Daily Posts From Me 2 U
PAIN or GAIN
It is Saturday morning, and no, I am not working today. Over the next weeks, I will be working my weekend job on Friday and Sunday, giving me Saturday as the Sabbath for my knee! Yes, ever knee must have a Rest Day. If our medical system was better equipped to care for us, my knee might not need to take a break, but…
I find it strange that we have Medical building on almost every corner here in Northeast Ohio from ER’s to Urgent Care, as well as same-day clinics. Both Cleveland Clinic and University Hospital advertise same-day appointments, but I have never been able to get one. If it’s a real emergency, in theory, you should call 911 or have someone drive you to the ER. In fact, on Sunday, October 13th, after working 4 ½ hours standing on my feet, Rich took me to Urgent Care. I was diagnosed with a torn meniscus and arthritic bone loss/ bone-on-bone pain. They wanted to start me on pain medication (something call opioids,) and I refused. I was referred for an orthopedic consultation that I received the following Wednesday.
On that day, I was seen by the PA (physician assistant) who took my pain in stride, She offered me a cortisone injection, stating if this doesn’t work, which I believe it won’t, call in for an MRI. The following Thursday, I had the MRI. It took three weeks to get back into the see the PA (still not the doctor who is too busy!) At that appointment she basically said the tear and bone loss are not “bad” enough to treat. She also offered me pain meds (I can’t take them; they make me sick and non-functional.) I asked about gel injections, and she responded with, if your insurance covers them, we can try, but…
Although the insurance provided approval for the injections within days, the doctor’s office did not call to schedule my appointment. I did the follow up with the insurance and the doctor’s office, only to learn the first available appointment is December 11th. WHAT THE F?????????
My leg pain is at it’s worse, laying down or lifting my legs. Even Alex’s recliner is painful to attempt to rest on. Standing is painful, but walking is EXTREME, and let’s not talk about driving.
I now understand why so many people get hooked on medication. Our medical system is over-worked, over-crowded with patients, and not enough medical personnel l to care for the masses. Do you see a problem with this?
The problem is that I am experiencing pain and causing more damage to my knee. Unlike some individuals, I refuse to sit still, but after working 6+ hours yesterday I knew I needed to take a day off, stay off my feet and grin and bear it!
R E S P E C T
I learned early on when someone asks you a question the polite thing to do is respond, even if your answer is, “can I get back to you on that?” However, you should then agree to a time frame to resolve the unanswered question. No response is rude! Sadly, as my dear friend, Amy Ferris, would say, “it seems NO ONE GIVES A F— anymore!” Yet why is it that others expect me to do the right thing when they don’t!
Being a successful business owner is being professional and yet friendly with your clients. Friendly cannot always be considered friends; otherwise, those professional relations become embroiled with a lot of, “You’ll understand because we are friends.” Friends or not, I still have a business to run, and a large part of my job as an internet host, producer, and supplier of services is to help you build your brand! I cannot do that if you don’t communicate with me or only communicate when it is convenient for you. My time and the division of my responsibilities include you, but not only you.
Life coach, Candace Pollock might ask me what I could do better or differently to get the outcome I want and need. Today my response would be teaching Etiquette 100 to the world. It is not only in my business that responses are not provided. Let me give you an example. A couple of weeks ago, I had a carpet cleaning company come out to bid on cleaning my carpet. They came out, gave me the bid, and before they left, I told them it would be a couple of days before I would make my decision as I had another company bidding as well. The second company never showed-up nor called, and when I contacted them, they had no answer for why this happened and didn’t even offer to reschedule. Well, guess who got my bid?
When I called Company #1 to arrange for service, I explained I was eliminating two of the services quoted on and asked for an updated bid. I was told that the person is out of the office, and they would have them call me upon their return. I waited three days for the return call, did you get it? I didn’t! So, I called back, and I was put on hold while they looked for my paperwork. They came back on the phone, acknowledging the changes I wanted but no adjustment in the bid, nicely I asked, how long does it take to re-evaluate the job and get me the information I requested? Once again, I am told they will call me back within ½ hour. Did they call you?
After two-plus hours of waiting, I called back irritated only to be put on hold again and to finally get my question answered. Still, in a pleasant tone, I asked if I schedule the appointment will there be any more delays or promises they don’t keep. The customer service person on the other end of the phone said she couldn’t promise. Let me just say this is a Nationally Recognized Carpet Cleaning Service rated highly with the BBB. I know people who swear by their technical expertise that they are one of the best in the business and that I will not be disappointed in the outcome. However, they lack respect for the time of others.
What I could do better in this situation is to not give a “Flying F!” and let shit fall where it lands, or I can continue to share my need for respectful responses in a timely fashion, and not be ignored until I become the Mother-ship Nag!
DESERVE 2 B HAPPY
I had shared with many of you that when I decided to blog/write/podcast/ and stepped out of my comfort zone, I never expected to be so awed by the many people I meet. Although they are just human beings, JUST is not in their vocabulary as it is not in mine. I have been connecting with others who, at some time in their lives, have felt less or possibly inferior to family, friends, and strangers. I always wanted to feel I belonged, What kept me from exploring those emotional thoughts I let my brain take me in the negative direction. However, no more! What changed me was recognizing I was spiraling into a deep dark depression. I hated the feelings of uselessness, and anything less than being the person I wanted to be. I took a step outside my body and looked at the pathetic individual I was creating, and I chose to ask for help and would not accept NO for an answer.
Most of my life, it was easier to put the blame on others for my emotional status. Not being asked out on a date in my teens was demoralizing, and I often accused my mother of sabotaging any boy who would ask me out. Being Jewish, she expected me to date only Jewish guys, and the non-Jewish boys seem to be more interested in me. Therefore I spent a lot of weekends crying my eyes out. (What a waste of energy and time.) Even as I matured and married when something wasn’t right, I only saw negativity rather than seek solutions. Today I turn the leaf over and over until I find the options that may challenge me but enhance my life.
There is a saying, “When Momma is Happy, everyone is Happy!” When I am happy, I tend not to take on the woes of others but instead lend a hand providing my new strength (it’s really not new, I’ve always had it, just never acknowledge it.) I am not up-beat and happy all the time; however, I refuse to give in to the doom and gloom. I am the only one that controls my emotions, and it can be exhilarating to look under every leaf, stone, and water droplet for reflection that warms the heart.
“When you stop the blame, you can claim yourself!”
YES IT SNOWED!
OK, we have had our pity party over the snowfall in Northeast Ohio as well as other parts of the U.S., especially Chicago, Illinois, that got struck early this year. However, for those of us who live in these regions of the United States, we should be aware of winter. In every part of the world, there is some form of mother nature that creates angst. This seems to give us a license and a need to complain and wallow! If it weren’t for the weather, what else would we talk about? Maybe all the FAKE NEWS – oh yeah, sadly, it’s not fake; it is real.
There may not be much we can do about the weather, ACCEPT to help protect our earth, and stop creating so much waste. We can easily recycle as well as compost. Did you know that coffee, tea leaves, and eggshells can be sprinkled in our garden beds all year round to enrich the soil? However, if you can have a composter in your yard, you can assist by reducing the size of our landfills and use the compost in your yard, bringing it back to mother earth. Although I may be recycling and composting on a smaller scale then some, I am doing what I can and feeling good about it.
When you look out into the universe scientifically, our planet is the only one that is capable to house humanity as we know it. However, if we continue to destroy our homeland, we will make it inhabitable. Do you want to be part of the destruction?
It is not FAKE NEWS that despite the frigid early cold and snow, global warming is killing us and mother earth. A few things we can do to stop this tragedy.
- Recycle – most communities have recycling programs, and if not, they have access to recycling stations. Do not throw clothing out either give it to a charitable organization or take it to a homeless shelter, so someone in need may put it to good use!
- Compost – instead of throwing garbage down the disposal or in yet another plastic bag for the trash, put a composter in your yard. Learn how to decompose waste to enrich the soil.
- If you cut down a tree, plant a tree. Trees provide oxygen for us to breath, shade us from the ultra-violet rays of the sun, and bring nature and comfort for the future.
- Vote for Eco-friendly laws to support a healthier environment.
Just as friendly as we must become with mother earth, we must develop stronger bonds with our neighbors. Communities must come together and put their differences aside, and while strengthening what is most important, create a peaceful and caring world. We must become a support system for each other. It takes one step forward with an outreached hand. Join us as we journey into a better tomorrow.
Create A Family Podcast
Join Gary Moss (JFTSOI), and Karen (newclevelandradio.net) create a podcast legacy for you, your family, and friends. Share your history in a recorded podcast that may be heard by millions and downloaded for your memories.
The cost of the podcast is $100. Newclevelandradio.net will produce your special podcast. Before the scheduled recording, Karen will submit a listen of questions and ideas to help lead you through the podcast, which is a simple dialogue where you get to share your stories for your family archives. The length of each podcast is approximately 45 minutes in length. If you choose to do multiple recordings, we will create a package for you at an additional cost.
The podcasts will be available on our internet radio location for a minimum of six months. During that time, you can download the file, or for an additional fee, we will download it and save it to a personalized thumb-drive and ship it out.
Recording family histories is nothing new, but sharing your life in a podcast for your family and the world to hear will provide all that listen, a better understanding and appreciation of our likes and differences. Be a leader in this form of communication.
