Daily Comments 2021
10/8/21 Friday – some people say TGIF – Thank God It’s Friday, however for many years Friday has just been a day of the week for me. It’s been 7+ years since I worked corporate America, but I never truly stopped working even when forced out – my mental health depended on WORK, ORGANIZATION to provide meaning. Yes, I had (have) my family but I needed something that screamed at me, not someone! Working for a for-profit College initially set me up for success. My first position as a High School Speaker encouraged me to take continuing education classes and complete my advanced degree in Communications. I was promoted to a full-time High School Rep/Coordinator working with the inner-city schools in Cleveland and providing opportunities to many who may not have the chance to further their education. Yes, not-for-profit schools can be very costly and without the proper information and education on Student Loans – well need I say more?
This job consumed me like many others I worked at. I always believed in giving my all and learned that 100% is obtainable especially when others are not completing their workload and you feel compelled to do it for them to make your department the best. I worked with side blinders on focusing on what I had to do next and often that meant working 7 days a week and taking on projects in and out of that environment. I convinced myself I was happy and I pushed and pushed until I realized I didn’t know what happiness was! If I had been earning enough to put away for a rainy day or retirement as it may – maybe I could have said I was happily working for my future, but when the depression hit, I realized all that work brought me no closer to financial comfort than if I had not been so passionate.
Sometimes things happen in our lives and we have no idea why – we often tend to blame the people closest to us, our partners, our partners, our children, our business associates, etc. Placing the blame gives us the opportunity of not being responsible for what happened, therefore we don’t have to make a change because change is uncomfortable.
However, I made a change, drastic change and I continue to allow myself to observe from within and make the adjustments that make me feel good without upsetting the frame around me, family, friends, and business. As a communication major, I always wanted to help others. I thought of going into Social Work, and for a short time, if the educational road had not looked so difficult, I considered becoming a Therapist. However, the voices in my head kept telling me I was not smart enough and the cost would burden me when I failed – yes I allowed not only my voice but voices around me to convince me that the road had too many potholes for me.
2013 hits and I realize I now have my degree and it is time to bring out my voice which I did through blogging and finding my way to internet radio. I created a spot on a local urban station where I recorded for a year – I then convinced my son that I would invest in equipment and we would find a way to do internet radio/podcasting independently. It took a few years to create this venue and we have made numerous changes along the way because we have learned that this is an evolving media.
To all the podcasters out there we are still in the infancy of this media and we must work together to make it prosper. We have an opportunity to share our voices, opinions, and yours with a small or large audience. Our listeners do not have to like or approve of our words – they can search and look for someone who says what they want to hear or they can listen to various viewpoints and possibly understand the issue from multiple sides. Evolving does not stop because it is Friday. We keep moving and taking life one step at a time while we stop, look and listen.
When your day changes! So I got up this morning knowing I only had one podcast to record and the rest of the day was to be centered on having my photographer husband take some new headshots for the website, social media, and when I appear as a guest on a podcast.
However, the day got shaken up. My husband got up later than usual, his phone kept ringing off the hook with business assignments and I took another path to keep myself busy and accomplishing tasks that I needed to do… And then my husband got a call requesting him to do a job in Philadelphia – he needed to arrive by 8 pm this evening. Being the good wife and partner I am – I changed my schedule and agreed to travel with him, helping with the drive either talking to him and keeping him awake or taking over and driving for him.
So in a mad dash, we packed and got on the road as I texted clients and appointments to reschedule – one hour out of town my husband got a call that the project was canceled – WTF? We were in the middle of the turnpike with no turnaround for at least another 20 minutes/miles. So on we drove and turned around. Now, what – oh yeah the haircut appointment my husband canceled to go to Philadelphia was now a possibility so he called the salon and they rescheduled it for him so he could accomplish something on his to-do list.
As we drove to the Eastside of Cleveland/Beachwood and approached the salon we saw a police presence in Woodmere just before Eaton Square. There was a pursuit near the shopping center. Police said they received a call that there was a person at Eton Chagrin Boulevard shopping center with a weapon. Officers responded and said they saw a person with the weapon once on the scene they pursued them.
The person police say had a weapon did not fire a shot, but the officer that was involved ordered the person to raise their hands and they refused. According to police, when the person refused to raise their hands, a scuffle ensued and the person fled. Police said the officer chased the person on foot from the Eton shopping center until Brainard Road when the officer shot the person. The shooting allegedly occurred after the officer told the person to drop their weapon and they lifted the weapon instead.”
Whoa – we were going to Eaton Square and had no idea what we were in the middle of…
Well, we saw the police, the swat team, and a roped-off street. Luckily we did not hear or see any gunshots and we are now home safe and sound.
If I sound angry well I guess you can say I am – Healthcare is at its worst! I am not blaming doctors, I am blaming big businesses that have made it impossible to reach our medical teams. You call a number and it just puts you on hold forever. When it’s not an emergency what is a person to do? I have been having difficulty with a prescription and I have tried three or four times to connect with the physician’s office only to be on hold and disconnected numerous times. Now this morning after 4 tries I get through and all I can do is leave a message because the nurse practitioner is too busy…Excuse me why can we not hire enough people to fill the healthcare jobs? Is it that people do not want to work or is the CORPORATION too cheap? Please do not blame this on the government because we as a community must make the changes needed.
Additionally, I went to the lab this morning for a blood test but the work order was never sent and my doctor although part of the system cannot electronically upload it so someone on his staff either did not FAX it to the lab or sent it to another lab, and this would not be the first time.
Also, this Hospital is known as University Hospital, there is a portal that I connect to and yet I cannot connect directly to my doctor. This means I cannot email them and as I said calling is a nightmare!
I also noted when I went out to the portal today some of my information is incorrect – in fact, a lot of my information is incorrect and I do not understand why our system is so broken. If I were to go into the hospital today for an emergency and they used my chart as a reference they may ACCIDENTALLY kill me due to invalid documentation.
CAN YOU SPELL ANGRY? FRUSTRATED? And feeling betrayed by a system that just does not seem to care?????
9/29/21 Have you ever noticed that you are on a path, not necessarily a journey, and each day starts in a similar way, and you complete one task after another, sometimes without realizing what you are doing? We are not robots but too often our routines, the algorithms we have created, kick in. The last couple of days reminded me that I can and should pull in the reins. I don’t have to let the cart go in front of the horse; it is in my control.
So why have I been feeling out of control on a journey that I want, but not in this manner? And I think I found the answer when interviewing one of my guests yesterday on AVOID the MAZE, meet Wade Galt, (https://youtu.be/6atIUi-vgBg). After linking up with so many exciting individuals on Podmatch.com my OCD (unofficially diagnosed) kicked in as I began connecting with some wonderful individuals who are also in the podcasting world sharing one message at a time. We all seem to have the same desire to share our journey with you and have you share your journey with us and build a community of AWARENESS & KINDNESS despite the political climate.
Over the past two weeks in addition to growing the base of the podcasters networking with newclevelandradio.net, I have added an extra 2 – 4 recordings of AVOID the MAZE. Since I love what I do I convinced myself that working (yes, it became WORK) at such a flurry was not satisfying. Wade’s message was one I have adopted in the past and must return to now. Working smart does not mean working harder! When I work smart, I enjoy myself because I am aware of the steps I am taking. The steps are not mere tasks they are the foundation of the creation and staying in balance provides me the opportunity to create something fundamentally sound.
I am not just a podcaster or a website designer who provides maintenance for my clients, I am Karen, a person who enjoys looking at the sunshine, watching the changes in the season, and observing life. I love to dream and take mini-vacations in my mind; they provide me with the needed break in my routine. Additionally, I am a wife and a mother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, and business acquaintance to many. I wear numerous hats and sometimes the hats define me in a manner that can be strikingly different from one style to another. If my hats confuse those around me, can you imagine what it sometimes feels like for me when I see my reflection in the mirror or window I have just walked by.
Wade spoke of the 3 Day Weekend, and I took the information very literally – what would it be like to STOP my work after 4 days and have 3 days to play and do what I like? However, what if it is your work you like/love are you depriving yourself of not working on it? The idea of the time off is to work smartly and efficiently when you are scheduled so you can do those additional things you like/love. For my new friend Wade who lives in Florida, his 3-day weekend includes his love for playing Beach Volleyball. It is his reward weekly. He has a purpose even if it’s not his job/career that puts food on his table and cares for his family. Fun, recreation is needed to fulfill not only purpose but success. (Success must be your definition and your choice of how to reach it.)
If you are like me, you most likely equate success with money and money with the things you can have. I’ve never had a bounty to splurge and with that said I have found myself always working towards making the day-to-day ends meet. It’s not that I do not allow myself treats, I do, but I tend to be frugal to lessen my anxiety of becoming overwhelmed. I am learning how to feel from the inside out and appreciate the treats or gifts that are FREE. One of those gifts is sitting at my dining room table looking out at the grass and trees and the edge of the park system where I live. I enjoy sitting here blogging, it’s like being on a vacation, I am blessed to have this view.
Candace Pollock is the host of The Intentionality Gurus, https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6, for the past 3 years we have been working together as she walks me through the Personal/Business Coaching process. I have learned many new skills and yesterday while recording and podcasting with Wade, I was able to see how the techniques I have learned on Candace’s podcast have allowed me to make the changes that I want. I have learned that to evolve and move forward I must be aware and feel both pleasure, discomfort, and even pain. If I am willing to get on a path and observe my surroundings, I can keep myself from getting lost. This is my opportunity to explore…
Note to self, enjoy life even when you are overwhelmed. Allow yourself to adjust and make the changes that suit you. Breath in the freshness and exhale the stagnant. Today is a gift, before you unwrap it, enjoy the beauty!
9/22/21 I am getting it right today –
Aging is a multi-dollar business – everyone has their perspective on it and what works for you may not work for me and what works for me may not work for someone else. My father reminded us that if we aren’t aging we aren’t living. When we stop our growth we begin the demise process and for some of us that may come too soon if we don’t take the steps to self-care/self-help.
None of us will get out of this life, alive. We have evolved to be on this earth – or in space – for a given time and it is up to each of us to make the most of those moments, days, weeks, months, and years, even if it means we age on the inside and outside. The trick to aging is making it work for us and those we love.
You and I could wake up every morning, feeling down and out, wanting only to climb back into bed and pull the covers over our heads. If we do that we are creating a stagnant environment and when things are dormant there is no growth. Lack of growth is the beginning stage of death. NOTHING STAYS the SAME!
We don’t have to fall into the hands of the creators of products that promise us younger-looking skin or increased brainpower. (Although I have and I probably will again.) We need to naturally witness our body, soul, and mind and respond to it positively. When we binge eat there is a reason and understanding it and not allowing it to create problems for us is essential to our happiness. Binging is a term we are using a lot these days and more so during the Pandemic while many were glued to their TVs with Netflix™ and other streaming services. We sat transfixed allowing the pace of the world slow or fast come to a halt. Binging regularly is not good for anyone, however, sometimes a little binge and escape may be needed to refresh and restart.
