursday that North Carolina is the safest state in the United States. It is not in the top 10 where Vermont is #1 – it is #19 out of 20, which again is another poll.
Google states: “Overall, Ohio is one of the safest states in the Union. Even though it has three major city centers, Ohio is still in the bottom half of the country when it comes to its violent crime rate.”
The point I am making in today’s message is we all need to be more versed in what we speak. Also, if you don’t know someone and strike up a conversation do not be a know it all and throw out statistical information that you have obtained through a unreliable source. Even the information I am sharing is not 100% fool proof, but I at least took the effort to search for the information.
What I would hope we all can do is be a little more accommodating and make casual conversations that will allow us to get to know each other if that is what we choose. When in a public place you don’t have to speak over others to be heard…everyone does not need to know your business. Let’s begin with being kind and treating others as we would like to be treated. (I think that is the Golden Rule.)
Tell Someone You Love Them – Don’t Miss the Opportunity
(this photo: Debbie, Sue, & Irv Givot)
Sadness – When someone leaves us in this world, it is often said we GRIEVE for not speaking the words we thought we were meant to have. I for one am feeling that Sadness today. In 1965-66 I met a terrific family, The Givots. Debbie and Jodi were the daughters (still are) of Irv and Sue. Debbie and I were members of a Synagogue youth group known as USY -United Synagogue Youth.
I was living in Minneapolis, and I was an active member both in my chapter and amongst the various other chapters in the Twin Cities. We were all members of a regions that went from Winnipeg, Canada and including Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska, Missouri, Kansas, and Colorado.
It was through my affiliation that I went on a weekend retreat (in Hebrew we called it a Kinus). This Kinus was being held in Sioux City, Iowa and I was housed with several other girl teens at the Givot Home. I adopted Sue and Irv (the parents) as my second set of parents which began a 57-year correspondence between us. When I was struggling with poor communication skills with “my mother”, I would write to Sue, and she would gently guide me through my angst with my mom. Back in the day she may not have thought of herself as my coach or mentor, but she was. Over the past 55 + years since my last trip to Sioux City, Iowa our connection has continued. I was lucky to have seen them approximately 22 years ago – Rich, Alex, and I happened to be in Iowa, and we met up with the Givot Family who were celebrating Debbie’ (and Larry’s) daughter’s Bat Mitzvah.
This visit was so special as Irv (the father) spent the time with Alex talking baseball (in fact we were on our way to visit the site of “Field of Dreams.” After that visit Irv always connected with Alex in his letters talking BASEBALL! When Alex began working for the Guardians (at the time Indians) Irv and Sue told me that they were so excited that Alex had found his niche.
Throughout the years we wrote back and forth sharing friendship, love, and family.
For Sue’s 90th Birthday I called Sue & Irv while they were surrounded by family and wished them all the nachas they deserved. Hearing their voices was an elixir of happiness for me.
This past weekend I posted a letter/blog online that included: “Irv Givot has always been like a father to me, meeting him and his beautiful Sue when I was a teenager and continuing to remain in each other’s lives despite the distance from here to Sioux City, Iowa.” Sadly, I got this response from their son-in-law Larry: Irv passed away in 2021.
I sat here at my desk wondering how long it has been since I received a letter from Irv. I know I have sent them a few letters since then or did I get too busy and wrapped up in my life and forgot to write despite thinking about them often? Ok we were coming out of the Pandemic that year – but there is no excuse for me not connecting before this weekend.
Upon receiving this news from Larry, I reached out and asked when a good time for me would be to call – well that is on my agenda for today. As I complete my last podcast for the day – I will turn to calling this evening and I am so excited just to hear Sue’s voice and tell her how much I love her. I hope that Irv knew how special he was to me as well.
This is a reminder that life is short (Irv lived to be well in his 90s) but letting days go by without connecting may be normal in today’s society but I hope this is a lesson that I can share with you, let someone know you love them today!
Dedicated to All Fathers
Sonora Smart Dodd has been identified as the woman who designated Father’s Day. “Dodd was inspired to create a special day to honor her father as well as others. She held the first Father’s Day celebration on June 19, 1910, her father’s birthday. The idea caught on, and in 1924, President Calvin Coolidge supported a petition Dodd sent to him about a national Father’s Day. A National Father’s Day Committee was formed in New York City in 1926.”
“In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson designated the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day. Yet it wasn’t until 1972, after Mother’s Day had been in full swing for more than 50 years, that President Richard Nixon established Father’s Day as a national holiday to be observed on the third Sunday in June in honor of all good fathers.”