Contact: Karen Hale at firstname.lastname@example.org
WHAT “F” is WRONG with OUR MEDICAL SYSTEM?
If you don’t believe our medical institutions are providing you (me, the patient) with the proper care, we must begin to speak up. I do not want to put the blame on the doctors, physician assistants, nurses, or those individuals trained to provide care. However, I will point the finger at the bureaucracies that keep these trained and educated providers from caring for us as individuals. How long have you been ill or suffering from an ache or a pain? Have you been able to get in to see your professional caregiver? In my hometown, University Hospitals and Cleveland Clinic proudly advertise same-day appointments; however, depending on your ailment, condition, and insurance, you may not qualify. Often if you do, it is similar as going to Urgent Care or the ER unless you are dying; you are offered antibiotics or pain medication. If you choose to disagree, then you must not be sick or in pain! This is an F—ing mess!
I thought I had just strained my knee working out. This had happened before to my right knee that I injured back in the 90s and had arthroscopic surgery. I had problems immediately after the procedure, and my surgeon, known as one of the top Orthopedics at the time, brushed me off as a kvetching female. After almost thirty years of chronic pain, I have learned how to nurse it until this FALL. No, I did not fall, but I was into a fifteen-week workout schedule, and I was ramping things up when my knee flared up. I chose to take a couple of days off and rest; however, with work and my busy life schedule, I found I could only do this for so long, and the pain progressively got worse. It was so intense one day after work on a Sunday I had my husband take me to the ER. After a short work-up and an X-ray, I was informed I had a meniscus tear in the same area that had been repaired, and I was offered OPIOIDS. REALLY? I refused and hobbled out!
The following day I called an orthopedic group I had met with previously and got an appointment for later that week. After a consult, the PA gave me a cortisone injection and suggested if I didn’t get relief, I should schedule an MRI (she also suggested pain meds, even Ibuprofen, which I cannot take without experiencing extreme intestinal issues.) Two weeks later, I had an MRI, which identified a complex tear and bone rubbing bone. Now two weeks later and limping like Chester from “Gun Smoke.” I finally get an appointment with the PA; the doctor is always booked and too busy! She reviewed my report and downplayed it, she could not understand why the pain radiates to my foot or hip and suggested we try gel injections. But, of course, I cannot even start this treatment yet, we now have to wait for the Insurance Approval and then I can make an appointment. In the meantime, since I am refusing pain medication, there is nothing more she can do for me now. I asked about using my TENS Unit, and the response was, “you can try,” but no suggestions where to put the leads and how long I can use it. Yesterday when I tried it since the tingling helps me focus away from the pain, I left it all day, and I now have tender burn marks where the pads were placed. UGH…
If I had agreed to take pain medication, I would be on my sixth week. If those drugs were helping with the pain, what would that prove? Something is causing the pain that needs to be fixed, and I refuse to cover up the situation! Why is our medical treatment turning us into Kvetches, Hypochondriacs, and Drug Addicts? I understand the professionals working in the medical institutions are controlled by the CEO and the Boards that oversee them whisking patients in and out as quickly as they can and collect co-pays and Insurance! However, as a patient, I am paying for my insurance as well as my co-pay. I deserve to have the attention of the medical personnel treat me not only with respect but to help resolve my medical issue and not cover it up, making me feel worse while affecting my life! I am just one of many of you seeking help for a real problem that modern medicine can address. Yet, the powers to be are attempting to stretch our dollars, pain, and inconvenience to add to their coffers.
My injury causing me pain is not life-threatening EXCEPT when it interferes with my QUALITY of LIFE!
@#$!&%oo!! Shit it HURTS
I don’t mean to kvetch, but I have never experienced pain like this since I broke my arm and or femur, but both were treated within 24 hours of my injury. Recovering was not comfortable but tolerable as I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This right knee injury is getting progressively worse. I must admit I waited almost a week to seek out medical care because I thought it was just a bruise from working out and taking it up a pace or TEN! I put faith in the cortisone injection that did zilch, and no, I have not stayed off my leg until today because I was told to keep the blood flow moving. However, when I awoke this morning, walking became very difficult, more than just a limp. I can only stay in one position for a short time before the ache becomes pain and travels up and down my leg lodging in my ankle and hip from south to north.
Although tomorrow cannot come soon enough, I have an orthopedic appointment. I believe my friend Melinda Smith is correct, the doctor will not see an urgency to repair my leg, and I will be on a list of to do’s, not do it now! I understand I am not in any immediate medical danger. Still, my personality is becoming one similar to Attila the Hun, often referred to as an angry, forceful sort, and that describes me perfectly when I am in pain. I should not complain or kvetch because I will overcome this with time. This injury could be much worse, or not an injury but an illness, despite my frustrations, I am feeling positive.
I am positive my level of hurt threshold is much more than a ten, but I am biting the proverbial bullet to make it through another day. If I believe I can, I will, so I refuse to accept any other choice. What I can tell you is I choose to share this with you, not for pity or the “oh woe is me factor,” but to bring awareness of so we can all deal with my current personality. If I am short with you or word things in a manner that may sound rude or inappropriate, I want to apologize for upfront. It is not my intent to take out my pain on you.
I hope to continue to work here in the studio office as I wait for treatment and while I recover. Until that time, do not ask me to go power walking or running with you, and dancing is also out of the question. And to my brother Joel, I will not be doing any rock climbing either!
Are You Alone for the Holiday?
Today is November 5th, and the holidays are around the corner. Some of you may be preparing for family and friends to join you at your home, or maybe you have been invited to partake in the spirits with friends or family. However, many wait each year for invitees to respond to their invitation or to be part of someone else’s table. I understand why the holidays are a stressful time (depressing) for many.
I grew up in a large family. My mother was one of five surviving children, and each of her siblings had two children plus her three. If it were just my mom’s family at the holiday dinners, we would have had a minimum of twenty-five; however, my father’s parents often participated, as well as did Auntie Ruthie, sister-in-law of one of my aunts. Twenty-five now became twenty-eight, but it didn’t end there because my cousin Wally was married, and he had three young children, my contemporaries, making it a table of thirty-one. If my mom or aunts or anyone else knew of someone looking to be part of the celebration, they took up a seat and shared in the meal made by mom, Auntie Jean, Auntie Annie, and any of the female cousins that offered their culinary skills.
Over the years, those gatherings grew, and then they became smaller as with time someone moved, shared their days with another family, or sadly passed-on.
I miss the holidays. I have lived in Northeast Ohio since 1982, and our table has sat few, and not because I didn’t invite others to join us. I would cook for days and prepare for an army, but too often, family and friends that were asked chose to enjoy their holiday differently. In the beginning, we had small groups with an abundance of food, and we enjoyed the camaraderie that was shared among us. I was good at finding the many who felt displaced and opened our home to them. But once again, times changed. When Alex was born, it was assumed by many that we were with family, and sadly that changed as both my mother-in-law and my parents spent the winter holidays in warm sunny Florida. We struggled to make it an exceptional experience.
Alex hates the holidays and the Hallmark© movies that display Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years as the perfect family scenario. In his 29 years, I think he has experienced a family holiday with aunts, uncles, cousins, and assorted others maybe three or four times. Between the years 1999 and 2003, my mom and dad stayed in Michigan for the winters, no longer snowbirds, and they would rent the party room at their apartment, and fifty or more of us would gather. However, after my father died, mom stopped entertaining, while the family invited her to be part of them, and we once again attempted to create our traditions. (We were not successful.)
For ten plus years, both Alex and I would escape into depression, making November through December very gray and black. I stopped inviting others to join us because I was tired of hearing that they had other plans. Since I am not one to seek an invitation, I never let it be known that we were alone. We attempted to create our traditions, bowling one year, going to the movies, or spending too much money at a holiday buffet where the food was too much to discern. Most recently, it has been difficult to consider going away to escape the feelings of loneliness as both Rich, and I often work on Black Friday.
Maturity has allowed me to be thankful for what I have. The holidays of the past spark nostalgia and want that is difficult to fulfill. I have learned that we are not alone, and many of you feel the same way. Your family has grown up and moved miles away, and sometimes they come to you, and occasionally, you may go to them. Too often, you are sitting in your kitchen, feeling lonely. I have chosen to be proactive and share my story in an attempt for others to be more aware. Invite an extra person or two to sit at your table. Suggest a group to create a family for the holidays. Don’t expect your home or theirs to look like a Hallmark© movie scene; most people do not dress up in satin, sequins, suits, and ties. Comfort is the dress code for most, and that is what these days should be about, joining together in a comfortable setting and sharing companionship.
Who will be at your Holiday Table?
ORGANIZED_Well Maybe Not!
When I think I am so well organized is when I realize I am not! Switching computers has put me in a quandary as I look for my favorites. I realize I did not mark them all down, and now I am scrambling to remember the sites I need to have on my computer. I am accustomed to using shortcuts to get from one location to another. When I am asked how to maneuver, I often think in terms where the link is on my toolbar
Some day soon, I might be back up to speed, but today I am feeling a bit lost as I dealing with this progressive pain that began as an ache to a deep bruising. Now the meniscus tear and bone on bone rubbing at my knee feel like lightning bolts that strike regularly. I am still waiting to be seen by my orthopedic surgeon on Thursday, where I will be begging for treatment (not pills!) to correct this issue. I think it’s known as a total knee replacement! (yuck)
For those of you who may have been following me on Facebook Live for 15 weeks, I was and still am determined to get into shape. I will do what is necessary for me to be healthy, happy, and living well. This pain is just a setback, and although it is making me moody and I am snapping at my loved ones, Rich and Alex, we all know this is temporary.
