Coaching Exercises and Ideas!

 

What are you waiting for?  Do you feel like everyone else has it, and you are waiting to find it?  Have you asked yourself WHY?

The WHY question is the most difficult open-ended question we can ask ourselves.  If you are brave enough to answer it, are you brave enough to listen to your answers?

Before you can grow and make changes you have to STOP what you are doing and begin the investigation process.  Successful change is possible when you have a purpose.  Change just for the sake of change will not fulfill that missing piece we call IT.  It is our purpose and to seek and meet our purpose we must be introspective. If we don’t connect with those inner feelings, both negative and positive, we will remain stuck in the maze.

I have to work on meeting my purpose daily.  The changes I have experienced because I chose to make them have fulfilled that missing puzzle piece.  I have stopped asking why everyone has it, because the answer is they don’t they too, like you and me are on our journey of life.  We each take different paths to arrive at our destination.  Even when the destination is the same or similar our paths will differ.

We have options in life but unless we opt to experience them, we will continue to wait and waiting often leads to being stagnant.  Living is not about stopping time, it is about evolving through time and space and becoming the best version of ourselves.

Join me #YESICAN coaching with Karen.

Did you know what your saboteurs are?  We all hear the voices of yesterday, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, the neighborhood bully, teachers, etc.  Each one of these individuals left messages that float around in our brain and those thoughts, voices, often lead us into behaviors that we identify as our saboteurs.

 

  • The Judge that lives within us – the words we may say to ourselves – the unkind thoughts.
  • The Avoider – procrastinating changes because the judge may lead you to believe you are not good enough.
  • The Controller may lead you to believe if you hold the keys, you are strong and safe, but do you?
  • Hyper Achiever – often the work acholic believing if you are always doing you are meeting success, even though you may feel depleted.
  • Hyper Rational – the inner voice giving you the assurance that if you do this you will achieve that and if you achieve that all is OK.
  • Hyper-Vigilante often feels the effects of anxiety over hyper achieving and hyper rational not truly working for you.
  • The Pleaser, the part I have played most of my life, believing if “Make someone happy and you will be happy too…”
  • Restless – this may be a combination of many of the saboteurs, but nothing is working for you.
  • Stickler – this is when things have to be perfectly done your way, no deviation often bringing out the Judge tell you when things are right or wrong.
  • The Victim, sometimes we believe others are pointing at us and yet most of the time we develop this persona to get attention and to feel justified.

When we allow ourselves to be more self-aware, and mindful of what is happening around us, then we can focus on our purpose and create a plan to achieve it.  Sometimes we need a little guidance. If you are reading to achieve your purpose, #YESICAN coaching with Karen 440 526 1530.

 

 

DECISIONS

How do you make decisions?  Do you review and assess first or do you react before your thought process has solidified your approach?

If you decide based on experience and knowledge you may succeed in a reactive decision, however; taking the time to assess and evaluate is always beneficial to ensure your success.  On the other hand, if you fail, it is not a failure, it is a lesson to be used the next time.  When you label something a failure it takes on a life of its own and often does not allow for a positive recovery.

When you have experience and knowledge you can use your intuition to create a positive response.  You have the ability to understand without the consciousness the need for deep thought.  Using your instinct will lead you to answer, Yes or No!

Despite your instincts to respond without processing, it may be best to rationalize, and take an analytic approach.  Being mindful of your surroundings may be an indicator that your experience and knowledge may not be enough to decide.

BREATHE

Positive Intelligence encourages us to build our muscles.  This is not turning you into a body builder, but what it does is build your brain and thoughts to; Stop, Look, Listen, and Think. The more you work at this the stronger your brain will become, and the reactive impulses will lessen.

BREATHE

Can you read your body?  When you react, what are you feeling and where in your body are you feeling this?  When you decide, do you feel impulsive?  If you begin to feel anxious, is it physical or emotional? Mindfulness and the practice of being present will allow you to calm the fires that may take you down a path you are not comfortable with.  You have the opportunity to command your own ship using your knowledgeable brain.

BREATHE

Do you have the tools for making decisions?  Are you looking for guidance and support?

#YESICAN coaching with Karen

newclevelandradio@gmail.com

440 526 1530

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Do you ever wake up in the morning (specifically on your day off), and feel BLAH?  I have no other words to explain the feeling but it’s almost like your emotional health is dipping and your brain and body are not connecting.  Positive Intelligence (also The Intentionality Gurus – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6), tell us that being mindful of these emotions is important for us to work through them.  In the Positive Intelligence program (to learn more please contact Candace Pollock at candace@theintentionalitygurus.com) we practice exercises that help strengthen our brain muscle.  If we want to get stronger and able to identify the negatives and turn them into positives, we can enhance our emotional health.

