Daily Comments 2024
The Holiday Weekend, July 4th, 2024, is coming to an end. Many individuals are glad that this 4-5- or 6-day weekend is over. With the end of the celebration hopefully the sound of fireworks and the reports of injuries from fireworks will decrease. As much as we like to ‘ooo’ and ‘ah’ when we watch the spectacular colors displayed in the sky for many the loud sounds from these displays produce trauma. Sadly, too many people like to use their ‘right’ to fire these noisy ‘bombs’ off reminding to many of war, even the gun fight wars happening in our neighborhoods. We may have the right to be obnoxious with these items, but we also have the right not to be subjected to them as well. In addition, for the wish for some peace and quiet there are many individuals who have felt left out on this holiday as they may experience on other holidays.
This morning while my husband and I were at our Sunday morning coffee shop we were discussing loneliness. Many of us when we were younger, we had family, friends, and neighbors that either we included in celebrations, or they invited us. However, over the years many of them have passed away, or moved away, or moved on and are no longer in our circle. I never understood when my mother and mother-in-law used to say they didn’t want to out live their friends. Both of these women in my life actively hosted gatherings and their doors were always open to that extra person(s). The age of entertainment is not the same today, there are exceptions, but for the most part if the party planner is no longer in our circle, we experience the loneliness unless we pick up the pieces.
When my children were little our family may not have been in our backyard, but they were close enough that even a 3- or 4-hour drive to be part of the circle was not an inconvenience. However, 8 years ago things changed. When my mom passed away eight years ago my brothers and I lost the connection of meeting up at mom’s once or twice a year. This also would include local cousins and friends near to my mom. I refused not to be part of my brother’s life and each year my husband and I travel to upstate NY for Thanksgiving with my middle brother. We most likely continue to do this as long as we are healthy and able to make the 8-hour drive. It is not as easy to see my oldest brother who lives on the West Coast, but we do manage phone calls and when he comes to Michigan to see his children, we drive up to see them as well.
Whatever the holiday there will be changes as we evolve through the years. Each one of us has to make choices as to how we will observe the day as well as manage our feelings.
I used to feel sorry for myself when I saw others having huge family gatherings and from the outside looking in everyone was in a Hallmark™ movie. I would see all the posts on Facebook and other social media sites that made me ask,” what’s wrong with me?” The answer was – I chose to believe there was something wrong with me. I was choosing to feel sorry for myself rather than find something that would make me feel good. It took years for me to realize that there are some holidays curling up on the couch with a good book or watching a movie or two is happiness. For the 4th this year we did very little, and closing out the weekend I enjoyed going up to my community pool, solo. My husband is not a SUN person, he has suffered from sun poisoning as kid and has survived melanoma. He is not a swimmer so why would he go to the pool? A couple of years ago I finally made the decision that I enjoyed the pool – I am not a swimmer, but I exercise in the pool as well as relax. When at the pool I am not working, talking on the phone or even thinking of the chores that may await me. I don’t need my husband or a group of friends or family members to enjoy this summer treat.
I have made some choices and to use my voice to say what I need. For example, last night I was not in the mood to cook, however when we could agree where we want to eat. We chose to have a bowl of cereal; we ate together but he took care of himself, and I took care of mine. It worked for us, and we were happy and content, we realized that we chose to not be lonely being alone together.
Well at the coffee shop this morning (It’s not a Starbucks, a local owned) we noted that we truly enjoy our Sunday mornings. Sitting there with no TV or other distractions we actually talk and plan. I know someday we won’t have this time together, but we are creating memories, one day, or Sunday at a time.
To the many women I have met through The Ethel Circle, or Orphans Aging Alone, don’t let another day pass you by being lonely. It’s OK to be alone, but sometimes it is best to take a step out of our comfort zone, create a friendship.
Sending hugs to one and all – Make the next Holiday your Day!
For Coaching contact:
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
It’s the 4th of July and I am doing what I have done for most of my life on this day, ‘nothing special’. My family was not into picnics and Bar BBQs, although occasionally we went to the beach whether it be Cass Lake or Sandy Beach (where we had a membership.) Sometimes one of mom’s friends would invite us for a Bar BBQ, but most years we just stayed home. Even after I got married and had children, except for going to see the Fireworks we did very little else. So today my husband and I have shared some moments together at breakfast and at lunch but also spending time doing individuals things like writing this blog.
The weather here is hot and humid and very cloudy, and the forecast is for heavy rain showers although so far nothing has emerged from the dark clouds above. This morning when the sun was out and shining brightly, I had considered going up to the pool, but my allergies advised me staying indoors was a better option.
As I scanned Facebook messages and posts today, I have seen a number of people feeling lonely and left out of the festivities and my answer to them is don’t wait for someone else to invite you to be part of something. You have the ability to invite others if a gathering is what you want. And if that isn’t your answer there are many places you or I can go solo to enjoy whether it’s going to a movie, a play, a concert, or just sitting in the park people watching. If you are lonely so is someone else and sometimes it takes one to seek another out.
If you say you have no family or friends, you are a maturing orphan, or just someone who never cultivated a social life, it’s never too late. There is a woman who lives in my condo community, and she is married but has no children and she has developed a family and many of the children who live her have adopted her as their grandmother. She never thought this would make her happy and it has added to her purpose. She has mentioned that her husband enjoys it when these children knock on the door and invite them to go to the pool with them or watch them ride their bikes in the Cal de sac.
Sadly, some of us believe we are the only lonely ones. Because of social media we assume everyone is celebrating and having a wonderful time at a picnic or outing. The truth is we all have the opportunity to be part of a group or sit it out alone. Choose what makes you happy. I choose not to be lonely. I choose not to be dictated by social media. You can choose to.
There are various online groups where we can meet locals and if that is what you are interested in, do it, YOU CAN DO IT. For the women reading this join The Ethel Circle women are creating local get together groups – I have not attended one yet, but I will when my schedule (I love my work) allows, or I allow myself the time. For me it’s ok to still be virtual but I know there is a group within a few short miles of me where I can be part of something new.
If you need some assistance moving forward reach out…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Two weeks from Saturday, on July 20, 2024, My Bagley Class (Seniors of 1968) will be gathering for a mini reunion outside of Detroit, Michigan where we all lived and went to elementary school. I moved to the Bagley community at the age of 9 entering into 4B. Those were the days that some of started school in January making the Fall session the second half of the year known as ‘B’.
I feel blessed and privileged to be part of this group of individuals as I spent five years of my school life with these ‘friends’. In 1964 my family moved again and this time to St. Louis Park, Minnesota. However, one of my best friends from Bagley stayed in touch with me, that special friend is Cheryl Katz. At least on one visit home to Michigan I spent some time with her but for the most part our connection over the years were letters, and of course Facebook.
Cheryl has headed up the various reunions this class has had, and she always connects with me despite the time and miles we may be separated.
In 2016 when my mother was ill and in need of homecare and Hospice, Cheryl and I reconnected in person, and she helped me through a very difficult time but once again with love, friendship and kindness. Cheryl and so many others will be at this reunion in a few weeks, and I am so excited to see everyone. Many of us share messages on Facebook, especially those of us who do not live in the same city or near each other even if we are in the same area. In today’s society it is nice to know that some of my BFF’s are people who are more than virtual connections.
There will be many that will not be at this reunion. We lost some class members when they were young and others through the aging process. Cancer does not ask your name, rank or serial number and sadly Cancer has affected some dear classmates. I know we will remember them in our conversations and for some of us we will feel their presence. For classmates that might not be able to make the trip to Michigan I hope they know we will be thinking of them and wishing them the best.
If I have learned one thing in my life is that friends are an important part of the journey. We will have happy, sad, and maybe not so happy memories, but those memories have helped us develop into the individuals we have become. I prefer to remember the Happy Memories, and I hold no grudges for being the last one picked to play softball or any other sport. I am the best sports fan and spectator; I don’t have to have the skills to play, I just have to know how to cheer! And I do that well!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
My week here in Texas is almost up. A week ago, I was packing and preparing to see my son, and today I am repacking to return home. It is a bittersweet feeling as a mother to say good-by or until the next time. I now understand how my mother must have felt when my brother Joel packed up and moved to L.A. (that was in the days when calling long distance was expensive and cross-country travel was for the wealthy.) Soon after that I got married and moved to the east coast. My brother Gary still lived in town with my folks along with his family and I am sure that helped my mother feel a little less lonely.
As a parent you wish only the best for your children and that includes them pursuing their dreams and finding a purpose in their lives that may be different from yours. I know growing up I had different dreams for my future than my mother had for me, but I found the courage and the willpower to create my own path as have both of my sons.
On August 18,1920, six months after my mother was born women got the right to vote. Although we got the right to vote we were not considered equal. Women were still considered to be the guardian of the home care for the children, care for the home, and care for the husband.
52 years later the equal rights amendment was passed, [” designed to guarantee protection against sexual discrimination for women under the law, passed both houses of Congress and was sent to the individual states for ratification. Groups on both sides of the issue mobilized to lobby the states for and against passage.”] However, here we are in 2024 and women are struggling for rights for their bodies.
Two years later, in 1974 when I was 24 years old women for the first time could get credit cards in their own name! [“Women were able to get credit cards in their own name in the United States in 1974 after the Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) was passed. The ECOA made it illegal to deny credit based on gender, race, religion, national origin, marital status, or age. Before the law, women often needed a male co-signer, such as a husband, father, or brother, to get a credit card or loan. This made it difficult for women to access credit, which could limit their financial freedom and economic opportunities.’]
I realized this morning that I grew up in an era that I thought was so perfect and I am learning that the ‘Good Ole Days’, were not so perfect after all. In fact, all that I have enjoyed here visiting my son with my own credit card could not have been done when I was growing up or even after I got married in 1971.
I just had the opportunity to watch The Ruth Bader Ginsburg movie on Netflix. Although I always admired her watching this movie made me realize if not for her so many positive changes in our government (laws) and belief system would not have happened. And yet here we are in 2024 still working to maintain our freedom and a fair justice system. That includes not allowing ourselves to get labeled and pigeon-holed in the image of others who want to overpower us, we must all be empowered to be the best version of ourselves and not have the need to be better than others.
In 1996 my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum. He was ‘normal’, ‘typical’ one day and the next he was a special needs child. With his diagnosis came a list of changes where he was treated differently in school, they called it accommodation but for the most part it was labeling him keeping his classmates separated from him. One day my son had friends but slowly but surely, he had fewer and fewer. The term Aspergers or Autism was scary in the 1990s and the education on the syndrome was minimal at best. But not only did parents deny my son friendship with their children, these same adults pulled away from us as if we were all contagious.
Raising our son, my husband and I doubted if we were doing things right. We felt like we were living on a deserted island. However, I now realize whatever we did, we did well. Our son is a well-adjusted young adult. It may have taken a little longer for him to find his footing and to have his dreams begin developing but he is on the right path. I am proud to be his mother and even more proud that he wanted me to come visit him this past week. (He is actually talking about wanting me to come back after the 1st of the year when his schedule is less hectic, and we have time to spend together.
For years I fought the system for treating my son like a victim or alien and not giving him the same opportunities as others not on the spectrum. But it was my son who developed the courage to challenge others and seek the opportunities he wanted in life. Just like I fought the demons growing up so did he. His opportunity is 1000 miles away from home where he grew up, but for now and maybe forever Texas is his home. Hot and humid as it is, he adjusted to following his dreams.
From the age of 2 we saw the passion in his eyes as he watched the Cleveland Indians (now Guardians) play the Baltimore Orioles (he called them the Oreos). Sports seeped into his blood and from baseball he developed an interest in Football, Basketball, and Hockey. His love for sports has always been at the forefront of what he has wanted to do in life along with his music and his vocal ability. Today he is growing as he continues to work in sports. He began his career with the Akron Rubber Ducks, went to the Cleveland Indians (now Guardians), and today he is with The Dallas Wings – WNBA.
What I have witnessed in this past with is his passion for what he does for this organization. He may call me daily and complain that he is tired or that he may have made a mistake, but it stops there, and he corrects his attitude and rights his wrongs. The lessons I taught him at home as mom, he is putting into practice, not my way but his. I may need to have my home in order – he has his own order, and it works for him. As apparent I am proud of his accomplishments and despite the fact that he left me with an empty nest there is always a room for him when he comes home for a visit.
Now it’s time for the two of us to enjoy the day, so check in with me tomorrow when I post again!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Frontier Airlines got me to DFW today but let me tell you it was like a comedy of errors.
When I went to check in a nice agent started to help me until he got distracted and went off to help someone else. While waiting for him to return I realized that I had my boarding pass and didn’t need his help after all. I proceeded to check in at TSA and typically this process is long and laborious with straight unemotional connections between the passengers and the agents, but not today. The women who checked me in was smiling and joking with everyone she processed through making the winding line much more entertaining. Since I made sure I read all the instructions prior to packing as to what I could put in my carry-on I did not have to face the rath of an agent throwing away my shampoo, make-up or any other product.
Since my husband drove me to the airport before he went to work, I was extremely early but I found a Bruegger’s Bagels and I had a toasted bagel and the world’s worst ice coffee! As I sat at table (alone) I work on some various marketing plans and that kept me busy for a while. When it was getting close to the time, I needed to be at my gate, I wandered over to Gate 6 only to hear an announcement that the flight to Miami was cancelled. (Not my flight, but the flight before mine!) The range of emotions and anger I witnessed was as if the earth had erupted under our feet…
The gate agent tried to explain she had no information other than the flight was cancelled and they could follow the directions in the email Frontier had sent out to the impacted flyers or they could go out of security and go to the desk agents to rebook. (This was not taken well by the travelers.) It was just about this time I learned my gate had changed and although not too far it felt like miles for me as my shoulder pain (rotator cuff pain) was increasing and I physically and emotionally wanted to cry from the discomfort.