It is not easy to climb a mountain; it is one step at a time, and along the way, one must stop and rest on a ledge taking in a deep breath. When on edge we have a choice to make, and if we aren’t careful, we might slip, tumble, and fall. The option is to secure your footing, and know when to reach out for a hand to guide or be guided.
I am not good at asking for help, but I am very good at offering and providing assistance! I need to learn from my own words that asking for help is nor a weakness; it is a strength.
TIME 4 ME = TIME 4 U
Have you ever noticed that when you need time for yourself, whether it’s work, housekeeping chores, or just wanting some time to rest, but you are the mom, wife, and the strong woman, “Hear Me Roar! YOU DON’T TAKE THE RESPITE. But if I were really strong, I would do what I want to do or need to do for me, but I weaken DO YOU?. I look at the calendar, and I ask myself how many more days, weeks, months or years do I have to show my family I love them and care. Saying “NO” or “Not Now” isn’t easy for me to say. On the one hand, it is comfortable to be wanted, and yet sometimes I feel torn between the needs of others and my own.
It’s Ok that life is not perfect and it’s not happily ever after, because it is a feeling only we can create. We often develop a picture of who we think we should be based on what we believe others expect of us. However, unless we communicate we may be assuming what we think others are feeling. Even if someone’s expectations don’t meet ours, that should not change your relationship. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves. When it is time to lay your head on the pillow at night, you should smile, knowing that you have lived another great day!
I’ve written about this before, but it is worth revisiting. I once thought there must be something wrong with my husband and me. We make plans (travel or stay vacations), and we tend to change in midstream either due to an obstacle or a challenge that we choose to approach by taking a new direction. This week is very much like our past. We initially assumed that Rich would be refreshed after taking a short nap following his all-night work project on Monday, however, that was not the case, and when fatigue hit he slept for hours extending our stay here in Michigan. I did get a lot of work done while sitting in the outer room of our suite while he napped, napped, and napped some more. After dinner last night, we decided not to make any additional plans as he was still not recovered, and my knee is reacting to the cold damp weather here in the Detroit area.
We got up this morning had breakfast talked about what we should do and wanted to do next. Just looking at my husband, I knew he would continue to Niagra Falls, but would we enjoy it? He is still recovering from the job, and we are both experiencing the cold chill that disrupts your biorhythm when the temperatures change so drastically. I haven’t slept well as my knee is painful, and finding a comfortable position is almost impossible. As I sit here and write this we are planning to return home where we can veg! I know I will find myself sitting at my computer and scheduling work for next week, but I am OK with that, as is Rich. If Richard had come here on his own to do this overnight project, he most likely would not have stayed the extra night and would have had difficulty driving back to Cleveland. I suspected this when he accepted the work and even assumed that we would be heading back home today.
There once was a time this would have me upset, feeling a bit sorry for myself and asking that question most of pose, “WHY ME?” “WHY US?” Today I look at it as another adventure a detour in the road and our GPS taking us in the right direction, H O M E! I don’t need fancy vacations or anything special, because I can take a moment and make it mine (ours) and create a memory that will be a gift of time. That is not to say sitting on a beach in Hawaii wouldn’t be enjoyable, or in the Spring, having my morning coffee at Anne’s Washington Bed & Breakfast in Saratoga Springs, on the grand porch. However, having my husband, family, and friends (some whom I have not even met yet,) is what makes my heart sing.
#ColdHands – #WarmHeart -#LiveLife -#EnjoytheMoment
It is What It Is!
My life is either nothing like yours or so similar and you may be wondering if I am writing about your adventures. I talk a lot about taking this journey of life and the many paths and detours one may experience if they choose to acknowledge the landscape as they step one foot in front of another. You may actually take a planned vacation, forsaking nothing, well the vacation trips I have ventured on most of my life have been connected to work and or family. Rich and I had planned that this week was going to be four to five days for us to drive and experience the Autumn colors, photograph the countryside, and breath in the fresh air. However, even as we planned this get-away our path changed as Rich was offered a lucrative one night IT job in Romulus, Michigan. The thought was I would travel to Michigan with him; he would do this overnight project, and after a short rest, we would head to Canada. As they say, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
After arriving at this beautiful Embassy Suites yesterday late afternoon, Rich took a nap to prepare for his overnight project, he began at 8 pm, and he is still working, and it is now 9 am. Hopefully, he will be finished in the next hour, I just spotted him in the lobby, and he looks like a zombie working in slow motion. While he began his assignment last night I was lucky to meet up with a dear friend who lives in the area, Robbin. Robbin is my sister from another mother, and she was one of my mother’s caregivers before and after my mom got ill. My mother called Robbin her sunshine on the mornings she delivered my mom’s morning medication to her apartment at Jewish Senior Life in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. Robbin and developed a friendship over the last twelve weeks of my mother’s life. Even when she was not caring for my mom she would stop by to check up on her as well as my brother Joel and me. We have stayed in touch, and last night we had a wonderful dinner together, catching up.
I came back to the room here at the hotel and worked on numerous projects, talked to friends and clients on the phone till late in the night, tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I get hoping that the job Rich was working on would go quickly and smoothly, bringing him back to the room (and my arms) early. No Such Luck! So once again, our get-away has changed, and we most likely will be spending another night here, just because! I am rolling with the punches; they don’t hurt they just put a different perspective on this journey. I once would stress out over this however maturity has changed that for me. My favorite saying is, “It is What it Is!”
“Enjoy the climb, and experience the slips, don’t fall and you won’t get hurt!”
Feeling Sad 4 Someone
I am feeling sad today. Sadness fills my heart when I hear how others I know, and love are hurting. Call me a soft touch, or as my youngest son likes to say, I cry baby tears over someone else’s life issues. When you genuinely care for life the way I do, it is difficult not to sense the heartbreak and physical pain of another human being. Just being part of a family, blood-related or not, often creates angst that can grow out of proportion. When the bubble expands it can knock the breath out of you and seep into those who care. I’ve been in pain that I thought I would never recover from, and yet I have the will to feel good and live fully that despite those dark and lonely hours that creep into my days it begins to dissipate when I accept that life is not perfect until I declare it so.
Even declaring life perfect does not mean there are not some imperfections, sometimes those jagged seams bring new meaning to the journey we are on. Do not believe that everyone else’s path is smooth with no bumps and turns and roadblocks along the way. Even if they paint a picture through rose-colored glasses remember it may be their interpretation so you will not feel their pain!
It is not up to us to tell another how to live their life. It is our task to support one another and become aware of their wants, needs, and requirements. Awareness is not always in agreement with that individual, but it should not cause disagreement. There are many flavors to tantalize your life and begin the journey to explore what you want to do next. Do not allow yourself to be a victim of someone else’s desire if it does not fit into your plan. Let those who care stand beside you or follow you step-by-step and those that don’t let them take a different trail fo fulfill their wants, needs, and requirements.
Life is short; sadness hopefully is quick while you allow tomorrow’s sunshine to bring you happiness.
The images are right in front of you as they are being processed, and yet it takes 3 -4 business days to get your results. A lot can happen in just a few minutes, let alone three to four business days, and in actually it that could be five to six days considering my MRI was completed on Thursday night. The knee pain has been progressive for almost three weeks. Initially, I thought the ache and tenderness were due to increasing my workout routine, and I had hoped resting it would resolve the issue. However, after rest and ice did nothing to reduce the inflammation and pain, I sought out medical advice, and now I’m still waiting for answers and relief.
If you have never had an MRI well it’s an experience. Luckily only my lower body was encased in the tube, but my leg was waited down, and my feet wrapped to reduce movement. The pain in my knee intensifies the less it moves; I cannot find one position to keep it pain-free and moving my position is what helps reduce the pain. However, Chad, the excellent MRI Technician kept reminding me to stay still, LOL, I thought I was, I felt weighed down!
Again if you have never had an MRI the noise from the magnetic machine is loud (even without my hearing-aids.) The fantastic Chad placed a headset over my ears with Pandora Music that could not compete with the banging sounds.
Chad is the technician he knows how to set the calibrations for my test as well as make adjustments to any significant conditions such as implants (the rod and screw in my left hip) and the titanium reconstruction of my left eardrum. Although Chad is trained and educated in reviewing the test he cannot tell me what he saw or make any suggestions. Instead, I was sent home to wait out the results.
First, you see your doctor who examines you and makes a diagnosis and offers the first step for treatment. When that fails, your physician schedules the MRI. If you are lucky you have amazing Chad as your technician who administers the MRI. Chad sends the results to the MRI reader, whom I don’t know and will never meet. He/she will only have access to the layered photos to analyze and define. Once the results are placed in writing on my chart my doctor will get them and inform me of the next step.
Until then, I am still walking (not exercising), cleaning my house, running errands (not actually running!), and the pain level varies from 5 -100 on a scale of 0 to 10. Of course, I am still working because sitting around waiting for answers will not make a difference.
If I am lucky, 3 -4 business days will just be a range of time, and I will get my answers later today!
