Daily Comments 2022
24 December 2022
Sometimes It’s OK 2 B OK!
It could be worse… But it’s not
Just two weeks before Christmas/Chanukkah Alex moved to Texas – our nest became empty and the thought of not having Alex home for the holiday made me CRY.
We began to develop a plan to bring home and big brother Steve had points that we could use…
So, Alex arrived on Wed/Thurs shortly after the midnight hour and on that ride home, just minutes before turning into our neighborhood one of Santa’s Reindeer ran into the side of our car and caused a big boom.
Upon inspection we knew the car was bruised and it surely wasn’t by Rudolph with the big red nose…
Tired and weary from a long day of work and travel we all said good-night and went to sleep.
Thursday morning came too soon as Rich and I get up to make it to his therapy…The day was planned with care with tickets to Hamilton and family time.
The impending winter storm was shaking us up a bit and Friday morning did not disappoint as Rich, and I once again took our morning drive to therapy amongst snow and high winds!
The weather and weariness were our excuse to stay home and not travel out to work…
By midday a hacking Alex was heard through out the house and the assumption was made it was his allergies only to identify fever and chills to be more viral than expected and to top it off our furnace stopped working!
Oh my, it got cold and colder and as we bundle up to get warm our attempts were futile. However, when Rich called Mark our furnace guy – the fix was simple, change the filter, turn off the furnace, restart the furnace and voila’ you will have HEAT and we did, and we do…
Stopped at Starbucks to treat myself to a Peppermint Mocha I decided to offer to pay the bill for the care behind me and in paying the Starbuck’s Girl forgot to hand me my drink and I went drink less, while doing a nice thing for a stranger. Maybe Starbucks in Strongsville will read this, and I will get my next coffee free (or not.)
Even though life is not perfect, and no Hallmark Movie is being directed and produced here; we are having a nice time being together – and taking care of my son is something I can do while he is here and filling ‘ill’. I am pushing fluids and viral meds to fight the cough and congestion and relieve the aches and pains from fever…
We are blessed to be home where it is warm, and the furnace issue has been dealt with and we are not out a Zillion Dollars for service and repair.
As I write this blog, I have the Browns Game playing on the TV where thousands are braving the cold where at kick off it was 6 degrees and that does not take into effect the wind gusts. I’m not sure why anyone is willing to subject themselves to this brutal weather – the Downtown Ambassadors are guiding the homeless to shelters and warming stations and yet Browns Fans are in the stands freezing at will.
Tonight, we will light the 7th Candle for Chanukkah and prepare for Santa to take his ride around the globe. I once again am feeling blessed despite some of the difficult paths we have and are traveling this year that we will be OK – OK is an attitude and we hope you will be OK too!
1 December 2022
Alex returns and leaves…
Alex will be the star of his life story
Alex returned from Dallas only to pack and prepared to move on Monday, December 5th. His trip to find housing, meet the team he will be working with and get his first glimpse of Dallas – driving on their crazy freeway system was a success, even though he experienced one of his migraines Monday during the day and hoped getting back to the hotel would relieve it but as it got worse, he felt so very alone as one can imagine. He had no medication with him, and he had to get to a drug store asap, but he could not pick his head off the pillow. At one point when he called me, I walked him through various options, and one was to drag himself out to get medication. I stayed on the phone with him as he made it out to his rental car and drove less than 8 minutes down the road. He got the necessities to help through the pain cycle and with an hour he could feel relief. It can be terrifying to feel that ill, alone, strange city and no one to assist you, but he managed, and I managed as well. I am a migraine sufferer and I know how difficult it is to think clearly and make the right choices. I have been in his situation while working locally and at out-of-town sites. It can be terrifying – one time I had to call 911 and I was taken to the ER where I was treated for 12 hours and released – without transportation in a ‘strange’ city.
However, after flight interruptions last night Alex arrived baggage(less) as he was diverted on another airline and is suitcase did make it home with him. (That too he handled well, and his luggage should arrive this evening. Rich and I are exhausted as our day yesterday began at 4:30 am to get Rich to therapy and both of us had work to do during the day – normally we are in bed and asleep by 9 but last night it was 1 am and up at 4:30 am…Rich has been napping since we got home from today’s therapy, but I am attempting to function. (How am I doing?)
The success of Alex’s trip he secured a 1-bedroom apartment in Fort Worth, and he is excited about it, location, and all he will be working between Arlington and Fort Worth. He met his manager face to face, and they got along well and some of the staff including a friend of a friend of his who is also new to the team. Alex foresees making friends easily and creating a niche in his new environment. Today the real work begins trying to back and include what he needs to move – He will begin packing his car – this time, unlike last Spring, Alex sees this move and the opportunity in Dallas an advancement in his career. Although Cleveland will also be his birth home, I do not see him moving back here – and that’s OK – he will come visit and we will visit him. The empty nest syndrome will begin, and I will adjust with some tears…
Over the past year I have learned something I want to share with all of you and that is follow your dream. 5 plus years ago and even before then, Alex began forging his dream to work in sports and be part of what is known as the Guardians. He first got his feet wet with the Akron Ducks as well as through his sports pod casting. The last 5 years at the Guardians who developed many new skills in his Business Management field, sadly the steps for advancement were not in place at the Guardians. For months Alex actively searched for opportunities and interviewed with various sports teams, many that were ready to hire him, but the pay structure was not where it needed to be for him to pick up and move – even his short stay in Binghamton ended up costing more than he earned, and he was determined to learn from that and not allow that to happen again.
It is bittersweet to see him move but I left home and moved out of state myself. My move was due to marriage and the needs of my husband at the time, but my parents knew I would not be returning – except for visits. Today I recognize that is true with Alex (as it is with my oldest Steve), and that’s OK they need to choose their path as I have mine.
I hope and pray Alex will find the pathway to his dream and observe the steps he takes with joy!
27 November 2022
We have arrived home!
We planned for our Thanksgiving trip for almost a year. Last year (Covid behind most of us,) we drove up to Saratoga Springs to spend the holiday with my brother Joel, his wife TL, her parents, Nicki and Joe, and Joel’s daughter Rachael, her husband Oliver and her kids, Zuzu and Grif. It was warm and inviting to be with family and Alex made a promise we would do it this year.
As many of you know this year has been Crazy for us as it began with some health issues for me that I needed to follow up on and seek treatment. In the middle of this as Alex completed 5 years with the Guardians, he chose to look outside the organization to further his career. We knew almost immediately as he began his search he was moving out- not just of our home, but outside of Cleveland and Ohio.
Speed up to April as he accepted a job, worked it for almost 3 months while realizing it was not the right job/career move/ or leaving home move, so in July he returned skillfully job searching, interviewing, and choosing his next step which includes moving to Dallas (one week from today!)
Spending the holiday again in Saratoga Springs with family was enjoyable despite my insides tossing and turning knowing that life here at home was about to change. YES, we are excited for the new life Alex will be developing in Dallas working for The Dallas Wings (WNBA) and the Panther Lacrosse Team – gaining additional in the Sports Arena. If you know Alex if it’s a SPORT, he has an interest.
I’ve said this many times in the past that some day Alex would move out and although I had hoped it would be just across town, well, instead of driving to see him I will be gaining airline points.
Thanksgiving this year gave me an opportunity to feel my Appreciation/Gratitude/Thanks that Rich and I despite some health issues we were healthy enough to drive 8 plus hours to and from Saratoga Springs. While with family our time was fairly laid back. We went to our favorite breakfast place, Uncommon Grounds, and we were able to bring back the best bagels East of the Atlantic Ocean. I was able to spend the afternoon on Friday with my niece Rachael, she has always had a very special place in my heart, and even more so now…We talked and shared like two girlfriends, and I truly needed it, I hope she did too.
I didn’t have as much time as I would have liked with my sister-in-law TL -Thanksgiving she was busy helping entertain her parents and their friends the Mastroianni’s, who I also can call friends.
It is always difficult for me to leave Saratoga Springs, as we drive away, I am leaving a good part of my heart there with family and friends I have made over the years. In fact, yesterday was the first time Rich said, you know we could afford to live in Ballston SPA if we moved here… My heart feels a little lighter that we may consider a move (not yet though!)
Walking into the house upon our return I left the luggage and what not in the car – I wanted to put all this into a letter/blog to share how this holiday has provide me with feelings deep down in my gut and stirring reactions in my heart and brain.
- I love my husband and appreciate him for being an integral part of my family/his family.
- I am thankful for my brother who creates the Thanksgiving Feast from turkey to apple and pumpkin pies.
- I am beholden to my sister-in-law who works retail at the Alpine Sports Shop and assisted me in choosing a WARM – turquois winter jacket – I was not going to try it on, but I did and VOILA’.
- I love my niece and her generosity for opening her heart and letting us stay at the Bird’s Nest – her B&B which is more than beautiful, it is comfortable, and it was like being in my home with all the amenities.
- To Zuzu and Grif despite being 14 & 18 join in the adult conversations and share with us – I may only see them once a year, but I feel as if I know them well and I value our relationship.
- I am grateful to have Nicki and Joe (my sister in laws parents) as extended family. No one will ever take the place of my parents or in-love-laws, but sometimes we need someone else to fill in for the missing pieces.
- Although I knew Jim Mastroianni – I had the pleasure of meeting his wife and teenage daughter. Following Jim on Facebook I will now understand some of the stories he shares about these two remarkable women in his life.
I have been working on promoting Kindness/Friendship/Appreciation and sharing those valuable attributes with those I touch along the way.