There once was a time that I thought 40 was old, after 40 it was 55 that scared me, and today at 71 my attitude on age is healthier than ever. I am here to live out each day and find the notches of happiness that I can carve out a piece of my life and legacy for the future. Every moment in 24 hours need not be perfect to find pleasure/joy. It is all about perception and allowing yourself to feel. Understand where the feeling is coming from and find the motivation to hold even if others are doubting you. Remember it is your life – this time belongs to you.
I choose to get up each day and prepare myself for who I might meet even if it is only my reflection in the mirror. I choose to use the products that may enhance my look, and if my look enhances my thoughts I may have gained more than the original promise. But know one thing, it is not the lipstick or eye-shadow that makes us beautiful it is the human kindness within – Find yours Today!
9/21/21 I am on a bit of a rant today and I would like to share my thoughts. You do not have to agree with me but I ask that you be open to at least hearing what I have to say…
If we do not communicate and share thoughts, we cannot justifiably query the what, why, and how. Everything affects us even though the result of the effect can differ tremendously for each of us.
Last year at this time the majority of U.S. Voters began a rally to vote out TRUMP and vote in BIDEN. Democracy – a system of government by the whole population or all the eligible members of a state, typically through elected representatives -was put to work as teams of supporters for both sides went head to head to shout their reasons why we needed to oust TRUMP. And although we did, and we know change cannot happen overnight, especially in a DEMOCRACY, both sides are still complaining, not communicating about the issues that are threatening our DEMOCRACY.
I have never been in a position of wealth. My parents were both hard workers, my mom was a working woman most of my life, even when it was not fashionable in the 21 zip code of Detroit, Michigan. However, both she and my dad without the privilege of college educations worked to support their 3 children as well the care of their parents. For the first 9 years of my life, we lived in a two-bedroom, my brothers Gary and Joel at the time of our moving out and a little up were 17, and 13 – when we moved to a three-bedroom home we felt rich and luxurious even though it was a massive fixer-upper. Once again it was not above my parents or the three of us children to work to make it a home.
WORK – too many people today are refusing to work – whether it be the wages they can or cannot earn, or the job just not meeting their needs. I do not understand this thinking because I was taught at an early age that some money and work experience is better than none. In the course of my work life, I do not think I ever turned anything down if it provided me with an income, even at a minimal level. I always had the belief that if I worked hard enough I would succeed. I was not the lucky one and often saw others who worked less but were aggressive in their personalities flying past me – and although over time it did knock me down on my knees causing internal pain and depression, I found my way out of this as well. (That does not make me special, just determined.)
So what does this all mean?
In the past couple of weeks, I have witnessed that there is a huge lack of grocery products in the store – specifically Giant Eagle. It is more than bare shelves it is like certain products are not even being made anymore – check out things like Jimmy Dean Breakfast and numerous sugar-free items and if you are diabetic or attempting to lose weight, finding food products is a challenge. I understand the challenge is due to people not going back to the jobs they once held, and our society snubbing their noses against work that does not provide them with a fair living. It is not that I disagree with the last statement but in my life, I too held down multiple jobs at a time to earn a scrape my living, and today on Social Security I too must work to supplement my income.
I may be married and have a spouse and even combined financially life is a challenge – so each day we have an opportunity to make it a positive challenge or a negative one. We never spent our money frivolously although with more guidance we may have had the opportunity to reserve a retirement. This is not the blog to explain all the details, it is a conversation with you to understand we all must do our part. If we all join the workforce in some manner – without being a SOCIALIST GOVERNMENT we might be able to mold our democracy and learn how to help each other out. It is not about the RICH getting RICHER and the POOR becoming homeless…
Out here in the suburbs, there is a homeless woman I see regularly walking up and down Route 82 in Sagamore Hills, Northfield area. She wheels around a small shopping cart and I have seen her sometimes sleeping on a bench in front of a store in Northfield, I have also seen her sitting under the trees in Sagamore Hills on a hot summer day. I ask myself how did this happen to this lady, and is she from this area and if not how did she end up here? My favorite expression comes to mind, “It’s not Fair!” This woman should not have to be alone and living on the streets and not only should she not be living in this manner but what about the streets in major cities that are aligned with our brothers and sisters who WE allowed to fall through the cracks.
No, I do not have an idea how to solve this, if I did I would have put it into action. But I do know that panhandlers have been part of our societies forever and when I drive to my Saturday location in Cuyahoga Falls I am greeted by this group of vagabonds who have lost jobs, homes, and families and they want us to give them a dime, a dollar, or something to survive. And yet, just ¼ mile down the road businesses are begging for help – signs are in their windows and the tree line, and yet even those standing on the corner with their hand out are not connecting with these jobs.
If we do not go back to work our stores, restaurants, and businesses of all types will have to close their doors which may put us out on the street if there is no income to pay the rent, mortgage, etc.
We must engage in dialogue to resolve these issues. The CEOS of companies need to create a more level playing field in their business dealings helping to employ individuals that will grow their businesses and paying them a fair wage to maintain a roof over their head! Families must come together and help each other out. In some cultures, this works well and it nurtures our society. We must turn the tables today before they turn on us.
I may not be able to purchase the supplies/foods I have been used to buying. I may have to learn another way of creating the meals I want and need for me and my family. But we must work together if we are going to unite and be strong.
Do not walk alone –
9/17/21 The Book of Life was sealed at sundown on September 16, 2021. We all have an expiration date and yet it is not written in stone. We do have choices to make to overcome the obstacles that litter our path through life. Some of us jump over them, some kick them to a side, others may step on them crushing them into smithereens and some will stop in their tracks and wallow, “Oh Whoa Is Me!”, or, “Why Me?”
As I have shared many times in the past I grew up trying to be like You, or You, or EVEN LIKE YOU! The voices I heard around me were asking the questions, why do you do that, why do you say that, and why aren’t you more like… It is possible those words were never spoken but that is what I sensed and therefore I was always jumping, kicking, stepping, and feeling the DARK CLOUD of GLOOM hanging over my head.
Wednesday night I recorded I was participating in Kol Nidre Services (Yom Kippur) online. Memories were abundant thinking of my childhood on Yom Kippur night with a beautiful traditional meal cooked by mother always including Chicken soup, kreplach, kugel both savory and sweet, tzimmes and so much more to stuff our kishkas so we would sustain our fast for 24 hours. Going to the synagogue was part of the tradition and spending the next day as well, standing for the majority of the day-long service and feeling pangs of hunger (just because we knew we could not eat or drink until the first star at night.)
My Yom Kippur was not like it was – but like it is for me today, this year. Many Temples and Synagogues are now sharing services online to include more of us who either cannot get out or may prefer to observe from a distance. Although I would have liked to have sat in the congregation of Temple Israel Akron with friends and acquaintances – this was not the year for me – but with all G-d’s Blessings and hopefully being sealed in the book of life I will be amongst that community next year.
I want to give a special shout-out to Rabbi Josh Brown. It was four years ago I attended my first Rosh Hashannah service at Temple Israel. I knew no one – at least I thought I knew no one in his congregation. I drank in the love and comfort of that service and the beautiful voice of Cantor Kathy took me back in my memories. I felt at home but still all alone. So I reached out to Rabbi Brown and on Yom Kippur, I was introduced to some wonderful people like Teri & Mike Segal, Zippy Silverman, and Elaine Newman. They took me under their wing and they have remained connected ever since. While observing on Wednesday night and Thursday virtually I thought of these individuals as well as others I have met along the way. I feel honored to have made new friends and comfort in this home of worship.
Towards the end of my dad’s life, despite being a traditional Jew and for years starting his morning wearing Tfflin – (Phylactery, Hebrew tefillin, also spelled tephillin or tfillin, in Jewish religious practice, one of two small black leather cube-shaped cases containing Torah texts written on parchment, which, in accordance with Deuteronomy 6:8 (and similar statements in Deuteronomy 11:18 and Exodus 13:9, 16), are to be worn by the male during prayer)- and his prayer shawl (Tallis).
I remember coming downstairs in the morning as my father stood swaying back and forth Davening, praying.
However, he stopped that tradition, and yet he still kept up many traditions despite questioning his religion, and religion in general. Before my dad moving into Hospice care in 2003, he met with Rabbi Bunny from The Jewish Hospice & Chaplaincy Network – West Bloomfield, Michigan. He shared with the Rabbi that he was an agnostic born a Jew. He did not deny that there is a G-D or a spirit that may guide us in life but he was not seeing things as he was taught for 80+ years. My father believed in kindness, love, family, and friends. He also believed it was OK to get mad and throw his golf club into the lake! My Pops was reassured by Rabbi Bunny (his real name) that his beliefs were his and his love for life would take him to a beautiful resting place.
I know I have shared many stories about my momma, what I may not have shared about my pops was he was scared by the Pandemic of 1917 – the Spanish Flu. My father was one of the victims of that time scaring his heart physically but not emotionally. Although he was not expected to survive, he did and he lived to be 87-however, he faced numerous maladies in his life, and yet he would spring back like a Jack in the Box and humor us. I think part of that humor was to die on my 20th Wedding Anniversary – never to forget! How could I forget Jay Harmon Moss?
Today is a new day and I will live it without fear. I will live my truth and I will seek yours. We do not have to agree upon them but what we must do is live in harmony. Our history has too much pain and strife and we have the ability and the honor of making the future inclusive for all.
9/16/21 Last night I attended Yom Kippur, Kol Nidre services online – sitting here in my studio office with one computer streaming Temple Israel in Akron, Ohio, and another with a digital copy of the Yom Kippur Prayer Book. Growing up I never would have assumed I would ever observe a Jewish Holiday in this manner. Although my family was not religious we were Conservative Jewish Traditionalists. My parents attempted to copy the teaching their parent’s provided them. My mother’s family, my Baube and Zayde, migrated here from Russia, a story I have documented previously. My father’s parents, my Grandma and Grandpa were first-generation American’s, their parents migrated here before the turn of the 20th century. Both families escaped the torment against Jews in Russia, the tyrannical government of the Czars.
My brothers and I were brought up in a kosher home (except for when Pizza and Chinese Food and Green’s Hamburgers were eaten on paper plates and not mixed in with the meat or dairy dishes in our home. For some this may seem a bit hypocritical; however, in America, it is considered assimilation to a degree.
Growing up I thought my life would not change to the degree it has. I saw myself as an adult with my parents, grandparents, and beloved family and friends always being together. However, I knew then as I know now nothing stays the same.
I miss the family traditions and most of all I miss them with the people who have left this earth and yet still have a place within my heart which keeps them in my thoughts (my mind.)
Kol Nidre was a prayer service that I remember as tearful and almost frightening. The first time I attended an adult service with my parents and grandparents I saw strong men and women sway back and forth to the chanting of the Cantor whose voice and tone created tears amongst all in the sanctuary. Many of the congregants knew the words of the Kol Nidre pray but because they were in Hebrew they knew them to chant them not necessarily to know what they meant. But back in the day that did not bother me as I believed that the HOLY Tradition of the night of Yom Kippur the Kol Nidre and it was to be accepted as is.
Last night as I sat at my desk and stood up when Rabbi Brown asked the congregation to rise and sat down when it was appropriate, visions of years past came into my view. My father in his large Tallis from Israel wrapped around his shoulders, with a simple black Yalmuka on his head, not just to cover his thinning hair but out of respect for G-d in the sanctuary. My mother, like most women, was dressed well, often in a new suit and a hat to match. The hat had a veil and I do not know if that was significant for the holiday or the fashion trend.