I got to the gate and as I am waiting for my flight, at the adjacent gate I heard people complaining that they were locked out of the jetway, and they wanted to board their plan to the Dominican Republic. However, no one knew why the jetway had been secured with about 30 passengers that were checked in to board. Within 15 minutes someone appeared from Cleveland Hopkins, not Frontier, to provide an answer to the 30 individuals who were frustrated and upset as for most of them this was a plane taking them on vacation. And while the Cleveland Hopkins Employee tried to resolve the issue, the plan pulled away from the jetway and prepared for take-off, which it did! I am not sure how this all transpired but heard that the plane was brought back, and the individuals were sent to yet another gate to await for the return of this plane that was airborne when told to return. Now to make matters worse, it was determined that the crew on this flight once they returned would not be able to resume the flight to Dominican Republic as they would have been in service over the allotted hours. I don’t know the rest of the story.
What I do know is my gate was changed again and lucky I had paid for early access, so I was one of the first to board the plane. Now if you have never flown Frontier this is a no-frills airline but it’s ala carte – with an inexpensive flight but you pay for your carry-ons and seat selection and boarding priority, The sits are jammed in – no first class, or business, everything is the same with minimal leg room and the seats are hard as rocks! I was lucky enough to have a window seat and the shared the row with a nice young woman and her two children. I tried to sleep but between my arm pain and the seat having no padding it was difficult to get comfortable and relax.
It is now the following morning as I got to DFW with no complications on the airplane or with any of the passengers (no drama, TG!) My son was at the airport waiting for me and it was the highlight of my day when he got out of the car to take my luggage and give me a huge bear hug. We went directly to his apartment so I could relax, however, my son has not perfected house cleaning and I think he secretly planned on making it look bad so MOMMA would clean it. (Not surprised) So I began the chore of cleaning and now today I will be baking another agreement between us.
For those of you who know, my right arm and shoulder have been compromised with a rotator cuff injury. I’ve been in PT since December but two weeks ago faced the reality that PT is not the answer. I am still exercising the right arm as recommended. The problem is being a RIGHTY I am overusing the arm naturally and I think I truly overused it yesterday. I am now awaiting a delivery from Walgreens which includes Volatrin cream and a sling. It has been suggested that when I am out among people wearing the sling will help avoid someone bumping my arm or me overusing it.
Spending time with my son so far has been enjoyable – we watched the Cleveland Guardians beat the Cincinnati Reds…
Alex is now getting ready to go to work – in addition to baking cookies I plan on doing little else because I need the time to just BE!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Franz-Josef-Strauss Munich airport with control tower
I am sitting at the airport- early it’s 9:50 am and my flight boards in 3 hours. Yes, I got here real early as my husband drove me to the airport versus taking an UBER which would have added another $75 to my travels. I was up and packed and it gave us a few extra minutes together before I head off to Texas for a week.
I am not the best flier although for a number of years I was flying every other week as an IT and Training Consultant. But since 2020 and the massive changes to checking in and TSA while giving myself extra time is a no-brainer. Actually, the biggest changes to flying occurred after 911 – but since COVID people (generalization) don’t want to work!
As I am sitting at a computer bar writing today’s blog/message I am enjoying the people watching. I am amazed at the outfits many are wearing from pajamas to full suit attire. One young female just walked by me wearing the shortest shorts I have ever seen and tight too. Not sure how she can sit down without them digging into her. I am also noting how extreme some of the hoodie wearers are. I am not judging just thinking out loud.
Another thought that has me a bit withdrawn as I sit here is having the opportunity to reflect on how mindfulness has changed me. As I said in the beginning, I don’t consider myself a good flier, I am more of an imposter, trying not to show my vulnerability. I created this persona when I was traveling for work and again now traveling to spend time with my youngest som. I am identifying with the need to be aware of my surroundings, my luggage, phone, purse, computer, etc. I have developed an immense anxiety and pain in my neck shoulders that most likely will remain with me for at least a couple of days. This trip is not a restful vacation. Even as I sit here, I am trying to reduce the stress by taking breaks while I am writing as well as doing some of the less obvious stretches to reduce the neck and shoulder pain. When you have two rotator cuff injuries one on the left that has been treated several times and one on the right side that treatment doesn’t touch you learn to work through the pain with adjustments. Chronic Pain has been part of my life now for over 55 years – I refuse to let it stop me as I proceed to follow my path.
Some of us created a path and they continue to follow it even when stones, rocks and cement walls stop them in their tracks. In fact, some claim that they were expecting those things to appear, but they just break through the barriers as if ‘fairy dust’ circumvents them from staying on the straight and narrow. However, I don’t believe in ‘fairy dust’ and I know I am the only one who can change my life’s course.
When I become anxious or doubtful of who I am I press on to open my heart and soul to fulfill my purpose. As a young child I always knew I wanted to help others because I believe in KARMA and if I can help one person, I am helping myself. Every job I have had, every organization I have represented I have extended my hand to others. Sometime all you can do is provide the human touch, but that touch can be limitless for me and you.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Tomorrow at this time I will be at the airport preparing to visit my youngest son in Texas. Two years ago, my son Alex began his journey to pursue his career dreams. He packed up his 2011 Kermit Green Mazda 2 and drove off into the sunset. As a parent, we note all the milestones in the lives of our children from the moment they are born. Many of these achievements are noted in baby books, journals and the various items we collect and saved so that some day they will share these with their children. That milestone two years ago when he spread his wings took a part of my heart with him.
I have two wonderful sons, despite their busy careers they are still connected to me, as well as their dad. Living hundreds or thousands of miles away has not change our relationship and I feel blessed that my boys, my sons, are my friends as they are not adult men. Having the opportunity to visit with them whether here at home or in their home is special.
For the next week while I will be in Texas, I will be baking his favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe, the cookies are not just for him but for the Dallas Wings Team and Front Office. This is becoming a tradition as I did the same last year at this time. I will also be attending two home games this week when the Dallas Wings host the Seattle Storm on Thursday, June 13th and on Saturday the 15th against the Connecticut Storm. I am excited about seeing my son and being part of these two home games. This team may be struggling but I support them 100%.
The difficult part of this week is leaving my husband for a week. Rich is my best friend, husband, and lover and when you reach a certain age you realize that every day together is more precious than the day before. I heard someone say that I have less day ahead then I have lived in the past and it is even more important to make them my best. Waking up each day and finding the blooming flowers that identify the beauty of life is essential for our happiness, my happiness. I will use this time away to connect with my son and so many others that have a special place in my heart and upon my return my husband and I will cherish out time together.
As a coach I know the importance of feeding our personal needs and sometimes as positive as it they may be creating happiness sometimes mixes with sadness. But sadness can also remind us as to what is important through our journey of life!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Joe and Abe Moss
Would Be Baseball Players
June 8, 1917, a baby boy, named Jay Moss, was born to Jenny Cohen Moss and Abe Moss of Detroit, Michigan. As the story goes, prior to Abe and Jenny meeting and deciding to marry, Abe and his brother Joe played baseball for the Holland Wooden Shoes, a barnstorming team. [The Holland Wooden Shoes were a minor league baseball team based in Holland, Michigan. In 1910 and 1911, the Wooden Shoes played as members of the Class D level Western Michigan League and its successor, the 1911 Michigan State League. The Wooden Shoes hosted home games at the 19th Street Grounds.] Both grandpa Abe and his brother Joe were offered to continue with the league and when they went home to tell their mother, my great-Baube Moskovitz, her reply was; “Only bums play baseball.” Needless to say, they did not make it their career choice and Abe met Jenny and together they started their family with my dad, followed by the birth of his brother Asher, and his sister Leiba. Sadly, they have all passed on to an eternal world and yet my memories are as clear as if they were sitting in this room with me as I write this.
107 years ago, obviously before I wasn’t a twinkle in anyone’s eye, my father entered this world with a loud cry. For reasons unknown at the time, he was a fussy crying baby and in the summer of 1917 during the World Flu Epidemic was affected by the epidemic. Within the first few weeks of his life his parents (Jenny and Abe) were told to prepared for his death. In Jewish tradition an ill child is given a second name of someone who has lived a long life to provide the positive vibes for recovery and a long life, hence Harmon was added to his name as Jay Harmon Moss.
The flu epidemic left him with a lingering illness of scarlet fever which eventually turned into angina pains that would weaken his heart but not his will to live and love. I got to know my father as the gentle giant who went through his life with chronic heart pain. There were many scares along the way, trips to the ER, hospital stays and open-heart surgery in the early days of by-pass surgeries. As successful as his by-pass surgery was, he had numerous procedures from 1974 until his death in 2004.
My father left a legacy of poetry and letter writing as well as his love for so many from his wife, my mom, his honey, D’vasha to his children Gary, Joel, and me. Pops opened his heart to many, and he proved to be a good son as well as good son-in-law. I don’t know anyone who ever met him who didn’t like him. My father always shared the message that nothing is impossible if you wanted it. He was quick to remind us that nothing in life is easy and that working for what you want is essential to your happiness.
If we were to celebrate my dad’s birthday today instead of a cake with candles, he would prefer a lemon meringue pie or coconut cream. His favorite treat was a ‘napoleon’, and he would request one at the strangest times. My dad never asked for much, he was happy when his wife was happy and that his children were finding the resources to succeed.
Today is bittersweet as I wish I could sit down and tell my Pops how much I love him and that his guidance as a child and an adult has provided me with a sense of security. Not that I want to be alone, but I believe he has provide me with the strength to be alone if needed. I feel the energy to be my true self as he was true to himself. He had the dream of being a poet and accomplished author and his poetry hit the hearts of many for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, newborn welcomes, and just for the writing of it!
It took me a long time to accomplish my writing and to share my thoughts and words like my pop did, but I know it is a gift from him and on this 107th Birthday I want to scream out to my POPs HAPPY B IRTHDAY!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6
No one is perfect but we all can work towards that goal if that is how we identify ourselves and our success. However, to be perfect we must learn from our mistakes and the obstacles along our path of life may be challenging. When we search for the answer turning the Rubiks Cube™ of life until all the colors match, we will have accomplished that step. Now on to the next!
When we need help/assistance/guidance we need to be honest with ourselves and those around us that we are not asking for them to do the work for us, we are searching for options to refocus on the answer we need for that next step. As I discuss with my listeners on ‘Avoid the Maze’ and with my clients being mindful of where we want our journey to lead us will provide us with direction. However, all roads may not lead in the direction we are heading, and we may come to a dead end or the wall in the maze and feel stuck. Stop! We have choices. All we need to do is look around us and see the fork in the road or turn around and retrace the steps we created. Be mindful of the steps we take, the answer will be there, but like a mystery we need to look for it.
The mystery in finding a life of happiness is creating it. No one can create our feelings because they belong to us. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” She was a wise woman who shared the following:
- Despite her childhood misfortunes she chose not to be a victim.
- She knew that to make advancements like reach our goals, we need to build a movement.
- She believed in equality and if we can accept that philosophy, we all have the ability to create our success.
We all spell success – S U C C E S S and we all can be successful. Money is not success, money and STUFF may be obtainable with money – but the true S U C C E S S is creating our personal happiness.
The phrase “let a smile be your umbrella” is the title of a song, made popular in the 1940s but brought to life among children of ages when song by Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street™ with the words, “Let a Frown Be Your Umbrella”. But of course, his pals on the show would tell him to smile and turn his frown upside down.
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight” – Gloria Steinem. It will help us create our path to happiness and success.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
Joel and Gary Moss – My Brothers
My Brothers!
My brother Gary called me the other evening. He had a surprise visit from our brother Joel. Gary lives in Orange County, California, Joel lives in Saratoga Springs, NY, and I live in Cleveland, Ohio; get togethers are not frequent and often coincide with a business trip or a family issue. As it turns out, Joel, who is in the music industry, had a project in the LA area which brought him out west and close enough for the two brothers to spend some time together.
Those of you who are familiar with California know that it can take a whole day to come from Leisure World in Orange County to the LA music center, but what’s a drive in traffic when it means two brothers can eat good corn beef at a Jewish Deli?
When Gary called to share his visit with Joel, there were mixed emotions of happiness but also the realization of sadness, when would they see each other again and how and where this would happen. It’s been two years since I have seen Gary when he was in Michigan for a Scrabble™ tournament as well as visiting his kids and grandkids. Typically, my husband and I drive up to see Joel and his family for Thanksgiving. However, this triggered me as well, when will I see them again? As we are all evolving (some call it aging) we are getting closer to the time when driving and or traveling may not be easy or convenient and it is costly with the three of us separated by many miles. I do keep in touch with my brothers via Facebook, email, and phone calls but the day-to-day connections are few and far between.
Up until 2016 prior to our mother’s passing, we all tried to gather in Michigan once a year, typically for mom’s birthday or some other simcha in the family. Two of Gary’s children are in Michigan as well as many cousins who sadly we have been losing touch with since our matriarch has passed away. Our mom was the glue that kept us all together and without her well life went down different roads.
When Gary shared that Joel was in California and that they had spent a special time together I was a bit envious because I miss my family and I love my brothers. Growing up we may have had personal angst against each other but as adults we like each other in all our personal weirdness.