Kindness Plaques Available through newclevelandradio.net & JFTSOI.com
If you can find the error in this one let me know…
4 October 2022
6 years ago, today per the Hebrew Calendar my mother took her last breath with my brother Joel and I by her bedside. Her downhill decline began on August 2nd of that year when she experienced a stroke (unknown to her) which left her blind. At 96 ½ years old in real years or 24 ½ in Leap Years, there was no rehabilitation that would provide her with a quality of life. On her 95th birthday (before Trump was elected), she stated she wanted to live to be 100 hundred years old because she would receive a letter from the President. However, in the last few weeks of her life when she was still cognitive, she stated she wanted nothing to do with that, “chaleria” – that Crazy Yellow Haired Man.
When mom was sent home from the hospital my brother Joel and I agreed to remain in Detroit to oversee her care and to enjoy what little time we still had left with her. On her good days we would laugh and on her bad days we would begin the mourning process…
My mother, known as D’vasha, Dorothy, Dotty, Baube, Mom, and Momma Moss passed away on the afternoon of Yom Kippur Eve. Therefore, every year on the holiest of all the Jewish Holidays I will light the memorial candle and pray for her and those of us she left behind.
My momma is not alone she is with the love of her life, my pops who left us 12 years prior to my mom.
Just recently I realized how lucky I was to have had my mother in my life for 66 ½ years – my mother was motherless for 57 years as my Baube died from a stroke in March of 1959. And yet as we all may acknowledge that death is part of the cycle of life, we are never prepared to lose someone who means the world to you despite the nagging and bickering you may have caused each other. When a parent dies a part of you goes with them … at least it did for me.
6 years ago, today was a day mixed with sadness and relief. My mother was only my momma in the flesh, she was having difficulty breathing, swallowing, and communicating. As her Hospice designated person, I watched over her and made her comfortable with medication, and each dose took her another step away. Although I know I was doing what was best for her, I initially felt responsible for her death on that day.
A special thank you to Rabbi Joseph Krakoff I learned it was a MITZVAH for God to call my mother to join her loved ones in HEAVEN.
(“One of the themes of Rosh Hashanah suggests that very righteous people would die at the very end of the year because they were needed until the very end,” said Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president of the Union for Reform Judaism.Sep 19, 2020)
Today as I prepare for YOM KIPPUR (my new tradition is online services) I will listen to the KOL NIDRE prayer this evening. Traditionally when the Cantor sings this prayer it is done so in a wailing tone – in some synagogues (more typical of the ORHTODOX) the melody and delivery of Kol Nidre brings the congregants to tears.
(What is the purpose of Kol Nidre? Kol Nidre, (Aramaic: “All Vows”), a prayer sung in Jewish synagogues at the beginning of the service on the eve of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). The name, derived from the opening words, also designates the melody to which the prayer is traditionally chanted.
Tomorrow evening, Wednesday, October 5th when sunsets and the North Star can be seen in the sky, The book of life will be sealed. Culturally we believe if we have led a good life and we continue to extol kindness our names will appear in this Heavenly Book. So, for you and yours I wish You a YOM TOV, a good holiday. If you fast, may it be an easy one for you. May the New Year 5783 bring you Health, Happiness, and KINDNESS.
23 September 2022
In Retrospect
This morning when I woke up I experienced a new mindset – my mindset – I heard that inner voice tell me that, “Yes I Can!” I can choose my path and travel for miles without asking permission. This is my life, my choice. (My choices must be within the legal ramifications.) While choosing my path I will open my eyes, my heart and my thoughts to the possibilities in front of me. Not only will I be more content personally you too will feel less anxious (anxiety feeds anxiety) while in my presence.
The new path I seek to travel has less guilt and fewer internal judgements. The voices that will still linger in my ears will be heard but I am motivated to say “No” instead of the constant fear that “No” will mean you will not love or like me. If my choices alter our relationship to the negative side – it will be your choice not mine, and you too are entitled to seek a new path that provides authenticity.
The word of 2022 has been “Authentic,” “Authenticity,” the meaning of life is being ‘real’, ‘genuine’, ‘true’. For me it is imperative that I continue to grow and recognize that I AM OK! I am unique just like a snowflake. Snowflakes may look exactly the same and yet their shape and consistency is unique, just like you and me.
Have you noticed when a baby is born everyone wants to identify who they look like? Is it mom? dad? grandma or grandpa? or maybe the MILKMAN? And when we see twins or triplets or quads or more, do we only see one face and personality? The answer may be yes at first glance but the honest answer is “NO” even identical birth siblings have their own unique traits.
Here I am half-way through my 72nd year in Life. For all I know I have only one life to live. I have chosen to stop wanting to look like you, or be like you, because YOU belong to YOU and I belong to ME!
As we evolve as humans we have the ability to think, observe, learn, question, and, create new pathways that will enhance our days going forward.
What is your choice?
14 September 2022
Thank you Jonathan McLernon
Well, how is treating yourself like trash working for you?
I bet it’s not.
If people start by being kinder to themselves, there’s a good chance they just might start being kinder to others.
It’s funny because so many people associate kindness with weakness, when in fact, its a sign of strength and security.
9 September 2022
Take a Deep Breath This is Long…
Good Morning- I realize when many of you read this whether in an email on Facebook or on the website, it may not be morning at all as well as it may be weeks, month or even years later- however I still wish you a Good Morning – as well as “I Wish You Enough” words and song by my favorite artist, Jeff Brisbin – https://jeffbrisbin.hearnow.com/blame-it-on-love
As some of you may know a little over ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a “A cholesteatoma is an abnormal collection of skin cells deep inside your ear. They are rare but, if left untreated, they can damage the delicate structures inside your ear that are essential for hearing and balance. A cholesteatoma can also lead to: an ear infection – causing discharge from the ear.” If not treated it can continue to grow into or beyond the mastoid bone that leads to the brain.
Mine was diagnosed on a routine ENT exam – since the birth of my youngest son in 1991 I began developing ear infections which led to a series of tubes in my ears. When this procedure is performed on babies, toddler, and younger patients typically it is a one and done surgery – however as a 40-year-old in the 90s it was not. So at this particular visit I was sent for a CAT Scan and an MRI to determine the ongoing issue; I was diagnosed with a ‘cholesteatoma’ that needed immediate treatment. I was supposedly sent to the best of the best in this field at Cleveland Clinic, only to find out shortly after the procedure did he not removed the complete ‘cholesteatoma’, the procedure damaged my hearing as well – Additionally he “ACCIDENTALLY” damaged my right ear and within weeks of recovery from surgery I was being fitted for hearing aids.
Within 2 years of this surgery, I had reoccurring issues and I sought out a second and third opinion and I met the doctor/surgeon who became my hero. Dr. H (I will call him) took great care in examining me and reviewing all my previous medical notes as well as creating some new ones. What he found was the fact that there was still debris in the canal – the canal was constructed from the inside of the ear rather than through an incision on the outside that could have corrected this 100% and I may/ or may not have had hearing loss in the left ear. He prepared a surgical plan for me where this procedure could be done once and last LONGER. He did inform me that based on current techniques the reconstruction may begin to weaken or collapse within 7 – 10 years. My schedule of maintenance was to have regular appointments with ENT to have my ears cleaned professionally – most often in the comfort of the doctor’s office.
Prior to Dr H’s (forced retirement) by the clinic all was fine-since that time I have seen a succession of various Nurse Practitioners who have cleaned my ear canal but not to the extent needed. It was in early summer I was referred to an Ear Surgeon at UH Hospital who while examining and cleaning out the canal noted the suspicion of a new ‘cholesteatoma’, he referred me for a CAT SCAN. The CAT SCAN was inconclusive but what he saw was questionable therefore referring me to a Neurosurgeon (now I was scared shitless!) The Neurosurgeon examined the CAT SCAN examined me and sent me on for an MRI. The MRI showed evidence beyond the area that can easily be reached in an office visit, it was still questionable if this was only debris, a new ‘cholesteatoma’ or a benign tumor, none the less surgery was required.
I had my procedure yesterday (9/8/22) I felt confident after talking this over with my ENT surgeon that this needed to be done. Waiting it out or attempting to watch it and have my ears cleaned more often was not an option. If for any reason this debris is breakdown the canal or if it susceptible to becoming cancerous, I wanted to take immediate action. The procedure was simple for me – I was sedated, I had a complete team of anesthetics, nurses, and surgeon who took diligent care of me for this procedure. I felt nothing and knew nothing. The last I remember was being asked to slide over on to the OR table- being introduced to some of the team and nothing until I woke up in recovery with a ‘new’ nurser and my husband. Within 15 minutes or so I was getting ready to go home. The worse part of the procedure was the migraine I got while waiting because I was not scheduled until 1 pm and due to a previous surgery taking longer they did not take me back to the OR until 4pm and I noted on the white board Procedure to Begin 4:16pm.
I stumbled out of the surgery center with my husband at my side around 5:30pm and we had a celebratory dinner at a Bob Evans – despite the fact I looked a bit disheveled and at a hearing disadvantage since I cannot wear a hearing aid in that ear for another week or two. I hit the volume up on my right aid and I think I can get by while I am in recovery. The only other restriction I have is I cannot go back to work today – but tomorrow I will be at my weekend job as if nothing has happened. I may be saying, “huh?” a little more often but I think my crew will be very understanding!
If you follow me on our podcasts at newclevelandradio.net, or on Facebook, or one of my other social media outlets, you will know I am an open book. I have chosen to share my journey with others because I have needed the support of others to understand why I may say or do things in what may appear to be my unique way. I have learned that we tend to judge others when we are not transparent and expect others to read our minds. While I am not clairvoyant, and I do not expect you are either. If you choose not to know – I suspect, you have not read this far and if you care to know and understand you may have learned something new either about me or ear disease.