Kol Nidre services were recited and chanted in 90% Hebrew, very little English was read, a difference from what I experienced last night. Although the Temple does chant and recite in Hebrew Rabbi Brown uses the English translation to keep everyone included and aware of the reason they are in attendance. That is why my small family, my husband, and son sat with me and observed a new tradition in our home. We are a blended religious family, Alex being Jewish as a birthright, and my husband brought up Christian (non-religious and traditional), shared what was important for me. They know that this Day of Atonement is difficult for me as it is the anniversary of my mother’s passing. Last night and today I will recite the Yizkor prayer for her. (The idea of the prayer is to ask G-d to reward the soul of the departed and bond them together with the souls of Isaac, Abraham, Jacob, and others who are righteous. Everyone doesn’t need to remain in the sanctuary during Yizkor. Commonly, only those reciting the prayers will remain.) As a child growing up I was always escorted out of the sanctuary for this part of the service and I feared the day I would be reciting the words…
“May G‑d remember the soul of my mother, my teacher (D’vasha, daughter of Label and Chia) who has gone to her world, because without obligating myself with a vow — donate charity for her sake. In this merit, may her soul be bound up in the bond of life with the souls of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah, and with the other righteous men and women who are in Heaven; and let us say, Amen.” (Although it is my mother’s Yarzheit these words of prayer will be said for my father as well and the Yizkor Service is to remember all who have passed before us.
As I began this blog today it was to share with you and yours that nothing stays the same. We all have a G-d in our life that lives deep inside of us and we may refer to that deep-seated soul by any name. It is the voice that guides us and it is only our interpretation of the words we hear that leads us down the right, the wrong, or the I don’t know path. This is our human right to learn through trial and error and to create a life that will honor those that came before us and those who follow behind. Today is a day to ask for forgiveness, understanding, and guidance. You do not have to walk alone. Keep your memories close by as they will assist you in the good, the bad, and the ugly of life.
BE KIND – and from the words of a dear friend – I Wish You Enough – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyzqk0thcec
9/15/21 On Erev Yom Kippur, 2016, that October 11th to be exact, my mother took her last breath of life. G-d did not seal her name into the Book of Life for the Hebrew Year 5777. Today, it is 5782 and the memorial date of her death. I was told by the Rabbi that officiated at her funeral that it was a mitzvah (a blessing) that she was taken on Eve of the holiest of days in the Jewish.Hebrew calendar.
Just ten days before her death mom was still communicating with us and we were able to provide her with some traditional Rosh Hashannah delicacies like chicken soup, chopped liver, just a bisle (a little bit.) However, she slowly declined during those days, and on the morning of her death, two of her favorite Aides both concurred that her shallow breathing was a sign of her letting go.
Both my brother Joel and I were in the apartment with and Robbin one of her special Aides made sure to stay connected with us as she knew we would be needing her shoulder, little did we know Robbin was in the process of loss herself, as her sister was being admitted to Hospice that same day. On this specific day, I was torn from sitting next to mom’s bedside or napping in the living room as I was not taking care of myself and I was feeling vulnerable. My nervous system was working at its peak as kept moving from room to room.
Around 1 pm on that same day, my brother suggested we go out and get something to eat. Mom was in good hands and the Aides knew how to reach us. Although I was not feeling hungry I agreed with Joel and we went to Panera for lunch. We were both very quiet at lunch, I think we knew deep down that our precious Aides were right and mom was fading away. Upon our return, we were told there had been no change and everyone recommended I try to take a nap. Just as I was dozing off it was suggested I come to check on my mom – I saw her struggling so I called my brother into the room, the oxygen tank that had been ordered and not yet used as needed. Nervously I got it hooked up and adjusted the nasal piece. Joel sat at her side touching her hand, I was at the foot of her bed praying for her to breathe in and come back to us. To sit up in bed and say what the??? However, she took a couple of shallow gasping breaths, and at approximately 2:11 pm on 10/11/16 Erev Yom Kippur 5777, she passed away.
Like a robot I followed the to-do list, I called the nurse at her Independent Living site, I called Hospice, and they called the authorities. I also called the Rabbi and stayed next to my mom and talked to her hoping she might still hear me. I knew there was no recovery from the stroke she suffered on August 2, 2016. I knew that every day was a blessing as well as a curse. Momma didn’t know/understand that she had a stroke that left her blind, she thought she could see. I am not sure how much she truly understood as she was bedridden for 2 ½ months and she had conversations in the beginning as if she was up on her feet working. One of her weekly caregivers had a routine with mom, when she came in mom put her to work and they discussed the many projects that momma did during her lifetime. On these days my mom may have been discussing the details of an alteration job she needed to complete, or a bookkeeping error she needed to fix from years past. Eavesdropping I learned things about my momma I didn’t know.
However, 5 years ago today on the Hebrew calendar my momma seeped deeper into my bloodline where I carry her with me. I need to believe she did not leave me completely she left beautiful memories for me to celebrate her life. We may have been a bit like oil and water sometimes but in the end, we are beautiful glow blended. I Love you Dorothy D’Vasha Friedman Moss aka Baube!
9/4/21 WHY HACK US? Why would someone want to break into our website and post? We are living in a very devious world and I think it’s about time we go back and review the GOLDEN RULE! After a long day at work treating customers, and staff members with kindness and respect I come home to stress and aggravation! I am not the only one that has been breached and my website provider will be informed – I pay for security and voila’ SHIT HAPPENS!
8/25/21 Right after I posted yesterday defaming the medical community I started hearing from my doctors and low and behold I got some answers. medication, and appointments as well. Why does it take a complaint to get some people to get up off their asses and get something accomplished? I know not everyone is as OCD like me and jumps through hoops to respond and get results, but waiting until the SHIT hits the fan? Oh well, we’ll see what tomorrow brings.
8/24/21 WHY? What has happened to our medical community that it is so difficult to get a doctor to respond to health issues or provide you with the referral you need? Why are so many healthcare staff memories rude or disconnected with you and me as patients when we call in or come in for an office visit? Is it possible many of us are transmitting more than the Coronovirus because our health system is broken?
Doctors now work for the Hospital/Healthcare Systems and they are required to see X amount of patients a day often missing what we the patients need. Doctors are not earning what they once earned and many have just gotten lax in their approach to medicine.
Our insurance companies and representatives for routine and preventative health care are making it more difficult for us to stay well. Where have all the doctors gone? Why are we waiting weeks, and or months to be seen by a specialist when we have symptoms that could be life challenging and or life-threatening.
My son just reminded me how difficult it was for him to face his mental health challenges with no insurance and even now with insurance. Luckily he has a therapist and he is getting the guidance and assistance he needs – however, his question is why are we allowing individuals who need mental health treatment out in the cold?
Something to think about!
8/17/21 Who would have thought? 31 years ago a child was born, his name before birth was Bart, like in Bart Simpson. However when he entered the world at 9:am on Friday, August 17th, 1990. his name officially became Alexander Edwin Hale. The A in Alexander is for my paternal grandfather Abe Moss, and Edwin is for my beloved and missed, father-in-law who sadly never had the opportunity to meet his grandson.
- George H. W. Bush was President.
- Just weeks before Alex’s birth – Yankees rookie 1st baseman Kevin Maas hits his 10th MLB homer in 6-5 loss v Detroit, fastest to reach that mark, just 77 at-bats (is that why Alex loves the sport of Baseball?)
- Jim Palmer and Joe Morgan were inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.
- Carlton Fiske ties Johnny Bench’s hitting at 327 Homeruns as a Pitcher.
- Pete Rose goes to prison for 5 months.
- Angel’s Louis Palonia is 74th to hit an inside park grand slam.
- Denver vote for a 1% sales tax to pay for a baseball franchise – soon to be known as the Colorado Rockies – one of Alex’s favorite teams as kid.
- Dodger Jose Offerman hits HR in his 1st at-bat.
- Gene Michael names NY Yankee VP/GM replacing Harding Peterson.
- George Steinbrenner steps down as NY Yankee owner.
- NY Yankee Kevin Maas is quickest to reach 15 HRs (approx 132 at-bat).
- Bo Jackson hits 4th of 4 consecutive HRs.
- Brewers-Blue Jays game is delayed 35 minutes due to gnats.
- WWF Summer Slam-Ultimate Warrior beats Rick Rude.
- Cub’s Ryne Sandberg is 1st 2nd baseman to hit 30 HRs, consecutively.
- Dennis Eckersley saves his 40th game of the season.
- Baseball outfielders Ken Griffey and Ken Griffey Jr. become the 1st father and son to play on the same team (Seattle Mariners), the pair hit back-to-back singles in the first inning and both scored.
Maybe these occurrences in Alex’s birth month have shaped his passion for baseball. He thrives when working at the ballfield – Baseball has been very, very, good to him!
On a side note, Alex’s great grandfather Abe Moss and his great uncle, Joe Moss both played for the Holland Wooden Shoes – The Holland Wooden Shoes were a barnstorming team. When their mother my great paternal Baube heard they were playing baseball she said, “Only Bums Played Baseball!” Well, if only she would have let them continue this may be a different blog today!
8/6/21 2021 started out with a lot of hope and dreams and although I am still hoping some of the dreams have turned into creepy, eerie nights of thoughts. Nothing is WRONG! It’s what we often define as the journey of life. Yes, I have faced some health issues and nothing that could not be diagnosed and treated. It began with identifying that Pelvic Prolapse has caused me pain for 20 + years and I am taking current health procedural steps in reducing that pain. However, in the middle of treatment, my cataracts got so ripe that I could barely see near or far that I underwent cataract surgery which was so simple and remarkable in the results I achieved.
Well recuperating from both of those procedures I was extremely fatigued, and my immune system just went wacko on me making me feel sickly when I really wasn’t but it in flamed my Lichen Planus to the degree that food made my mouth and throat very painful and led me back to my specialist for answers. Those answers are in the works because yesterday in addition to my routine colonoscopy I had an endoscopy. We (my doctor, husband, and I) had a few concerns that this diagnostic was going to reveal something serious. My wonderful doctor depicted from my symptoms that the lichen planus and traveled down into my throat and my esophagus had tightened up, which would need to be stretched, although he was also semi-concerned that it could be worse lesions could be pre-or cancerous. However, the endoscopy showed now of that and although the lichen planus is in my mouth and back of my throat it has not affected my esophagus and there are no lesions or cancer.
I do have a hiatal hernia (thanks mom, she had one too)
My routine colonoscopy identified what we already knew that I have some diverticulitis but that can be controlled with diet, and I will meet with a nutritionist to go over what I can and cannot eat to reduce symptoms. (The word hiatal refers to an opening in the diaphragm. The diaphragm is the muscular wall that functions to separate the chest cavity from the abdomen. This means that the organs in the chest cavity and the abdominal cavity are kept separated. When you put the words together, hiatal hernia is basically a condition where the stomach is pushed into the chest through the opening in the diaphragm.)
- Bad taste in my mouth (all the time)- interferes with the taste of food.
- Soreness in my throat, bitter taste in the mouth, burning tongue, and throat feels like it tightens up when I swallow. Also, changes to my voice turning it raspy.