Did You Really Hear This or Are You Making an Assumption?
Why do I feel picked on even when I’m not?
Do you ever feel like someone is harassing, hassling, or making an attempt to annoy you?
How often have you heard words (in a negative tone) when the individual speaking them has different intent other then what you are perceiving?
Do you find yourself sensing that you are alone on an island emotionally spent?
If you answer yes to any of these questions know you are not alone!
No matter how secure you may think you are or others may assume, we all have similar feelings of self-doubt!
Technology has made the art of conversation and communication more difficult despite the easy fast access we have to connect. The problem is that quick and easy do not equate to accuracy. Communication is more than mere words, tone, structure, and body language fill in the gaps to help us understand what we are saying.
Yesterday during a podcast with Doug Wilbur, Cherished Companions, the topic dealt with communication and creating a positive experience. It is essential to note that positive does not relate to saying what the other person wants to hear, but the information that the person may need to hear. When using the word “NO,” the listener often hears nothing beyond that, but explaining why can empower the two of you. Empowerment may help you feel more than less.
Find your inner voice and listen to what it is saying and if it is what you hear or perceive to understand. Take a moment to listen, become aware before piling on the negativity!
Still Fixing the Problem
When something doesn’t work, I try to troubleshoot it myself, but when I can’t figure it out, and GOOGLE doesn’t have all the answers, I turn to my other half. My husband, Rich, has worked in information technology for over twenty-five years, so he is my go-to person. When he is stymied I get a bit hyper. However yesterday, we went to Guitar Center™ for assistance and training on my soundboard. They helped us immensely; however, we did not correct the problem we were having. (we thought we did, but we didn’t!) Frustration bubbled over when I went to do a remote podcast this evening, and I could hear the person on the other end, but they could not hear me.
Thank you Windows 10 Update for changing my settings – this not only caused me ANXIETY, I felt foolish while attempting to communicate with my client who was expecting to do their weekly show.
My better-half, not other-half, my husband took one more stab at it and found the problem, reset it, and it worked and is working. The moral of the story is, sometimes we need to step back and look at the problem from various angles and even let someone else resolve the issue. Once you fix the item, make a note of it and file the information in a safe place.
Not everything is a catastrophe, and if I can learn to breathe through these technical issues, so can you. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake and admitting you are human, because humanity is not a perfect state of being. The more we challenge ourselves to step outside our comfort zone, we can expect to make mistakes as well as learn from them. So if you think you are the only bumbling oaf, look around. You are not the only one stumbling, and only those of us who stand up and brush ourselves off, are bound for opportunities and success.
Sunday, Funday? A Release of the STORM
Have you ever had one of those days? Well, I have, and I think I am coming out from under a storm cloud. Please tune in tomorrow and check out “Heart Mojo” with Melinda Smith when the two of us talk about our journeys through life and the obstacles we have recently faced from job changes to unemployment, health issues, family needs, and so much more. We are no different from any of you, but we openly share and ask that you, do too, be open to looking forward and around the pathway that may cause you some anxiety.
Please allow yourself the luxury of feeling, as well as letting go of the angst that may make your senses soar out of control. Let us talk about relaxation and wellness, taking a moment to take in a deep breath and letting it out. Let us extend our hands to help others and be helped in return. One good deed may lead to another. Keep the chain linking us to each other.
Friday, Another Day
Who am I? I dare to say when I don’t have the medication that balances me out; I am a sad, angry, and irritable person. For much of my life, I was a cry baby and could not understand why I felt so different! I know my son Alex sometimes believes he is the only one who has had these thoughts as he has struggled to find his niche in life among family and friends. However, he is not alone, and neither am I think it is about time we stop hiding underneath the blankets, in the closet, or what appears to be a safe dark space, because darkness too often makes life more difficult.
I am thankful for some people at my previous employment (not sure I can truly call them friends) when, in February 2014 without saying it out loud, I became Peter Finch and thought, “I am as mad as hell, and I can’t take it anymore.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WINDtlPXmmE
I was finally tired of looking in the mirror and trying to be you, or someone like you, or better than you. I was never enough, and yet I was working damn hard at trying to be, I don’t know who!
Feeling ill, both physically and mentally, I took it upon myself to get into see my doctor. I wanted help! However, my doctor was not available; however, one of his associates was. Initially I was unhappy about having to see someone new, but it was what I needed. Dr. Wiggers had a great doctor/patient camaraderie, but he told me within seconds that I was going through D E P R E S S I O N! He hit me deeply with his calm voice and caring eyes. I knew I was; I did not want to admit it, but I needed to hear it! Dr. Alan Wiggers asked me how I wanted to handle my situation. He did not tell me or force me into any particular course of treatment, and despite the fact, he is not a trained therapist or psychiatrist, his unique medical training guided me to the path I am on today.
Depression is not a dirty word, although many believe it is, any emotional or mental triggers that may cause this condition can be treated if we (the patient) want to feel good about life.
My birthday is in March, but February 2014 is when I was reborn to wanting to live a full life as Karen Kiki Moss Hale. Although I left Dr. Wigger’s care, I continued in the medical practice with my previous physician, Dr. Kenneth Nekl. However, I have a team of medically trained guides to get me living life fully. I am not too proud to admit I must take medication, and the last five days living without my meds has been a struggle. I have cried, yelled, and made poor judgments despite trying to stay focused, but chemically I have been on edge. Additionally, having an injury at this time has not been easy and exercise that increases my endorphins and makes me feel whole has temporarily been taken out of my routine.
I am the person I am supposed to be and want to be. I may not be the prettiest in my family or among my ‘true’ friends, but I see inherent beauty, and I have learned to love myself and share my journey with those who want to walk by my side. Walking together is sharing and caring.
Thursday, Acceptance Day, I am Going through Depression -Where is the Sun?
I Laugh, I Cry, and then I feel just a little less alone in my struggles!
If you have never experienced anxiety and depression, you are fortunate! It took a long time for me to recognize that these feelings, sensations, and wandering mind thoughts were eating away at me. Too often, they hit me from behind, even as I turned around to face the gnawing at my very core it ignited(s) me, but not always in a positive manner.
I am not too proud to admit that I am on a daily medication routine of Cymbalta (this works for me) except when my mail order pharmacy forgets to replenish my ninety-day supply, and I have to fight the chemical imbalance that develops. I am now five days without my meds, and I am feeling sad and fighting through it. Every fiber of my body (including my injured knee) seems to be electrically charged, and I can’t stop this feeling of working so hard to stay positive and in control.
I feel like crying and screaming and running away from me, not you! But you may be rubbing me the wrong way just because I am in such a disconnect. It is not you, but the mystery of depression and anxiety, and I noted the symptoms on Sunday while I was at work. I kept pushing them aside until I drove home, and then it hit me while on I-480. I felt the cars and trucks racing by me while I feared for my safety imagining being hit from behind or sideswiped. I kept telling myself I was OK, a mantra a therapist once told me to recite.
Every day this week, I have been out and about, and sometimes I feel OK, and at other times, it’s like I need to let the tiger out of the cage, but I fear what that will do, so I cringe and fight the internal feelings. Internal stress causes more anxiety, and this leads to depression, at least for me. I know I will be OK, but I don’t like that I am not feeling OK at the moment. However, I am not alone!
Depression is when self-doubt creeps in, and you feel alone, but you aren’t, and when you talk about it and reach out to get the help you can (hopefully, my meds will be here soon,) the world is brighter, cheerier, and so are you.
Please continue to follow in my journey and share with me how we can make today, tomorrow, and next year less anxious!
Wednesday, HumpDay, Feeling Positive Day!
So we all have aches and pains, and too often, we ignore them as being normal, especially as we get older. Now I may be 69-years-old per my birth certificate; however most days, I think of myself as anything but a senior citizen. For some, the identity is objective or subjective. To be objective it may mean that I am not influenced by the number of years allowing myself to be who I am. Yet subjective would say that I accept the denotation and defer to what others may expect of me being old, rather than experienced. I will only accept that like wine and cheese age, they become more palatable, as do I!
However, while enjoying life and exercise I failed to notice that the ache I was experiencing was more pain than just a bruising twinge. I chose to ignore it and attempt to let it dissipate on its own, only to find myself in the ER on Sunday, looking for relief or at least a reason as to why my right knee was getting worse with each step I attempted to take. I have spent the last couple of days trying to get answers for the diagnosis of torn cartilage and arthritis. Isn’t arthritis an older adult’s ailment? I may be sixty-nine, but I don’t think of myself in that way.
Today, Thursday, October 16, I was seen by the Physician Assistant at my Orthopedic Doctor’s office. After she reviewed my x-rays and history of mesial tear and repair twenty plus years ago, she recommended a cortisone injection to hopefully reduce the pain levels that may allow me to return to my working out again. My OCD personality may have increased the impact I placed on my knee and therefore causing some damage. If the injection doesn’t work (which of course it will, I hope!), I will need an MRI to determine the next step.
No, I am not taking pain medication and not because I am a martyr, but pain medical typically makes me ill, and more substantial dosages make me feel out of control. So my choice is to limp, for now, stay off of my leg as much as possible (yeah right?) and stop kvetching.
Monday, Let’s Do it Right!