This year, 2022 started out as a healthy year and both my husband I hit some road bumps, but we have chosen to be proactive and enjoy life in our way. We have never been excessive in our needs (yes, we have dreams and wishes) but we don’t let those drive our life. For us a vacation is going to visit family and stop along the way to see a site off the freeway. An overnight for us may be part of a work road trip – but it is the change of atmosphere is what we thrive on. However, when life throws us a curve ball, we look at the pitch and we adjust our stance (a baseball metaphor).
At the end of October, we are adjusting for that curve ball – this is message to all men – be proactive and start your Prostate Testing early (exam and PSA). Rich has been proactive and that is how he and his doctor caught his Prostate Cancer early. In fact some doctors at this point would not have done a biopsy to confirm his slightly high number on the PSA was cancer, but he did and now Rich will begin a 9 week course of 5 day a week radiation treatments that will take about 15 minutes out of his day and still allow him to work and stay on his work routine as well finding time for fun. We are grateful for the treatment recommended by the staff we have met at the Oncology Center. To make this procedure more doable as he needs to be at the center at 6:30 M-R I will be driving him to and from his appointment so he can catch a few extra z’s before he starts his workday. I am rearranging my schedule so if needed I can get some extra z’s before I begin my workday. This is not a step back it is a mini journey for 9 weeks
Please continue to follow us on newclevelandradio.net where you can find links to all of our podcasts including the two newest starting in September entitled ‘YOU CAN” real conversations about being bullied and what WE can do about it! Also “Grief BeLief” led by three grief coaches who will not only share their journeys, but they will be hosting guests to be part of our recording sessions. It’s time we talk about the things that are real and find comfort in the opportunities to face these challenges.
Keep this thought in mind!
25 August 2022
Look What is NEW!
“YOU CAN” a podcast to take us on the journey of being bullied and how WE CAN “YOU CAN” stop the epidemic that is attacking our society. https://newclevelandradio.net/you-can/
September also brings us another new monthly series https://newclevelandradio.net/grief-belief/
8 August 2022 We Have been busy
Even when we are not posting we are actively engaged in podcasting and engaging with our listeners and followers. newclevelandradio.net continues to grow and fill in the gaps that we may not have considered in the past. Just like the ever evolving business of life we are evolving as the earth continues to rotate around the sun. It is my desire that newclevelandradio.net will continue to provide you thee possibilities of a positive journey ahead. Do not expect life to be smooth sailing but learn from the high tide and rough waters you may experience. If you are interested in pursuing COACHING please connect with me [email protected] and I will advocate for you as I lead you to the many wonderful coaches that have guested on AVOID the MAZE – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/avoid-the-maze/id1563297724
8 June 2022 Happy Birthday 2 U
J Harmon Moss – our father – not a perfect man – but a man who put his best foot forward every day…
Our father was a bus driver
Our father was a milkman
Our father was a brick cleaner
Our father was a traffic manager (no he did not stand out in the middle of the road directing traffic!)
Our father was an urban farmer raising rabbits
Our father was a calligrapher
Our father was a poet
Our father was a handyman
Our father was a furniture builder
Our father was a delivery man (numerous jobs throughout his life)
Our father was a Scout Master
Our father was a Youth Director
Our father was a victim of the Spanish Flu
Our father almost died as a victim of that Pandemic
Our father did not allow his wounded heart to STOP living
Our father was left with a scared heart
Our father was one of the first to have multiple by-pass heart surgery in the 70s
Our father used his heart to recover and share his love
Our father started each day with the greeting, “Good Morning Handsome”
Our father taught us to look at the glass half full and to sip and savor it
Our father loved his bride Dorothy Freedman Moss, D’vasha for 64 years here on earth
Our father shared in combining of families embracing those related by blood as well as others
Our father shared his words (Words by Harmon©) published and unpublished
Our father who resides in heaven is one of the brightest shining stars in my universe
Our father who left this earth in 2004 shines his light down on us (if only in our thoughts & dreams.)
Today our father would be celebrating his birthday here on earth if he had not been called to eternity
Today our father would be enjoying a coconut crème pie or maybe a lemon meringue
Today our father would not ask for much as he appreciated love and kindness so a call from his chickens as he referred to Gary, Joel, and I would provide him with joy and love – his best gift ever.
Today our father would be kvelling over his grandchildren Sue, Marty, Stacy, Rachael, Steve, and Alex…
Today our father would be marveling our his great -grands, Wylie, Hayley, Marshall, Zuzu, and Grif
Today our father would be so proud to include, TL, Adrienne, and Rich as well as Joe, Dan, and Oliver
We all hold special memories of our father /dad/pops/ or as some called him ZAYDE or Uncle Harmon…
Whatever those memories may be please take a moment and wish our father a Happy 105 for eternity…
(and my pops once said to me: “leave the writing to your brothers and me!” NOT TODAY POPS
31 May 2022 The Coaching Advocate
Newclevelandradio.net was established by Alex Hale in May 2017, after 6 plus years of podcasting with other local groups a decision was made to create our own group. The name was and still is significant to this business organization because “WE R NOT JUST CLEVELAND” we shared messages through podcasting, blogging, and various social media sites to reach the listeners that want to hear ‘real conversations.’ Since May of 2017, we have continued to grow and evolve. Although Alex is the sole owner, I have been designated to be the producer, host/co-host, and marketing director.
If you have been listening to my show, Avoid the Maze you may have noted that my guests more often than not, are individuals that have changed their life path, often from a high-paying corporate position to establishing themselves as Coaches. It is important to understand the difference between a coach and a therapist.
“ therapists tend to focus more on the past or present while coaches tend to focus more on the present and the future.” A therapist must be licensed whereas anyone can be a coach. However, not all coaches are created equal, and identifying the right coach for yourself or your employees can take time and energy you may not have. The coaches who go through recognized coaching/mentoring programs are provided with a skill set that makes this practice very important for many of us. The programs educate the coach as to how to assist clients to identify their challenges, then work in partnership with them to obtain their goals.
I have been advocating for coaches and as of tomorrow June 1, one of the new hats I will be wearing will be, COACH ADVOCATE. You may be asking what is a COACH ADVOCATE, so let me identify my new role. As I continue to podcast, blog, and network I will be connecting with Coaches all over the world. I am creating a database as to who they are what they offer and if they a have specialty niche. If will have a complete database of referrals for you or someone you may know. There is no cost to you for me connecting you with a coach. However, any financial agreements will be between me here at newclevelandradio.net and the Coach.
Coaching has changed me for the better. I had to take a deep look into my body, heart, and soul and ask the hard questions. Over the last 4+ years, I have been vulnerable on “The Intentionality Gurus” with Candace Pollock.https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6 I have exposed my strengths and weaknesses on “Avoid the Maze” https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfgglvxEjZXu-qhyXPYzGo0Exw
My exposure helped me see the value in changes to overcome obstacles and challenges. If I can help one listener at a time I will validate my success as helping someone else to find the path they would like to travel.
If you have any questions do not hesitate to reach out and ask….
8 May 2022 Mother’s Day
I have said this many times, we can dream and plan for our future, but dreams do not always play out in the way we expect. As we walk forward land mines are hiding beneath the surface. When we step on one (we inevitably will) it can feel as if the “GODS” are against us, and we are the only ones affected by the explosion. Life is not a Hallmark© movie.
When I was a young girl growing up in the 44221-zip code my dream was getting married to my ‘Prince Charming’. I envisioned myself living close to my family where Fridays would include dinner at my parent’s home and Sunday morning brunch would be at mine. Holidays would include my immediate family plus aunts, uncles and cousins that were actively in my younger years. 1971 changed those dreams into reality when I got married and my husband’s dreams infiltrated mine.
In 1971 Mother’s Day took me on a new journey where my dreams were altered by choices and challenges I met over the years.
Mother’s Day 2022 will be one I will not forget.
Today, Alex will venture out on the road (reality) and begin his independent life. Not only has he dreamt about his pathway, Rich and I never gave up on his love for the game, believing this day would come (despite those who claimed that one day he would live in a halfway house pushing a broom!) However, today is Mother’s Day and it is bittersweet to see him drive off, while at the same time it is heartwarming that his path changes today. This Mother’s Day will be as memorable as the first one I celebrated in 1976 as a first-time mom.
Alex may be soaring to reach the next step in his life however I know he will remain in our lives as we will in his. As a parent leaving the nest was part of my dream for him, just as his dad and I did when the time was right for us as well. Will our home feel empty without him here? Hell YES! Just as this is Alex’s opportunity to gain experience his dad and I will as well. Now do not scoff at that comment, we are never too young or too old to live our lives fully.
Life has been a roller-coaster for the last 31+ years. I will cherish those memories as Alex and I create new ones along with all the people we meet along the way, as we go venture down new roads!
Yesterday, May 7th will be engraved in my heart for eternity. I believe if in the future, even hundreds of years from now, if someone were to visit my grave site, they would see a swelling heart for my two sons. My oldest, Steve, sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. I know he loves me and that the flowers are the icing on the cake. Just the phone calls we share is living proof that despite our pathways diverting in opposite directions we continue to meet along the way. We are distanced by miles – that does not mean we are distant!