- Bloating and gassy.
- Feeling out of breath.
- Difficulty losing weight – not digesting my food completely.
So, what I have is Lichen Planus –
Lichen planus (LP) is thought to be an autoimmune disorder in patients with a genetic predisposition but may be caused by drugs or be associated with disorders such as hepatitis C. LP is characterized by recurrent, pruritic papules that are polygonal, flat-topped, and violaceous and can coalesce into plaques. (When I had my thyroid surgery in 1974, I needed blood transfusions that were contaminated, and I got hepatitis C. I have been Hep C Free for a very long time with no liver or organ damage however, the lichen planus may be a result of that therefore compromising my immune system.
I also have a very common hiatal hernia that although giving me the above symptoms is minor and surgery is not required but diet and nutritional treatment is the answer to feeling my best.
As we move forward into the end of summer I am looking forward to making the necessary changes that will allow me to enjoy the rest of 2021 and 2022, etc.
I am sharing this information with all of you because my symptoms are common amongst many of us, and we often ignore them or choose to accept them so we can eat and drink the foods and beverages we enjoy. However, can we really enjoy them if they make us sick and create painful symptoms? For me, the answer is no – and one of the foods that cause my symptoms is milk chocolate my favorite flavor in the world – however, I am making a conscious choice to make the changes I need.
It is a choice – we all have choices!
7/15/21 When you meet someone special you want to share them with the world and last week I met someone very special. His name is Dave Rosenberg and his story is told in a film called ‘The Reunion’. https://www.thereunionfilm.com/
This movie is making the rounds of the many film Festivals and if you live or are going to be in Nyack, NY next month, August 18th this film will be shown – https://visitnyack.org/event/nyack-film-festival-2021/
I was granted access to see this as I did a podcast with Dave last week for EMPKT PR https://youtu.be/gaSAmixDT1s and again last on Let’s talk Life with Alicia which included Dave and Andrea who is one of Dave’s major influencer and friend.
When Beatrice from EMPKT PR contacted me and asked if I would like to interview Dave I jumped at the opportunity. I often jump when Beatrice and her staff ask me to interview one of their clients because I love interacting with new and interesting talent and bringing their stories to you our listeners. However, the theme of Dave’s movie hit so close to home that I knew it was kismet.
The subject is about being bullied and the deep-seated need to confront your bully or bullies. The taunts and or physical abuse that you endured may have left open wounds that refuse to heal and cause you to feel less of yourself. Your bully may be in the school playground or someone living in your home, or possibly an unknown in this day of virtual communication. It is not just children that are experiencing this unsolicited form of behavior it is cross-generational. We talk about this subject on many of our podcasts as it is seen in numerous form factors.
Heart Mojo with Melinda Smith discusses how our life’s journey can be riddled with bullies if we don’t own our self-awareness. Illness can be observed as such gnawing at our reserve unless we find a way to stand up to it, and that is not always easy but through support and expression, the journey may have fewer obstacles and challenges.
Let’s Talk Life with Alicia discusses how we can often perceive something that we may have fallen victim to. In fact in last night’s podcast with Dave and Andrea, I confessed to Alicia that I have come to accept that the bullying I lived through was more in my head and thoughts as I strived to be in the “IN GROUP”. We all want a place to belong to and in my younger days, I always wanted something that I was inches away from getting and putting the blame on others for keeping me out. Now hindsight has revealed I was my bully contributing to my sense of non-acceptance.
On THE RANT Barbara Rose Brooker and her guests discuss how the perception of age bullies us from the time we are very young until we appear to become obsolete as we go through the years. Too many of us have allowed the media and the big corporations to tell us things (advertisements and the hidden messages) that make many feel less acceptable. Aging has become prime time for bullies.
However, what drew me to Dave and his message is something that is so very close to home. I have written about it and shared it as has my son. My youngest son was bullied throughout his school years. Was he bullied because he was on the Autism Spectrum? Was he bullied because he was Jewish living in a Catholic conservative suburb? Was he bullied because he talked nonstop about Baseball and other sports that many of his classmates could not understand? Was he bullied because he was a University of Michigan Fan in an Ohio State Land? Yes to all and maybe not…
Alex’s bully began his torment early on, they went to pre-school and pre-K and Kindergarten together. The intense bullying became obvious in Middle School and High School and although my husband and I tried to intervene – the school sided with the Bullies sending my son home from school for his safety rather than approach the problem and correct it. However, the worst part of my son’s story was he was molested and he felt ashamed to admit it and ask for help. It took years for the pain to attack him – the death of his #1 Bully brought visions back to times he wanted to suppress forever but instead, they are haunting him. Not only is he going through the trauma all over again in his head, but my husband and I are also feeling sad and angry that we were oblivious to what happened to our son.
Dave’s story may not be the same as yours or mine but BULLYISM is real and we are hearing more and more about it through social media. The Reunion, is one step forward to making us aware of how one mean person can change the life of many, and yet do we know why he or she was being mean and bullying others? We must begin the conversation! We do not have to like the reasons why but we must become aware and change the outcome through dialogue. It is time to make life a safe place!
5/31/21 When you are married you have a partner and if you are really lucky you are compatible. Compatible does not mean you agree 100%, one-hundred percent of the time. In fact disagreements in the right union can help you grow together as well as independently.
Rich and I met and immediately felt a connection despite differences. I was born and raised as a cultural Jew, and he grew up in a non-observant Christian home. A majority of his close friends were Jewish and he grew up in a neighborhood that over the years became known as a Jewish Community and remains so today.
At the time of our meeting, I was divorced with one child, and although I was looking for a new partner, Rich was not the Knight in Shining Armour I was searching for, but it happened and this year we celebrated 37 years of marriage and we have been together going on 40 years.
We have learned to adjust to each other’s personalities however in our early days together I did a lot of crying and pouting because I felt like everything was on his terms. I was not the strong individual I am today. However, Richard was spoiled by his mother as well as by me. He marches to his own song that often is played very slowly… I on the other hand am a planner, doer, and I jump high. Planning anything with my beloved is never completed as designed. Even a short holiday getaway gets changed to a stay-vacation, which gets delayed as he always finds one more thing he needs to do. Some of the things could have been done days or weeks ago but the beat he was following diverted him and now they must get done.
The two of us have this conversation regularly that we want to go out and have fun, see new places, and experience time away from the computer and television, however; it rarely happens. I am not complaining however I will admit it annoys me that I have learned how to change and accommodate him but he still has no concept. Well, I take that back he is not uncaring but change for him is D I F F I C U L T!
A week ago Rich started the conversation. “Let’s getaway for an overnight.” I thought it was a good idea until he started making suggestions. His suggestions all included 6+ hours of drive time which would have cut into the time we would be in said location. Additionally, the locations did not offer us any more than a Hotel Room and maybe a meal out… None were appealing and all were costly! So we decided to spend the day getting up early, which he did not, and set out to visit the Holden Arboretum and looking for a restaurant or two that we have never tried…
Once he got up he reminded me he had two major things he needed to do and here we are sitting in the studio office working. If he finishes at a reasonable time we might get out…It Is What It is!
This blog is not me having a pity party because I love Rich and I understand this is how he rolls. Instead of crying and pouting as I did in the early years, I take the time to do something for myself, blogging, designing, or going for a walk, etc. I am not at his demand.
The secret to a good long-lasting relationship is not being so dependent on each other to the point of disagreement or disappointment.
It all begins with pleasing yourself – so instead of nagging at him to hurry up, or to be angry because he feels the need to do something else first, I find my niche. I know we will still come together and enjoy the moments without carrying the baggage of anger, disappointment, or pity.
We all have a picture of what we think a relationship, but pictures fade and we must protect them from disintegrating.
5/23/21 Sunday morning, the sun is shining and the temps are warm to steamy and I am not complaining, I am a Spring to Autumn Girl and if I could eliminate winter and early sunsets – my life would be ROSIER. No, I am not complaining as I have a lot to be grateful for and gratitude is something we all overlook. Every sad moment has a silver lining but all too often we get stuck in the grief of the moment.
I remember when my Baubr died, it was just a few days past my 9th birthday. I remember she had a stroke (didn’t understand it back then), and within a day or two, she passed. My mother thought I was too young to go to the funeral home or cemetery and I was told it was better to remember her as she was when I last saw her alive, and happy to see me as I was to see her. Although after the cemetery as everyone gathered at my Aunt Jean’s house to sit shiva to a young 9-year-old it looked more like a party. People were coming and going, the food was flowing, and despite my mom and her sisters dressed in black, they seemed to be enjoying this time with a lot of hugging, and storytelling that brought smiles and laughter into the house.
Yes, we were all grieving but sharing the stories and talking about our loss providing us coping skills. Just because we laughed did not mean that we were disrespectful and for years after we continued the dialogue about my Baube Friedman and sometimes even years later we would shed a tear along with bright smiles on our faces for having those wonderful memories.
My Baube was born in Russia and migrated to the United States after her husband my Zayde, left her and their daughter Jean behind to establish a life in America. I have shared this before my Zayde was originally sponsored by cousins living in Boston, but soon after attempting to settle down he traveled to Detroit where others from his village had ventured to and it was there he re-established himself as a tailor before returning to my Baube to accompany her to America. The part of this story that makes me smile was after that long laborious travel back he finds he has a second daughter. When he left Russia neither he nor my Baube knew she was pregnant, and now there were four.
When my Zayde died 9 years after his beloved wife, I was 18 and I was informed I was old enough to go to the funeral home as well as the cemetery, however once again my mother encouraged me to not view my Zayde as I had a long loving relationship with him and she felt I once again should only remember him in life. Once again at my Aunt Jean’s, we gathered for Shiva and this time it did not seem like a party but the scenario was the same, the sister dressed in black, people coming and going, hugs, and tears and cheers for a life lived well.
Grief does not always include sobbing, and heart-wrenching symptoms, we all experience it differently, and often this is due to our culture. I have heard the Irish have a wake and drink and eat toasting the individual who is laid out in their casket. It is a time of celebration and sending the person off to eternity.
The very Orthodox Jews bury their loved ones immediately within 24 hours and for the next 7 days, they sit Shiva. (seven days’ formal mourning for the dead, beginning immediately after the funeral.) For the first 30 days after burial, the immediate family wears a piece of black torn cloth to symbolize the separation/cut in the relationship. A headstone is traditionally placed one year after the passing with a special ceremony at the graveside.
Morning and mourning are often confused but they could lead us to the bright path of life. When we wake up each morning we experience the dawn of a new day. The new day brings us memories of yesterday as well as creating new ones with each step we take. Mourning provides us with flashbacks of days gone by and often with a glimpse of the future that provides us the internal peace that creates us to see the new day!
At age 71 I have lost family members young and old and friends, and acquaintances and many of these losses have left holes in my heart. However, I am comforted by my memories and I allow the good and the bad to run through my head so I can remember what is important for me. Living and sharing each day….
I refuse to grieve for any time lost and appreciate the achievements in my life. For an exceedingly long time, I was more concerned to please and meet the expectations of others. When I say along time, I am talking 50+ years. Even when I went through my divorce, I thought less about myself and more about how I would be perceived. Perception has been a key to the many errors I have made in my journey. The day I woke up and realized all the things I had learned was now my inspiration to change. Change is not easy and often we fall back into the patterns that we have grown accustomed to even when we have chosen to take the fork in the road and travel a new path. New does not mean smooth and seamless, in fact, it can be quite the opposite.