Will there come a day (shortly, in my lifetime) that we will be able to wake-up in the morning to good news? The good news stories are buried in the television, radio, and written publications. Yes, beauty surrounds us, but politics interjects itself in every corner of the globe, casting dark evil clouds. I may be a simplistic person, but I am asking, “Do you want to live your days fighting your neighbor trying to prove yourself right or better>” If you wonder why this world is angry and destructive look into the mirror and check whether you are smiling, frowning or sneering?
Smile and the whole world smiles with you is not just a quote from a song, it is a proven fact that smiling, and good vibrations are contagious in a good way.
Frowning causes wrinkles, aging, and angry feelings caused by fear. We each have the responsibility to ourselves and others to reduce the anxiety of uncertainty. With compassion and acceptance reach out to lend a hand/heart.
Sneering is evil! Do you remember Snidley from the Dudley Do-Right cartoon series? Snidley captures Nell and ties her to the railroad track. Snidley wants what he wants and will go to the extreme to get it; however, in the cartoon, Dudley Do-Right may be the bumbling Canadian Mountie, he saves Nell from Snidely. Each episode is similar to Evil tries to triumph Goodness. Goodness wins, but is it in real life?
We don’t have to agree 100% on our beliefs, but we must become more aware and tolerant of each other. If I want you to accept me, I must do the same in return for you. It can be as easy as that, and it starts in our homes where parents and children learn that even though they may share the same DNA does not mean they share the same thoughts. If we all thought alike the universe would be stagnant.
I am not naïve, and I know we have always had evil in the world, and the Bible blames this on the snake (like Snidley), who encouraged Eve to take a bite from the apple and offer it to Adam. Whether you believe the biblical story or not, it is often how bad things happen in our lifetime. A conniving snake encourages you not to follow the rules because it’s OK for you to eat the delicious fruits of Eden even though GOD or someone of higher importance is wrong. However, what makes the tricky deceitful serpent right when he turns you down the wrong path?
Today I ask you to think of good, perform an act of kindness, and together let us create a rhythm to eliminate bad news and set mother earth on a new rotation and smile!
Somebody Said, “It Couldn’t Be Done!” Well, I say it can!
B the Person U want 2 B
Today is Thursday, October 10th and Yesterday was not just another day for me. It was one year ago that I officially met my new extended family, thank you, Rabbi Josh Brown, Elaine Newman, and Teri Segal. Although I attended services for the Jewish New Year ten days prior, I did not know anyone. Yet, I felt welcomed through the melodious voice of Cantor Kathy Fromison, and the sermon with meaning and compassion from Rabbi Brown. All it took was for me to reach out to the Rabbi and share this with him, but also mentioned I needed more of a connection, a person to talk to, a hand to shake, and share the services with on Yom Kippur. Without hesitation, I was connected to Elaine, who then introduced me to Teri, and it is all history now.
During the past twelve months, I have participated in Sabbath services as well as offering a venue for the Temple to share information. A special thank you to Carol Friedman from the Sisterhood, and one of the significant organizers’ of the Jewish Digital Deli for partaking in our podcasting services at newclevelandradio.net https://www.spreaker.com/show/jewish-digital-deli. The past year I have met many beautiful people who are part of the Akron Community, and not all are of the same faith. This Temple encompasses many who are seeking out a home, and I am glad I found mine.
I grew up in a very homogenized Jewish Community in Northwest Detroit. Most families who attended synagogue on the High Holy Days did so out of respect for their parents and grandparents, like the song from ‘Fiddler on the Roof’; it was TRADITION. There were expectations of adult children as well as the very young, and who were we to question? Today society is now a combination of many colors blended to create beautiful patterns woven into tapestries. It is our mission to bring the past into the future and come together in harmony. Exquisite to look at and listen too!
Tonight, Tuesday, October 8, at Sunday begins the end of the ten days of Atonement known as Yom Kippur. For Jews worldwide, this is the holiest of days, even more than the weekly Sabbath. You may have heard the term once a year Jews, and those individuals who may not practice the doctrine 365 days a year typically find time to observe and repent on this high holiday. It is at sunset tomorrow the shofar will sound with one long-lasting blasting, Tikah Gadola, to signify the end of the 24 hours of fasting and saying prayers that request a sweet and healthy year. When the shofar sounds end, the Book of Life is closed for yet another year. It is written who shall live and who shall die. Although there is no scientific proof behind this, the culture is thousands of years old as we welcome 5780.
Growing up in a traditional Jewish home, I observed the holidays attending synagogue with family and friends. As I have discussed in many blogs and podcasts, life is a journey sometimes we stray away from the path we have been taking to either experiment with a new road, or follow someone else getting more confused and lost along the way. I was lost for too many years.
Three years ago, my mother had a stroke; initially, she had no idea what had transpired nor that she was blind. For the first week or so she was still my momma, but she needed assistance since she thought she could see, but the stroke had confused her brain. This was my opportunity to spend time with my mother and provide her the love and strength she had so willingly given to me, my brothers, and an abundance of others. We shared hugs, kisses, stories, food, and the reversal of roles as the weeks passed us by. It was on Erev Yom Kippur, the day before the Holiest of Days, that my momma took her last breath. It was both Rabbi Avie and Rabbi Krakoff, who told me that it was not only a blessing that my mother was not at peace and in heaven with my father, but it is a mitzvah, a good deed to die on the Eve of the Holiest Day of the year.
My mother was a mere 96 ½ years young, and until that fretful day, August 2, 2016, she was pretty spry for a lady her age. She dressed in her best; she was always conscious about having her hair beautiful and her nails manicured. Although my mother was never a wealthy lady, she looked the part and carried herself as such. My mother had riches in her family and friends, and I observed as well as absorbed that while I lived with her during her last two months. I don’t think I will ever forget the way she passed.
I had been spending time sitting next to her in her room, and somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that she was nearing the end of life. She appeared to be at peace, although a couple of times her breathing was raspy almost with discomfort. I had just taken a break to sit in the living room with my brother when our Aide suggested I check on mom; my brother asked me to hook up the oxygen to help her labored breathing. (Mom had a DNR.) I got the oxygen hooked up we place the nasal hose up to her nose, she took one deep breath, and she was gone. My brother Joel was at her right shoulder, the aide on her left, and I stood at her feet wishing for one more breath, one more smile, another conversation, and I knew all I had now were memories.
Having my mother’s yearly Yarzheit (memorial) fall on Erev Yom Kippur is a day I will never forget. It does not always coincide with the English date (October 11th), which makes the month of October difficult for me. However, my momma had a good life, a loving husband, and three children who may not always have liked her, but loved her. She had grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, and nephews, as well as great ones too. She had friends who adored her, and she gave from her heart. My mother was a baby cuddler for years, holding their shaking bodies, providing them the warmth of touch and unconditional love.
I miss my momma and my pops, now together for eternity, and someday we will meet again!
Monday, October 7, It feels a little odd today as I am starting to feel better three weeks after a simple surgical procedure. I expected to be feeling like me within a day or two, and as you may have gathered in these posts, I may have rushed things a bit. Last week I got walloped with residual pain, almost taking me down a few notches. As many of you may know I am not a still and rest type of person I am always doing something and often trying to do two things at once, last Wednesday through Thursday, I was not able to do any one “thing” efficiently. Even though I returned to my part-time weekend job this weekend, I gradually reduced my pain and increased my energy levels. So today, it is oddly strange to feel GOOD!
I am not complaining as I see what I felt and experienced last week as part of my journey. We all take paths to get from point A to B, and sometimes we detour past C, D, E, and F and go directly to G. If you are like me, or at least how I used to be skipping steps or having to take a detour and possibly get lost would upset me. I would yell at the directions or Siri, or whoever was in earshot, acting like a lunatic until that “AHA” moment when I fell back into control knowing where I was and how to get to where I wanted to be. Today I am less compulsive, and I tend to accept that things aren’t perfect, including me and my thoughts.
Sometimes it is like taking a mini-vacation if only for a few minutes. So you turned left instead of right, and you witnessed something beautiful, or oddly diverse, providing you with an opportunity to experience something unexpectedly. Had your path been straight forward you may not have had the chance to see life in this manner. Just recently, this happened for Rich and me as we traveled through upstate New York. We attempted to follow a path to view what was described as a scenic route to see hundreds of waterfalls. As we drove along the way, we never saw one trickle of water, but we passed many beautiful vineyards and wineries. The country roads were magnificent, and the laughter we shared in the car was priceless. We hope to find those waterfalls some day by accident.
Sometimes mistakes are a blessing! Have you ever tried to cook or bake and forget an ingredient or add ingredients to it, and although it didn’t taste as expected, it was much better? How many times have you worked on a project, and although you are following the instructions, they don’t seem right, or you choose to make a change here or there, and the result is perfection? Or think about your spouse or significant other, you may never have thought you would be with someone like them. You may have pictured someone with blonde hair or brown-eyed, tall, short, older, younger being your life partner. However, what we think we want and what we choose may not always be the same, and that’s perfectly fine because happiness and love don’t need to be defined!
Thursday, 3 October, I use to love talking to my friends on the telephone, and like many women my age, we spent many hours conversing with family and friends. However, with the introduction of the mobile/cell phone, more and more of us spend little time talking on the phone. We do use these devices to send text messages, look up information on the internet, and watch TV and Movies to fill in time. The art of conversation has changed, and that is a shame! We use excuses like ‘I didn’t want to call and disturb you, so instead I sent you a text.” Too often, the typos in the text can leave most people confused causing miscommunication that may often lead to angry feelings. And yet we continue to create excuses for not talking to each other.