1 May 2022 – Check out the Blog on Happiness
https://wernotjustcleveland.blogspot.com/
29 April 2022 – Have you checked out these podcasts yet????
- Yakkin with Ken, To thine own self be true 4/28/22 https://youtu.be/OxDC8OwAR9M
- How to Super Age with Elise Marie Collins and her guest Maria Berry -DASH- 4/26/22 https://youtu.be/JxcpwpQTMzo
- Take Two with Betsy Broadman and guest John Hall 4_27_22 https://youtu.be/twt3_BVB5Kg
- Avoid the Maze with guest Adelaide Campbell Kachaca Spirits 4/27/22 podmatch# https://youtu.be/Vu9PrgspnTU
- Avoid the Maze with Kelley Shields_Work Shouldn’t be a 4-Letter Word_4_26_22_podmatch# https://youtu.be/rpqBiP_zQhw
- Avoid the Maze with guest Peter George_Communication_4_26_22 podmatch# https://youtu.be/hpNf86jYUVA
- Avoid the Maze with guest Carol Wexler Kalnow _ A Grief Journey 4_22_22 https://youtu.be/5-c-FknfVE8
27 April 2022
As April winds down and we approach May I am excited to share the following:
Take Two with Betsy Broadman is on schedule to record bi-weekly and you will be excited to share in her podcasts as she connects with the famous, the not so famous, having dynamic conversations with them on newclevelandradio.net
He’s back starting 4/28/22 Yakkin with Ken all of Ken’s podcasts are entertaining and colorful go to Kayaks.guru
And on May 4th Steve Valdez returns with https://newclevelandradio.net/listening-links/theories-steve-valdez/
Check out Theory 47
26 April 2022
As a parent, you are either the best in the eyes of your child/children or the worst, there never seems to be an in-between. As we all know there is no absolute parenting guidebook, the best we can do is look around us and observe how others travel through life, some with baggage and others with just the clothes on their backs.
Having two sons I must admit I guide them differently as my oldest is the gift of my first marriage, obviously a product of divorce, and my youngest has experienced what some call a traditional family setting. However, even what may be classified as traditional took on flavors of its own over the last 31 years.
My husband and I have been blessed that despite some awkward years with Steve and Alex we all have a fairly good relationship combining the traditional and not-so-traditional lifestyles.
Over the last couple of months, our family has been living under a lot of stress and anxiety. Alex has been looking to grow his career and despite his love for the Guardians / once the Indians, he knew he had to scour other teams and even other sports venues. It has been exciting to watch Alex immerse himself in this project despite his desire to want to keep growing with his home team. As prepared as we all thought we were for this day to come – well, we’re not, but we will take the next steps and follow our path.
Yesterday as we accompanied Alex to Binghamton, NY, we were less apprehensive and even more excited about what lays ahead for him. Not only did we meet the GM, JB, we also met some of the staff and they were so welcoming. We know Alex will thrive in this environment in addition to learning new aspects of the business. I have shared before Alex’s love for the game of Baseball is the key to his excellence. When we began a drive to Binghamton we had no idea we would all leave there with the biggest burden taken off our shoulders. Alex has secured living accommodations and in less than 24 hours began developing relationships that will make moving away from family and friends less lonely.
So, two weeks from yesterday on Monday, May 9th Alex will begin the next phase of his career as the Director of Marketing & Sales. It’s a 5 ½ drive so we do not expect too many trips back and forth but I can promise between trips to and fro – zoom and facetime will be used, frequently!
22 April 2022
Is there anyone out there reading this blog who can honestly say that their life is stagnant? I go to sleep each night and wake up in the morning prepared to follow the appointments and tasks that I have committed to on my calendar. I also allow myself to fill in some of the blank time slots for additional items that arise during my day.
If you have been following me on Facebook or on newclevelandradio.net you may have noticed that I have been doing a lot of scheduling and rescheduling for my self-care as well as caring for family matters. Sometimes the conflicts I have on my calendar may be affecting you and I apologize for that, especially if it impacts you negatively.
As of last night, I had to make some choices. Taking that fork in the road I will be traveling with my husband and son to look at housing in Binghamton, NY. Since Alex is due to start work on May 9th, the next couple of weeks will be a juggling act for me. It is not just about the new job, but many other day-to-day chores will be new for him that he has asked for my assistance. We plan on supporting him through this phase and helping prepare him in any way we can (although not financially). Rich and I both were guided by our parents when we took our steps outside the home.
I shared with a few of you that I am overwhelmed. Just when I think I have made the proper list of To-Dos, I realize I forgot a few things.
On Sunday (after I get off work) we will be taking an overnight trip up to Binghamton, Alex has a couple of locations to look at and while looking at housing we will not the stores he will need to shop at like the grocery, pharmacy, and or Target. I look forward to watching Alex take on the challenge of his new position, Director of Merchandising and Sales. Who knows what the next step in life will offer!
TODAY – April 20, 2022
I’ve been hinting that I have an announcement and for those of you who know my son Alex you may have heard but I am here to tell you – When I said IMPOSSIBLE = I’M POSSIBLE and I wrote numerous blogs on my Alex’s accomplishments there were many negative responses because of the ignorance out society has when it comes to Autism. For the first 6 years of Alex’s life, we were unaware Alex was on the spectrum he was a happy child with lots of friends and his first DayCare Babysitter (Connie Morehouse) swore up and down he was going to be the class president. His smile was so contagious and his eagerness to learn and be part of ‘the group’ attracted others to him. However, once he was diagnosed and the parents of his friends’ learn he was on the spectrum many of those friendships and playdates disappeared.
Not only did Alex lose friends so did his dad and I. It was like we had the plague…
Well, we (his dad and I) never get up on Alex. Even when our finances were tight we arranged to provide the therapy, medications, and all the support that was available at the time. We encouraged him as he got bullied year after year by his classmates (and some that called themselves, friends!) Not only did Alex struggle but so did we, but we would do it over again because Alex has proven HE is POSSIBLE.
From a very early age, Alex developed a passion for music and sports, Baseball to be specific. We encourage him to follow the paths that made him happy and where he excelled.
At the age of 12 or 13 with Alex in the room, a Psychologist (Lorena Gould) inform my husband and me that Alex would barely graduate from high school and he would not attend college and we would place him in a halfway house. His dream of baseball would never happen nor would his passion for music develop.
Today, Wednesday, April 20, 2022, is a very special day and it has been preceded by some remarkable milestones. Alex’s love for baseball took him to a job with Akron Aeros/Rubber Ducks…After two years he applied at the Indians/Guardians and began as a seasonal worker in the Team Shop and earned advancements to his current title of AMIT – Assistant Manager In Training. Alex is at his best at the ballfield and since working for both teams he has expanded his knowledge by learning from whoever was available to teach him.
For the last couple of months, Alex was on the radar of several teams, yesterday he was in Chicago interviewing with the CUBS, and as much as he would have loved to sit around and wait for an offer, Alex accept a full-time Management position with the Mets AA team and he will be moving to Binghamton, NY.
Now for the disbelievers – I hope you have learned not to be so judgemental. Autism is a wide spectrum condition and many on the spectrum can achieve to meet their desires, but we must give them a chance. Alex proved himself at the Rubber Ducks and the Guardians…now he will prove himself with The Rumble Ponies. There are many at the Guardians that I believe will be sad to see Alex walk out the door- but someday he may return or move on to even bigger and better opportunities.
His dad and I will miss him. Our nest will be empty but it is time for him to fly…
If anyone knows Lorna Gould I hope they will tell her how wrong she was and that Alex and his family did not let her educated diagnosis did not affect them. Alex lead us out of the box and we stepped forward proving her wrong.
A special shout to those who have believed in Alex – Dr. Max Wiznitzer (UH Rainbow and Babies) told Alex on each visit he could do whatever he wanted to do in life. He warned us to stop listening to the naysayers.
To my brothers, Joel and Gary who saw the best in Alex, and at a young age, Gary and Alex would play SCRABBLE together. Gary is a SCRABBLE MAVEN and yet he saw the ability his nephew had/ and still has to this day. Joel has been Alex’s music producer from the first song he recorded for a Saratoga Children’s Christmas. Since the Autumn of 2003 Alex and his Uncle Joel and worked on numerous projects and one that Alex is planning to release in early 2023.
A huge thank you to Jeff Brisbin who has been collaborating with Alex on his music and to the many wonderful musicians at Caffe’ Lena who have provided their support.
When it comes to baseball Mark Shapiro offered his support when Alex was a public speaker providing workshops on Autism. His public speaking took Alex in a new direction where he began podcasting, and he was honored to be the last one to interview Mark as he left Cleveland and went on to Toronto. Through podcasting, Curtis Danburg came into Alex’s life as did John Adams and so many other nurturing individuals.
It will not be the same going to a Guardians Game and not seeing my son working at a place he loves with people who have become remarkable friends, and that includes Michael and Megan! However, I will continue to ROOT – ROOT – ROOT for the home team, because someday Alex may return….
20 March 2022
Emotions
I am feeling a little strange right now. My life is changing as the people around me are also going through shifts in their lives. Since we are interwoven it is not unusual that the ripple effect could make raise some emotions that I was not expecting to affect me as they are. As I write this I am sitting home alone in the studio office – after working my part-time weekend job today I came home to help my husband prepare for a two-day assignment with a departure this evening. Now when I first moved up to this area to live with Rich in 1982 it was pretty much routine for Rich to travel Monday through Friday. Back in those early days, my oldest son lived with us and my inlaws were down the road, rarely did I feel alone. For the last 20 + years neither one of us has done much overnight traveling for work…
However, this is a little different.
As you may or may not know our youngest son still lives at home and even though he is very independent coming and going as he chooses, cooking for himself, and leads the life of a young professional, just knowing that he may be around if I need him is comforting. However this week he is following one of his dreams in upstate New York pursuing his music and working with some very talented musicians. In the meantime when he returns home he is still pursuing changes in his professional career – he is ready to fly the nest and move out and his dad and I are looking forward to having our home to ourselves. (ISN’T that what all parents dream of?)