On the podcast, The Intentionality Gurus we are currently discussing grief, and strange as it may seem this has become a theme of many of our podcasts at newclevelandradio.net. (Grief is not just about the loss of life, it can be for any form of loss. There is no right or wrong way to express or display your grief, it is yours to own and only yours. Yes, others may support us and guide us as we travel this slippery slope that one moment is heart-wrenching and the next makes your heart sing and smile with pleasant memories that fill your core. It is ok to have a combination of emotions, in fact, it is natural for all of us to experience a loss with a smile. However, if the smile you are wearing is a mask, hiding your true feelings, that may cause more harm than cure.
The cure for heartache is working through it and finding the sunshine that comes up in the East and sets in the West. Your smile may not appear at dawn but at sundown, you may feel calm or at high noon you may find yourself giggling over something you cannot identify. When those feels of happiness emerge capture them in your soul and keep them close.
I cannot remember a time when I did not feel sadness. I looked at life from the outside looking in, even when I was intertwined with those I wanted to be more like. I grew up dislike many things about me that I thought wasn’t like those I wanted to be more like. It ranged from not liking my body (thin, chunky, or FAT!) It was not always body image, I never felt I was as smart as others and often found myself over-compensating and in my head not measuring up.
It is never too late to change and it’s OK not to be perfect. I do not expect everyone to like me or agree with me, but I will go out of my way to ensure others will not hate me and open dialogue will add strength and purification to my journey. I am a giver and when I give on my watch it has much more meaning.
Join us on newclevelandradio.net and enjoy positivity.
It is Thursday morning and today is my day to assist my husband. It is that time again for a routine colonoscopy. Prep is worse than the procedure and for Rich that is 100 times worse. Yesterday I mixed the concoction for him and served him his 8 oz every fifteen minutes until drank 48 ounces. It did not affect him quickly and he was getting nauseous, headachy, and he so desperately wanted to eat (which he could not). I made him a cup of broth at least he said it convinced his brain he had a meal.
His appointment arrival time is 9:30 and at procedure scheduled for 10:30 – I love my husband, but I am looking forward to his cheery smile when it is over, and he can eat a small meal. I stayed on liquids all day yesterday until 7 pm when I made myself some protein rice – I will be going through this prep in two weeks myself, so I was experimenting.
This morning I can see more clearly, and my left eye is healing. As I shared, the procedure is painless and if I can handle it, anyone can.
Here in Cleveland today it will feel like summer with temps reaching the 80s. My plan for today is to enjoy the day after Rich’s procedure and I think today will be the beginning of my walking routine. I am looking forward to adding walking to my exercise program as the inches are very slowly coming off and adding another 30 – 60 minutes of walking per day should be the trick. If all continues to get better on the VIRUS issue next Fall, I will go back into the gym so there will be no excuses for me not walking. I prefer outdoor walking I get more satisfaction being out in nature.
On a side note, I want to share with anyone who reads this – find your inner strength and let it shine, be the person you want to be and not who others expect you to be. Walk, Run, Swim, Climb, or crawl to your happy place.
5/19/21 As I write this blog this morning, it is just a few hours short of 24 since I had my first cataract surgery, yes, I recommend Dr. Roth at the Cleveland Cole Eye Center. Not only has he been highly informative since my pre-op surgery, but he was also very comforting before and after surgery, and personally called me at the end of the day to check in with me. This morning I am getting ready for my first pre-op appointment and prepare for my second cataract surgery on June 3rd.
Now I am a very squeamish individual when it comes to my eyes, and as a young girl witnesses my Zayde after his cataract surgery I had been scared thinking that someday that would be me. However, Zayde had his surgery in the ’50s and the procedure has since changed. It really was easy peasy!
Since yesterday’s procedure was done on the main campus in a sterile OR – the prep was like any other surgery, strip down into a gown, an IV for the sedative, etc. Did I feel anything, no not even pressure and unlike having my eye pressure checked, Dr. Roth had my eye prep and open in place all I had to do was relax. I am sure the sedative worked, I did not sense that I was in twilight, in fact, I kept waiting to feel lightheaded, groggy, etc. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope seeing different colors and movements.
Although I was make-up-less, after the procedure my husband Rich took me out for lunch and the only discomfort, was a gritty eye, like sand or sleepers in my left eye and the eye is now slightly blurrier as it heals. I learned how to give myself eyedrops and I feel like a big girl now.
To my friends who have mentioned they too need to have cataract surgery, It is easier than going to the dentist for an exam and cleaning.
If you have this procedure under Medicare the procedure is covered, if your doctor recommends the Toric Lens, that is not covered by insurance but in my case, I chose to pay for it as it will improve my distance vision in my left eye with astigmatism. “Astigmatism is a type of refractive error in which the eye does not focus light evenly on the retina, due to a variation in the optical power of the eye for light coming from different directions. This results in distorted or blurred vision at any distance.” I have lived with this condition my whole life and I have worn glasses to accommodate however with the lens implant, I may only need readers to read clearly!
As a podcaster and blogger, I share many of my personal experiences. Communicating is the key to awareness, and awareness provides us the opportunity to gather the information we may need and make appropriate choices for ourselves. Initially, I said no to this Toric Lens since it meant I had to come up with $1100. However, my husband suggested that I not be cheap, and I should go for it, as he pointed out if I didn’t, I would have to get glasses for everyday use, and he knows how uncomfortable glasses are for me with my hearing aids. He also suggested it would be one less item I might be misplacing! I am very lucky to have a guy like Rich, looking out for me when my natural instinct is to think of others, especially when it comes to money.
I have taken a few days off from recording this week to allow myself some healing time and learning to get used to the changes in my sight I will be experiencing.
5/12/21 Today is not just another day – it’s special! If you are reading this then you know how grateful we all should be to be alive and well. Now some of us may have aches and pains, and others may have something even more severe than that, but we are here for another day and it is up to each of us as to how we will live those seconds, minutes, and hours. If my past is any indication, I did not always cherish the moment when I woke up each day. Too often I only saw the dread of school, work, or trying to please others while feeling alone and lonely. Those emotions were real and justifiable in my limited view on life. For years (way too many) I wanted to be someone else because that someone had a perfect life or at least I thought they did. I fell into the trap of AD agencies that convinced me I was too fat, my hair was too wavy, my complexion wasn’t perfect, and I JUST WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And because I felt this way I lived in such a manner that was defeating my chances to be happy with me.
It’s never too late to make the changes we want. Losing weight is not easy and does not happen overnight so I have had to learn to celebrate my body and each achievement I make, it’s not about dieting but a lifestyle and being present in who I am. I am not the number on the scale or the age of my birth, I am a beautiful intelligent woman who is finding happiness but writing (something I always loved but heard the voices saying I couldn’t do it!) I find beauty looking out my office/studio window and seeing the sunshine and the shadows on the condos across the way. And although my husband can sometimes appear to be annoying telling me over and over again that he loves me and I am beautiful – brings a lightness into my heart.
Sadly some of us are not present to see the beauty in life and well others view each moment as a special event. When we allow ourselves to observe our surroundings and feel the pleasure from within we become the sunshine for those we encounter. Today, I hope I can bring some
Happy Mother’s Day
Tomorrow, Sunday, May 9, 2021, is Mother’s Day. This special day is celebrated around the world as a day to honor mothers and motherly bonds within the family. International Mother’s Day is an important occasion that falls on the second Sunday of May every year. As such, it does not have a fixed date.
There are women around the world who may have chosen to be mothers and others who may not have consciously made the choice, who also are not moms. However, it is more about the female bonding that develops among females whether straight or part of the LGBTQ community.
I am a mother of two grown sons whom I cherish with all my heart and soul. I dreamt of becoming a mother as a young child playing house and all my dolls with taken care of as if they were my children. I learned about motherhood and mothering from my momma, my grandmother’s as well as aunts and older female cousins. I am blessed that I come from a family that nurtures the love and compassion that I now share with my extended family.
Tomorrow will be a bittersweet day for me. My mother-in-law Loretta was my best friend and mother to me. We spent many hours on the phone or in each other’s homes just talking about stuff. We hugged, we held hands, we kissed, and share a kinship. Since December of 2007, she has been an angel in heaven and I miss her tremendously.
My mother, D’Vasha, or Baube as most called her, allowed me to spend the last 2 ½ months of her life by her side. My momma has left a huge void in my heart as she was bigger than life and it wasn’t until her illness at the end of her life that I was able to truly understand my mother. She was opinionated and to disagree with her could light a fire under you that was combustible, however, she never meant to hurt anyone with her words. She had a heart of gold and as I learned she struggled a good portion of her life as the youngest of seven, raised by her oldest sister. Her mother did not neglect her but it was the tradition of the oldest daughter to help the mother (my Baube) help in raising the youngest of the clan.
These two women my mother-in-law Loretta, and my momma D’vasha, became friends through the years and they both taught me how to love more deeply. Tomorrow as I do every day I will think of them and send a prayer up to the heavens with love.
For me, mother’s day is also about the joy I have every day, knowing that my sons have grown up to be fine young men. I try my best not to be a nag and pester them with my needs while I allow them to live their lives and follow the journey that is in front of them. I am here to listen, to hug, and to soothe away any pains that may be in my power. However, I am just a mom, not their fairy godmother with a magic wand and happy dust to sprinkle on them.
As the song goes – “I Wish You Enough” https://jeffbrisbin.com/track/2532233/i-wish-you-enough
There are times when I sit down to write a blog I have to dig deep inside to find something meaningful to write about. I am not a trained writer. What I have learned in my younger school days is not being applied at all, it is what I encouraged myself to learn and develop while completing my undergrad and graduate degree approximately 10+ years ago. I have my dry spells of writing and retrospective periods and although I have been actively writing about “Bullyism” and the post-traumatic experiences, today I am taking a different path.
On Monday evening my husband invited me to attend the opening night game of the Akron Ducks, the minor league team of ‘my’ Cleveland Indians, We have never had a POOR EXPERIENCE there, and despite the forecast calling for rain and dropping temperatures, it was going to be a date, and we both love baseball.
The forecast did not disappoint us – although it was not a washout, it was not a positive experience that will encourage us to return. Since it was raining at game time (which was postponed by about 45 minutes) I was not shocked to see the long lines at the food stands. That in itself did not ruin the experience. However, as we walked through the stadium to observe which food stand was worth waiting for I noted many Park Employees, standing in their areas as mute soldiers. The only greeting we got was from the obnoxious TEAM-MOBILE stand where they were overselling their product, getting into your face as we walked by, twice, going and coming.
We saw that the indoor restaurant bar was open so we wandered in and took a seat waiting patiently for someone to wait on us. When a waitress stopped by and we requested a menu we were informed that they would not be serving food until June, and that was a little too long for us to wait! We did find what looked like an independent food stand where the short-order cook could make hotdogs, hamburgers, and some sorta rice, chicken, and pineapple in a pineapple bowl. Although it looked tempting it was too big and messy to even consider. So we ordered two cheeseburgers. After the nice cook started the burgers he had to run to a storage unit to get the cheese, by the time he returned the already thin patties were dried out and chared, can you say we had charcoal cheeseburgers for our dinner? The stadium was unprepared for the game, with no condiments for burgers and hotdogs. The staff member who rang up our order looked like she was cold and would have preferred to be anywhere but where she was.