My Father Enjoyed Life – here he is dressed up and playing the accordion
Father’s Day – thinking of my Pops, I miss him, this is the 19th year I am celebrating Father’s Day as I believe he is in the heavens watching over me and those he has loved. I picture him on a golf course, maybe with mom, his sister and brother or maybe so angry with the PGA he has given up on his love for golf.
I have been lucky in my life having a father who truly showed me how wonderful life can be and to embrace goodness and share it.
Irv Givot has always been like a father to me, meeting him and his beautiful Sue when I was a teenager and continuing to remain in each other’s lives despite the distance from here to Sioux City, Iowa.
Larry Rogovin was my first father-in-law, and he treated me with respect and kindness. I have fond thoughts of Larry, and always will.
Bruce Rogovin, the father of our son Steve. Despite our differences, our divorce, he has been and will always be an integral part of my life, as we embrace a shared love with our son.
Edwin Hale, Edwin was bigger than life and he took me into his arms from the first day that Rich introduced us. He was my Mr. Ed. It may be 26 years since he left this earth, but I know he is within not only my heart but Rich’s and Alex’s too. (Although Alex never met Grandpa Ed, he has a connection with his name’s sake.
Gary Moss, my oldest brother, and friend, father, and grandfather, makes me smile, laugh, as he introduced me to words, I may never have known without him. I cannot describe how special he has been in Alex’s life…
Joel Moss, to many known as Joelie, and named Sunny Bunch by our mom, father to Rachael, and Poppa to Zuzu and Griffin has always held a special place in my heart. Just like our brother Gary, Joel has embraced Alex and not just for his musical talents but for being HIM!
What can I say about my husband Richard on this day. He showed me how special love can be by taking on the role of stepdad to Steve. Steve and Rich have a keen friendship and over the years I have seen their bond grow. As the dad to Alex, after many tries and failures for us to get pregnant, Rich has been the best. Alex may go head-to-head with Rich on various topics but in the end, they hug and make up and now we must accept the virtual hugs as Alex continues to excel on his own.
To my many Male Friends who are cousins, friends, and business colleagues I wish you happiness on this day and all days. To my many Male Friends who either by choice or circumstances are not fathers I wish you the same be happy and enjoy the children of others on this special day for all.
Two weeks ago, at this time I was laying on a gurney in the middle of a hallway at Ahuja hospital. Staff members were running around trying to do their job, tending to patients. However, it was a “Cluster Fuck”. I arrived by ambulance at 1:15 pm and I did not get into a room until 9 or 10 am that night. I was unable to move my left leg, it felt like it weighed a ton, and the movement brought me to tears and biting my tongue so I would not scream.
Today I followed up with my new doctor, my previous physician retired this month. So here I am with a new injury affecting an old injury and a new medical team to move me forward. (I must say Dr. Ice was wonderful and I think I am in good hands!) I walked in using my walker and he agreed I could move on to the cane. My next PT appointment is Friday and I hope to be close to graduating off the cane. Exercise is the key to getting my leg strong and I will do whatever it takes.
When I chose to become a coach, I knew it would not happen overnight. In fact, if it weren’t for the Positive Intelligence, I took last summer I don’t think I would be in the positive mindset that I am. Evening as I laid in bed in the hospital for 4 days, I knew that something wonderful would happen. Not that I want to learn my lessons by falling and hurting myself, but I think when my head hit the ground, it changed my perspective on time and life. Considering I fell on cement and almost hit the edge of my car the accident could have been worse.
Initially I kept thinking of all the things I had planned to do and none of them would be accomplished. Not knowing how extensive my injuries were, I didn’t have the opportunity to visualize a timeline. The impact on my left leg where I experienced a break in the femur 8 years ago was compromised and now it was up to the doctors to order tests to advise me on treatment. When it was determined that I needed to move despite the pain a terrible fear was fueled. My body went numb except for the left leg which refused to listen to my pleas. The first time they got me to stand up I thought I was in hell, the pain soaring, my body began to sweat profusely as well as hit me with chills from the tips of my toes to the hair on my head. When I was helped into a chair, I felt as if I had been abused (and yet the PT & OT individuals who helped me through this process were kind, gentle and non-threatening. However, the few minutes or seconds it took them to assist me felt like hours. I remember thinking all I wanted to do was sit in the chair and sleep, talking was difficult too!
Later that day I was transported to a rehab center near my home. The staff (despite being compromised) was excellent. Each aide, nurse, PT and OT employee truly had the rehab patients, (such as me) as their focus to help heal and move out and on. From my first PT session until my last one as an inpatient provided me with the tools to enhance my recovery. The tools I learned will become daily routines, such as tightening my butt muscles every time I sit down and stand up – it helps keep your back straight taking off the strain we often cause our bodies. Unless we have an injury or seek a personal trainer to help us improve our body mechanics we tend to slouch when we sit and stand. Try it you might see yourself in a different light – This is helping me feel better.