This morning (like many weekend mornings) I woke up processing my own agenda, however, since it included my husband, I knew I had to accept compromise because his agenda and mine would not match up.  Even knowing this as I prepared to start ‘our’ day he was slowly moving to the slow beat of his drum and our agendas grew further and further apart.  I understand that Rich, my husband, has a grueling schedule during the week and the weekend is really his only time to relax, play, and accomplish home tasks.  There are not enough hours in his day, however, in my day those same tasks can be accomplished with some time left over for, who knows what.

Compromise means, “to give up something you want in order to reach an agreement.”  In reality we need to collaborate; “work together with others to achieve a common goal.”  However, if our goals are not in alignment, it often falls back to compromise and that is where I fall into that state of BLAH!  I’m not inferring my husband does not compromise but as the wife I tend to want to keep calm rather than stir up my frustrations that can become hurtful.

It has taken me a long time to come to grip with, “It is What it Is!”  I can change the effect it may have on me; I have little if any control on how it affects my husband.  If he chooses to move slower, instead of sitting and waiting for him, I find that something fulfilling to me.  I have finally learned if I can control my emotional health, it is best for me to do so as it has a subliminal effect on others.

Let’s begin by taking a dive into the BLAH and accept it for what’s worth while identifying if this is worth the risk of negative thoughts and emotions that can turn a good day into a bad day/

Take the time through meditation, young, exercise, listening to music to touch those feelings and let them go.  Release them if they don’t provide you with comfort.

As we become more aware of our feelings (good and bad) we develop mindfulness that often stops the negativity that claws away at our positivity.

We must acknowledge that living in a state of 100% positive healthy emotions is not doable.  As we know life happens and negative situations develop for all of us, when we balance our emotional health through awareness and mindfulness, we have a toolbox that will assist and guide us through those emotions.

Combining Positive Intelligence with Emotional Intelligence may be the perfect toolbox for us.  Emotional Intelligence suggests we let go of the unhelpful thoughts.  Those thoughts are coming from past learned behaviors and can paralyze us if we aren’t prepared.  When we worry, we become anxious.  When we are anxious, we repeat those thoughts over and over in our brain.  Those thoughts may lead to fear and sadness. Using tools like deep breathing, visualization, and exercise (physical or mental) will be helpful in finding our balance.

You are not alone if you feel anxious, sad, or angry.  Your emotional library has been documenting your feelings your entire life.  Don’t listen to others when they say just get over it, or you shouldn’t feel that way.  You feel that way because of years of emotional experiences and until you can fill your toolbox with practices that will alleviate these thoughts you will continue to suffer.

Learn to set boundaries.  On days like to today when I am Ying, and my husband is Yang we set our boundaries.  My boundaries often include my writing in solitude or taking the opportunity to binge watch something he doesn’t want to view.  For him it is often his opportunity to take a nap or binge watch his favorite programs of the 60s and 70s. This is helpful to sustain our 39-year marriage.

This all leads us to self-care.  If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect others to understand our needs? If I can’t tell you what I need, how would you know?  Just because I love chocolate candy does not mean chocolate candy is what I need when I am feeling BLAH.  What I may need is the opportunity to face it head in privately to see it for what it is and if necessary, share my thoughts (but I cannot expect my husband or anyone else to understand or agree with my thoughts).  Before I share it is my responsibility to understand that I need recognition, I do not need approval.

As a personal coach I help my clients learn to like themselves.  There is at least one thing we can acknowledge and work towards developing the best relationship with ourselves that others will see and like.

For more information on coaching and costs #YESICAN coaching with Karen

440-526-1530

newclevelandradio@gmail.com

SUCCESS

Let’s Enjoy the Success that WE PERSONALLY CREATE!

Before Monday let’s try doing something that will propel our success.  The next four steps can be easy, or you can fight the process and make it difficult.  Ask yourself how you can use less energy and yet be highly successful this weekend!

 

 

Avoid procrastination. If you have a task that YOU must complete by a certain date, use the NIKE slogan and “Just Do It!”  Procrastinating is putting off something you will have to do whether it is now, tomorrow or a week from now.  Procrastination often creates a sense of anxiety and forced anxiety is not healthy.

 

 

 

 

Give yourself permission to be human and accept your mistakes as a learning experience. If you watch Jeopardy™, you will notice that even the smartest players make mistakes by calling out the wrong answer or forgetting to replay with answer in question form. Also don’t you think Einstein or Edison ever made a mistake?

 

 

 

Keep a list or use a vision board to identify what you must do and what you do not have to do and everything else in-between. g., If you are a nursing mother you must feed your baby, however do you need to take the garbage out or is there someone else who can do that?

 

 

 

 

STOP being AFRAID to ask for help/assistance/or/guidance. Think of asking as an empowering move, not just for yourself but for the person you are requesting this from.  We need not be responsible for everything!