Our family is not much different than many today. It’s not unusual for siblings to be living in different cities, states and occasionally in different countries. As I have mentioned many times, my two sons live in different states and our schedules do not always allow us to be together at the same time, but we make the most of our time together in person as well as virtually. So, despite a little sadness I am feeling a lot of happiness. My conversation with my brother Gary made me realize how special my relationship is with my brothers and I can look at the picture they took when they were together and I feel blessed that they are my big brothers!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
I have been watching /binging movies on World War II -specifically the aspects of the Holocaust and the promises that we would never forget. One crazy genius of a man turned our World upside. Hitler and those that followed him thought they had the answer to a perfect world and that was to get rid of anyone whom they perceived to be different and or unfit. They were more than bullies, and sadly we are seeing remnants of this mentality all around the world. How did we not learn from his destruction and disruption of life? How and why did so many follow him and allow him to lead them eventually to their deaths.
Why can’t we live in peace and harmony? Why do we always have to one up someone and demand that others follow?
Did your mother or father ever ask you the question, “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?” “Why would you follow, what made that friend the leader to choose that jumping off a bridge made sense?” And yet we are all followers, even those of us who attempt to lead. Too often we are like sheep being led to slaughter (figuratively). When are we going to learn as history does have a way of repeating itself.
We have choices and we need to learn to love and respect life and the differences among us that are beautiful. We should not be sitting in judgement of ourselves or others. Choose to be the best version of yourself and not the better version of someone else. Better is not best but living with positivity and nourishing those around us is what living our best version is all about.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
Weekends, Holidays, and Significant Days seem to bring out the sadness in many. I don’t know it I am realizing this more as I am continuously looking for subjects for podcasts as well as to topics/areas to assist my clients with moving forward and not feeling stuck. I too have felt the downward slide, on these days that ring with ‘happiness’, on social media. But are they has happy as they sound or are others trying to feel happy so they can fit into the mold of the day? The truth is many of those posting the fun times with family and friends may not be having as much fun as others, they are hiding behind the camera lens and asking others to smile. Yes, I know this feeling all too well as I was the one behind the camera lens often being invited to capture the happiness of the day. However, I can tell you not everyone was having a good time, in fact some wished they could have stayed home and done nothing, while others expected more out of the invitation. Perception can turn what we thought would be engaging and make us happy into disappointment.
Why do we always think the grass is greener and everyone else is happier then us? Why do we feel the need to be happy 24/7 and yet not know what makes us happy. In fact, if I asked you what would make you happy right now, what would you answer?
Yesterday I told my husband I was not cooking all day. In the morning, we went out for coffee and a pastry and at lunch he reheated the leftovers from the previous nights’ dinner. When it came time for dinner I could not decide where we should go and all the places, he offered did not sound appealing. Until he suggested Dairy Queen Brazier, and my mouth started to water. Dinner was simple, a small single cheeseburger for each, a shared soft drink, and two small hot fudge sundaes. An inexpensive dining experience that felt just right and both of us were smiling and happy. Who would have thought DQ would make us both happy, but it did.
Typically, we go to our favorite coffee shop on Sunday morning and today was no different. Going out gives us the chance to just chat without the distractions of the TV, or what needs to be done at home. We both need this time as we have very active schedules during the week and my husband knows that I find it difficult to relax at home whereas he can sit in front of the TV and sleep away a day.
With no family in the area and many of our friends involved with their families or they are independent like us, we have learned to be content and find something positive in each day. At 74 we both are in the working sector. My husband drives one hour to and from work and he works a full 8 hour a day schedule. He is blessed that he likes the IT work he is involved with and the people whom he works with. As you probably know from reading the blogs on our website, I am a podcaster, producer, life coach, and writer. I also have an old fashion sense about me and as the woman of the house I do the majority of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping. If I ask my husband for assistance he will pitch and he does his best to limit what I have to do.
Sadly, I have met a large number of women online who are struggling in what is labeled as out ‘Golden Years’. Like many, for various reasons which I will not share at this time, we have a minimal retirement fund. It may get us through a few months if we weren’t working so we are doing out best to stretch it our as long as we can. We also have experienced not working and it doesn’t suit us, we need to feel needed and working at our skill level allows that feeling to exist for us.
But for those who may be reading this and feeling like you deserve more all I can tell you is that you have to make it happen for yourself. For many years we opened our home up and had theme parties and we spent a fortune of money on food and drinks to please our guests. At the beginning of each party, I was happy, smiling, and feeling on top of the world but by mid-point my happiness drained out of my physical body and emotionally turned happiness into resentment. Trying to be the perfect hostess everyone wanted a piece of me, and I felt stretch beyond my limits, but I refused to let on.
Eventually I shared with those guests that maybe next time they would like to host and when they did not pick up on the suggestion, we stopped having parties. I realized that having friends over that didn’t want to reciprocate was not the life I wanted to continue. Strangely when we stopped inviting guests over, I would hear through the grapevine that they all missed getting together and they were hoping we would resume the parties again.
Today our society has changed at least in the 55+ age group. We all have different needs and wants, and we don’t want to impose them on others, so we tend not invite friends and relatives over. Even going out to eat with others can be a challenge as this one doesn’t eat this or that, or the place is too noisy or not comfortable. Trying to accommodate our individual needs can be hard enough and having to balance for others can create a sense of overwhelming dislike. So, we find ourselves alone…
I refuse to feel sorry for myself. Occasionally I may feel a nostalgic sadness for the past, but I find the sunshine behind the clouds and smile over going to DQ even when my husband is willing to take me out for an expensive dinner. I think if there had been music at DQ we may have gotten up and danced!
It’s your choice, don’t wait for someone else to make it for you!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
https://newclevelandradio.net/yesican-a-personal-coaching-journey/
440 526 1530
I just wanted to wish you all a nice 3- or 4-day weekend – that is if you have the time off from work in or out of you of your home. Growing-up, Memorial Day meant buying a paper poppy from a Veteran and wearing it with pride. Later in life I lived in a community where everyone gathered at the Fire Station for donuts and a parade to two different cemeteries in the area. When other families had bar b-q’s we rarely did, the weekend and the day blended into the other days of the week, except for the morning parade. [I haven’t seen any Veterans Selling Poppies this year!]
As my sons grew up and chose not to attend the parade due to school, work or other obligations my husband and I stopped attending as well and Memorial Day became an extra day we didn’t have to work.
I don’t expect this year to be any different, however I will say I am more mindful of this holiday and what it stands for. I appreciate those that have served our country to keep us safe from harm as well as providing support to our Ally’s around the world.
My uncle Asher served in the Army as did my cousins Wally in the Navy and Marvin in the Airforce. My father enlisted for World War II but was rejected [[6] Class 4-F referred to men who were deemed “unfit for service due to physical, mental, or moral reasons.” [7] The military rejected these men altogether.] My dad was rejected for flat feet, never mind he had lingering symptoms from Scarlet Fever. Although my dad did not serve in the armed services, he did work in the war plant located at Ford’s Willow Run Facility.
My personal salute is to these family members, three of them have passed on to what I believe are greener pastures, but they are all in my thoughts.
We all choose to acknowledge and or celebrate this holiday weekend in our way. I want to believe most of us appreciate those that have served, are serving, or considering their participation in armed forces. What I don’t like about holidays like this is too many of us only acknowledge our Veterans on Memorial Day and yet they need our acknowledgment 365 days a year. Those serving has families and those families are our families and or neighbors. The sacrifice for serving extends beyond the service corps, mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses, and children are all in service to our country in their own way. Let’s not forget they need our support too.
If you observe the holiday with an outing, mini vacation, or Bar-BQ, keep in mind what this holiday is all about – [Originally called Decoration Day, from the early tradition of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths and flags, Memorial Day is a day for remembrance of those who have died in service to our country.] according to protocol this day is for the Fallen Soldiers (military) however, I will go against tradition and include the current military as well.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
On this beautiful Saturday afternoon in Northeast Ohio, or wherever you may reside, how are your emotions holding up?
Many women experienced some highs and lows last Sunday on the manufactured day of Mother’s Day.
Per Wikipedia: During the 19th century, women’s peace groups in the United States tried establishing holidays and regular activities in favor of peace and against war. A common early activity was the meeting of groups of mothers whose sons had fought or died on opposite sides of the American Civil War. It was established by Anna Jarvis, with the first Mother’s Day celebrated through a service of worship at St. Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908.
Over the last 100 + years the second Sunday in May has become a commercial holiday for florists, candy makers, greeting cards, and messages to our mom, grandma’s as well as aunts, cousins, and friends who have provided us with motherly love and kindness. The commerciality of this day has created a negative connotation for Want to be Moms by no choice of their own, not having a child(ren) to make them feel special on this day. Or the mother who has lost a child by death, divorce or estrangement feeling sad, anxious, or even depressed.
This Monday evening at 6:30 pm GRIEF BeLIEF will focus on the emotions that our panel has experienced which we know many of you will understand and relate to.
https://studio.youtube.com/GRIEF BeLIEF
How did your emotions play out? Were you wearing an emotional mask so as not to upset anyone else. Did you pretend you were OK when you may have been feeling less love, compassion, and happiness? If so, this is as unhealthy as it may be expression those emotions in anger or deep sorrow. When we choose mindfulness, we can sort through the correct words and tone to express happiness and sadness. If you are a Baby Boomer, you most likely were brought up with much stricter rules than your children or their children today. Many of us Boomer’s would not conceive of not remembering our grandmother’s mother’s and maybe even the lady next store on Mother’s Day. However, many of us did not re-enforce our personal needs which may include, ‘If you don’t remember me on Mother’s Day you are being disrespectful to me.’ The truth is our children and grandchildren may not see the need to tell us they love us they would rather choose when and how they express their emotions. Yes, they have emotions and needs just like us.
Please note I am not disqualifying your feelings if you felt rejected, unloved, or emotionally estranged from one or more of your children. I too have spent a number of Mother’s Day without the acknowledgement. The first one or two I cried and felt sorry for myself, but when the sun rose on Monday it was just another day and my tears had dried up. I was still carrying the burden of my sadness on my shoulders, and I had to work very hard to unleash the sadness.
Over the years I worked with a therapist and moved on to working with coaches. I did not want to feel less than and I knew I had to develop something that would make me happy. I did a lot of exploration, and I chose to make it my day and if my sons, husband, or anyone else wanted to join in they could. When I planned my day even it meant sitting around binge watching Hallmark™ movies, I made the choice and if I was unhappy, I had no one to blame other than myself. I became more mindful of my choices and voicing them in a manner that no one felt obligated and that led me to show my family the love they too deserved.
Mother’s Day is an excuse to ask or in some families EXPECT our children to show love to mom one day a year. I would rather my children show me the love they have for me in their manner, it does not have to come only once a year on the second Sunday in the month of May.
- On Mother’s Day I go to a local plant store and get a few potted flowers for my garden.
- On Mother’s Day I ask my husband to go out for a late lunch or early dinner – in the past we have gone to McDonalds as well as to the Cheesecake Factory, just being out of the kitchen makes the day special.
- If I find tickets to a play, music, or comedy club I make the arrangements asking who would like to join in. I am making the choice where I want to go.
- If I want a gift, I gift myself, if I get gifts from my family that is a bonus, but why not treat myself?
- On Mother’s Day I take the time to reflect on my mother, mother-in-law and friends and relatives and feel the blessings from old memories and new ones I will create.
I gifted myself with tickets to a concert this evening. My husband will be joining me, and I will be smiling.
Just Have a Happy Day – You can do it!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
We didn’t take any pictures, but my oldest son came this weekend to spend Mother’s Day with us. Even though he lives in Chicago and for some people that’s a hop, skip, and jump drive for them, it is not an easy one for my hubby and me. My son is an attorney, and his life is work and more work except for his short vacations once a year, a trip to see his family in Southern Ohio as well as his visit here. He tries to arrange business visits to the East and West Coast to include some time with friends. Having him visit is enjoyable and this weekend was no acceptation. Saturday, we went to the Rock Hall, I hadn’t been there in years, and this was his first visit.
Unlike some of the pictures many posted on Facebook it was just a nice weekend, no hoopla, if I had wanted it, he would have provided it, but I just want us to be together organically.
My youngest called over the weekend and specifically on Mother’s Day. No expectations made the day and weekend, NICE.
Sadly, I have been reading on Facebook as well as some private messages sent my way that many of my friends and acquaintances were feeling lonely and depressed. As I have written over the last week, I have experienced that feeling as well in the past and the last time I caught myself going in that direction I chose to reverse my thoughts. If I am a mother and it’s my day, I can do what I want to do. That was the beginning of not counting on my sons to make note of the day whether in person or from a distance. I could call them as easily as they could call me. I could go to my favorite restaurant (I don’t have one) I did not have to depend on them. If I wanted flowers (I buy myself flowers every two weeks) I could buy them. If I needed something I knew I could find it, buy it, and have it.
If I could help one lonely mother on Mother’s Day or any day to appreciate herself and let her inner self shine to be accepted by others, I will have succeeded as a coach and podcaster. When we wait for someone else to do something for us to make us happy, we are wasting our personal resources. So, give yourself the gift of you!
Happy Monday!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Brothers
Happy Mother’s Day 2024 – And if you are a mom whose children/child has chosen (or by not choice) for one reason or another to not be part of your day you can still make today a GREAT DAY.