I am officially back at work and even though I have reduced my recording hours at least for June. However, I am anxious to develop my coach program which I know will be beneficial to my clients as well as to myself. So, bite the bullet contact me at [email protected] and let’s make it through the maze of life.
It is June 10, 2023, and on May 30th I took a trip (over my flip flops) while attempting to vacuum out my car at the car wash. Yes, I know I should not have been wearing flip flops, but I was and oops I fell, and I could not get up. I was taken by ambulance to Ahuja Hospital, part of the UHMC system. Once a great hospital, now it’s well not as good! The ER is under construction to incoming patients are lined up in the halls, alcoves or wherever a space could be cutout. Rich as wat work and there I was laying on a gurney with no call button or view of staff…feeling isolated and vulnerable.
The initial x-ray showed no damage or reason for the extreme difficulty of moving my left leg and or reducing the pain. A shot or morphine was wasted on me, as well as the Toradol. I arrived in the ER around 1:30 pm and around 9:30 pm I was moved to a room. Since I could not move, they connected me to a urine collection system and I was dismissed, or the staff dismissed themselves until morning. I noted that the staff on the floor (7th) and the staff in the ER were running on empty. Most of the nursing and aide staff are travelers and often they do not know where to find needed items, or worse yet who to call upon. My records were not being updated and each time a new staff member came into my room they had no idea what was wrong with me and who my doctor was, neither did I.
By Friday, I was introduced to an orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Wayne Cohen-Levy who suggested that although a hairline fracture was seen on the CT but not the x-ray, he was confident that between PT and OT, they would get me up and I could go home. And as much as I liked that idea, I still could not move my left leg without screaming. PT and OT confirmed my thoughts and I committed to going to Brentwood Rehab located just minutes from our home. I was transported there by two WONDERFUL EMTs that while doing much of the work to get me on a gurney, they did so with minimal pain. That night at Brentwood, Leslie, was marvelous, she showed me how I could slowly roll and grab onto the side of the bed with ease and again minimal discomfort. With her positive energy I found myself becoming mobile, not completely pain free but working towards my goal to get home as my independent self.
Each day at Brentwood produced positive results which brought me home last night with minimal restrictions, however, until then I must use the Walker until I can officially bear more than 50% of my weight on that leg. The hairline fracture may be new caused by the fall or possibly there for some time weakening my thigh. PT will continue as an outpatient, and I will be following up with my medical team (my previous team retired.)
My attitude about life and living through the obstacles that throw us off balance is of utmost importance. I could have a pity party for all that I lost, even if it’s just time. What we do with that time is important to find our happy place where we can visualize the next moment and the one after that. As we visualize it is imperative, we set a plan in motion. We are not illusionists; therefore, we need to be aware, cognizant of what is required and “DO IT!”. (And it’s Ok to ask for help!)
Asking for help is something I am not good at; I have always been the one who jumps and does whatever is needed. I have learned how to recognize other people’s needs and yet I have surrounded myself with others who are more dependent on me because I have given them the right to ask and expect. Simply put, this morning I was putting my husband’s breakfast together and when he didn’t offer to help me or made me feel invisible. When I shared my feelings, my husband claimed he asked me if I needed his help, and my response was ‘no’. (I don’t remember him asking or me replying, so I apologized!) An apology was not necessary, there was a communication gap, and I realized it was my voice asking for what I wanted. I didn’t need his help, but I would have liked to have it.
I do believe we have accidents for a reason. We don’t go out looking for one, but when experience one it can change our dynamics. It is also known as a paradigm shift that takes us from A to B or even to Z, it’s like the fork in the road that provides us with another pathway.
Today I encourage you to develop a keener awareness of your needs and ask for what you want. Think about how important it is for you to receive what you want and how it will fulfill your needs.
Coaching is helping me through my daily processes, and I want to thank all of you for following me on newclevelandradio.net #YESICAN!
The word of the Day is NO! Sometimes we just have to say NO! It seems NO, is a word we learn early on and as toddlers we tend to say it more often than YES! To some degree I believe this two-letter word needs to be used more often by individuals like myself who have grown-up believing that we must please others, often leaving ourselves unfulfilled and seeking answers in the universe.