Oh, I forgot to tell you my husband noted when purchasing the tickets that there was a t-shirt give away to the first 1000 – I am not sure how many people attended, however, we missed the t-shirt give away (and I think they blundered on this because I did not see one person wearing or carrying a new shirt…I think someone dropped the ball.
We did have great seats in Section 11 – Row A 1 & 2 on the end, We stayed through three innings watching the good guys tie the game, and I just looked it up they pulled off a win 5 to 4.
We have attended games here previously and always had an A+ positive experience. For an opening night, I thought I would see some fun and excitement of the staff – and if there was even one that appeared they wanted to be there last night, I missed interacting with them. The scoreboard operator could sync the correct score to all the signs and the latency in refresh was annoying and funny. This team was not ready last night, and I am not referring to the ones on the field I am referring to the “experience” staff that is hired to encourage fan fun!
Rich and I had a nice time together, with our phones only used to take a picture or to, and kept in our pockets for us to enjoy each other company. AND WE DID!
I am not in a hurry to return to CANAL Park – there is minimal parking as the lots around it are owned by Akron U and are filled. The construction of Market Street is still not complete. If you don’t know downtown Akron you could drive around for hours to find a legal spot to park in. (that is an exaggeration! But almost true!)
The Fan Experience on a scale of 0 to 10, was a generous 3. The Man Experience being there with my husband was a 10!
Good morning – I am tired!
5/4/21 To continue the bully saga – more thoughts kept me up all night. It was about 8 years ago at a Kick-Off for the Autism Speaks Walk, that a Director so rudely made an introduction for Alex to a young woman, starting the conversation with, “Alex, I want to introduce you to “A”, you and she have so much in common you are both Autistic!” Really, is that saying that only individuals on the spectrum can be friends or more? I cannot tell you how much this turned Alex off, and internally angered me. If this Director had introduced Alex to her by saying I want you to meet another person here to support the Walk, neither Alex nor I would have felt belittled. This young woman didn’t see or hear the message we heard, “Alex you can only date, marry, or befriend individuals on the spectrum. When I later confronted this Director she suggested just that, that maybe Alex should no being looking outside his circle.
Years before this when Alex was receiving services through the Cuyahoga County Board of Mental Health, a psychologist on staff inform us with Alex in attendance he would never accomplish his dream of working in sports or with the Cleveland Indians. That day she painted a picture that he would live in a halfway house and do manual labor, like sweeping floors for his life. She implied at that time his father and I could have our lives back. WTF?
Alex went on to high school as I discussed in yesterday’s post and worked hard to be positively noticed, earned good grades in his classes, and earned a scholarship to pursue music at the University of Akron. Well at Akron Alex was exposed to one of his roommates having sex in their room while he hid under his blankets, often missing class. I now realize the poor grades and struggles he experienced while living in the dorm were all related to his earlier days of being the target of a bully. If only then I knew what I know now. And despite all this, he suppressed his feelings and the associations with them making it more and more difficult to make friends and pursue a relationship with any one of the nice females he met along the way. The reality is Alex does have more female friends/sisters who have been there for him through his journey and others who haunt him believing the words of his bully.
Let me mention here because I owe him my love and respect, Anthony Ianni became Alex’s surrogate brother about ten years ago. Anthony is always there for Alex even when paranoia hits Alex between the eyes pushing even Anthony away. However, Anthony, just like Alex’s family brother Steve is like boom-a-rang, they keep bouncing back into Alex’s life and support him.
Today I am grateful for the many friends Alex has made through work. I will not give out names but he is very lucky to have a caring and supportive work environment. These individuals truly qualify as BFFs.
Alex’s emotions over the past couple of days have my demons revisiting and I am taking the time to breathe and working through them. Life is too short to give ourselves away to other people who do not deserve us. It is time to heal and erase the scars. I owe this to myself and to you (those that care.)
***Alex has given me permission to share these stories with you.
Although posted on Facebook – you too should know
Those of you who know me, know I am an open book, but this page did not get opened until yesterday, May 2, 2021. I am not sharing it to ask for your sympathy, but I am sharing it because I was trying so hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend, and neighbor that I either was blinded by the light or just ignorant!
In 1988 my husband decided after years of discussing we weren’t going to have a child together to reverse that decision and attempt to get pregnant. I can use the word attempt now because it was not an easy process for us. I had a son from my previous marriage and also a miscarriage, but there was no reason to believe I would have difficulty getting pregnant and since I did, we spent a good portion of our life savings at that time for infertility treatment because we chose to have a child. Before Alex’s birth on 8/17/90, we experienced a miscarriage, and 24 hours before my infertility treatment to produce Alex, I was molested by a “Nazi” doctor.
However, with the loving support of my husband and my trusted OB at the time, Dr. Marvin Whitman, my husband’s sperm was spun in a centrifuge and implanted in me resulting in the joy of our lives, a healthy baby boy we named Alex. Alex did face some early newborn health issues but they were resolved by the 6-month milestone he was on task and a very happy baby on a journey to being a toddler. Life was good despite topsy turvy as Rich faced a job loss and had to re-invent himself in the workplace and I had to go back to work while he was in this phase of our life together.
As we settled into new routines both of us re-inventing our careers Alex began daycare in our home city. Life was good, we had friends, Alex had friends. However, after a year of private kindergarten, Alex was diagnosed in 1st grade with Asperger’s which is on the Autism Spectrum. The diagnosis threw us offline for a while as we tried to learn as much as we could and prepare to get the correct treatment for him. But soon after that, we found ourselves alone…many of the friends we had separated from us, afraid of a diagnosis that was not contagious. One day Alex was loved by all and we had friends and then we had nothing…
The school psychiatrist convinced us early on that we should be open with Alex’s diagnosis and each year when Alex started school he would introduce himself to his classmates explaining he had Asperger’s that sometimes made him think and act differently, but he was still one of them and wanted them to be aware so they would not be afraid of him. He shared loud noises bother him and may cause him to cover his ears, hide under his desk, or possibly react in fear. Although his classmates initially were supportive his teachers and the administration treated him differently and all too often we (Rich and I) were called to the school for disturbances that Alex was associated with. Through the years the teasing and bullying got progressively worse and when we noted it and reported it we were told that they could not control everything and that Alex had to grow a thicker skin. Too often the bullies and teasers got away with their pranks at our expense, sending Alex home from school early or giving him a time out at home. As a working mother having my son sent home for a day or two for no fault of his own caused frustration and anger on my part, and yet I had to succumb to the wishes of the district, or move!
There was one young boy in particular who was Alex’s nemesis. This boy knew Alex from pre-school on, and he knew how to poke the bear and he did through high school. I knew of a few instances but yesterday Alex shared things to me that have me feeling like the worst parent! I remember telling Alex to stay away from this kid, but this kid was everywhere Alex was. Although I had overheard that he called my son queer, I like the good parent the school wanted me to be ignored it. Although I did hear other things he said to my son and saw the way he treated him at sporting events and other school functions, and yet the school tried to pass it off as kids will be kids. This same kid shared that he had a plan to kill my son. We (my husband and I were called into the school) and the information was shared but we were told not to worry about it, his parents had it under control. We argued that wasn’t good enough and the school administration told us we were too protective! My husband and I felt like we were on a sinking ship with no life preserver.
Going back to yesterday, my son Alex has been able to grow and living with his disability which offers him many abilities. Being on the spectrum he has learned how to control his anger, frustration, and fears unless poked and someone poked him this weekend and memories flooded his brain.
This same young man exposed himself to Alex during their journey year in high school. Alex felt threatened and was afraid to share this with me or his dad. At that time Alex was trying so hard to fit in, he was sports manager for the football team and basketball team as well as in Music in Motion and Men’s Choir. He didn’t want his peers to laugh at him, although many were because his bully made sure he called Alex names in front of them as well as spread lies. But yesterday the incident in the locker room flashed before his eyes, he heard the crude words this classmate said directly and indirectly to him and he started spiraling into a depression. He has suppressed the anguish he encountered from this young man as to preserve himself.
After all these years he is now willing to get into counseling. He says, “ME TOO” and I have to get closure. He does not want to live with the pain this young man laid on him even in the years they have not seen each other. Alex is ready to step forward.
I am stepping forward as well because this community put a SCARLET A on our family. One day Alex was undiagnosed and had friends and we had friends, and within weeks of his diagnosis, those same people barely nodded at us. My husband knowing little to nothing about soccer became a soccer coach so Alex could get on a rec team but the parents separated themselves from us and hearing families making plans to go out after practice or the games had us on the outside looking in. For Alex to have any semblance of school life, Rich and I had to be around whether it was as a chaperone or photographing events or standing in the shadows. Now I look back and realize how unfair that was for Alex and how self-conscious he felt most of the time.
In addition to this, Alex was unable to attend the class trip to Washington DC, even though I had planned to chaperone. The day before they were to leave this same bully caused a ruckus – poking the bear and the school decided that he should not attend the trip, yet the perpetrator was allowed to attend.
Why am I sharing this all with you now? Because I do not want anyone else to have to suffer this. I do not want anyone else to suppress situations that will cause them the PTSD Alex is experiencing. I knew there was something else underlying his depression and I think there is more that will come out in therapy.
My son is not gay, however, if he were I would still be writing this as no one should make another person ashamed of who they are. No one has the right to create hate and meanness towards another human. No one has the right to take another one’s life or announce they have a plan to do so. No one should have to live in fear because someone doesn’t like them. If you don’t like someone, walk away, meanness is evil – we must stop the evil.
I have so much more to say but for now – I want you to know I am hurting that I didn’t see this before now and my son has been hurting, he did nothing to deserve the pain he has suppressed.
***Alex has given me permission to share these stories with you.
4/22/21 You are not the only one struggling to make ends meet! We all have been attacked in the last year as COVID has changed how we are living our lives and skewing what we thought was normal before 2020. However, before 2020, we were all running in a hamster’s cage and most of us were getting nowhere fast. We used the past year to moan and groan about all we were losing instead of regrouping to maintain what we had and to sow what we could cultivate.
When 2021 came about 3 ½ months ago many of you were expecting an overnight change which would include a strong workforce with an abundance of jobs (and good pay) and the ability to grow rather than maintain your lot in life. However, miracles only appear when we work hard to create them.
2014 I began my podcasting career fulltime, on a shoestring. I was determined to follow my passion and pave the way for you, and you, and you too, to join me in this new revolution of opening the airwaves to thoughts, theories, and guidance for success. As I have said numerous times we are the only ones that can rate our rate of success. For example, a podcast by a celebrity may naturally have more hits, and in the eyes of the public a million hits compared to 100s of hits may look minuscule. However, hits do not always equate to listening, liking, and learning and that is what newclevelandradio.net strives for.