I know this because I have done it for myself. The first time I wasn’t as successful as I was the second, third, and more…
My oldest son moved to live with is dad at age 11, the first Mother’s Day after the move we went through hoops for me to see him. This went on for a couple of years until I finally learned to accept the visits, we did have would fill in the gaps for ‘Special’ Days I didn’t have with him. I was lucky enough to have both my mother and mother-in-law to celebrate with and allowed for that to fill in the emptiness I may have been experiencing.
Gary, Mom, Joel & Me
When my youngest son was born, I believed that every day was Mother’s Day as we experienced difficulty in conceiving him that I would feel the excitement from birthing him for a lifetime. However, as he grew up (maybe due to his Autism, maybe not) celebrating others was not easy for him and often on a day like today I experienced a disgruntled child instead of the Hallmark™ tradition of cards, flowers, and breakfast in bed.
I found myself for years trying to find that one Golden Moment in the day to make me smile and cherish my life, but it was not easy.
As both my sons grew into young men, and maturing adult men Mother’s Day has taken on a different shade of yellow sunshine. Developing a relationship with each of them while allowing them their individual needs has created my own beautiful picture that sometimes coordinates to the calendar date of Mother’s Day but more often than not, coordinating to any day of the week, month, or year. It’s been many years since I have had both my boys together at the same time, they both have busy schedules, and I don’t question them. It’s all about living without judgement.
Standing in Back MY Loving Mother-in-Law Loretta Hale
The way I celebrated Mother’s Day for my mom and mother-in-law was a choice I made. Too often I could not be with both of them on the same day as my mother lived 3 plus hours away, but a phone call was at minimum of my respect and love I shared with her. Again, my choice, not by obligation.
Sadly, in society today there are many Baby Boomers who are feeling neglected today and are questioning, “Why Me?” The answer may never come to fruition as our children are making choices for themselves and in many situations, this does not include their parents. As a mother or father, we have a choice to make ourselves happy and not wait for a Hallmark™ holiday to celebrate US.
Two years ago today, my youngest son drove off to a new job out of state on Mother’s Day. He was expected to be at his desk at 9 am on Monday morning. It was bittersweet excited for him but feeling empty at the same time on a Hallmark™ card day. (But that was two years ago.)
This weekend my first born came in for a weekend visit. We spent time together chatting, reminiscing, and enjoying each other’s company. Sometime today my youngest will call (we talk almost every day), and I will be going to visit him next month. I am blessed and lucky that despite the deficits I experienced in the past on Mother’s Day I have learned to appreciate what I have and not compare it to others who may appear to have more or even less.
If my mother and father taught me one piece of Wisdom that makes my life happier it is to appreciate what you have and where you at the moment. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Learn through trial and error (yes error) what works for you and not just on Mother’s Day but every other day of your life. Make a toast to YOU, the remarkable Person YOU are.
Happy Mother’s Day! I Celebrate YOU!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
It’s Mother’s Day Weekend – However, not everyone is a mother- there are women who choose to be mom’s and others who choose not and sometimes the choice is not theirs.
Growing up Mother’s Day was very special because it meant time with my dad to go shopping for a Mother’s Day Gift.
I remember one year in particular Dad took my brother Joel and I to Demry’s (in Detroit where we lived) and we bought mom a purse and a red pleated ½ slip. In those days women wore dresses and skirts and always need a slip. The purse was a big purchase as dad knew the one, she wanted but would never buy for herself.
Mother’s Day morning often began late for us as I had Sunday School in the morning, so mom didn’t get her gifts until I got home. And soon after that, dressed in our Sunday Finest we packed into the car to visit my mom’s mother, Baube Freedman and then to my dad’s mother, Grandma Jen, and we often topped it off going out for Chinese Food.
Over the years many of these rituals changed and once I started babysitting and earning my own money, I would go to this little dress shop on Wyoming, just down from Dexter Davidson to buy mom an Initial Hankie. When she passed, I found one in her drawer, and I have it in my treasures now.
Having children of my own Mother’s Day has been a bit non-descript as divorce remarriage and extended mom’s and grandmas provided us/me with challenges. However, as long as my mother-in-law Lorretta was alive and my mom too, I never missed a Mother’s Day whether with a gift or time spent together as a gift.
Today having two adult sons’ every day is Mother’s Day and I feel blessed that they are doing well living their lives just as I have as an adult. Their phone calls, text messages, and emails warm my heart. I don’t expect them but when received they mean so much to me.
There are many moms who are estranged from their children or child or grandkids for a reason often unknown. My heart breaks for them as I went through that for five years. Again, I was blessed when that estrangement got reconciled and what I learned from it is we sometimes we believe we don’t have choices, but we do. I chose to continue to love my son and keep the door open for him. I chose not to intrude although as a mom, as a human it is in our DNA to want to confront – My comment to anyone experiencing this, give the family time, give them the space and ability to choose what is best for them. You can continue to love that person and keep the door open, they may walk through it, and again they may not. This is your opportunity to find peace – don’t hold the pain inside, do not allow another life to destroy yours.
Reach out find someone to talk to – turn your pain and hurt into something positive –
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
I once thought that my relationship with others was the only way I could experience happiness. It’s not that I want to spend my days alone, but what I have finally learned after being stuck in the maze of life is that I am the only one who can make me happy. You and others may contribute to that joyful feeling, but if I cannot recognize it on my own, I will not fully experience the emotion.
Did you know that happiness does not always mean an exuberant joy, in fact more often it is the feeling of contentment of being OK!
Growing up and getting lost in the maze of life too often I felt stuck waiting for the feeling up jubilation. When it didn’t develop, I thought I was defective as my emotions turned to sadness. I didn’t understand that I had the control to choose happy over sad.
Growing up I would get sad if a friend didn’t ask me to play; I now understand I may have produced happiness if I would have asked a friend to play.
When it came to dating, I would choose sadness if the boy I wanted to ask me out asked out someone else; I now understand I could have chosen happiness and felt comfortable with my alone time.
When I applied to college but didn’t get into my first choice and allowed devastation to fill my core; I now understand I could have chosen happiness with the numerous schools that did accept me.
Even when I was going through my divorce, as sad and unhappy as I was, I could have chosen happiness to move forward leaving behind unhappiness I had refused to see.
There are many other detours in our lives that cause us to feel sadness and sometimes we need to be sad in order to find happiness down the path. If we keep walking and are mindful of the steps we are taking, we will find a path to happiness.
“Happiness depends upon ourselves” — Aristotle
“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us” — Ashley Montagu
“I wake up every morning with a great desire to live joyfully.” — Anna Howard Shaw
“There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.” Oprah
“Don’t be trapped by dogma-which is living with the results o other people’s thinking.” Steve Jobs
“Whoever is happy will make others happy.” Anne Frank
“Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things.” ― Ann Brashares, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Write your quote on happiness. What is Mantra?
“Happiness is the emotion that gives me purpose!” Karen Hale
I had a guest on my podcast, Avoid the Maze, today. His name is Ken Attard. Ken made me smile right from the beginning. As he was signing into the zoom meeting with me, he had a cartoon character of himself that showed up. That was my first impression that this was going to be a good/fun podcast. https://youtu.be/AI3TTwEmD8k
I’ve been lucky in that the guests who actually show-up for their podcast with me are knowledgeable, engaging, as well as adding humor to the conversation. If you noted, I said those that show-up because 50% do not even though I send out confirmation emails and reminders. This morning was no exception and I wonder why you would accept an invitation and just not show up. But enough of that, let me share my thoughts of this morning.
Ken and I discussed positive mindsets and when you allow yourself the opportunity to tap into who you are, what you feel, what you think, and where those thoughts come from you will begin to ‘evolve’ (my word) into the best version of yourself. However, if you continue to stick to the same routine, habits, and thoughts you will become stagnant. The truth is we all want to be at our best and experience positive outcomes.
I shared with Ken that at a young age I developed self-doubt in my abilities as well as my look, and my thoughts did not offer me much positivity. I walked around asking myself, “Why Me?” Self-doubt seeped out of my pores even strangers picked up my poor self-esteem. It took years for me to witness it myself and become aware of how this was affecting my lack of happiness. When I accepted that I was the only one who could control my happiness was the day my self-doubt began to evaporate. (I’m not perfect, self-doubt, internal judgements still try to emerge and invade my space.)
[The ARC method, which stands for Ask, Respect, Connect, is a tool for gaining clarity in any situation.] Ken explores this a little more in-depth in the podcast, but it is true when you ask the question, respect the answer/results even if you do not agree, and allow your self to connect to the concept is and indicator that you are willing to see the glass half full and positivity as a path to clarity and happiness.
Even on cold grey Spring days in Northeast Ohio, and 50% of my podcast guests not showing up, I can still see the positivity in this day. Ken did show up for his podcast spot and it was a great show. I also know the sun is shining behind the clouds and soon the Spring temperatures will warm up. I choose to see life as it is and accept that this is how it should be at this time.
As I continue to share my words and thoughts writing, podcasting, and coaching I know my purpose in life, do you know yours?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Tomorrow at sunset (April 22, 2024) Passover begins. Growing up in Detroit, Michigan with a large family, my mother was one of five, my dad one of three, which meant there were many aunts and uncles and children to sit at the Seder Table. [The Seder is a symbolic Jewish meal that marks the transition from bondage to freedom and is served on the 15th and 16th of Nisan, the beginning of Passover. The meal includes various foods that represent different parts of the Passover story, and the Haggadah is read to tell the story of the exodus from Egypt.]
MY Dad and Grandpa Abe
Passover would begin with the search for the bread, [Known as bedikat chametz (בְּדִיקַת חָמֵץ), the search is traditionally conducted with a beeswax candle, using a feather, wooden spoon, and a paper bag for collecting …] The Passover tradition is to remove all bread and yeast raising products out of the home during the seven days of Passover, also known as Pasach! The story goes when the Hebrews exited Egypt, they had no time to let their bread rise and, in their hurry, took their preparations with them into the desert, hench Matza was born.
Although my family was not religious, we followed many traditions and keeping Kosher for Passover was one. Following my dad around the house is a memory I will not forget and what followed is an even more joyous memory.
After dad hunted for bread and removed it from the home, we began changing our dishes to those only used for the seven days of Passover. These were safely packed away wrapped in newspaper and packed in bushel baskets and boxes in our basement. We washed down the kitchen and lined the cupboards and begin washing and drying the Passover wear – this was an all-night chore that my brothers and I took part in.
Auntie Annie & Aunt Jean
The following day soon after dad left for work my aunts, Annie and Jean would show up at our house and my mom and her sisters would begin making the seder meal. Chopping white fish that came from the Hamilton Fish Market (Thanks to Uncle Morrie) and preparing gefilte fish and pure raw horseradish that would burn your kiska’s.
In our small kitchen on Ohio St in Detroit these three women not only made gefilte fish but chicken soup, roasted chicken, tzimmes, is like a strew which included apricots, raisins, cinnamon, brown sugar, prunes, apples, and broth. This would cook on the stove and simmer all day adding a wonderful fragrance throughout the house. Additionally for the chicken soup there were two types of matza balls, some soft and fluffy and some hard and firm. There always was an appetizer of chopped liver, which none of us at the time understood how bad it was for us we just knew how good it tasted.
Baking took place in this little kitchen and sponge cakes made with potato starch were created various ones to please many at our table. Many, Many Eggs are used in Passover cooking as the egg whites of the eggs made were the option for not using any leavening products such as flower. And while mom and Auntie Annie and Jean cooked, my brothers and I had chores around the house that included moving furniture around to accommodate for the dining room to be extended and adding n additional table or for the whole family.
As the day rolled by my aunts would leave to go home and wash up and dress for the Seder dinner. And prior to sunset the family would begin to fill up our small home with all the wonderful holiday smells. Back in the day (the 50s and 60s) we all dressed up. Men and boys wore suits and clean dress shirts with ties and the women all wore party style dresses and the little girls like my self wore dresses and our fancy party shoes.
Passover at Baube & Zayde Freedman’s Apartment
Sitting at our Seder table, once you sat down you could not get up, so my mom and her sisters sat close to the end of the table so they could get up and serve.
In the kitchen was Rosie who was my Auntie Annie’s housekeeper. Rosie became part of the family and helped in the kitchen and ensure we had clean dishes as the meal progressed. The holiday was never the same after Rosie passed away.
The meal did not start when we all sat down as my Zayde, My Pops, and my uncles conducted a Traditional Seder. That meant from the beginning of the Haggadah to the end – no skipping pages. By the time we got to dinner about 2 hours after sunset many of us, especially the kids were tired, but the second half of the Seder there is singing and the hiding and finding of the Afikomen [Afikomen is a Greek word that refers to a piece of matzo that is broken off from the middle of the three matzoth used in the Passover Seder and eaten at the end of the meal. The afikomen is hidden during the meal and is not eaten until the Seder has reached the twelfth step, called tzafun, which means “hidden” or “concealed”.]
My Dad
In my family the leader of the Seder, most often my father, would hide the Matza and the child who found it would get a prize. My dad was always prepared with Silver Dollars. When the child found it, he would negotiate with my dad to buy the Matza- Afikomen back so the seder could continue. Not only did the child who found it get a silver dollar but so did all the young children. However, as we grew into our teens many of us allowed the younger cousins to earn the prize.
We all participated in the seder in the beginning are the four questions and it up to the youngest to ask them, but not only do they ask them but any of the children who wanted to participate would recite the prayer in English and or Hebrew.