 

 

 

 

 

CHANGE

We all want to be more productive, I am always looking to achieve the concept of working smart, rather than working hard.  When working smart, we gain a sense of accomplishment, and the production of the work does not feel overwhelming or challenging to the point of defeat!

(A special thanks to Positive Psychology.com I am learning how to be the best version of me, and I am guiding my clients through the practice.)

Try this:

  1. Is the space you are working in conducive to your productivity? If not, pick up and move to another area, or rearrange your area to suit your needs.  These changes often unplug the ideas that may have been blocked out, this provides a new perceptive and often provides new energy.
    * I have been a furniture mover most of my life.  When I feel stagnant, I often start rearranging my room(s) in my head and create an area that provides me inspiration.  Sometimes I just move into another room.
  2. Create your vision board whether you use a white board, bulletin board or your online calendar. This vision should provide you with your end goal and work backward to achieve it.
    * Working backward for many can be less daunting.  For some like me, it provides me with the vision of accomplishment even before I start on my first task.
  3. When creating your vision take the time to think through the mission you are attempting to achieve. It is important to know why and how you plan to achieve this.  Sometimes, more often than not, having a guide, mentor and or coach will provide you with the opportunity to see, touch and taste your plan often before you add the first ingredient.
    * A coach is someone who provides you the paths of learning/training and helps you enhance your skills to gain the performance you desire.  As a coach it is my responsibility to listen and provide you with techniques that will become part of your lifelong toolbox.
  4. I use spatial planning that enhances my needs. There are times working in my home office studio is proper and there are other times I need to rearrange my desk to help me avoid the challenges how the clutter of my desk will distract me.  Occasionally I will take my computer and go sit in a Starbucks™ or Panera™ for a change of scenery, sometimes the sound of other people talking can be encouraging to my task at hand.
    * I have also taken hours out of what seems to be an unproductive day and I reset my office, turning my desk towards the window to enjoy the sunlight, trees and changing season sky can be just enough for my creative juices to percolate.

JUDGING

Identify your internal Judger voice.
Do not battle with it, but engage with it and learn from it.

  • The judge is spewing out thoughts formed in your brain – many of these opinions come from other people that you have absorbed.
  • Ask yourself why these feelings are affecting you – and focus on change.
  • You may be your own worst enemy but that can change today.

You have all the control….

 

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!!!!

OK – Let’s Label Ourselves and I Don’t Mean What is Your Pronoun!

Label yourself with 5 Negatives Comments – Do you believe these comments truly identify you and if so,  how would you label yourself positively. See example below.

 

What do you see when you look in the mirror? (Negative)

  1. I am fat!
  2. I ‘m OK?
  3. I am ugly!
  4. I’m awkward…
  5. I am dumb!

What do you see when you look in the mirror? (Positive)

  1. I like my blue eyes…
  2. I like my straight hair.
  3. I look pretty/handsome.
  4. I am thin!
  5. I am smart!

Where did the above comments come from?  Who has made these comments and convinced you of their reality?


Now think about the Negative acknowledgements – has someone told you …

  1. You’re too fat, was it a parent/sibling/friend/social media?
  2. When you say you’re OK what does that mean…
  3. What does the word ugly mean, what makes you ugly? Eyes, nose, hair, etc.
  4. Has someone called you awkward and in what context?
  5. Are you dumb? What is your definition of dumb?

Now think about all your Positive qualities -how can you be so confident?

  1. What is it about your eyes that make you beautiful/handsome?
  2. What is it about your straight hair that pleases your looks?
  3. What is your definition of pretty/handsome?
  4. Why is thin so important?
  5. Are you smart both in book knowledge as well as in socialization?
Before we can begin to make any changes we must understand the reason for the comments and how they affect us…

I want to introduce you to the Wheel.  This Wheel will provide you with some needed information to assist you in your navigating the coaching process.  Please keep in mind that as your coach I too use these tools to improve my skillsets that keep me in focus as I continue to evolve into the person I want to be.  I spent too many years trying to be like someone else or allowing others to dictate to me, who and what I should be.

The wheel as seen below may have a different segment and for your benefit it you choose to change the segments feel free because this is your journey.  However, for now use this as your first exercise.

The information you put in this exercise no words or explanations are needed – you assess each segment which is design to give you a sampling of your wellbeing.  It is important that you are honest with yourself as you contemplate where you are on a scale of 10 being TERRIFIC to 1 being at your low point.  Together we will discuss how you can change those numbers for a more fulfilling life’s journey.

 

 

Below is an example of what it will look like:

In our coaching session we will talk about these areas and how you perceive the changes you can make to achieve wellness.

(I use the wheel on a regular basis to see if I am on track, and I find that I cannot fool the wheel.  The results for me truly pinpoint where I may need to focus to get back on track.  The wheel is my friend it provides me with perspective that I sometimes don’t give myself credit for seeing.)