Before my mother’s passing three years, I spoke to her at least once a week on the phone, and some of those calls were long-winded but needed. Although my mom used Facebook occasionally, she never got the knack of email, and of course, never texted, and using skype was confusing for her. The best way to communicate with my mom was the traditional phone call; she was 96 ½ when she died. Other than my mom, most of my phone friends were only talking online unless you accidentally caught them answering their phone. (I have sadly become one of those individuals, except with my friend Melinda Smith, https://www.spreaker.com/show/heart-mojo-with-melinda-smith. Melinda is a caller, as is my newest friend Amy Ferris. I am enjoying this girl time banter, even if we talk business, we also speak with each other sharing life. When was the last time you spoke to someone other than a Spammer on your phone?
When I use the phone as a communication device, sharing a verbal conversation with someone I feel more connected. It provides us both the opportunity to ask if we don’t understand, and with vocal tones, it is often easier to perceive the words correctly. However, texting and email, as well as twitter can open up a new can of worms between typos and icons in explaining something to another. So why did we move away from the camaraderie of a friendly phone call, when did we become so busy that we don’t take the time to socialize? Speaking of socializing; when was the last time you invited someone to your home? Why must we always go out to a loud noisy environment, restaurant, bar, etc., where having a conversation is deafening from all the additional sounds? Even the local coffee shop is acoustically tricky for many of us to hear as well as understand.
The times have changed, and young people are now known as Generation Z. This generation was born in 1997 to today, the Millenials that we often refer to were born between 1981 – 1996. Research is showing that Gen Z is more interest in life, the world, and repairing the damages that were made before them. These young people may only know the SmartPhone but they have used it to become knowledgeable, it time we listened to them and each other. Make today the first day of a renewed commitment to have a conversation with another individual and share your thoughts and ideas. We all have thoughts! What are yours? NO ONE is Right, and NO ONE is Wrong.
Wednesday, 2 October, I used to believe I was the only one standing on the outside looking. I cannot tell you how many times I said to myself I wish I were more like her or had all the friends that person has. There was that little voice in my head that kept telling me I was not good enough, whether it was pretty, smart, or likable, and I allowed that voice to make me feel bad! I fought the sounds registering from deep within that often left me feeling paralyzed as the world passed me by.
It took me a very long time to realize that I was not alone in my thinking that you and so many others have experienced similar voices and self-doubt. I am more like you, and you like me that either one of us may have appreciated. If my theory is correct and we all have insecurities wouldn’t it be wiser to lend out hands in strength-giving and gaining in unison?
In the early 2000s, I took, part in a strength and weakness exercise. The exercise defines the depths we are capable of while identifying where we are less secure in our abilities. The concept of this is to illustrate what motivates us and take that inspiration to achieve. Achieve what you may ask? The answer is the feeling of accomplishment that makes you feel good about yourself, shedding those insecurities.
I do not have all the answers but what I know is that I am on a personal journey to enjoy my life and touch yours. I am not a PollyAnna, but I believe that we can turn our insecurities inside out and find the sunshine that will provide us with the smile that inspires. It takes on step at a time and believing.
Monday, October 1, Nostalgia – Memories – Missing those I have lost but still LOVE!
Rosh Hashannah for some is just another day. For me, it brings back wonderful family memories of a time that appeared so organized and yet simple. My parents provide us (Gary, Joel, and me) with a richness that was not monetized. They brought to our family of five traditions and customs that they grew up within their families. We were not a religious family, but when it came to the holidays, especially the High Holidays, we attended services as well as making our home reflect the day. We all had chores before sunset whether it was cleaning our rooms, helping wash dishes while mom cooked and baked, or going out with dad to buy mom her favorite flowers, gladiolas!
As we prepared to attend synagogue, we always dressed in our finest. My brothers wore clean white dress shirts, with a neatly knotted tie topped off with a suit or slacks and sports jacket, and always black dress shoes. My dad always looked GQ to me, wearing his best suit and tie as well. Mom often spent days in advance designing and sewing new outfits for her and me. Also in the early days’ momma got a new hat in the millinery department, they were sheik back in then. When we arrived at services, my family’s appearance was within the community standards.
Today much has changed. Although families still bring their family customs into their married life, many are choosing to ignore how this identity can add to the values we hold dear. In choosing to give up and assimilate aren’t we leaving even a small part of us behind? What if that small part is indeed a more significant piece then we realize? For many years (too many to count) I allowed myself to walk away and pretend that the threads of tradition were not relevant only to understand after my mother passed away, how much I needed to reconnect.
Today I will be attending Rosh Hashannah services at Temple Israel in Akron, Ohio. They have become part of my family as I hope I am becoming part of theirs. My wish for you is that find the comfort in your memories, enjoy the nostalgic moments, and continue to love those that have passed as you make new friends and family in this new year of 5780!
Sunday, September 29, How did you spend yesterday? YESTERDAY may be in the past, but how you spent the day may identify more about your personality than one might think. For some, the day was scheduled and planned to either get chores and weekend tasks completed or to enjoy a lazy day of college football with the remote in hand surfing from one to another. For many Saturday or yesterday, it was just another routine workday and possibly date night if one had the energy or where-with-all.
I had planned to come home after exercising to cook, bake, and prepare for the Jewish New Year that begins tonight at sundown. However, upon my return from my workout, my husband and I noted that we might have tickets to a concert in the evening. Additionally, Rich was scheduled to work on an IT assignment in Warren, Ohio at 4 pm with no scope of time, although he believed he would be finished within three hours of the start time. Warren is almost an hour’s drive from our home and an hour to the concert location that we did have tickets for.
STOP, change of plan, I prepared to tag along with him, sitting in the care while he attended to work with the optimistic belief we would make our concert (tickets paid and not cheap!)
Alert, Rich gets to the project a bit early to learn that no one knows why he is there and while others are working on disabling and re-enabling new furnishings, Rich is now confused! I’m sitting in amazement that he has been hired as a contractor to get a job done and one hand doesn’t know what the other wants. After numerous calls and two hours later, the consulting firm released him and approved his pay for the job. Although this was easy, it was confusing and irritating that business (not just this assignment) is screwed up today! I blame this on the lack of communication despite the various formats that are available at our fingertips. However, most of us do not use them efficiently and effectively.
We made the concert, and I am so happy we remembered we had purchased the tickets months ago. https://www.gratefulweb.com/articles/it-was-fifty-years-ago-today-tour-2019
This concert was a salute to the Beatles and their White Album with Todd Rundgren, Christopher Cross, Micky Dolenz (The Monkees), Jason Scheff (Chicago) and Joey Molland (Badfinger). I love live music, and that is one of the reasons I podcast with so many talented performers. Local talent and those who may not be on the National Stages are among the best! Check us out at
Friday, September 27, TGIF – what makes Friday the best day of the week? Once upon a time when the workweek was traditionally a nine to five schedule, Monday through Friday, people got excited when the whistle blew at 5 pm on any given Friday. For the young, it was date night, party night. If you were older, it was an evening of pure relaxation with a beer, martini, or your favorite drink in hand. However, today our schedules are far from routine as businesses are open seven days a week, and the commitment to maintain employment often means working as needed, or not!
If you are like me, a senior who is considered retired, you most likely are working at your home business to supplement Social Security, or taken on a part-time job with whoever would hire you. The majority of seniors like myself do not have enough savings or financial worth to golf, fish, and vacation until the end of time. If it weren’t for newclevelandradio.net and my part-time Sales and Marketing Rep job with ActionLink, life would be difficult, even though it is not easy. Easy for me is smooth sailing, no ripples, gliding through the day like an angel with untarnished wings.
However, life is made up of ripples, riptides, and other various occurrences that can make life challenging. Take a tumulous opportunity and ride the waves and let the wind propel you. Don’t get lost in the storm but intentionally find your footing and experience living. Too often we go through life wishing and asking the question what if, when, and why? Make the what if a reality, modify the situation as necessary, don’t wait until and you won’t have to wonder why! There is no wrong direction; the path you take is leading you to what you seek. Watch out for the detours that may be lurking, be selective because you can!
Don’t give up; life is worth living despite the obstacles that may occur along the way. Venture through the maze of good and not so good. Find your silver line and let it shine brightly, let other’s catch a beam of your spiritual light!
I Have Found Mine!
Thursday, September 26, I can’t believe it is almost October. Summer is over, and although the temperature outside still resembles the season, Autumn is upon us with falling leaves, and a change of color from green to gold, orange, and browns! As beautiful as this seasonal change, maybe I know colder weather, ice, and snow will soon return as well. But, if I have learned nothing else in my lifetime it is to enjoy the moment and to try not to sweat or freeze over the small stuff. (You may need to remind me when I start Kvetching in December, January, February, and March!)f
In the Jewish tradition, Fall is when the Hebrew Calendar begins and ends. Rosh Hashannah is translated to mean the Head of the Year. (Rosh = Head/Lead, and Shanah = Year) Unlike the traditional December 31st to January 1st celebration when the Gregorian Calendar moves from one year to another, the high holidays are customarily spent in Temple/Synagogue reflecting on the past year, repenting through prayer as well as asking others for any transgressions you may have inferred on them. The holiday begins with Rosh Hashannah this year on Sunday evening, September 29th and will conclude with Yom Kippur at the sight of the first star in the sky on Wednesday, October 9th. As young children in Sunday School, as well as Hebrew classes, learn, when the final sound of the shofar is heard, the Book of Life closes. Our past, as well as our repenting for our sins, will determine if we will be inscribed in the Book of Life.