Auntie Annie
The second part of the seder was more musical to many of us than prayer and one special memory for me is my Auntie Annie loving to sing, “Deynu” is one and all would keep beat on the table, but Auntie Annie smiled the biggest for ‘Chayd Gadya’, If you know the song about , “The old woman who swallowed the fly I don’t know why, she swallowed the fly…” Well, Chayd Gadya [ “One little goat, one little goat! Then God came and defeated the Angel of Death that killed the butcher that slaughtered the ox that drank the water that put out the fire that burned the stick that hit the dog that bit the cat that ate the goat that my father bought for just two coins. One little goat, one little goat!]
(One interpretation is that Chad Gadya is about the different nations that have conquered the Land of Israel: The kid symbolizes the Jewish people; the cat, Assyria; the dog, Babylon; the stick, Persia; the fire, Macedonia; the water, Roman Empire; the ox, the Saracens; the slaughterer, the Crusaders; the angel of death …)
Memories are flooding my mind as I write this, I miss my parents, my grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and Cousins who have passed. As a child I thought it would always be like this and we never let go of the traditions established by our parents. But as we evolve and move in different directions sometimes, we only have our memories.
In the early 80s prior to meeting my husband, I was a single mom, and I had a circle of single friends. I chose to try to relive my family memories and created a seder with 30 other people with no family nearby to share the holiday with. It was not the same, but it is a dear memory of mine and if filled a void for me at the time.
MY MOMMA & POPS
Tomorrow night I will not be celebrating the Passover Meal, but I will allow my thoughts and love to reach into the heavens to those individuals who have made me smile even years after they have left this earth. Someday I will be reunited with them, and I plan to sing Deynu and Chad Gadya with Auntie Annie!
Chag Semach! Happy Holiday to all
Cousins
Passover Table
Cousins and more
It’s OK – take a day and get caught up. In the past I lived on a hamster wheel. I would go from one activity/task to another, and my brain did fairly well multi-tasking. However, I did make mistakes along the way and too often did not see those mistakes until they affected someone else. I have noticed after the last couple of years that I don’t like multi-tasking, at least at the rate I was tasking previously. Today I find I become overwhelmed, and my brain keeps warning me that I am going to crash and burn unless I stop. Stopping for me is purposeful, bringing me back to the here and now and refocusing my intent.
This morning, I went back into my son’s previous bedroom and did a little more work. The room is small and overwhelming for me with all the things he left behind that he plans some day to sort through and decided what he may want to keep and what can be donated or throw out. Alex lived in that room for room for 12 years so there is an abundance of childhood, teenage, and young adult things. All I can do is sort through it and box things up to lessen the clutter and make it into a quiet sitting room for me. My hope is to also move my stationary bike into that room providing me the space to work out as well as find some peace.
In order to provide myself with satisfaction for accomplishing my tasks today I am using my Apple Watch to help me set my time while completing my what to do list. That list includes taking the time to look out my office window and visualize the sun behind the grey skies. Being able to visualize the beauty of a Spring morning lifts my spirits. We all have something that makes us smile and warms our spiritual being and when we find that, at least for me, it is essential to bring that into my day.
Being vulnerable here I will admit I did not feel so positive most of my life. In fact, I was a negative “Nelly”. My mother and father could not understand why I felt less than others and why I carried it around on my sleeve. I’ve always been a doer, doing things for others, making others happy. When I was yet a young child, maybe 7, 8 or 9 years old, I would go over to Florence Panich’s house and clean her baseboards so I could enjoy a few minutes at her dressing table and have her spray me with her perfume in beautiful atomizers. (That made me feel special.) I made Florence happy and in turn I got my reward, but most of the time I made others happy, helping them to feel as if there was nothing for me.
I brought this ‘people pleaser’ into my first marriage and tried desperately to be happy but hindsight has shown me that it was a learning step for me. to find me. Although at the time of my divorce I did not understand what I was supposed to learn, I was determined to learn. I will admit to all of you, specifically to my Coaching Clients, it has taken me a long time to evolve into the person I am today.
When I began the podcast, “Avoid the Maze”, https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggnxQkcre4xD9_TvFIAzBZ3N, I knew I was not alone in my confusion as to who I am what my purpose is here on earth. This podcasting led me to officially become a coach because I know my experiences are much like yours and sometimes, we need assistance to become aware of life around us and take the steps to be more intentional in living our life being the best version of ourselves. I LOVE MYSELF! I did not acknowledge myself until many years into my marriage with my current husband of 40 years. Rich is my best friend and yet we do not always agree, and we do butt heads, but I know I can tell him anything and he can be honest with me as well. Life isn’t always perfect because there is no PERFECTION.
Just like today, the sun is shining behind the cloudy skies. There is sunshine and happiness in all of us and we need to release it and share it, the energy of happiness is vitalizing, and we have the power to help others through a nice thought, a smile, a gesture. This week I have had the honor of hosting guests on “Avoid the Maze” that energized me. They too have struggled through their journey, but they too have developed a plan that has transformed the negativity into positivity. Each of my guests have developed the art to help others through their personal learning experiences. Just like my guests with each person we touch we receive the energy to continue with our growth and to continue evolving into the best versions of ourselves.
Don’t let someone tell you are not worthy and do not tell yourself you aren’t worthy. Look beyond the gray skies, find the sun, feel the warmth, and evolve into your best you.
[I am dedicating that last line to a friend I have made online. This individual has been noted as a prominent writer and speaker. Something happened that convinced my friend she is not worthy and that they are all alone. This individual has some baggage that has been suffocating them, and I pray that today this friend will look beyond the grey skies and feel the beauty and warmth they deserve.]
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
How did we get here so quickly? I am not a winter person, and I am so glad it is April, despite the fact that today’s temperature and forecast are not Spring friendly. The last three months have flown by, and I am not complaining because this past winter was not bad considering I don’t like snow or ice or freezing temps. We were blessed in Northeast Ohio with a mild winter. As I sit at my desk this morning it just seems like I blinked, and the first quarter of 2024 is behind me.
Podcasting and coaching have taught me to look ahead and use today, each day as steppingstones. I have learned that there is always something in front of us that will provide the warmth and sunshine we all desire and need. We are just like the flowers that push up from the soil slowly emerging as the season changes. Now is the time for all of us to take stock of who we are and who do we want to be.
For those who say, “I am happy with who I am today”, ask yourself what you may need to do as you evolve into tomorrow. Don’t rely on staying the same because NOTHING stays the same.
This morning, I read a post on Facebook from someone I do not know. The post triggered me as she was fighting her emotions just having suffered a miscarriage. Her message was a cry for help, awareness, and understanding that she was in deep pain! Yes, she is grieving the loss of a baby she was expecting to birth and raise and LOVE. Her dreams are shattered, and she has no coping skills to understand she needs to grief despite those around her telling her things like, “You will be fine!”, “You’ll try again”, “God has a plan!!!!???”, and other well-meaning words that only cause more pain!
I’ve experienced miscarriage myself and each time I was told it was for the best the baby may have been born sick, deformed, etc. That still does not take away from the emotional sense of loss that no one else can feel. That baby(s) was a person to you, and I had bonded with them even in the short period I was pregnant. Walking into a hospital pregnant and walking out with an empty womb is unexplainable.
Nothing stays the same and an experience positive and negative in our lives can change who we are unless we are mindful of who we want to be using the tools we obtain through our life’s journey. For some of us we reach out and ask for guidance. “Guidance means advice or help on how to do something, or how to deal with problems in personal relationships, education, or work”. When we ask for guidance, it is essential we are not judge or considered too weak to think for ourselves.
In a podcast the other day I reflected on the fact that I have been coaching most of my life. I have always been a ‘pleaser personality’ and along with that I would open myself up to listening to others and helping them succeed. I watched so many people get what they wanted out of life while feeling like a failure. However, this podcast helped me reflect differently on what I saw as a worthless journey, to a positive one that has brought me to being the best version of myself each day. My reflection produced flash backs of the many detours I have taken through my life that for me to today and I now cherished even the mistakes I made along the way.
Nothing stays the same:
- I got married at the age of 21
- I had my first child at the age of 25
- I had a miscarriage at the age of 27
- I got divorced at the age of 29
- I dated at the age of 30
- I met my husband at the age of 31
- I moved to be with my future husband at the age of 31
- I got married at the age of 34
- I had a miscarriage at the age of 38
- I had my second child at the age of 40
- I had a miscarriage (multiple birth) at the age of 44
- At the age of 46 my youngest son was diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum
- At the age of 46 my husband and I lost ‘friends’ when our son was diagnosed
- At the age of 54 my father passed away
- At the age of 59 I was estranged from a family member
- At the age of 60 I was forced into retirement
- At the age of 61 I began blogging and podcasting
- At the age of 63 I completed my advanced degree in Communications
- At the age of 66 I lost my mother (now an orphan)
- At the age of 66 I reunited with my estranged family member
- At the age of 68 with my youngest son created newclevelandradio.net
- At the age of 72 received my Coaching Certification
- At the age of 73 officially began Coaching as #yesican coaching with Karen
- At the age of 74 my husband and I celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary
AND I AM STILL EVOLVING!
What about you?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
kh.yesican1@gmail.com
440 526 1530
The day after the ECLIPSE and nothing is different. They “the media” warned us to stock up with food, be prepared for no cellular or internet service, and know that the meeting of the moon and sun can cause some strange affects animals reacting to the sudden change and even some individuals, like you and me might feel the effects. What I felt was an amazing calm, I sat in my front yard alone but connected by phone with my son in Texas who 30 minutes prior had witnessed this event. I then called my husband who was 50 miles east and experienced it with him as well. Alone but not alone!
Living in the Cuyahoga National Park I expected to hear or see animals scurry, but nothing like that occurred. And for those who watched and said. “is that all there is?” If you took the experience in as once or maybe twice in a lifetime, it was amazing.
My brother Joel who lives in upstate New York has an off sense of humor. I couldn’t resist texting him: “What did ancient men and women doing during a full eclipse? Would they have any understanding, no one would have warned them.” Joel’s reply was spot on, “They would have shit their lion cloths.” My response was, “OF COURSE!”
For the last year, at least in Northeast Ohio, we have been talking about the TOTAL ECLIPSE. In fact, Cleveland and the surrounding area became a hot spot to watch the event. Hotels were filled this weekend for the Women’s Final Four only to be filled again on Sunday night and Monday for Eclipse of 2024. Our television stations had their crews in various areas of the viewing area where communities creating Eclipse gatherings. The hoopla ended last evening as travelers took the roads to return home, but for baseball fans in Cleveland our Guardians Baseball team won their home opener. In addition, it was the first year since 2017 that it wasn’t freezing cold, snowing, or raining. ‘Mother Nature you did good by us!’
This morning, I woke, and my day started like all others and the city around me went back to work, school, and living as if it was just another ordinary day. But for me, emotionally and mentally I feel special for witnessing this spectacular event, alone, but not lonely. Connecting with my loved ones made this experience worth every minute! I may not be here for the next one, but I know my energy and soul will be here, I don’t want to miss it.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The Total Eclipse of the Sun! How long have we’ve been talking about this event in Cleveland, Ohio, and various other cities along the path of this event? I cannot begin to tell you how important this event appears to be. According to the scientist this will be visible – clear skies pending, to 32 million people in the United States which equates to 99% of the population. [A solar eclipse occurs when the moon passes between the Earth and the sun, blocking our view of the sun as it passes. It’s called a total solar eclipse when the moon completely blocks the light of the sun. These events are rare and can only be viewed in specific areas for short periods of time.]
Total eclipses are rare and although they may appear every 18+ years apart they are not in the same viewable path. If you are in the path today, April 8th, 2024, the next time this will happen is anticipated for 2044/45. [“A total solar eclipse is one of the most spectacular things anyone can see in their lifetime,” Virginia Tech astrophysicist Nahum Arav told CBS News. The eclipse “looks like a black hole in the sky,” said Arav, who watched the paths of totality of eclipses in 1991 and 2017.”]
Here in the Cleveland, Ohio area hotel rooms are booked solid following the Women’s Final Four that took place here this weekend. Restaurants are gearing up as most schools and today workplaces have declared a day off. Many schools and communities have created watch parties so you can enjoy this spectacular event surrounded by friends and strangers who may become friends. We have been warned even with the special glasses do not stare at the event for a long time – look up view – look away and view. Torreon, Mexico will witness this solar event for approximately 4 minutes 28 seconds, while those of us in Cleveland along the centerline will be able to enjoy 3.5- 4 minutes of AHA excitement.
The partial eclipse will begin around 1:59 pm today, and the total eclipse, the masterpiece, the main event will begin around 3:13 pm. [If you are reading this prior to those times (eastern time zone), where will you be? If you are reading this after the fact, where were you?]
Depending on your age at the time this may be your only chance to witness this event, how important is that? For me it’s another one of those experiences I want to enjoy, and I will be by myself unless my neighbors venture out when I do. I am going to observe this phenom in my own front yard and breathe it in wearing those special glasses.
There once was a time I would not have been interested or excited about this. However, as I have evolved and chosen to appreciate life that happens, life that I have no control over, I want to experience it and learn. This may only last for a few minutes and based on the forecast and the cloud cover now I may not see much other than it will be light and then it will go dark and then it will go light again. [Yes, I could close all my windows off turn on the light and them turn them off to get this affect, but that would be mechanical and not as enticing as the moon coming between mother earth and the sun!]
Today for many years to come, April 8, 2024, will be known as. “The Total Eclipse of the Sun”. I think there is a song to be written. [LOL!].
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
COVID that word. The deadly disease. 2019/2020!