The difference between 2022 and the 1980s is that my sons are all grown up and are leading their lives as separately from us as they should be. I moved away from my family to pursue my life…
However, it still feels strange, especially tonight as I sit here alone and I wonder how the path in front of me is changing once again and where will I go from here. Back in the early days of my relationship with my husband I was an insecure wife, mother, daughter woman. I met Rich (my husband now of 38+ years) within 2 years of my first marriage and divorce. I blamed my ex-husband for all my insecurities and yet I now know it was a combination of my cultural upbringing and poor communication skills (and yet I am a Communications Major) that allowed me to feel vulnerable.
Today I am not worried that my husband is traveling for business to get away from me or wondering if he will pick someone up – although he never did, my mind would wander in that direction from the moment he planned out his trip arrangements. I was not good at hiding my insecurities and he would tease me which increase my lack of self-confidence. For too many years I allowed myself to go down a road that wasn’t being used and upset myself more than he ever could have.
However, I tend to be a worrywart, keeping myself busy until he safely gets to his destination and returns. When you love someone sometimes you try to control what is not your realm of possibility, and although I may know I have no control I still try to hold on to the reigns to keep him safe.
I remember as a young adult when we would drive to visit my parents in Michigan a 3+ hour day my mom always asked us to call as soon as we got home. This was before mobile phones and long-distance charges that many of us avoid by calling collect from one to another and the charges decline – that was the signal we were home safe and sound. Today with cell phones we can chat throughout the travel – in fact, I was just talking to Rich and getting an update as to where he is and his ETA.
Life is forever-changing even when we might think our life is boring as we repeat the same routines day after day. Yet if we are honest with ourselves there are subtle changes and if we are going to find our peace and happiness we must acknowledge the changes specifically in our thinking and interactions.
I am grateful for the experiences I have had in the past and for learning from them. I know I don’t want to be that insecure girl who felt abandoned when her husband had to travel for work… I am permitting myself to feel the emotions and connect with them. My feelings mustn’t change what others may need to accomplish and putting a positive spin on these events can keep me from going down a path that may not be healthy for me or the ones I love.
What I have learned walking through the Maze of Life is to take the experiences and turn them into lessons that allow me to find my gratitude for the person I am evolving into.
Today is a day of learning…
20 March 2022
Yeah it’s Spring
15 March 22
The IDES of MARCH
When you notice symptoms that may be altering your health both physically and mentally it is time to seek medical advice. If you are dismissed when you reach out keep at it, do not let your medical provider write you off.
For the last year + I have had lingering symptoms of fatigue as well as breathlessness doing the simplest movement like putting on my shoes. Although I was following a good eating program and exercising daily I gained weight – yes some was muscle but the majority was not – and no one could understand. (I was logging every morsel and movement into a program designed to help me obtain a healthy weight loss and instead, something was triggering my body and I was gaining.
I WAS DISMISSED BY ONE DOCTOR WHO TOLD ME I LOOKED GOOD AND I SHOULD JUST MAINTAIN THE EXTRA POUNDS. HE ALSO ADDED YOU KNOW YOU ARE OVER 70! – MY RESPONSE WAS DON’T GIVE ME ANY BULLSHIT!
My cardiologist chose to listen and he set me on a path of diagnostic testing which resulted in having a heart & lung cath to determine if I had excess fluid in my heart or lungs that had not been identified in previous scans, Xrays, etc. If not for my symptoms I was told my cardiologist would not have added a water pill to my regiment to reduce High Blood Pressure in the heart & lungs. With this additional medication plus a reminder for me to drink 32 -90 ounces of WATER a day (which I already do), it is possible (not probable) that this will end those symptoms. I will be seeing a specialist next month who is identified as a Cardiologist specifically working with pulmonary issues and has designed a wellness program for patients much like myself.
On a side note, it has been determined when my symptoms peaked last month (February) the COVID virus was brewing in my system, and although initially, I tested negative the four days I could not get out of bed I mostly like had the virus and five days when I felt better I tested positive. (I am glad that I believe in the science and that I have been vaccinated as well as boosted. If I had to be one of the statistics and get the virus I am thankful that it was mild enough to remain home and that it was not life-threatening.
As a woman, this is not the first time my medical history/symptoms have been dismissed. When I was a sophomore in college I began experiencing migraines that were so devastating that I often found myself in the campus clinic or a hospital ER. I remember one doctor on call at the University of Michigan Hospital told me to grin and bear it! Intravenously he administered a heavy-duty narcotic _ Percoset and wrote me a prescription for the meds and sent me on my way. The initial intravenous made me so looping I didn’t care that my head was hurting and the medication made me loopier (if that is a word) and caused me GI issues. I was so ill at the end of my sophomore year I accepted my credits and earned an Associates’s Degree, but stopped my education due to Migraines!
My chronic pain began 53 years ago this Spring and since that time I have sought our treatment for Migraines that were identified to be symptoms of other medical issues such as:
- Hyper-thyroid – Graves Disease (surgery 1974)
- Endometriosis – (several surgeries finalized with a partial hysterectomy in 1998)
- Anemia – treatment led to extreme GI issues from medication for Migraines and the Migraines now identified as Chronic were being treated more aggressively.
- Heart murmur – was diagnosed as a pre-teen however as an adult my medical team got more aggressive and yet until recently (with my current cardiologist) was never treated properly. I am grateful to my UH team for listening to me and helping me find answers and treatment.
- Lichen Planus has been an ongoing battle for me as well and despite the medication making me sick and causing weight gain, when I found someone who understand and would listen to me, he has been able to treat this immune deficiency. It has not been a fun treatment but I will say now that we have it under control – it has been worth it!
When they say doctors are practicing medicine it is very true. Medical school teaches them the fundamentals and focuses on certain diseases and treatments but we all know that science like technology is forever evolving. At one time only narcotics were considered the treatment for migraines but today we have abortive medications as well as preventative and reduction of symptoms therapies. But what may work for me may not for you and the opposite is true as well. Additionally depending on where you may live your community may not have a specialist in the field of your illness and often this leads to a lack of knowledge where your medical team is guessing at what may work and what won’t.
When it comes to our health, we must all be more proactive and knowledgeable. We should not allow the medical community to decide what is best for us based on age or gender. We must advocate for ourselves we cannot sit idly by allowing someone(s) to allow our quality of life to diminish.
I share these thoughts with you as 11 days ago I celebrated my 72nd and I intend to celebrate many more. I will not let a number define me. My purpose in life is to help others see the positivity that we can share while making our communities a better place. It all begins with a smile!
10 March 22
Last week my brother Joel shared four new musical productions he is part of. Joel has been in the music industry since the late 1970s (GOD- that is like a lifetime ago!) In the early days of his career, I had to go to the movies to hear the music and sounds he created as a Sound Engineer, today I can find oodles of his work online https://managramusic.com/site/
Please check out the Saratoga Producer’s Group on Bandcamp and their newest EP Sleight of Heart. When you listen to the music please note the musicians have come together to create and collaborate using their specific talents.
Steve Candlen posted on FaceBook “Over the course of the past few years I had a lot of fun helping my pal Joel Moss realize some of his many wonderful lyrical ideas, musically.
Myself, along with Jim Mastrianni, and Dave Maswick, AKA the Saratoga Producers Group would gather Monday evenings and record.
Many others lent their talents, so graciously, as well. Brian Melick, Jonathan Greene and Joel Brown to name a few.”
I am so proud to share their talents with you and I hope to have them all on one of my podcasts at newclevelandradio.net VERY SOON!
28 February 2022
(Phot0: Zayde Freedman, Baube Freedman, Cousin Wally Tonkin, Cousin Donald Tonkin, Dorothy (Momma), Gary Moss)
102 years ago plus 1 day, Dorothy Freeman, my momma was born. She was the seventh and youngest child of Louis & Ida (Olshansky) Freedman. At the turn of the century, Louis (my Zayde) immigrated to the United States from Russia leaving his wife, Ida, my Baube behind with their first child (daughter) Jean. Zayde was sponsored by a cousin who had settled in Boston, however, after several weeks, he found his way to Detroit where he settled amongst other Landsmen and extended family. Once settled he return to his village in Russia to bring Ida and Jean to America where he was surprised to learn he had left behind his wife in a pregnant state and now there was another daughter named Anne.
Settled in the Detroit area my mother’s father practiced his trade and was a tailor. They added two more children to their family, although the first son was stillborn, and the second son was scolded from a hot water kettle when he was a toddler. (I am not sure if my mother was ever told the whole story but that is what I know.) My baube and zayde went on to add two more sons, Yudi and Dave before my mother’s Leap Year appearance on February 29, 1920.
Since there was about an 18-year gap between my mom and her oldest sister Jean, Jean helped raise my momma as did her sister Anne. As adults, these three sisters were very close and often dubbed the Dolly Sisters. Holidays and other family occasions would find the three of them in a kitchen working side by side preparing, cooking, and kibitzing.
My momma shared some stories with me while she was in her last weeks of life. She told me her sister Jean was very demanding of her and pushed her to be at her best at all times. Jean knew that she would soon be getting married and starting her own family and she felt compelled to not let her baby sister be a burden on their parents.
I also learned that momma spent many hours in her father’s tailor shop and that is where she learned to sew and develop her talents for crafts. She craved to go to college after graduating Northern High School in Detroit, but her parents were paying to put her younger brother Dave through college to earn his degree in Dentistry. So instead she went to work and if I remember correctly her first job was at Boesky’s as the cashier.