Where am I am going with this? I am reaching out to the overwhelmed crowd, my friends, clients, and family members and I am asking for your support. I want to help myself by helping you. Podcasting with newclevelandradio.net is reasonable and far less than most podcasting/internet businesses. We provide a holistic approach and bring the listeners what they want to hear while maintaining a positive voice. Your commitment to podcasting is minimal, we request a nominal fee and we broadcast your podcast on various platforms including Apple, iHeart, Youtube, Spotify, Google, and more… We offer time slots, weekly, bi-weekly and monthly. Each of our podcasters supports the various shows we produce and often co-collaborate on a podcast increasing their listenership.
Now is the time to let the sunshine on you, your business, your passion and share it with the world. Don’t be a victim of COVID…you cannot wait for the phone to ring being idle, get yourself out there with newclevelandradio.net
Today is another new day and although the Spring weather we have been enjoying has taken a turn and reintroducing us to winter with snow and cold temps. Since we are already one month into Spring, I know this brief reminder will not last long, the snow will melt, the sun will shine and a new day will dawn. However, today is one of those new days, with snow and frigid temps as well, I am feeling blessed to be alive.
I have not been blogging for a few weeks and I will not provide you with any excuses except I just didn’t feel like writing. In fact for the last month plus I allowed myself to move through life in a fog, accomplishing the minimum that I required of myself. However, when I awoke this morning I knew something was changing and I feel happy about what lies ahead.
The Pandemic has truly hit all of us hard. Individuals who I might have thought were doing fine, mentally, physically, and financially, I am now observing they too have struggled as much if not more than me. We all have friends, family, and acquaintances that lived life fully but the virus attacked their careers which many identified with and today their careers are either still in a holding pattern, or they are facing a new reality of starting over. Starting over has been a pattern in my life and although it’s tough I have been able to reach my success when I step out of the fog.
Success cannot always be measured in dollars, trophies, or certifications. Success for me is making adjustments and seeing the positive and not letting the negative seep deeply into my life. Negativity for me can spiral and I can find myself sitting in a pool of depression. Since I am not a good swimmer I tend to dog padel across the pool finding my path to relieve the depression. However, depression is part of who I am, and it is not something that can be just pushed aside and ignored. If I ignore those mental emotions I would not be able to succeed. And only I can define my success!
It is not for me to tell you how to live your life nor is it up to you to pull me down your path, but together we can guide each other and provide support. It is no longer about awareness it is about acceptance and integrating our strengths to bring out our inner sunshine.
“Today is the first day of the rest of our lives…” None of us know our expiration date and that is why we must live our lives fully, experience, and feel from inside. Candace Pollock, https://APPLE_TheIntentionalityGurus_Candace Pollock, The Intentionality Gurus podcast has guided me for almost three years. When you listen to the podcasts I think you will see and hear that it is up to us to make the changes in our lives and not depend on others to change. We cannot change anyone but we can guide each other to the fork in the road and allow them to stop (as I did for over a month) or go to the right or left, or forge yet in a different direction. Today I am stepping out of my comfort zone and I am forging forward despite the snow and frigid temperatures, I do not have a golden parachute or the ability to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but I can keep living and evolving into the Karen I want to be.
“Karen is a pejorative term for a woman seeming to be entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal. The term also refers to memes depicting white women who use their privilege to demand their way.”
My name is Karen, I am not a pejorative term!
4/20/21 Silent for too long…
I am appalled that anyone can believe today’s Jury Verdict was WRONG. There is a percentage of our police force that are not trained properly or retrained often enough to ensure that their anger and frustration that they face in their jobs does not end up with them killing someone in the name of restraining them. It must be very difficult to be a law enforcement officer in a world filled with crime, but if you sign up to do the job you must do it appropriately and within the guided restrictions.
Even if Floyd was passing off a counterfeit should the punishment for that crime be death?
We need to bring in the human element and we must start helping each other. I don’t want to preach the GOLDEN RULE but when we start putting ourselves in the shoes of others maybe we can provide the support and guidance to help our fellow man/woman. The nine-year-old little girl who witnessed this heinous crime was brave enough to step forward and help bring justice and compassion into our world. We must hold on to this moment and take the steps to make the changes needed in our society.
The United States is a melting pot and we should be proud of the fact that we are a mixture of many breeds, coming from lands most of us will never see in our lifetime. It is our ancestors that found their way to America where we could live with intimidation and persecution. If we don’t agree that Black Lives matter, how can we expect, white, brown, or any other hue will matter. There has always been hate in this world but until we learn and change that narrative we will not succeed and survive, we will continue destroying ourselves to prove WHAT?
Please take a moment and ask yourself what today’s verdict means to your safety. Because if you don’t begin to face life with the fear that our black brothers and sisters do, you may find yourself face down in the street with a police officer’s knee on your neck. We can help eliminate the fear if we let the Black Community guide us… It is time to come together and accept the differences that should not separate us but bring us together in harmony.
4/5/21 Automation has destroyed customer service and taken jobs away from individuals. Today I had to contact my CABLE Company because the TV signal in our bedroom loses channels and this has been happening about every six months since it was initially installed almost 13 years ago. I am not sure what is worse the customer service having an automation system that frustrates you as none of the options apply or the fact that once you get a customer service rep they have no idea what you are talking about since they don’t seem to keep accurate records. As usual, they want to walk you through unplugging and resetting your cable box, like I haven’t done this before calling?
Sadly the customer service employees are trained to only ask and answer bullet point questions with bullet point answers. What happened to trained employees, providing them with a skill bank of information, and allowing them to assist customers in need? Why is everything NON-TRANSPARENT when we are living in a world where TRANSPARENCY is a must? We have dummied down our society trying to make this SIMPLE and yet a little knowledge and understanding would be beneficial for all of us.
Isn’t time to bring back kindness, understanding, communication, and human decency. STOP ASSUMING – I AM NOT an ASS!
4/3/21 – tomorrow is 4/4/21
Although I don’t celebrate Easter, since my husband grew up in a semi-Christian home, I try to make a special dinner often using recipes his mother made or buying prepared foods she would have included. However, other than a meal it’s another Day, Sunday in our lives and since we don’t have to work we will try to do something out of the ordinary, and hopefully that includes going out into one of the parks and photograph life, including each other.
I want to take this time to wish you all a Happy Sunday, Easter, End of Passover or at least a happy 4/4/21, the countdown is over but we can all move forward. Moving forward is important for us all to live a life that will not regret. It means getting up and facing a new day with positivity. We all are capable of choosing how we confront the obstacles we encounter and those obstacles may lead us down a path that we may not have chosen if we didn’t take the time to look, listen and feel our environment.
Each day I wake up and just like you, I make choices that take me from one step to another, and if I slip and trip I get back up, sometimes with assistance. I am not too proud to take the hand of another, help does not identify me as being weak, it gives me strength and I am encouraged to assist others through my journey.
Tomorrow and every day should be a day of celebration, look for the beauty that surrounds you and make you the beautiful person you are.
4/1/21 _ NO JOKE
Good morning one and all… Step two for Pelvic Floor Prolapse was achieved yesterday during a very minor surgical procedure. My journey for recovery started with changing my diet as well as changing the medication I was on for bladder incontinence. I know we often hush-hush these conversations and that is why so many people suffer from symptoms that can be reduced and or eliminated. However, since I have given voice to this medical issue I have learned I am not alone and that many (millions) women suffer from this condition and the reality is WE do NOT HAVE TO SUFFER.
The procedure I had yesterday was a series of botox injections directly into the Pelvic Floor. Since my pain tolerance for this procedure was labeled 100 on a scale of 0 -10, it was performed under a heavy anesthetic therefore in the OR. Yesterday was a complete day of waste/sleep for me and today I will take it slow and easy as I am experiencing some cramping and mild pain. No need for major pain opioids a little Tylenol is keeping me comfortable.
Next week I will begin Pelvic Floor PT and we have recorded a few shows on this subject –
I encourage everyone if you think something is wrong, pain, discomfort, or even a feeling of Malaise, “Malaise is described as any of the following: a feeling of overall weakness. a feeling of discomfort. a feeling like you have an illness”, seek answers. Don’t let family, friends, or the medical community pass it off that it’s just in your head. Pain is real and not always easy to identify. I have been on a journey for almost 20 years trying to understand a reoccurring pain in the lower right quadrant of my stomach. Appendicitis ruled out as it comes and goes. Exercise ruled out because often movement kept it at bay. Scar tissue from previous surgeries was considered and after numerous ultrasounds, CAT Scans, and MRI’s no answers.
I was diagnosed with kidney stones and even after having those stones blasted the pain would return, so additional kidney stones, as well as gall stones, were eliminated from the cause. However, after the treatment of my kidney stones, I was referred to a specialist in Pelvic Prolapse as my urologist had a suspicion that this was the painful culprit.
Some additional symptoms in addition to incontinence included painful intercourse as well as pelvic exams – The first doctor was excellent in his diagnosis and treatment however, I was not 100% comfortable with him as I had difficulty understanding him due to his very heavy accent. I would not have sought out a new physician but I felt as if I was missing the connection I needed to get through this procedure. I was referred to Dr. M (a female) who I connected with immediately. I am very aware of what can and cannot be done, and I am feeling hopeful.
The botox injections she performed yesterday will take a week to ten days to begin working. (Botox injections in the vagina can be effective in treating women with pelvic muscle spasms, also known as pelvic floor dysfunction. Patients with pelvic muscle spasms can exhibit many different symptoms since the pelvic floor comes into contact with the bladder, the vagina, the rectum, the coccyx, and the pubic bone.) Also, I will start PT next week and keep an open mind that this journey is successful.
I may have turned 71 this year but that does mean I must continue to give into pain that interrupts my life… I’M POSSIBLE!
3/29/21 Today I was tested for COVID, the anticipation caused me a lot of anxiety and it was poor and simple. Did it feel weird, YES! Did it hurt, tingled not hurt! Was it quick – YES and in both nostrils. So if you are wondering why a vaccinated individual needed to have a COVID test it’s because I am having a minor surgical procedure on Wednesday and I must test negative to have this treatment done. I will also need to be tested when I have my cataract surgeries but the fear and anticipation for pain and or discomfort will not proceed that.
So for those of you wondering what the procedure is – I am open to sharing this as I have talked and written (blogged) about Pelvic Prolapse. Some women get this condition and have no real symptoms and blame any form of incontinence on aging, and although our bodies change with each birthday, not everyone has to experience discomfort or symptoms that prohibit them from living life fully. If I had known back when the year 2000 hit, I may have recognized that the reoccurring pain I was having was not appendicitis and yet it was real. I am not blaming any of my doctors for not taking me seriously when I informed them of a sharp reoccurring pain on my right side that often circled its way around to my back, but one of them should have known why I was having this medical issue.
Approximately two years ago when being treated for kidney stones, a male urologist suggested I may be suffering from Pelvic Prolapse and he referred me to a specialist. I went to this doctor and as good as he was I had a difficult time communicating with him and after months of Physical Therapy and numerous follow-up trips to his office, I chose to try to ignore my medical problem, until this fall when my symptoms got worse and I found myself working in pain more often than not.