I have committed to the COVID vaccine and each time I get it I fall ill for 24 – 48 hours. Yesterday was no exception. I had the vaccine Friday evening around 5:30 pm and around midnight I began feeling the aches, fatigue and extremely head, not my usual migraine. I tried to sleep it off and I know I slept but my mind and body did not feel rested. My nervous system was out of control. I was hot, I was cold, I was dizzy, I was nauseated, my mind was going a mile a minute and yet it hurt to just turn in my bed. It didn’t help that I couldn’t eat I sipped Propel™ whenever I could manage.
At 2 a.m. this morning (Sunday) I woke up feeling ‘better’ and hungry. I was able to navigate down to the kitchen and I warmed up a muffin and made a cup of coffee. Not only did it taste good, but I started feeling good. However, shortly thereafter I found myself attempting to maneuver back upstairs to get back in bed. All I remember is dropping on to the mattress and clutching my pillow feeling the wave of illness hitting me again. Around 7 a.m. I woke up feeling weak, but I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a slow process but I am glad the worst is behind me.
I know there is controversary over the vaccine and please leave your conspiracy thoughts to yourself. I made my choices on scientific data, and I will accept a day or two of illness to fight and protect myself from the disease.
“When you’re injected with the vaccine, this messenger RNA enters your cells and produces a protein to stimulate an immune response, similar to COVID-19. Now if you encounter the real virus, your body will recognize COVID-19 and is trained to fight it.”
So, as each new series comes out, I get my injections. When you are immune compromised you/I do whatever is necessary to stay safe and healthy. It’s a choice…you have choices.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
3 April Did you know that April is Stress Awareness Month? It seems like everyday is an awareness day for something. If you were to identify some of the days, it may be viewed as:
- Autism Awareness Day / Month – April 2nd
- Patriot’s Day – April 3rd
- National Vitamin C Day – April 4th
- International Day of Conscience – April 5th
- Tax Day – April 15th
- 4/20- Four-Twenty- Cannabis Day – April 20th
- National Peace Rose Day – April 29th
(Let’s Celebrate)
I am not sure who decided to create awareness days and months. However, it has been noted [Awareness months, weeks and days help bring a greater understanding of illnesses and issues that affect children. Awareness days and observances are a great time to fundraise, spread the word or reach out to friends or family members who are facing a diagnosis or illness.]
I am interested in Stress Awareness as I have become mindful of what my stress does to me. When I feel stressed my body and mind are exhausted and I lose my need for positivity. As I feel the stress leading me to negative thoughts and endless blaming, I grab the tools that I have collected through my journey, and I use them to take me down a path that will lead me to success and happiness. It’s not easy, but once I start tweaking things, I find my way through the maze of life.
Each of us is on our own journey and yet there are so many similarities among us. If we allow ourselves to communicate and listen to others and respond in conversation appropriately, we will not have to travel the path alone. When we are alone and lonely even in a room of people, we are not being mindful of our needs or those of others. That is what causes the loneliness we are stuck with our over thinking brains.
[Stress is a natural human response to a difficult situation that can be physical or mental. It can be a one-time event, or it can happen repeatedly over time. Stress can be caused by environmental conditions, such as challenges, threats, or physical or psychological barriers]
When we are mindful, we can recognize the emotion and use out life skills to reduce it and provide a calm. There are various ways to deal with stress:
- Take a break – listen to music, get out in nature, binge watch TV, walk away from the what appears to be the catalyst.
- Self-care is extremely important – exercise, go for a massage, take a long warm bath, take some lotion, and enrich your skin.
- Talk to others who will not judge – find a sounding board that will provide you with comfort –they need not agree with you – but can provide the TLC for soothing.
- Avoid drugs, alcohol, or any abusive behavior. (Be honest and mindful)
Remember stress and anxiety are normal emotional occurrences and sometimes it just takes time. It is imperative to stay safe while you work through the issues. You don’t have to do the work on your own, your strength is in asking for help!
Life may be less stressful if we celebrate each of the wonderful days like Mermaid Day, or Ice Cream Day on July 21, 2024, there is also Cotton Candy Day on December 7, 2024, and of course Pizza Day which was on February 9, 2024. Celebrating life is a positive motivator that will help us avoid the maze or the fear of the maze.
“Today I am celebrating Museum Day. On this Good Friday, March 29, 2024, my husband and visited two museums, one was an Antique Car Museum and the other The First Ladies Museum both located in Canton, Ohio a forty-five-minute drive from our home. We stop for lunch at a 100 plus year-old restaurant called Bender’s. [Bender’s Tavern is located at 137 Court Ave. SW, Canton, OH 44702. It’s Canton’s oldest restaurant, serving culinary classics, drinks, and hospitality since 1902. The restaurant is known for its seafood, which is shipped fresh from Boston, MA, and broiled, baked, grilled, or sautéed. Bender’s also serves high-quality beef, including strip steaks, filets, and ribeye, and uses many products raised locally by Ohio farmers. The restaurant also has a large wine list, known nationally for its moderately priced wines.]
We shared a burger which was not only large enough for two, but it was delicious. We also shared a flourless brownie dessert that looked small, but it was just enough to top off our lunch. This was an addition to a fun time together.”
We were able to erase a lot of the stress we have been experience. We used out tools and created a day, and we both feel GOOD!
I used to be a Negative Nelly, if something didn’t look and act like a Hallmark™ movie, I felt unfulfilled. I wanted my life to look and be perfect until I realized that even G-D and Mother Nature are not perfect. However, life is about experiences and sometimes we need to create them and not wait for someone or something to create them for us. We can celebrate ICE CREAM Day any day and on multiple days if we desire. Every Friday can be a GOOD FRIDAY if you chose to experience it. Wednesdays are known as HUMP DAY, it’s the middle day of the five-day traditional work week, and even if you don’t work a traditional work week you can still enjoy the day, make it yours!
With that I offer to be your guide and coach you through the choices you want to make.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
31 March Growing up Jewish I often felt that I was missing out on Peeps, Jellybeans, and Chocolate Bunnies. Most often Passover and Easter occurred at the same time and if your family was observant for Passover (Pesach) those Easter treats were a no-no! Back in the day Passover treats were not as exciting as the ones mentioned above. My mother’s favorite candy treat during Passover was a sesame honey candy and it never interested me. Living in Detroit, Barton’s Candy had a complete menu of chocolates for Passover, but they were pricey so only served when company stopped by.
Now Passover has many wonderful treats and not all candy or sweets. My Baube taught my mother and her sisters how to make gefilte fish which was a delicacy along with homemade horseradish that they made in patches of MILD and HURRICANE HOT. My brothers and the male contingency of the family would judge the horseradish and the one who turned bright red from eating it was considered the winner! Additionally, the seder table had an abundance of recipes and of course desert was a feature of Mandel Bread (similar to a Biscotti), Sponge Cakes in their glory including a nut & wine variety that kids could eat, a plain Sponge Cake with a lemon touch of flavor, and of course my Mom’s Strawberry fluff made with strawberries and egg whites.
When I was growing up soda was not Kosher for Passover so seltzer water was purchased by the case and occasionally mom or my aunts would add a chocolate syrup to the seltzer to prepare a sweet drink for the children. Today, the sky is the limit with items made specifically for Passover and for many who are observant except for the lack of bread they can a wide variety of items.
Preparing for Pesach was an occasion in itself and when I was very little, we would crowd into my Baube and Zayde’s small apartment with the whole mishpacha (family). The day before and the day of the first seder dinner, Baube, her three daughters and daughters-in-law, would cram themselves into the kitchen chopping fish for gefilte fish, making chopped liver, and preparing chicken for 20 plus relatives. Once we all arrived you could not get up from your seat as there was no room to move. After my Baube died in 1959 my mother hosted the seder’s at our home with a slightly bigger kitchen and dining area. The aromas were wonderful, listening to these matriarch’s chatter was a beautiful sound, and being part of a family was amazing. I didn’t feel as if I was missing out on the Easter Sugar Rush while I soaked in all the love I felt with my family for two days, but by the third day of Passover I was tired of matza and all the foods it was in. Also, all the family dispersed and that warm feeling in the house felt let any other day. And yet it wasn’t! I couldn’t take peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school, instead I was taking chopped liver on matza which I like by my school mates would move away from me as they thought it looked and smelled disgusting. Many of my Jewish friends did not observe for the full 7 days which made me feel like an oddity. I craved what I couldn’t have but I was so afraid to go against the rules that I did not cheat.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
26 March _LOVE _
When you love, truly love deeply, you also experience pain. Life is not perfect and anyone who tries to tell you it is, run do not walk, away from them. The pain of grief is real and even a narcissistic individual will experience loss and pain.
Loss is not a thing, it’s an emotion and there is no right or wrong way to experience it.
When we are children, loss can be very hurtful when someone chooses not to play with us. The rejection often will cause us to ask the question WHY? We feel empty and tears and sometimes anger fill our souls.
As we get older and mature, we believe we are more prepared for loss whether we are referring to pet, a college rejection, a friend, first love, or just a change in ourselves… But how can we prepare for any of these situations without living in fear and negativity?
I was not prepared for my first miscarriage. In fact, I was shocked and that led to anger and anger led to denial. For those around me I thought denial was the best path, however many years later I realized it was not best for me and I relived the loss again when I miscarried a few years later. I remember the comments that were shared me:
“It’s for the best!” “Trust G-D” “You Can Try Again” “You know have two angels overlooking you!” (All I could say was – how do you know?)
I felt so much love while pregnant and the image of what could have been was painful, and yet the thought of who my beautiful children would have been made me smile and eventually brought me peace.
Loving deeply is when your children are hurting, experiencing their pain as if it’s yours. Or having a partner/spouse who is so much a part of you and experiences pain emotionally or physically that takes your breath away and hurts your heart so intensely that you think you are going to die. You wonder where you will get the strength to follow them on their journey.
My husband, my life partner of 40+ years, has been in good health the majority of our life together. Early on he experienced Graves Disease and went through radiation treatment which was successful. Thyroid disease treatment caused some other issues such as weight gain and difficulty with weight loss. He went through various career changes and lost his dad while still in his 30s. As a young adult he cared for his grandmother and his father and watched them die knowing all he could do was provide the care for them that he would want for himself.
Recently, Rich has been experiencing other health issues, he is a prostate cancer survivor, he is diabetic, and he is facing some changes that have been unidentified. Until recently, the last five years, he was a laid-back guy, not much phased him. If he got anxious or depressed it was short lived, that has changed, and it may be physical or could be the fear of aging.
We both look at aging differently. I am an evolver; I continue to look for opportunities and I challenge myself to see the glass ¾ full! Rich has become more of an ager, and with yesterday being his birthday he’s asking himself (and sometimes out loud as well), how much more time do I have? We will get through this together and along the way we will experience the roller coaster ride so if you hear us scream on the way down just know love, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies” —Aristotle.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
24 March It’s Time 2 B Positive It’s the first Sunday in Spring 2024 and depending on where you live it may be sunny and warm or sunny and cold as it is in northeast Ohio today. After a cold, dreary Saturday I am relishing in the sunshine just wish it was warm enough (for me) to go walking or sitting outside soaking up the rays. For now, I enjoyed the sunshine while in my car and now as I sit here in my office/studio looking at the deep blue sky and the sun and shade on the condos across the way. I know it is getting closer to the time of year that makes me smile brightly and when I will spend more time with nature.
Today is also the day before my husband’s birthday. I know he is struggling this year as he has faced some health challenges while working full time and traveling long hours to and from work each day. It’s not so much the numerical age for him (74) but how our society reacts to age and aging and the expectations others have for us.
If life had been different, retirement and hobbies may have been the adventures he was facing for this milestone, but we took many twists and turns over the last 40 plus years and we both are working and enjoying what we do. However, when someone chooses to cause you problems because they assume you are not doing your job correctly, it overshadows the birthday celebration. It’s possible my husband is over thinking this situation, but it has preoccupied him for the past week, and he is waiting for the show to drop.
When I first met Rich, he was the positive thinker and he took life in stride, there was always tomorrow and as hard as he tried to get me to see things in his manner it took years for me to shed my fears and doubts and create a positive focus. For a short period of time, we both were positive bookends, and we crushed the doubt that would rear its ugly head until one day, Rich changed, and his forward thinking took on negative thoughts and fears. Recently I have learned this not unusual for males to hit a certain age (and it varies) and the personalities we fell in love with slowly diminish.
As part of The Ethel Circle on Facebook I have noted many women are reporting this and they, like me are wondering, what happened? I know I cannot pinpoint when I started to see the change, but I will add he doesn’t believe he has changed. It’s not a conversation I want to have with him, instead I am learning to accept it and try to dissect it to understand. I have learned to remove myself from his negativity which I must say does not include his feelings for me or about me. He continues to tell me how much he loves me and physically our hugs and kisses can feel young and passionate. The negative feelings are more about how he sees the world we are living in and how he believes it will impact us today and tomorrow. Not that I am an ostrich burying my head in the sand, but I can only control what is in my reach. I spent too much of my younger years worrying, it didn’t help me then so why would it help me now?
My wish for my husband on his 74th birthday, and for all of us to live in positivity. To do the best we can for ourselves and help those around us in need. Let’s stop blaming others when we fall, let’s retrace the steps and accept the responsibility that caused us to fall but and the positivity that provided us the strength to get up. Together we can be Happy and enjoy each day as if it were our birthday!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
22 March 2024, OH WOW!
When the Internet goes down it feels like the world stopped spinning. Although I have still have phone service attempting to get any work done is impossible, although I could clean my house, bake, cook or take a nap, I am so driven to work from 8 am to 5 pm (and often later), I feel lost. What did I do before the internet?