Last summer I took Positive Intelligence training and I have been in a pod discussing and reviewing what we have learned and how it shows up in our lives. (There are 6 of us in this pod led by our coach.) Positive Intelligence teaches the participants (i.e. me) how to strengthen our brains to resist the saboteurs that tell us we can or cannot do something. It’s ok for you to admit you hear voices in your head that tell you what to do, and you have the control to tell these voices, “NO”. The voices often direct us down a path that may create more havoc in our life, PI teaches us to stop and breath and think before we act. PQ reps such as rubbing our fingers together can distract us just enough to stop the voices and think before we choose. If we make a choice that is not appropriate for us, we may hear this voice in the future judging us and sabotaging our next step. However, we can control those negative thoughts (voices) and learn from the missteps we may have taken.
Missteps often happen when we are dancing, we accidentally skip a beat, or we turn left when we were supposed to turn right. The dance steps can be corrected and so can the ones we make in our daily life. DO NOT BECOME A VICTIM FOR MAKING A MISTAKE aka MISSTEP.
Did you know saying “NO” can be good for our mental health?
When we say, ‘yes’ to a request and we mean ‘no’, it is often because we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. Yet we hurt ourselves. Is that OK?
Saying ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ can create resentment towards another human, and if they are unaware but sense the resentment, saying yes does not serve you or them well.
Setting healthy boundaries and saying no with kindness allows you to be your authentic self. When we become vulnerable transparency will provide a stronger communication bond.
Saying ‘NO’ is not easy, but if ‘YES’ is not the answer the difficulty will lessen over time when choosing what is a ‘NO’ reply and what is a ‘YES’.
‘NO’ need not feel like a rejection, it is the response for what is…
6 weeks ago I started The Grief Recovery Method coached by Kristy Anderson (https://newclevelandradio.net/grief-belief/kristy-anderson/). Last fall, my brother was dying and passed in December. I was estranged from him (not by my choice) I felt a lot of emotions surfacing that had me asking a lot of WHYs! And thinking a lot of IFs!
I met Kristy in a group coaching program led by Candace Pollock (Positive Intelligence). I felt myself being drawn to Kristy, was it her beautiful red hair, or the sensitivity in her voice? Whatever it was I knew I wanted to be coached through my grieving thoughts and yesterday we completed a 6 week program. I will share that where I thought this coaching program would take me (The Grief Recovery Method), it took me down another path that sub consciously turned into a conscious choice, and one I needed to pursue.
In addition to me digging deep and working with thoughts, issues and emotions, Kristy also shared personal information. This method is based on a total trust among coach and client, and I trusted Kristy, and still do. I am at peace with the path I took and working with some unsaid dialogue that needed to be said.
Kristy is one of the influences that brought me to announcing that I was starting #YESICAN Coaching. Although we all experience grief numerous times in our lives, I am leaving that subject matter to the Kristy’s of the world. However, I have chosen to specialize in helping families dealing with special needs and finding a path for them that can cross through the path they were dealt. Despite what life may throw at us we can learn to accept obstacles as a challenge to overcome. I will also be working with adults 50 plus that may feel as if they are too old to move on, do something different, or find their happiness.
Today is yet another great day and despite some dead ends I may come across today, I will accept that they are there for a reason:
- Slow me down
- Allow me the opportunity to re-think
- Accept I may need to reach for a helping hand
- Stop the voices in my head that may be saying “You Can’t”, When I say, “I Can!”
For more information on coaching please call 440-5261530
I once allowed someone(s) to verbally abuse me – I still have the scars!
If you are someone’s significant-other, spouse, or BFF please stop abusing them with your angry words. We all hit our breaking points and too often we say things we shouldn’t – in anger the words will hurt as much if not more than a slap across the face. If you are choosing to break up with this person do so without meanness, no one deserves to be bullied! If you love this person, get the assistance you may need to treat them with respect and not anger. If your significant other needs support attempt to understand their needs and assist them in finding the necessary resources.
If you are reading this and you know someone that is being verbally abused, seek out help for them. Verbal Abuse has become more common and too many of us make excuses for the ABUSER. We must recognize that words are life threatening!
I may not be commenting daily but there is always a lot going on with newclevelandradio.net – However, this week I took some needed time off as I am in Fort Worth, Texas with my youngest (ADULT) son as he recuperates from emergency Gallbladder surgery. This is not a vacation or an opportunity to work off site – I find myself feeling a little brain dead. I start working on something very important and I’m not finishing what I’m starting.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation?
Yesterday Brandon Leibowitz was a guest on Avoid the Maze – check out his website https://seooptimizers.com/brandon-leibowitz/
Candance Pollock and I walk through scenarios that are geared for individuals working with a Personal Coach – This bi-monthly podcast has helped me correct some of my behaviors that were inhibiting my abilities I was listening to the voices and thoughts others labeled me and I believed. https://theintentionalitygurus.com/
D5 Creation
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