My parents met at a family wedding each was there for opposite family ties. My mother was a bridesmaid and my paternal grandmother found her attractive (and coming from a good family) encouraged my father to ask her out. Initially, my mom turned my dad down. She didn’t have an interest, yet she told me she wasn’t dating anyone of significance at that time but she just did not like him. My father became persistent and my mom’s girlfriend Rosie convinced her to give him a chance. I guess you can say it was bashert, meant to be. My parents met in 1940 – married on June 21, 1941, and had their first child, my brother Gary in August of 1942. In May of 1946, they welcomed another son, Joel, and in March 1950 I was added to the mix.
February 28 – March 4 of each year my momma and I would share a birthday cake. As a young child, this was fun and exciting, as a young adult I held some resentment wanting my celebration but as an adult once again enjoyed sharing the limelight with momma. The last birthday we celebrated together in person was her 95th which was my 65th. However, I was lucky to have my momma in my life for yet another year and a half, spending the last two months of her life together.
My mother was known as the Matriarch in her later years. She became a surrogate Baube for the grandchildren of her sister Anne. My mom was loved by her nieces and nephews on both sides of the family which included my father’s family as well. As the matriarch, she was included in all family events and never lacked love and support.
My relationship with my momma at times was intense but I always knew she loved me and I know she knew I loved her too. To this day I talk to her through my thoughts and often I ask myself what would my mother think? I know that she was proud when in 2012 when I completed my degree and took it to the next level earning my Master’s License. Although she did not understand podcasting, she did ask me if I was a famous broadcaster and I told her of course, and I know that pleased her. It was during that same conversation she told me she had wanted to go to college and become a teacher. She held a little resentment that her brother Dave was given the opportunity but she was not. She also told me she thought about going to college after I was born but financially she and dad could not afford it.
My momma was a wonderful Balabausta – Home Maker- she not only made all of our meals from scratch on a tight budget, but she also became a wonderful baker, and her secret chocolate chip cookie recipe lives on through her children and her grandson Alex who someday would like to market them. However, every holiday she had some specialty whether it be Humantasian for Purim or Nut & Wine Cake for Passover. Rosh Hashanna there was Dad’s favorite chocolate cake and pie and for Break the Fast she made a flaky meringue coffee kuchen.
As a seamstress, she not only sewed most of my wardrobe but hers as well. When her friends were shopping at Sax Fifth Avenue or a designer shop my momma was creating something special, and often finishing it minutes before leaving the house. My mother had a closet of beautiful dresses that all had the designer touch but were homemade and crafted with love. (Again, she learned this at the side of her father, Louis.)
Today is bittersweet as I sit here writing about her and missing her. There are still so many questions I have for her that I may never find the answers to. However, I will keep seeking them and inviting any of my family members to share their stories as well.
I will always love my mother and a special out to my mother-in-law in heaven (Loretta Maloney Hale) who always encouraged me to let go of the intense conflicts and see around them for there was a purity of love.
Happy Birthday Dorothy Freedman Moss – may you spread your love and kindness down to us on earth.
(Two of my favorite people cousins Gloria Jaffe Siegel and my Momma)
27 February 2022
I am sharing this to bring us into what is real- yesterday I was told I tested positive for COVID and I first got angry – like, how, why, and it can’t be I feel fine! I was told even in my home I should wear a mask and keep whipping things down and spraying with Lysol. Although 20 minutes before the call I had hugged and kissed my husband, and been roaming around my home without a mask…
25 February 2022
A week ago I could not keep my eyes open, my migraines despite medication were intensifying, my breathing was more labored than normal, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Those of you who know me may find it difficult to believe that I spent 22 out of 24 hours in bed from late Thursday afternoon the 17th through Monday the 21st. Monday I pushed myself to get out of bed, showered, dressed, and attempted to make dinner – does toast count?
On Monday, one of my doctors (Dr. K) listened to me as I described how over the past 2 -3 weeks the symptoms I was having had exacerbated, and through some questions, he determined one of the medications he had me on for my autoimmune issue may be the culprit. Although I had already taken my morning dose, he told me to stop it going forward. It wasn’t until Wednesday that I started to notice improvement and yesterday I posted I almost feel like myself and today I am grateful for his observation because I am functional again.
However, what I learned from this ordeal was that I needed to listen to my body and emotional state of mind and stop being a TYPE A person or making the excuse I am a TYPE A. I can be what and whoever I want to be and TYPE A does not fit me anymore. This is helping me prepare for my catheterization on Monday. I have faith and trust in my cardiologist that it is imperative to do this and rule out anything or find the culprit and fix it.
I understand how a heart condition can alter one’s life – I watched my paternal grandmother suffer from numerous heart attacks and how my father handled his Angina pain that began as a young child as one of the victims of the 1917 Pandemic. I spent many nights in a hospital waiting room or hallway waiting for the medical staff to tell us if my dad was a survivor yet again! In 1974 my father was one of the first multiple by-pass patients in the Detroit area, while many were still traveling to the Cleveland Clinic for this major surgery. I know what it looks like to survive as my dad added another 30 years to his life after that.
Like my father I try not to let anything get me down or slow my pace, it is important to live each day to the fullest and not leave a trail of undone chores for someone else to clean up. We have no guarantees in life we have now, and what we did in the past, we can plan for the future and make promises but we first must embrace the positivity of now.
Join me – be kind – be positive -be hopeful -be authentic
#Iwishyouenough
https://www.amazon.com/I-Wish-You-Enough/dp/B08M9TZJM1
24 February 2022
23 February 2022
When I was a little girl playing with my Betsy Wetsy doll, and my lifelike baby dolls, I dreamt of growing up and living in a nice home with a husband who loved me, 2 -3 children, family, and friends close by sharing holidays and coffee Klatches. I did not see myself as the wife of a student and struggling for 4 out of the 7 years we were married. I did not see myself getting ill and having thyroid surgery which eventually led to getting HEP C from tainted blood. I was not prepared for my first marriage to fail and felt ill-equipped as a single parent trying to get back into the game of meeting new friends and developing relationships
After my divorce, I went on a short journey to find myself and realized that I had been indoctrinated into the belief that I was not good enough on my own, and found a partner/man to guide me through the detours was a necessity. I found I was kissing a lot of Frogs until my Prince showed up, however, he was not in shining armor. Despite not having a suit of armor, I did meet my best friend, the man I have loved for 38+ years, and together we have lived in a MAZE.
My best friend, Richard, has helped me become the independent woman I am – however there are times I wish he would not encourage my independence as much as he does because I have lost the art of asking for help when I need it. Being so independent, even when I am ill, my husband and son often provide me with little if any assistance, they have grown to accept I will take care of me. However, this past week or two they have truly stepped up to the plate. As busy as Alex has been he checks in on me and will often come to sit with me and chit chat – often about baseball or some current event – and there is a lot to talk about.
Rich was brought up in a manner that everything was done for him – he has no idea how to cook or even make toast in our special oven. However, he is trying and that may include stopping at Panera for soup or running to the market to get a few things like eggs and other staples that will fill our nutritional needs. (And I have spoiled him for 38 years myself, so I created the devil!)
Today I am looking at a new journey that begins with learning to eat smaller meals nutritionally. Gaining my strength back starts with minimal exercise. Doing house chores but slower and being intentional on how and what works for me. The path does not have a white picket fence, nor is my journey to Utopia, I am living reality and catching my breath and seeking the positivity of life.
So, this was not the path I thought I would be on when I was a little girl nor is the path I outlined six months ago – but I will find the beauty in it and know I am a survivor.
I encourage you to find the sunshine and let it seep through every pore of your body and know you are worth it – and so am I!
7 February 2022
Today on Avoid the Maze we will be hosting and recording three podcasts
Bijou Finney (https://www.linkedin.com/in/bijoulea-finney-47543767/) After years of working in the fashion and entertainment industry, Bijou became certified in Brain Reprogramming with Terry Real, Sex Love, and Relationship Coach Certification with Layla Martin /VITA and then became a trained psychedelic facilitator. She now uses all these skills to help entrepreneurs move mental blocks to show up in the world in a more soulful and enjoyable way. This show will record at 1 pm and will be posted on https://www.youtube_AvoidTheMaze
Adriana Cowdin(https://adrianacowdin.com/) will follow at 2:15 pm when we discuss that the World Needs Your Gift – You are the only one who possesses it. “When you invest in your future, through our work together, you’re creating meaningful change. With every change you make, the world becomes a better place.” Adriana and I will discuss the program that may be beneficial for you. If you are like me sometimes it is difficult to see our self-worth and we allow the doubts to get in our way keeping us frozen in time. This show will record and post later this afternoon on https://www.youtube_AvoidTheMaze
Patricia Love, the #1 Best Selling Author of Seen and (Un) Heard (This book tells the story of a little girl’s journey from silence to empowerment. Feeling seen and (un) heard for most of her life, Patricia courageously shares how she was able to navigate a life of mental abandonment, abuse, and trauma, and ultimately, find her power and worth within to create a new story. She shares her deepest secrets, pitfalls, and triumphs along the way in hopes of inspiring her readers to choose themselves, and realize that they, too, can have it all.). I believe we all can relate to her story and I encourage you to listen, share, become part of the Avoid the Maze Audience. Watch for this post on https://www.youtube_AvoidTheMaze
If you have a story to share or would like to create your podcast on newclevelandradio.net please connect with me (Karen) at [email protected]
5 February 2022
Some people think I am such a nice kind-hearted person and although I try to be sometimes it is difficult when you have spent the majority of your life trying to do the right thing (no mistakes) putting everyone else first and leaving little time for yourself. My paternal grandmother told me that it was very important to make others happy because it would make me happy. She also told me to never go to bed angry it was important to forgive and forget at the end of each day.