Well, as I hustled to get it reported and back up and running, voila, it is back-up and life is wonderful, I can work!
I happen to be an individual who likes to keep busy and actively engaged and work is one of the paths I travel down that creates my success, even choosing when to work or not.
What do you do to create success?
I grew up in a home where I watched my parents ‘do’ and enjoy. My mother was a baker, and seamstress, she created most of my outfits and hers. She was a creative individual making dolls for friends, family, and charity. In her late 70s and into her 80s she developed a cottage industry mending and adjusting clothing for some very well-to-do clients.
Dad was a writer, a would-be poet and lyricist. He taught himself to refinish furniture and build new furniture and household items. In the early 60s he took on a home improvement project redesigning our home and put in the sweat equity along with my mother and brothers.
What I witnessed growing up, even before I was old enough to participate, was when you work at something you love you become successful in your own right. I remember my project that I took on at the age of 10, I would come home from school on Friday afternoons and while my mother was at work I would clean and prepare for the Sabbath. Thursday nights before mom went to sleep, she prepared the Shabbos meal and I felt success in my contribution on Friday afternoons, even setting the table for our Sabbath meal.
Over the years I developed my creativity into business ventures and looking back I can see the happiness each one brought me even if it was not a financial success. Financial does not always equate to success and or happiness.
So today when my internet went down, I found myself feeling lost and wondering if the world was ending, NOT REALLY! But not only did my Team Mobile go down so did our Spectrum. Oy Vay! As I struggled to decide my next steps as I contacted both services, they both reappeared and life was good.
We have come to depend on technology and when the technology glitches it throws us off balance. I think I need to take a step back and leave technology behind and visit the great outdoors. Wait, I don’t want to get lost, so I better take my phone at least for the GPS technology!
(new technology also includes a new email address for #yesican coaching with Karen)
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
What is fair and who should be responsible to play fair.
As children we are taught to share. When Billy takes Johnny’s truck away from him, he is told to apologize and give it back. Another method is to apologize and offer one of his toys to Johnny. Parents and teachers tell us to be kind, and share. This learning becomes more specific as children grow up and are faced with other children who may not have been taught, kindness/niceness.
Children often do not judge others; they take things at face value. Although in some circles this comment may not be appreciated but young children don’t notice color or gender. Children just want to have fun. But as they grow older, they learn from other children the new law of the land and sometimes the new laws are confusing sending mixed signals. And it doesn’t stop there as children evolve, some believe they are better than others, and we all know what happens then. Lonely children often become lonely young adults and adults. The few that are still out there making the rules often do so without empathy and more important without the awareness of the sadness they are creating when they don’t play fair.
I remember telling my debate coach in high school that it wasn’t fair my team lost a debate. I was so upset I was ready to quit the debate club. I explained why it wasn’t fair and the coach looked at me and said you know it could have gone in your favor and against the other team. My response was a full smile responding with, “yes that would have been fair!” The great coach that he was said, ‘the other team would then complain it wasn’t fair!” He completed the explanation that there is only one winner of the debate, but he felt we were all winners because we worked together as a team and both teams followed the rules.
I have held that message close to my heart and I have accepted that the trophy is not the only award when you work hard and do things right. The reward is in the understanding that you did it right or learned from your mistakes.
Today a friend of mine noted on Facebook he lost yet another job. This young adult openly supports the Autism Community of which he is a part of. He does not hide his strengths or weaknesses and he is always willing to try. However, employers have expectations of their employees and sadly not all people have the same abilities and if more of us would play fair like we did when we were children and not notice color or gender or any differences we would be living in a happier community.
My last employer did not play fair with me. In fact, I was treated differently because I was older than others in our company. I actually worked harder and longer than most employees, picking up the slack some others created. Instead of being acknowledged for this I was treated as an aging individual who should retire. At the time I had what was considered a disability, I was wearing hearing aids, and my immediate supervisor reported that I was missing out on conversations. The reality was that they didn’t want to understand my situation and expected me to be the person they hired. (I was the same person.)
I started my own business when I was forced out of that job. I found the respect and support I needed to accomplish my writing, podcasting, social media, and coaching business. Age, disability, and family choices should not be a factor for someone to be hired or fired. Sometimes it is important to be mindful of the conversation you have with the individual and the passion and compassion they possess for work. Even the prospect who is taking the job because they have to put food on their table and a roof over their head may be the best candidate for the job because they have an investment in getting to work.
A year ago, my husband started a job (full time) an hour distance to and from work. Before he accepted, he weighed the pros and cons. The two hours of driving per day was not much different to the travel he was doing for a part-time IT job. After a family discussion as to how this was going to change us personally, he accepted the position and has been very happy. The contract for his services is about to be renewed and he hopes that it will renew as he enjoys the work he is doing, and he has learned some new skills along the way.
There once was a time when you got hired by employer unless you cheated the company you were there for a lifetime until retirement. Today employees look over their shoulder waiting for someone to stab them in the back…
Satchel Paige (Cleveland Indian) once said:
“Don’t Look Back; Something Might Be Gaining on You.”
He also voiced –
“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? “
“We can all be the person we choose to be, it’s time we are accepted for being out unique selves.” Karen Hale
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
19 March 2024 My days begin very early, one reason for that is I am not a good sleeper after 6+ hours. I admit it would be best for me if I could sleep 7 -9 hours a night, but I can’t remember ever sleeping later than 6 or 7 am. My husband’s job is an hour drive from our home. He wakes up as early as 4:30 a.m. and I made the choice of waking up with him so we can spend some time together. After he leaves for work between 6:30- 7:00 a.m. I am sitting at my desk preparing for my day.
Many believe that working from home is easy, however, even as disciplined as I can be it is easy to get caught up in the extras that eat up the hours in the day and that can leave you depleted. However, I start my day reviewing my calendar and when needed edit our items that have been accomplished or are no longer noteworthy. This provides me with a clear picture of what I need to do and want to do so I can create my personal success.
Working from home has its advantages and disadvantages when you are working solo. Sometimes I can put things off to do at a later date, who is going to judge me? Me, Myself, and I? Take this morning for instance my first podcast guest was a no show, I was at my desk and logged on to Zoom waiting patiently, and after ten minutes shut down, sending an email to the guest who appears to not check their email. A reminder was sent yesterday and this morning without a return response and of course now that it got cancelled still no explanation like my dog ate my calendar.
Whether I am working from home or in an office with other individuals my time is valuable. When I am ignored after arranging a time for a guest to podcast or coaching client and they no show not only has my time been wasted by my income has been compromised. I would like to know what has happened to mutual respect for each other.
What inspired me today was my second podcast this morning. Paul Zolman, was my guest, and not only did he show up, but his message made me smile. “Paul Zolman, has created a new way to demonstrate the principles of the love languages. It’s a profound way to learn all five love languages to give them away. By giving them away, your vision will improve to the point that you can see them coming your way and respond appropriately. The system is so easy that even young children can be trained in this love giving system. Spoiler alert: it’s a game where everyone wins.”
If you don’t know what the five love languages are, here they are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
How do you feel when you compliment someone, thank them for their service, whatever they may have done. Opening doors for another person, young or older, is an act of service, when you see them smile or say thank you it is like receiving a gift, being present and noticed. Random acts of kindness are ways to share the love/kindness/appreciation.
A friend and associate of mine shares quality time with her 100-year-old mother-in-law. Since my friend’s husband died, she has been the caregiver/friend/daughter/support system her mother-in-law needs. Even on the days when it may feel like a chore, she finds the love in her heart to be present and offers her hand which provides much more than comfort.
The acts of love are needed by both the giver and receiver. We are not meant to go through life alone and lonely. Sometimes it is difficult for us to ask for something that we may not understand because our culture may not have provided the experience. However, when we practice positivity, our hearts open up and even when we don’t experience the response, we feel the joy in giving. If we don’t expect anything in return, we appreciate what we do receive more heartily.
***My husband shares his love with me in words. He tells me regularly he loves me, appreciates me and that I am beautiful. Sometimes it feels just like words, but this is his language. My language is more in the giving, taking care of the little things that he either doesn’t do or doesn’t want to do. His language responds to what I give, and my giving responds to his words and that is why we have been married 40+ years. It may not be a perfect Hallmark Movie™, but it is our story.
Check out today’s podcast on Avoid the Maze –
Zoom link https://youtu.be/xas5NRPLvcU Apple link https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/avoid-the-maze-with-guest-paul-zolmon-the-role/id1619332196?i=1000649734414 Spotify link https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/np1gaBPs6Hb
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
13 March 2024 POSITIVE?
My thoughts are feeling a bit jumbled today – this is why…
I do my best to think positively and some days it is harder than others. It is a work in progress for me and I am learning not to bear myself up over positivity, losing out to possible negative thoughts.
I am taking a deep breath – here goes.
A couple of weeks ago my husband began experiencing dizziness. In the past when this would happen it typically was either fluid in his ears or a sinus infection, both of which would be treated by an ENT Specialist. However, getting into see the ENT wasn’t possible, their next appointment was months off, so he went to see our primary doctor. Upon exam the doctor did not believe it was the typical ear and or nasal situation and suggested it may be an issue with the carotid artery.
[The carotid arteries are a pair of major blood vessels that supply blood to the brain, head, and neck. Each carotid artery splits into two branches, one on each side of the neck. The interior branch carries blood to the brain and eyes, while the exterior branch carries blood to the face, tongue, and outside parts of the head.]
This raised a red flag, and he is having an ultrasound to check this out tomorrow morning. However, the typical symptoms that are listed for this diagnosis are not apparent. The treatment can be medication or surgery depending on the severity if this is truly what he has going on. The ultrasound is non-evasive so that part of is easy. If surgery is needed, he will have a 2 -4 weeks of recovery before returning to his normal activities which includes working a full-time job. His fear or concern is not the surgery, it’s the possibility of losing his job if he needs to take excessive time off. There once was a time in our working communities that this would not be a threat, but today, in many businesses if you can’t do the job, even if it’s temporary, you are replaced. [not just a threat, reality.]
Not only do we depend on my husband’s income to provide for our basic needs, but my husband also depends on this job to keep him actively mobile and involved. The only hobby he has is photography, but it is more of a past hobby than an active one today. If he needs this surgery, he is not going to take the time off well, especially if it affects his employment. Retirement does not suit him well because when he is idle, he tends to cocoon himself in a chair in front of the TV and sleeps. He is not self-motivated when it comes to being active unless it is work related. Getting up at 4:30 am every morning, driving an hour to and from work, and working a full 8-hour day keeps him on his toes. However, on a day off unless I create an activity for us, he will cocoon himself.
We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary and we have been together for almost 43 years. Neither one of us feels old as we reach 74 years of age, and we are looking forward to many more years ahead of us. As positive as I feel that tomorrow’s ultrasound procedure will prove negative and the dizziness is addressed through a simple modality, my realistic thoughts that the doctor may be correct are creeping into my thoughts today. I have no idea how to prepare for what may happen and I believe it is important for me not to over think a situation that I may not have to face.
However, I am human and having a thinking brain that breaks down my thoughts creating emotional reactions, I am conscious of the negative impact. My plan to get through today is to accept what I must and put what is not in my power off to the side. It’s a beautiful day in Northeast Ohio today and I am thinking about getting dressed and going out for a walk.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
5 March 2024 – Happy Birthday 2 Me Yesterday
What do you do when you are having a tough day? Do you wake up in the morning and choose the emotion or do you wake up with a feeling that is confusing and it’s just not something you can shake off? My typical day begins with an internal confirmation, one I heard my father voice early each morning, “Hey handsome, it’s a beautiful day!” Remembering those words and the encouragement it gave me provided me with an emotional happiness. (Although, I don’t think I understood how much that influenced me.)
However, there are days when I wake up and I just feel grumpy and out of sorts. We often say we have gotten out of bed on the wrong side; however, my side is the left side of the bed and I get out of bed the same each day, good or bad. When it’s a tough day I recognize that emotional feeling immediately even before my feet hit the floor. As mindful as I am about my confused thoughts, I find myself hanging on to them until they fester like a cancer, and I dig them out and throw them away into the universe.
If my husband and I have a problem in our marriage it is the fact that as much as we communicate when I have a tough day, I DON’T Communicate. Instead, I create internal resentment and when I dig them out throwing them out into the universe my husband catches the remnants and I find myself cleaning up the mess my emotions have created. Rich and I have been married forty years and together going on forty-two. We don’t expect every day to be Shangri- La. In fact, right from the beginning we accepted life would never be perfect, but we would work on making it the best. We accepted that we could only manage what was controllable.
Yes, our emotions can be managed but it is not always easy to do. Sometimes we need to ride the wave and accept that this is just another experience through our life’s journey.
Life is full of obstacles and if we choose to challenge them, we can learn so much and become more aware of the beauty in our experiences. We can look at the tough days as an opportunity to come out better on the other side. If we accept that the difficult days will take us into the light of a beautiful day, we can find the strength to muster through the feelings. Some may see this as depression, others as a mild case of anxiety, putting a label on it often makes us feel better. My label on all the good and bad is LIFE. We need to enjoy our time on earth with the people who fulfill us. For some that may include blood related individuals (Family) and to others our friends (our Extended Family) are near and dear. Having someone in our life enhances our days and we can help each other by extending a hand to guide others on their journey.