In February I was referred to another specialist and having a female doctor who understands my situation and communicates with me in a manner in which I understand and trust I am starting my treatment on Wednesday. Now I know some of you have received Botox injections for migraines, and some for cosmetic purposes. Those that have received them for headaches also received the benefit of forehead lines diminishing. While even if I have wrinkles in my pelvic area I will never see their elimination but I hope I will receive some comfort and as I move back in PT I will be able to get my body to readjust its self…if not there are other treatments that I am aware of and my doctor is as well.
If this makes no sense to you, please listen to the podcast I recorded :
A Girl’s Conversation https://www.spreaker.com/user/10697139/lessons-learned-with-karen-kiki-womens-h
Today is my husband’s birthday, we are almost (exactly) 3 weeks to the minute apart in age- I am older! Rich is not on Facebook, he rarely uses Twitter or any social media site. He is online a lot for work and checking out actors and actresses from days gone by. So he may or may not know I am spreading joy for his birthday on this beautiful spring day in Cleveland, Ohio.
Growing up my mother told me I should marry a rich man, and although my Rich is not wealthy in the financial sense of the term, he an abundance of love for me that I bank in my heart. We may not be the perfect ‘beautiful couple’ that the media spotlights, but we are living the true sense of married life with many Ups and dOWNS! What I believe is the answer to our 37 years together is that we understand each other and when we don’t we accept that not everything in this universe can be explained.
I may have shared this in the past but my mother did not approve of Rich when she first met him. The circumstances of their meeting were not planned however, my father had a heart attack and Rich drove me to Detroit to be at his side and comfort my mom. Little did I know my father was happy to meet this ‘gentle’ man who appeared to care for his daughter, while my mom only saw him as a non-Jew (and in her Jewish tradition did the spitting sounds of ‘poo, poo’ to ward off the evil eye).
My father recovered from his heart attack and with the assistance of my sister-in-law at the time my mother came around giving Rich a chance and she soon fell in love with him, even before he was in love with me.
If you know my husband you will understand that he appears to have two different personalities. If he is comfortable in his surroundings he can be an extrovert almost to the extreme and when he feels less he is a silent extrovert. His mother always said Rich marched to the beat of a different drummer, and it wasn’t until he was in his fifties was he diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum. For those of you wondering, Autism does not have a look and each individual has their areas of excellence as well as deficiencies. (Doesn’t that sound like each one of us?)
This past year has been as challenging for us as it has been for you as well. We began the Pandemic last year with me recovering from knee surgery and Rich being the candidate for all out-of-the-house chores. It was the first time in our marriage that I took a backseat and Rich took the reigns. Growing up in the 50s and 60s we both harbored old stereotypes of who should do what and who shouldn’t. For us 2020 changed that and we are now down a new path but still together. Shopping is not a woman’s chore and vacuuming can also be done by the male species. Funny, it took a Pandemic, and being forced to be together 24/7 didn’t break us but created a clearer picture for us. This is not to say that life is all rainbows and lollipops, but we continue to reach for them adding sunshine and smiles to difficult challenges.
Today maybe Rich’s Birth, day, but each day is a celebration of life choosing to remain in love and experience life together while keeping memories alive.
I understand writer’s block even if some may infer I am not a writer, I just play at being one with my blogs, and long-winded posts on social media. However, my daily postings have dwindled since the first of the year and yet I still hear the wheels turning in my head, thoughts, more thoughts, and many, many more…
Over the last couple of weeks, I started evolving again. Well, it’s not like we stop evolving because change is the only constant in life. From the moment of conception, even before we become a person when the egg follicle is fertilized by the sperm a process of change begins. (fusion of sperm and egg pronuclei and activation of the zygote.) THIS IS NOT A BLOG ON CONCEPTION – HOWEVER IT IS ONE WAY AT LOOKING AT HOW WE ARE CONSTANTLY PROGRESSING
Progressing does not necessarily imply maturing or developing importance. My definition is we are taking steps into the future and we have choices to make every time we put one foot in front of the other. When we don’t think before we step (speak) we may find our foot in our mouth causing us to trip and fall. The choice we must make upon impact is either dust ourselves off and stand up looking forward and selecting ‘our’ path or curl up in a ball and shut off our thoughts remaining dormant.
I refuse to STOP, “having normal physical functions suspended or slowed down for a while; or being in a deep sleep.” Life moves too fast, or it seems to fly by, however, when we are moving in a positive direction even the negativity we face can be less oppressive.
Newclevelandradio.net is also evolving once again and you will hear/see some new changes. We are opening up some of our podcasts to you the listener. When we post the shows we will have a link that you can click on to participate in the recording. Some of these podcasts reflect subjects that you may be connected to: The Mean Girl Syndrome, Anxiety, Relationships (sex), and Long Term Planning.
As I take newclevelandradio.net to a higher level it also takes me down a different path one I chose when I got to the fork in the road. Every fork has tines that can lead to new experiences, opportunities, and challenges. As Spring approaches in just a few days I encourage you to seek the happiness that is your life!
2/24/25 All I Wrote
2/22/21 A Mistake = Learn A Lesson
2/12/21 TGIF- WHY?
2/9/21 The Voices are real
2/8/21 We Couldn’t Wait
2/5/21 FEEL THE PAIN
2/3/21 (thank you Darcy Luoma)
A recent headline caught my attention in Google news alerts: “Study finds doughnuts the most likely food to put you in a bad mood.” It wasn’t so much about the food item as it was the power of that doughnut…
Put you in a bad mood?
I got thinking about all the things that can “put” me in a bad mood: being late, someone else being late, a messy kitchen, finding dog poop behind the couch, I could go on.
The power of mood
Our mood can set the tone for the day. And it can also have an impact on our behavior. Have you ever walked into a room in a bit of a huff and then blamed it on being in a bad mood because of traffic, weather, your boss, your dog, etc. etc,? You’re not alone.
There’s even a new study out that shows teenagers can catch moods from their friends. As a mother of teenagers, I didn’t need a study to tell me that, but it’s comforting to read the science.
There’s no question our mood can have an impact on us and others around us. But can we have an impact on our mood?
What do you control? What are your choices?
At the core of being Thoughtfully Fit, is focusing on your choices and what you control. Let’s look at our core from the perspective of mood.
Can you control your mood?
Simply put, no. You can’t control your mood, when you’re in it. If you’re in a bad mood, you can’t change in that moment the way you can change your sweater. If you’re in a bad mood, that’s simply where you are. Pretending you’re not doesn’t work. (There’s lots of research on this, like this: Experts Say Trying to Force Yourself to Be Happy Doesn’t Work.)
What are your choices?
Think that because you’re in a bad mood you have to have a bad day? Or that gives you permission to take your bad mood out on everyone else?
You may not be able to control your mood when you’re in it, but you have plenty of choices on how you respond to it. This is where your power is! If you’re in a bad mood, you can still choose how you want to deal with it.
You can address what it is that “put” you in a bad mood (have that conversation with a coworker). You can acknowledge the negative self-talk running through your head, like “I’m not enough”. And if you know you’d feel better if you put down your phone or went for a walk, well then you can choose to do that.
You can also choose if you want to be vulnerable and let people know what’s going on. It’s not uncommon on my team for someone to say at the beginning of a meeting, “I’m having a rough day, so if I seem off my game don’t hesitate to ask some clarifying questions.” Sharing this upfront doesn’t mean they’re off the hook for crappy behavior, but the act of sharing where you are in that moment is like releasing the air on a pressure cooker. Everyone can take a breath and be a bit more understanding.
One-Minute Thoughtfully Fit Workout
So here’s a one-minute workout that you might be able to do in 30-seconds!
Pause. Check in with yourself.
Think. How would you describe your mood? What choices do you have right now? How do you want to show up in this moment, in this mood?
Act. Whatever you decide, do that!
Becoming aware of your moods
The more you think about your mood, the more you can recognize what put you in that mood. Take some time to notice your moods and see what you discover about yourself. If you choose, you can look for patterns for things that “put” you in a good mood.
Who knows, it might just be a doughnut!
24 Hour Rule
BE BOLD “The Bold Ones”
RIP Mr & Mrs Fred Rogers
This needs no words 1/12/21
Make it Your Day
LIKE YOURSELF it’s FRIDAY
TIME FOR COMPASSION AND AWARENESS
POP – Pelvic Prolapse
It is Monday morning, often called the first day of the week, although Sunday is technically the first day of our seven-day week. Have you ever pondered the question of why we have seven days in a week and not five, or nine, or yet an even number like EIGHT? Well, I have, and I found this tidbit, “The Babylonians, who lived in modern-day Iraq, were astute observers and interpreters of the heavens, and it is largely thanks to them that our weeks are seven days long. The reason they adopted the number seven was that they observed seven celestial bodies — the sun, the moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.”
I also have my answer to why Sunday is the first day of the week, “The first day of the week (for most), Sunday has been set aside as the “day of the sun” since ancient Egyptian times in honor of the sun-god, beginning with Ra. The Egyptians passed their idea of a 7-day week onto the Romans, who also started their week with the Sun’s day, dies soli.”
However, many of us start our first day on Monday; whether religious or not, Sunday is our day of rest. Even for those who may work on this day, we observe it as different from Monday through Friday, even suggesting that Saturday be our self-day. It may be ironic that Saturday and Sunday, the last and first days of the week, have been identified as ‘S’elf Days (whether observing the Sabbath or personal needs.) The Sabbath’s purpose is identified as a day of rest, reflection and to commemorate that after G-D created the earth, he rested on the 7th Day! So, we, too, observe our idea of rest!
The historical records show that there once was a time that the sabbath, whether observed on Saturday or Sunday, was a day when people like you and I stopped working for 24 hours. In fact, I grew up during an era of the Blue Sunday Laws, when businesses were prohibited from being open on Sundays. The few that were open were family spots like restaurants, movie theaters, and bowling alleys, that encouraged us to socialize. We walked away from our offices and the pressures that we may experience in our jobs/careers. We chose to rest in various forms of activities.
Over the last 70 years of my life, laws have changed, and our obsession for being busy and involved in something, many things, anything seems to drive us to work, and our economy has made work more than a necessity. The day of rest is often just another day, and it could be a Sunday, a Monday, A Tuesday, or any one of the seven! For some, rest only comes at the end of each day when we lay our heads down on our pillow and go to sleep. As I have shared, falling asleep is easy for me, staying asleep is difficult, and rising early in the morning has become a routine that I would like to change. For most of my life working outside the home, I had to get up early, and my days ended late, and I dreamt of the day when the alarm clock would not be a necessity. However, it isn’t necessary since my internal alarm wakes me. I like the idea that today I can start my day doing what I love best, writing.
My writing is my legacy for anyone who cares to read it. I am just one of the 7.7 Billion people on this planet, and yet my stories are often interlaced with yours, and yours mine. We all have a common thread that weaves us together. Sometimes it is obvious; other times, if we take a moment and observe, we will see it. We can find IT if we choose. Finding IT begins with being Intune with ourselves. The term today is “Being Present.” To be present means you are aware of yourself and your surroundings. Not only are you mentally connected but physically as well. Your body expresses the energy in the form of sensations, and those sensations trigger thoughts. When we are present, we can focus on the positive and dissolve the negative energy. The negative forces only destroy us and those we touch.
I chose positive energy and to be present for myself and you. Together we guide ourselves to achieve the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow filled with goodness!
SLEEP or NO SLEEP