This week has been difficult because I have not been feeling 100% and I am still going through medical tests to determine why I cannot sleep (well) and why my energy level bottoms out just putting on my sox. Add frigid weather, and the overabundant schedule that I created, my son working from home ill – not COVID by a nasty cold that has turned him into a moody young man. To limit our exposure to the buggy germs I have been doing continuous laundry as well as running the dishwasher more often and wiping all surfaces down over and over again!
Last night my husband started sneezing and coughing and yes he caught one of those pesky buggie germs from Alex. Now Alex is coming to the finish line with his symptoms Rich is just developing them including feeling off-balance so when he calls for help to get out of a chair or out of bed, guess who is coming to his rescue?
I have to blame myself for both of my boys being so needy. I tend to jump in and do things for both my husband and son on a normal basis so you can imagine when the two of them are whining. TODAY has not been the best day but I did take some self-time in-between their needs because I am worth it! WOW – I am finally learning how important it is to take downtime whether it is to play online games, read, listen to music, binge watch, or meditate! Even a 1-minute breathing break can provide positive feelings and an increase in endorphin release.
I am crossing my fingers I do not get sick – my immune system is already at its lowest as I am being treated for my Lichen Planus – and still being tested for shortness of breath with yet another specialist in March. However, as I write this I am optimistic that I am SUPER_KAREN and I will keep going, going, going, taking a break, and going again!
3 February 2022
38 years ago – Rich & I along with our friends Debbie & Dave Meredith, entered Rabbi Fred Eisenberg’s study where he proceeded to marry us – just days before going to court in Cincinnati to maintain custody of my oldest son. Although Rich and I had been living together and marriage was part of our plan this custody issue propelled us to take the step we did. Therefore Rich and I have two anniversaries every year, the first being February 3, 1984, and July 15, 1984. The legal civil date is February 3rd and the traditional Hebrew date is 15 Tamuz 5744 (7/15/84). On July 15, 1984, in front of family and friends Rich and I renewed our vows and despite a rollercoaster of a ride we are still on a forward path.
Just like my podcast, AVOID the MAZE, we have been on a journey. We met at the wedding rehearsal of our friends Helene & Lanny. Rich was the videographer for the event, and I was the florist. You may have heard this before but when Rich walked into the Temple he was wearing off-colored white slacks with a matching jacket and a straw hat- he looked very dapper as my mother would have said. Before we were introduced, I assumed he was the new Rabbi as he entered the sanctuary in such a composed and authoritative posture. However, I was soon to find out he was not the Rabbi but possibly an eligible single man to get to know.
I caught his eye as well because as soon as the rehearsal was over and everyone accept me took off for the dinner, Rich asked the groom, Lanny, why I was not attending…Iris, the groom’s mother rectified that and Lanny called me at home and asked me to meet up at the restaurant – which I did. In some ways, you can say that is the beginning of this long-dedicated relationship.
The relationship was long-distance. But it was not just the distance that created obstacles for us, I was divorced with a young son who was just turning six at that time. Rich was not nor had he been married but he saw himself as a free spirit who dated frequently and sadly as he looks back he went for the women who liked/loved him for being Rich, but loving and being in love had distinctions. I will agree that is how Rich felt towards me he loved me, but he was not in love, but he also didn’t want to lose me so we both moved through a maze bumping into challenges and finding ways around them.
In the 38 years of our marriage and the two years, prior life has been more than challenging. But love has kept us together.
Lyrics (https://genius.com/Captain-and-tennille-love-will-keep-us-together-lyrics)
Love
Love will keep us together
Think of me babe, whenever
Some sweet-talking girl comes along, singing her song
Don’t mess around, you’ve just got to be strong, just stop
‘Cause I really love you, stop
I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
You
You belong to me now
Ain’t gonna set you free now
When those girl start hanging around talking me down
Hear with your heart and you won’t hear a sound, just stop (stop)
‘Cause I really love you, stop (stop)
I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
Whatever
Young and beautiful
But someday your looks will be gone
When the others turn you off
Who’ll be turning you on?
I will, I will, I will
I will be there to share forever
Love will keep us together
I said it before and I’ll say it again while others pretend
I need you now and I’ll need you then, just stop (stop)
‘Cause I really love you, stop (stop)
I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
Whatever, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, whatever
I will, I will, I will, I will
You better stop
‘Cause I really love you, stop (stop)
I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
Whatever, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, whatever
I will, I will, I will, I will
If anyone tells you that love and marriage are easy – they are lying. A good relationship takes work and you will not wake up every day feeling like the perfect couple.
Just the Way You Are – Bruno Mars
Oh, her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shinin’
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her tryin’
She’s so beautiful and I tell her everyday
Yeah, I know, I know
When I compliment her, she won’t believe me
And it’s so, it’s so
Sad to think that she don’t see what I see
But every time she asks me, “Do I look okay?”
I say
When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
‘Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl, you’re amazing
Just the way you are
Yeah
Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates, but I think it’s so sexy
She’s so beautiful and I tell her everyday
Oh, you know, you know
You know I’d never ask you to change
If perfect’s what you’re searchin’ for, then just stay the same
So don’t even bother askin’ if you look okay
You know I’ll say
When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
‘Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl, you’re amazing
Just the way you are
The way you are
The way you are
Girl, you’re amazing
Just the way you are
When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
‘Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl, you’re amazing
Just the way you are
Yeah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ari Levine / Khalil Walton / Khari Cain / Peter Gene Hernandez / Philip Martin II Lawrence
Just the Way You Are lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Round Hill Music Big Loud Songs, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
At the end of the day when you know you have lived through:
- Your parent’s accepting that you are marrying into an interfaith marriage.
- A custody battle to retain your son, not once but twice.
- Job lost not once – multiple times – sacrificing to get through the ups and downs.
- The loss of parents 1989, 2004, 2007, 2016
- Estrangement from family.
- Miscarriages and Infertility
- Newborn illness
- Diagnosis of Autism (Son)
- Diagnosis of Autism/ADHD (Husband)
- Medical Issues
- Forced retirement
- Reinventing oneself
And these are just the top 12 and yet today we celebrate 38 with a kiss on the lips and a familiar message that we share daily,” I love you.”
Our love is strong and the affection between share is what provides us happiness and contentment. It is a passionate and fulfilling relationship. Here’s to another 38!
25 January 2022
It’s never too late! If I learned anything motivational from my parents it was never giving up and keep reaching for the star. Mom and dad set those examples over and over again. I grew up watching my father move from one job to another, continually learning so he could advance with each move. My mother was an entrepreneur in her own right as a seamstress and baker putting her meager earnings in an old cigar box. Both mom and dad found pleasure and happiness in using their talents. Dad was a writer of poetry and song lyrics, he also was a creative woodworker, building furniture for our home as well as for others who sought him out. Age never stopped them from wishing, hoping, and planning for tomorrow. The baker in my mom and the business developer in my dad had my parents renting out a Pizza Kitchen creating a morning muffin delivery service. In their 80s they would go into the Pizza Kitchen at 4 am to prepare a variety of muffins that my dad would carry through business offices and sell to staff members for their coffee breaks. Yes, I learned that if you have a purpose and are excited about a project/job it will not feel like work, it will be the cycle of life.
Ageism is real and in too many circles we judge people by the way they look (young or old), or by the number of years they lived on this earth. There is something about the age of 40 that says if you haven’t succeeded yet you most likely won’t. 50 is like a dead-end street. And yet here I sit at my computer, soundboard, and mic at the age of 71 following new paths going forward because my purpose in life is to reach out to others and bring out our vitality.
When I was in my 20s I thought 70 was old but today I can reassure you except for a few aches and pains, 70 is just another year that has provided me with more wisdom and insight into the navigation of life.
What does AGEISM mean to you?
21 January 2022
Look Around You!
21 January 2022
In 2013/14 when I pushed not so gently out of my position as a Senior Enrollment Rep at a proprietary college I slipped into a role I created for myself as a blogger, seeking and establishing a writing position with a Healthcare Agency. For 2+ years I wrote weekly articles for several of their publications on the needs of the aging population. What I found in my research was surprising to me that too many adult children (I was one myself) who are part of the sandwich society thought that their mom or dad or both no longer were able to live on their own. Without considering other options the rise of the Senior Independent/Assisted/Nursing Facilities flourished. However, in the last couple of years when the Pandemic hit us Worldwide, we have come to learn that age has nothing to do with ability and that remaining in one’s home is truly the choice of most older individuals.
I speak of this topic with the Elephant in the room that it is an honor to grow older, to age, and evolve. We must not take purpose out of the equation. Although Senior/Elder Communities offer a lot of options and activities allowing adult children and grandchildren to shed the quilt of placing their loved ones in this housing situation. And yet, as beautiful and well kept the majority of these facilities are they are still that, a facility, and sadly if you ask the residents they will tell you they are living out their life to die. But why?
The cost of staying in one’s home over time is much less than residing in a special community. Not only is there the upkeep of the facility but there is a huge need for professional staffing as well other specialized program leaders. The salaries alone for the best staffing will be reflected in the monthly residence cost. As a senior myself, I know I would not be able to afford the cost nor would my family. Additionally, why would I want to only align myself with older adults, I flourish among all people, and I learn from individuals of all ages. I do not want to be segmented into a group, I want to live in a world /community with diverse individuals at various ages/stages of our lives.
My hope for the future is that we create more inter-generational housing opportunities as well as provide the young and those older to work together, learn from each other and support the evolution of mankind. Today we have medical science providing us with longevity and 65 is not the end of the road nor should it be taken for granted that everyone wants to or can afford to retire.