Although I was raised with the traditions of Judaism and enjoyed the family customs that my Baube and Zayde brought over from the programs of Russia, we were observant but not ‘religious.’ My husband who is not of the Jewish faith has observed that many Jews find comfort and spiritual meaning in the traditions that may vary from family to family. One thing that is almost a common thread is the food! I obtained many of the recipes from my mother who lovingly made chicken soup with kugel (a noodle pudding) as well as various styles of kugel from savory to sweet. Chopped liver was part of her menu that she painstakingly with grind through a hand grinder, no Quisenart™ for her. Additionally, she would make a pot roast, roasted chicken, with all the trimmings including something called, Tzimmes which is a combination of roasted carrots, sweet potatoes, and sometimes prunes. Apple and honey are also served the roundness of the apple from the earth dipped in honey suggests a smooth and sweet year.
I become very nostalgic every year at this time; I remember when I was a kid, and everything seemed so easy. My mother, her mother, and my two aunts would huddle in the kitchen, usually ours and cook and bake together in family harmony. One would like to add more salt, another pepper, or sugar, whatever their tastebuds proclaimed. The recipes were written down with a dash of this, a little of that, and maybe a smidgen! No matter what the food always came out to perfection and the aromas were to die for!
As an adult living distances away from family, the traditional cooking has been solely mine. Growing up I believed I would be part of the kitchen atmosphere that was created in our kitchen; however, my Baube died when I was nine, and my favorite Auntie Annie passed away when I was in my early twenties. Although my momma continued to cook and bake for her smaller family, most holidays I was alone in my kitchen cooking for mine, keeping the traditions alive. Today I smile as I remember and plan our menu for the holidays.
The times have changed, families live distances from each other often making it challenging to share the past and present. Today we create extended families who often bring new flavors to the table and with less bickering. We bring our Sunday/Holiday best to this unique celebration. At the end of the day, we are all family and coming together in peace and harmony is what we must strive for.
As the year 5779 comes to an end, and 5780 begins it is time for all of us to reflect on our past, learn from what may have been wrong, and what was perceived as correct, and ask to be inscribed into the Book of Life.
Wednesday, September 25, 2019,
another day in PARADISE and I say that with positive conviction! Nothing in life is perfect, and I believe that GOD (or whomever you believe in) had a plan that we would be smart enough to strive for our concept of perfection while enjoying the journey. We should not be so intent that we don’t enjoy the mistakes along the way that allows us to re-route ourselves and learn from the experiences that got us to where we are. We do not have to live with regrets if we follow our hearts and the passion and compassion developing inside our bodies and minds.
We need not be selfish, but we must consider ourselves worthy of finding the joy that sparks us and ignites those we touch along the way. Smile and see the sunshine rise in the eyes of someone you randomly see through your day. Extend a hand with real meaning to assist someone who needs lifting. Follow the Golden Rule, if you do unto others as you would have them do unto you, wouldn’t you be living in PARADISE?
PARADISE is not one specific place. It is our awareness of our strengths while allowing us to use our abilities to cultivate our weaknesses and learn and prosper.
I am not a religious person; however, I come from a background of rich family traditions. For too many years, I lived in a world of sadness, believing that I was too far removed from what brought me such happiness. Just like a toddler, I pouted and blamed others, pointing fingers, crying over spilled milk! Sadly, or not, it took my mother’s illness and death to open my eyes and stop the voices in my head from leading down a path where I continued to get lost. I took a detour that had led me down numerous twists and turns, but I am finding me along the way. My eyes are open as is my heart and that is where I see you around the bend as I extend my hand. It is not about popularity, as in high school days, or boasting about how many friends I have on Facebook, most of whom I have never met. Life today is enjoying the sun come up each day even when it is cloudy and dreary. Living to appreciate love and friendship and knowing the difference. It is not existing, it is participation!
I hope you too find PARADISE despite the aches and pains of illness, disease, loss and daily struggles that may be on your path. Find the courage to enjoy a second, a minute, or more and breath in life. Reach for my hand; I am here.
Monday, 23 September 2019
My trips to Detroit over the last forty plus years were either quick jaunts up to see my parents and family (nieces, nephew, cousins, etc.) or for business. Typically, a one or two-night stay filled the void of not living close by. A Jewish family is much like many ethnic families, Italian, Polish, Muslim, when they get together it is all about food and loud voices, each one speaking over the other. However, since my mother’s passing three years ago, returning to my hometown is a visit to the cemetery and dinner at one of our favorite restaurants with my best friend, Dennis. It is always a “Buddy’s” night.
On Saturday Rich and I drove up to the Detroit area making our first stop at The Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. Going to the Henry Ford, Ford Rotunda (usually at Christmas time), as well as Greenfield Village were often school field trips when I was young. When Alex was younger and very much into trains we visited the museum and a year or so later visited Greenfield Village with him and Steven. This weekend we, Rich and I, decided we needed to do something different as we had no family commitments and our cemetery visit was planned for Sunday. This time I saw the Henry Ford through brighter eyes and although some exhibits are the same I enjoyed revisiting them plus some newer ones as well. After putting in my steps for the day we joined our friend Dennis for dinner, yes at “Buddy’s.”
If you would ask my husband, I am known to be overly organized and pinning down our every movement, so we don’t miss a thing. However, this time I slowed down and allowed Rich to set the pace.
Visiting my parent’s graves was more emotional for me this time than in the past, and I realized just how much they have meant to me and continue to influence my feelings. I may not be as perfect as they may have wanted me to be, but I do believe I have and continue to make them proud. After our visit, I stopped by my cousin Stuart’s graveside; it is essential to let him know he is not forgotten. I sought out my Baube and Zayde’s graves, Louis and Ida Freedman. I mentioned to Rich my Baube always looked like an older woman to me. She died at the age of 72 and in today’s society that is not old. However, she went through so many challenges in her life; aging must have been a factor.
The last time I was at the Eastern Market, I could not have been much older than four or five years old. I remember my father driving my Baube and Zayde, Mom and me (don’t think Joel or Gary were with us.) to purchase a turkey for Thanksgiving. We walked through a build where all these chickens, hens, ducks and turkeys were roaming around. My Baube picked out the turkey she thought would be an excellent Tom to cook and dad summoned the Sochet (Yiddish for the one who slaughters the animal in the Jewish/Kosher ritual.) We all followed the Sochet as he picked up the turkey squawking in his arms off to a side room the whole the Sochet is reciting a Hebrew verse. Once in this side room, concert floors and foul scents, we watch as “The shochet killed the animal with a quick, deep stroke across the throat with a sharp knife.” This is to be quick and painless! Once Turkey’s head was cut off, he held the bird upside down to drain the blood, and then placed it in what looked to be a fan that de-feathered him! (What memories!)
Yesterday it was less exciting but fun with street vendors, craft merchants, and farmers with a bounty of fresh and beautiful looking crops. I bought a 3 lb eggplant for $1, and I plan on preparing it tonight. Once again we walked and walked and talked with vendors, experiencing a side of Detroit that was only a memory and now it brings out new meaning.
Driving home was to be uneventful until the engine light came on indicating our car was overheating. After we stopped to let it cool down we notice we were very low on anti-freeze and the service plazas don’t sell what is needed for a VW. We limped to the next exit found an Autozone, filled the tank, and upon coming home we dropped it off for repair. Now we hope and pray that anti-freeze is the only thing our three-year-old care needs!
Today is Monday, the beginning of a new week, The Cleveland Browns lost but the Cleveland Indians Won! As summer closed thoughts rushed through my brain and the most important one was that I am married to my best friend who keeps me smiling as I do him, even when life throws us a curveball!
Friday, 20 September 2019
Taking a quick drive to visit the Detroit area, a personal need to visit my parent’s graveside and blow some bubbles into the sky and share my thoughts with them in the heavens above.
Recently I have been thinking about how lucky I was to have my mother in my life for almost twice as long as my mother had hers. My momma lost her ma just days after her (my mother’s) 39th Birthday or in leap years her 9.75th birthday. I had the privilege of having my mom in my life for sixty-six years. Sadly, over those years much was taken for granted and although we always said, “I love you,” yet, sometimes it was difficult to like the woman I knew as my mother.
Dorothy Freedman Moss was a kind, caring, individual. She loved her family (and extended members too) but her methods of showing the love sometimes felt harsh, at least for her children. I understand now that mom was sweet and kind, but sometimes she was so obstinate, fighting for a cause. She didn’t walk the picket lines or attended rallies, but she was never afraid to tell you how it was, and sometimes it struck a blow. As her daughter I always wanted to please her and yet I felt I was not good enough until she got ill.
Three years ago, I spent nine-plus weeks with my momma, reversing roles as her caregiver, and overseeing professionals providing my mother with integrity in death. I was not ready, but I jumped in to do what I needed to do. I feel blessed that I had those nine weeks despite knowing she was not strong enough to live and that her life was ending. My memories comfort me as well as cause me sadness and pain. I would not trade my memories for fear that I would forget, and I do not want to forget what my momma meant (and still means) to me.