“Retirement refers to the time of life when one chooses to permanently leave the workforce behind. The traditional retirement age is 65 in the United States and most other developed countries, many of which have some kind of national pension or benefits system in place to supplement retirees’ incomes. In the U.S., for example, the Social Security Administration (SSA) has been offering retirees monthly Social Security income benefits since 1935.” However, $1000 or even $2000 a month in benefits does not provide a sizeable income for most retirees and not everyone has an additional retirement package to supplement Social Security. If we do speak up about AGEISM now and make the changes to make our society stronger and more purposeful we are not just hurting the Baby Boomers of today, but all who follow behind us.
20 January 2022
Hope – sprouting through!
19 January 2022
Finding yourself begins with uncovering the layers of façade we have created over the years. If we don’t peel the skin on the onion back we won’t get to the core of being. Over the last eight-plus years, I have begun the process. I had an AH, HA moment and I knew I had to do something, although I had no idea what that something was. However, it began with facing some truths.
- Truth #1 – For most of my life I have been seeking to be you, or someone like you. (YOU could be anyone at any given time that I chose to be.)
- Truth #2 – The concept of making someone happy and I would be happy was proving to be a lie. (I was feeling sad, anxious, depressed while pretending I was OK, and I was not OK!)
- Truth #3 – I felt self-conscious about my looks and my ability to compete. (Life became a series of competitions which I often saw as my failures, and I kept repeating the same thoughts and patterns.)
- Truth #4 – Unless I chose to change for me I would never find the happiness I was seeking. (Peeling back the onion might make me vulnerable but it would be exciting if I did it with INTENTION.)
Studies show that what we learn and experience in childhood affects us throughout our life. The early experiences of our youth affect our cognitive brain. If we are told we are not smart we will believe it, unless we commit to discovering our self-worth not colored by someone else’s interpretation. We must ask ourselves why we would believe someone’s interpretation of who we are rather than trust in ourselves.
Our childhood is the largest building block in preparing us for adulthood. This is the time when we are constantly learning whether in school, at home, or in the community. Learning includes making mistakes, not being perfect, and identifying how failure is a successful educational experience. The trauma we face as children may be the challenges we need to overcome as adults. When you accept what you can control you will find the answers you may be searching for. Anyone can make positive alterations to their life but remember your life is not a Hallmark © movie. Happily ever after includes the ups and downs and the acknowledgment of imperfections.
18 January 2022
Use your failures to GROW!
18 January 2022
17 January 2022
16 January 2022
We all have the ability so use it to DREAM –
HOPE is all around us, use it –
BELIEVE in yourself and the natural goodness of others –
DARE be bold but do not abuse the dreams, hope and beliefs of others –
RISK may be appropriate but do it INTENTIONALITY –
TRY, even if you fail you made an attempt and that is a POSITIVE!
15 January 2022
Anne Frank never gave up – why would you?
15 January 2022
This week on newclevelandradio.net the subject of Ageism will be prominent. In fact, last week in a podcast with Annie The Ascension Stylist I shared this topic and I hope to continue the discussion with her again soon. The subject of Age and when are we not old enough, or when are we too old, or what is age-appropriate is a negative dialogue in our society. This conversation begins when we are mere children sometimes trying to mature too early, or refusing to grow up and be a joyful Peter Pan. The reality is we are all individuals seeking our way through the MAZE of life.
I remember a time in my early twenties being told by a prospective employer I was too young to vie for a position I was interested in. Although I had the credentials and minimal experience, I was not given a chance. Years later when I attempted for a similar position I was told I was too late to the game, they wanted someone who would fulfill a lifetime career with them and I was just about 10 years older (34 ish) and this employer thought my longevity had been cut by not starting in my 20s.
Ageism struck me hard while I worked for a proprietary college. I was good at my job and I achieved my goals and beyond. I was not a clock watcher, I chose to see the job completed and to seek improvements. However, due to a medical condition, I began to lose my hearing. Without skipping a beat I became proactive and sought out hearing aids so I could continue to do my work …however, not only my co-workers but my management team made it difficult for me and the adaptive aids I needed and are to be provided by law never were and my performance metrics became more difficult to meet.
During this time it was suggested that I might want to consider retiring, and I was pushed into taking a medical leave which ended my tenure, not by choice…
I was not too old to do my job, my age had nothing to do with my ability. My hearing aid situation could and should have been rectified however, they chose to put me out to pasture – well, they got it wrong. I did go through a period of depression and it took me time to shake off the bad vibes – I found a company that allowed me to share my voice through research and blogging and I also began podcasting even before I understood what podcasting was/is.
On Monday evening Melinda Smith- Heart Mojo will welcome Barbara Rose Brooker the founder of AgeMarch.org https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpJfpnQjjbA&t=2734s Barbara will share her passion for her mission and Melinda and I will share our stories and encourage women and men worldwide to join together to end the discrimination. It begins with one story and others will follow.
On Thursday after The RANT a podcast hosted by Barbara Rose Brooker will welcome her special guest Leyna Nguyen. Leyna has been a successful media broadcaster for years and now she too is a podcaster sharing real-life stories…Is Leyna too old??? NO-
None of us are too old we can live life and journey down the path that provides us with meaning – we first must our purpose and travel to it!
This is the year of HOPE on newclevelandradio.net, I encourage you to seek HOPE! Do not let anything get in your way. Be the U – U want to B. Make yourself Happy first…You are not selfish.
For more information on Ageism join https://www.agemarch.org/ or contact Me/Karen [email protected]
14 January 2022
13 January 2022
12 January 2022
11 January 2022
10 January 2022
9 January 2022
8 January 2022
7 January 2022
6 January 2022
After a hiatus of five months, I am reintroducing you to Barbara Rose Brooker the host of The Rant. Barbara is an octogenarian who has the energy of a teenager. She is a survivor and if you have read of any of her books, I think you may have an idea of how much she has endured and yet continues to succeed, living each day to the fullest. As the author of the “Viagra Diaries”, we get a glimpse of what may be somewhat biographical and yet written as a fictional novel. Two others I have read as well include Should I Sleep in his Dead Wife’s Bed?” and “The Rise and Fall of a Jewish American Princess”. However my favorite is “Love Sometimes”.
What I find amazing about Barbara is her tenacity for wanting to live in a fair world, where we are not judged by our age. As she will share with you over the next couple of months in her podcast “The Rant” is that we all can be our best, to reach for our dreams and evolve in the individual we chose.
In 2009 Barbara Rose Brooker and a group of like-minded women and men staged the first AGEMARCH in San Francisco. She is the founder of agemarch.org, the first march in history to celebrate age pride! In 2021 with the assistance of others who believe in her cause produced the first-ever virtual AgeMarch on Youtube and has been streaming since March 27th and has reached 204,390 views and climbing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpJfpnQjjbA
As Barbara and I move forward with The Rant, we will be exploring subjects with our guests that many are thinking about in today’s ever-changing society. We encourage you to reach out to us and share the subjects that you want to discuss but may not feel uncomfortable in your inner circle. You can reach out at [email protected]
6 January 2022
Hope is like the Sun
5 January 2022
Hope for the future
4 January 2022
Hope is like the Sun
3 January 2022
Hope is Possible
2 January 2022
Hope is Real
1 January 2022
A year ago I thought 2021 was going to be a WONDERFUL year, and in order not to make this sound like doom and gloom, I will set the record straight there have been good times. I am at my happiest and most productive when I am podcasting. I learn from others as well as share my experiences and thoughts that I hope may help others as well. A special thanks to all our podcasters at newclevelandradio.net, the guests we feature on our podcasts, and to all who listen.
It was last year that I learned my son was sexually abused by his childhood bully. (This happened in his Junior Year in Highschool.) A reference of this bully struck my son hard remembering things he chose to suppress. Why did he choose to suppress this incident that was preceded and followed up by a continuous verbal dialogue? My son Alex, as well as his father and I, knew his school system ignored these situations when brought to their attention. In fact, they repeatedly told us that we were all too sensitive to his Autism Spectrum diagnosis and it was suggested we develop thicker skin. (REALLY??)
Our son has been in therapy for PTSD. My husband and I also entered counseling so we could understand how all these years of suppression have affected our son and his relationship with us. Alex did not want to burden us or have anyone of his “so-called” friends think his mommy and daddy were trying to protect him. He needed to do this on his own and although it has placed a depressive cloud over him, he is working diligently to reduce the storms that this situation has caused.
I am grateful for the friends our son has developed over the last couple of years, learning to trust has been difficult when you are looking over your shoulder for your bully to strike again. PTSD has taken over a good portion of 2021 for all of us and I pray that we can continue to learn from this and find the tools to address it and continue our journey forward.
As a parent, I feel responsible for a situation that I had no control over. Like many parents when their child tells them they are being bullied we often give the typical response.
- “Sticks and Stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you.” -That is a bad statement- names can hurt as well as destroy us as an individual.
- “Suck it Up Buttercup.” -Why should the bullied have to suck it up, why isn’t the bully held accountable?
- “Ignore him/her and find new friends.” -It is not easy to find new friends and why should the victim be the one to start over?
“Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. It is important to talk to kids to determine whether bullying—or something else—is a concern.” (https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/effects)
Today marks the first day of a new year, 2022, and my wish is that those of you who know my son will examine the part you too may have played – did you allow his bullying to entertain you with his harassment towards Alex? If so, why, what leads someone to this behavior?
“A common reason that a kid is a bully is that he/she lacks attention from a parent at home and lashes out at others for attention. This can include neglected children, children of divorced parents, or children with parents under the regular influence of drugs/alcohol.” Or is the bully influenced by drugs/alcohol?
I am determined to make 2022 a better year – I hope you too are seeking your kind heart and to leave meanness behind!