On Sunday I will go visit my parents, my cousin Stuart who lays all alone, but feet from my parents. My niece Laura is laid to rest in the baby land, we barely got to know her, but I will not forget the short time she too was in my life. Additionally, I have many ancestors buried at the cemetery and I hope to honor them as well.
Thursday – 19, September 2019
Some of us, my previous self included, would have made various excuses that after having a surgical procedure they were entitled to sit back and do nothing. However, we never know when we will be able or capable of doing what is right for us, so why put it off? I know this may sound silly to some, but I made sure my house was in order before I went to the hospital on Monday. If for some reason I didn’t return, I wouldn’t want anyone to see the house a mess, or Rich or Alex with dirty laundry. I am confessing an OCD situation when I go out of this life I want to go out cleanly and neatly. Leaving piles of shit for my family and friends to clean up is not in my plan. However, for every scenario, there may be a detour.
Today was my second day back at the gym despite having some residual discomfort yesterday from exercising. Yesterday I scheduled a full day of podcasts and website design projects that I thought would be easy as all I was doing was sitting down in front of a computer. That was real work taxing my system. (who would have thunk it!) While working out today I sensed that my body and brain were not in sync and that little voice in my head kept telling me to DO IT, while physically I knew I was pushing it. My brain voice won out, and now I know although it was tuff, no harm was done.
I am glad I am slowly coming back into my routine of life, a method although boring at times can give us the motivation to go outside our comfort zone and fully appreciate the life we have. For a good majority of my life, I was sad, wearing my heart on my sleeve, waiting for someone to help me change, while I had to do, was B Me.
I wish for you to find the inner strength to do something you love. Create your personal rainbow and languish in the beauty of the colors as they brightly blend, exposing the sunshine’s smile.
Tuesday – 17 September 2019
I am appalled that President (sorry I did not vote for him) Donald Trump doesn’t know when to stop talking. Why say, “She never treated me nicely.” And he has the nerve to send condolences to her family! Many of us here in America and across the globe don’t treat you well Mr. President. You were not the choice of the majority and all your rude and crude remarks have made your term in the White House the worse of times. You may think employment is up, and it may be in low-level jobs that people cannot sustain themselves on. As a young senior, I am working multiple jobs as is my husband so we can manage month to month. We are not too proud to be working for low wages, and it is something we have to do, despite our college educations, years of experience, and we want to stay employed and current. However, our economy will not sustain paying the young graduates what they deserve and need to make a living and be self-sufficient either.
We all must wake up and smell the coffee, even if we don’t like coffee! It’s time to be aware of what is happening here in the United States and how it is affecting us globally. The bullying must stop it is time to listen and communicate. Communication has become a lost art as we use the internet to hide behind making excuses for who we are and what we have become. Let us stop the evil speech and create a society of acceptance and awareness. We Can Do It, I Will Do It!
Tuesday – 17 September 2019
Did you know we now have a new show on Spreaker, Spotify, and Castbox, while awaiting, Apple©, iHeart©, Google© and some of your other favorite streaming venues. Check us out and please send us your solely owned music selections for our listeners to experience and get to know you! https://www.spreaker.com/show/original-music-with-approval-2-play
Monday – 16 September 2019
All went well with my surgical procedure. I am now waiting to get into PT for Pelvic Wall strengthening. This is a real thing!
Today was a first for several reasons:
I took an Uber – Success but expensive!
I went to the hospital by myself – knowing that I could do this on my own!
I called my family after the procedure, giving them the update that I am still here kicking, and I can drive and go back to working out on Wednesday.
I felt confident that my husband was in the loop, and when I needed him to pick me up and take me for a light dinner, he did!
As for the discomfort, well, it is slowly seeping in, but it is manageable, and I had stabbing pains previously.
The migraine I started the day with has dissipated, whether it was the surgery, the anesthesia or the rest, I am headache-free!
Tomorrow (Tuesday 9/17/19) I will be doing a podcast for the Jewish Digital Deli https://www.spreaker.com/show/jewish-digital-deli (back at work)
Tuesday’s regular show, https://www.spreaker.com/show/what-in-the-world-with-paul-seaburn-2019 that airs from Joe Maxx Coffee Company in Brecksville, Ohio, will not be broadcast or recorded we will resume next Tuesday, September 23, 1019.
I am reaching out to Gary Moss to podcast tomorrow, https://www.spreaker.com/show/jftsoi-scrabble-with-gary-moss as well as Melinda Smith https://www.spreaker.com/show/heart-mojo-with-melinda-smith. Keep checking Facebook https://www.facebook.com/newclevelandradio.net/
Thank you all for caring!
Saturday – 14 September, 2019
Friday the 13th
We survived Friday the 13th! My father always said 13 was a lucky number. Most Jewish boys and girls are Bar or Bat Mitzvah’d on their 13th birthday. He also said, 13 was just another number until he had his open-heart surgery on Friday the 13th 1974, and he felt reborn after his recovery, at least for several years! I am now hoping that Monday the 16th is as lucky for me! Although I am told I am not having major surgery, anytime, you have surgery and are anesthetized there are dangers. My surgery may not be considered life-threatening but it is something I need to have to live the quality of life I deserve.
Am I scared? Not really! Nervous, yes, and hopeful that this will resolve some of my health issues and get me back at the GYM so I can work out and feel accomplished. I would never have dreamed I would look forward to walking on the treadmill and sweating it out with weights and lifts as I do each morning. I may feel like quitting within minutes of each workout, but halfway through I refuse to give up!
We have no promises in life, but it is up to each of us to make the most of each day sharing the gratitude that we experience. I am blessed to have many beautiful people in my life including my husband of thirty-five years, my two sons, my brother’s and their families, a host of cousins, and many friends that are both near and far. Additionally, I enjoy reaching out to so many with the positive vibrations I receive from others.
May you all enjoy your lives to the fullest as I do!
Thursday – 12 September 2019
Today is a melancholy day for me. This morning around 9 am EDT, my older brother Gary, packed up his car, heading toward Michigan on his way to Ontario. Prior to his visit this past week, we last saw him at my mother’s unveiling in August 2017. When we said our “good-byes” at that time I wasn’t sure when we would be back together again, as he lives on the west coast while I live here in the Cleveland, Ohio area. I felt so happy when he called me in early August sharing his vision of “77 Sunset Trip,” a celebration of his birthday as he treks across the United States and Canada sharing his love and passion for the game of Scrabble©.
Gary arrived here in Cleveland mid-afternoon, last Friday, September 6th. He stopped at my worksite before heading to my house to get settled for his almost week-long visit. Although we didn’t do a lot while he was visiting we did more in six days to connect and reconnect our relationship as brother and sister. With Gary being the eldest of the three of us, including brother Joel, there is an eight difference between us with Joel being the middle child. YES, I AM THE BABY. For most of my life either I was treated like the baby, or at least that is how I thought I was viewed. However, I had the opportunity to share my talents and abilities with my big bro as I developed his new website, https://just4thespellofit.com/. In addition to setting this up, I have walked him through maintaining the site, and I will continue to manage it and edit as needed. This makes me so happy as it provides us a continuing need to connect.
As a guest, Gary is the ideal one. He demands little and appears to find enjoyment in anything and everything he does. His bedroom for the week was our living room couch, and he informed it is quite comfy, something that will come in handy for me next week as I recuperate from surgery. I will be spending at least a day on my “arse” on the sofa.
However, at 9 am as Gary packed his car to leave our home I felt a loss and a sadness. There is a slight chance he may make his way back through Cleveland as he travels to Detroit, Ontario, Buffalo, and a few stops in-between as far east and north to Saratoga Springs, NY. As he re-routes to go back West, my brother has not chosen his path to Cincinnati and various points south into Tennessee, one choice is through Canada to Michigan and I75 south or across NY, PA., into Ohio following I71 to Cincinnati and beyond.
So now I sit here with a full-day schedule and a calendar of assignments, appointments, and todos, and my mind keeps racing as to when and if we will see each other again. Some families live within the same city just blocks or miles away, and never consider the thoughts that are tugging on my heartstrings. My family is vital to me as they are the connection to my past as well as my future. We cannot move ahead without the past as it significantly is an impact on our future. In my future, I want the chance to be with my brother(s) and enjoy the moments we have together.
Wednesday 11 September 2019
9/11 TODAY and ALWAYS
TODAY, Kenny Curcio is releasing this song tomorrow for 9/11. I had the honor to interview this talented individual who believes in democracy, peace, humanity, and the awareness for acceptance. Our first responders put their lives in danger every day to protect us, and yet many of us do not provide them with the support they need.
- Let us stop the violence!
- Let us stop the evil speech, the words that hurt and cause life-long damage!
- Let us stop assuming the worst and find the positive spirit that each one of us is capable of sharing!
- Let us stop pointing fingers and accusing others of our faulting thinking!
- Let us stop profiling as we are unique individuals that can learn from each other creating harmony!
- Let us accept the Golden Rule and Live By!
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU!
Let us stop the violence and the destruction of life!
Please take a moment to play “American Soldier” https://youtu.be/FIbEtzg3qXs
Once you listen, I hope you will extend your hand in friendship and acceptance.