This past weekend I experienced two tough days, however yesterday morning I chose to have a good day and it was excellent despite the fact it was much like any other day. It was my birthday, and as I turned 74, I received wishes from family, friends, and acquaintances. I worked as if it was any other day and it felt good! It felt good to just live a ‘normal’ day and appreciate what I have. I accept the fact that I will have tough days ahead but with them will come the good days because I will choose to feel good!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
29 February 2024 Happy 26 MOM
Tomorrow is leap day, 2024 is a leap year, meaning we have 29 days in February the shortest month of the year. I am very familiar with Leap Year and Leap Day since my mother was a leap year baby, born February 29, 1920. If my mom were alive, she would be celebrating her 26th birthday or 104 years of life on this earth. It was always a joke in our family that my brothers and I had more birthdays than our mom. However, my dad made sure her birthday was celebrated whether it was a leap year or not and sometimes we sang happy birthday on February 28th, sometimes on March 1st, and other times we shared my birthday of March 4th.
I really miss my momma she was a spit fire. I think at her tallest she was 5’3 but she got shorter through the years and ended up 4’9. Gary, Joel, and I all sprouted right past her and when I started wearing high heels, I would have her hold my hand when we crossed the street. Her size did not define her, what identified Dorothy Freedman Moss, also known as D’Vasha (Honey), Auntie Dorothy, and Baube by so many, she made herself known. She was a baker, a dress maker, seamstress by trade. She was artistic and creative making center pieces and other artwork for various organizations. My mom worked when most women were sitting at home, and she still had time to participate in activities for her children, her husband as well as herself. When I became a mother, I tried to keep up with the image I had of her, and I do not think I ever came close to being the parent she was.
Dorothy Moss was loved by many and yet she could have a biting tongue and deliver the truth when silence may have been a better choice. However, despite the trait friends and family to this day still speak highly of her. Momma Moss, my momma, had a sense of humor that was quirky and fun. Playing a game of UNO with her was never played the same way twice she always added something unique to each game. She loved playing Scrabble with her son Gary as both of them like to play phonies, you know making up words to confuse their opponent. Gary always got the upper hand but there were a lot of laughs and stories to remember.
My mom also had her own unique way of repeating a joke, in fact I think my husband has developed her talent, her punchlines never made sense, but we would laugh so hard, if not careful we would pee in our pants. (Yep, her son-in-law my husband Rich does the same thing.)
In August of 2016 my mother suffered from a stroke, but she ended her last 2 ½ months in style. She was unaware she had had a stroke and lost her sight, despite being bedridden she kept her humor for weeks. She shared stories with us and kept us smiling even though we knew she was dying. I learned so much from this beautiful woman spending my days with her and listening her stories and reminiscing about her life. I had heard the story many years back that she went out with Sonny Elliot before he became the Weatherman. They only went out once, my mother said she was not that type of girl. When I asked what that meant, she said, “You know I didn’t do it!” (I’m still trying to figure out what it was!)
I also learned that my mother met my dad at a cousin’s wedding they were both related to the bride but not to each other. My paternal grandmother got my father to ask mom out and she said, “NO” (He wasn’t her type. However, J Harmon Moss was persistent and after 3 or 4 No’s she finally said yes and within 6 months they were married. It was War Time and as my mom said, it was bashert, meant to be.
Before my mom faded away from us towards the end of 2 ½ months we talked about many things including how she had wanted to go to college to become a teacher, but her parents spent the tuition money on her brother Dave to become a dentist. I heard the resentment in her voice towards the end of her life and I now understand why she was so elated when I completed my degree and graduate status in 2012.
When a girl loses her mother, a huge empty hole is left in her heart. At least that is what I have been feeling for 7 plus years. However, I keep her memory alive thinking about her and in my own way talking to her and sharing my life with her.
When my momma died, I became an orphan. My loving Pops had died 12 years prior and now I was parentless. However, I now understand that that is a myth. I still have my parents, a piece of them lives within me. I have my memories and I am so grateful for the life they gave me.
Happy Birthday Mom – you are still younger than your children and grandchildren in Birthdays. Your great- grands are catching up to you and soon they too will have advanced your Birthdays.
LOVE YOU
When you make a commitment understand what that means
Commitment = an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
“Success leads to success. But here’s something that may surprise you. The size of the success doesn’t seem to matter very much. When you feel successful at something, even if it’s tiny, your confidence grows quickly, and your motivation increases to do that habit again.” [BJ Fogg, behavior scientist https://www.bjfogg.com/]
I am starting out this last week in February 2024, with what I believe to be an important message for everyone. We (you and I) are the only ones that can measure our success. Do not let your friends, family, or social media convince you otherwise. The word itself implies that accomplishment has been achieved, we aimed for a purpose, and we reached it. We have been taught to believe that success is measured in awards, dollars, and accolades. However, each day we (you and me) can celebrate our personal achievements/ the success that we can take to the next step.
One of my many blogs shared my dislike for Sunday’s. Nothing bad ever happened to me on a Sunday but it was leading me into the new week which meant back to school, back to work, with a feeling of dread. Hindsight has allowed me to see that for a majority of my earlier life Sunday leading to Monday meant I had five days ahead of me where I would feel unsuccessful.
- I was an average student in school and did not obtain the skills to reach a higher potential. (The fact that I maintained good average grades and continued my education in today’s terms I was successful.
- Work for me, for many years, was not enjoyable, it was just a job to earn money so I could put a roof over my head. (When I finally took a position and created a career, I began to see myself succeeding.)
- I always wanted more but did not know where to look for it…
What I have learned over the last 10 years is that I could change my trajectory, but I had to determine my purpose first. I did not have to do what others thought I should do; it was time to do what I wanted to do. The was the first step to my success.
When I came up with an idea to begin my own podcasting, I knew my purpose was to provide opportunities for myself and others to meet the challenges of everyday life. I developed a path for myself, and I have been on this journey succeeded each day because I choose to. Podcasting has only been part of the journey, blogging as well as creating coaching materials so I could develop into a Personal Change Coach.
Online you will see Coaches selling their knowledge to other coaches to earn high volume clients and develop their success financially. Yes, I would like to make more money, but it all goes back to my purpose and that is what I measure my success against. Who have I touched today, who feels a bit happier, and who feels successful through one word they may have hear?
I believe if we could wave a magic wand and reduce or get rid of the greed in the world, we would all be more successful. There is no reason why we cannot work together and honor each other’s purpose.
Please take the time to check out “The Intentionality Gurus” https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6 This bi-weekly podcast has allowed me to see my successes more clearly. I allow the host, Candace Pollock, to bring out my vulnerability. Over the years we have been producing this podcast I have heard from listeners that we have illustrated options that they can take along their path and visualize personal success.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
My thought for today – STOP MULTI-Tasking! I have been keeping a spreadsheet for our Taxes – I have kept it up to date and I was so proud of myself for my preparedness. Last night I went to print it out for our accountant/tax preparer, and I could not find it where it was supposed to be on my computer. I spent $90 for a retrieval program, and it still was not found. I became frustrated with myself because I needed to recreate it.
This morning, I got up, I looked through my files again and although I did not see the final version of it, I found bits and pieces that allowed me to recreate it in a period of three hours. I am exhausted but HAPPY! Now Rich and I can complete the questionnaire for the accountant and be on our way to getting a refund.
Tax season creates a lot of angst in our home. When I first met my husband, we went to a tax attorney who did taxes for everyone in the family. His name was Gabe, a big size bald headed gentleman who smoked cigars and chatted the whole time it was inputting our taxes. His wife was the office manager and she always had water or tea to support my tax anxiety. Gabe was wonderful and he always found something we thought we were missing; we always got a refund, and all was legit. But just like many of us as we continue our journey through life, Gabe retired, and We started using Turbo Tax to do our taxes. I was the one who would need to separate out the receipts and have all the information ready for my husband to input. Now my husband is mild mannered, but taxes turned the two of us into maniacs and until we completed the process, I felt like we were at war.
A couple of years ago a friend of ours (an accountant) did our taxes and it was smooth sailing. We would upload all our information to him, and he would call us if he had a question but most of the time, he called to let us know we were filed. Last year at this time we learned he was changing careers, and we were once again considering using Turbo Tax. We found someone who did our taxes last year but for personal reasons we have chosen not to return. We received a referral from friends, and we are using their preparer, yeah, no world war iii in our house this year.
That takes me back to my first statement – multi-tasking is not my friend anymore. At one time I was excellent at doing multiple things at once and juggling the balls and not dropping them, however, I know what probably happened to that file I so diligently worked on this past year, without thinking I overwrote it for 2024. I made a mistake and recognizing it will help me move forward in the future, starting today. Not only was I able to reconstruct all the information it was all kept in a safe place, invoices and documents needed to file.
At one time we all thought that if we multi-tasked we would be appreciated by others, often completing tasks that maybe they needed to do but we wanted to prove what a great juggler we were.
What I learned from my mistake is backing this file up and printing it out regularly. When I am working with files on my computer I will not multi-task, it’s not worth the possible angst I will feel towards myself if a make a mistake, one that may not have as positive an outcome as this one. So if you email me, or call me when I am working I will respond later, I have nothing to prove to others, just to myself.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
I am feeling disturbed and upset over something I read on Facebook early this morning. I joined two groups, The Ethel Circle and Adult Orphans. The majority of the people in this group are 50+. What I am finding disturbing is how many women are living in relationships that are toxic and dangerous. It appears their spouses or significant others are becoming personal vigilantes as they follow the RIGHT-WING RADICALS online and watch the RIGHT-WING news on T.V. One woman wrote that her husband (retired) sits on the computer all day watching videos and news and he is preparing for the revolution. She says their bedroom is an arsenal. She is scared for her own life or what her husband may do. Her comments are alarming because a majority of the responses to her post other women are confirming they too feel like their spouse is preparing for the next civil war. Although there are some (in the minority) who claim she is overreacting.
With all the mass shootings and the wars raging in our world this scares me. Why are resorting to preparing for war who in their right mind wants to destroy the American Dream and Promise. Although I don’t believe we need guns, I will accept if you are trained and mentally capable of owning and using a gun for your personal defense, you have the right to bare arms. But that does not include an arsenal or taking that weapon out into public and shooting directly or randomly. When we see the misuse of weapons, collecting them and preparing for the WAR, it’s time to report this to the authorities and if nothing else get some mental health intervention for the RADICALS.
I am blessed that my husband and I may disagree on some issues but one issue we agree on is we do not need a gun or a weapon to defend ourselves. We do not want to harm anyone including ourselves. You have a choice to make but I would hope we would all agree killing is murder and murder is against not only our civil laws but most if not all our religious laws.
-
I don’t like living in fear!
-
I want to feel safe when I go to a sports celebration and not fear someone will be there killing innocent people.
-
I want to feel safe when I go to a concert and that radicals won’t be there kidnapping and killing innocent people.
-
I want to feel safe when I go to a big box store to shop or the local mall to shop and stroll.
-
I want to feel safe when I drive down the street and turn around in someone’s driveway because I am going in the wrong direction.
-
I want to feel safe and create friendships with my neighbors.
-
I want to feel safe going for a walk in the park or following the trails without fear of being hurt in any way.
-
I want to feel safe when I call the police …
-
I want to feel safe – there once was a time I did!
Yesterday was not a GREAT Day – someone whom I care about was having a bad day. Listening to them vent hurt my heart and soul. My feelings for this individual made me mindful of how difficult our world can be today, despite technology that we once believed would make our lives simpler and happier. (Be careful what you wish for.) However, our global world has put more demands on us and the pressures many are living with create volcanic explosions.
I grew up in the 50s and 60s and life was simpler. Meeting people and developing friendships was much easier. We had less fears, in fact many of us were not afraid to leave our doors unlocked and neighbors and friends would stop by and walk into our homes without knocking or ringing doorbells. When our phones rang, we ran to answer them, they weren’t in our hands, and they didn’t display who the caller was. We just said hello and had conversations.
Today a conversation is considered a text message, having a conversation on the phone for Generation X and even Millennials is rare. And since we are all in such a hurry, text messages are acronyms and emojis. Trying to stay up with the technology even as a Baby Boomer I too find too many of my conversations are in text form. I miss having a real verbal conversation, maybe that’s why I love podcasting and coaching because I have the opportunity to use words and sentences, what a concept.
Going back to yesterday I believe one of the reasons this person was having a bad day is that the texting may have led to the doom and gloom they were feeling developed out of simple words that did not complete a sentence and lead to overthinking and processing over and over what they thought the words meant. I have found myself in similar situations and then I remember, I have a voice and I use it.
I doubt we will ever get back to the simplicity of my childhood, but my challenge is to reach out and talk to people, allow others to hear your words and ask you questions and build a conversation.
Conversation – “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”
Growing up I loved and hated Sundays. I enjoyed the activities I was involved in such as Sunday school with friends like Blanche or youth group where I found my groove both in Michigan and Minnesota. My earliest recollection of Sunday’s was a pilgrimage to visit both sets of my grandparents. My mom’s parents, Baube & Zayde Freedman, were my old fashion loving grandparents who had migrated to the United States in the early 1900s from Horoduck (which was a village in Russia, now part of Belarus. We would begin our day visiting Baube & Zayde first and often my aunts and uncles would be visiting as well with their children my cousins. After an hour or so we would go visit Grandma Jen and Grandpa and often one of Grandma’s cousins Henrietta or Hilda, or his sister Rose would be visiting as well. Also, grandpa’s brother Joe was a frequent visitor. (By the way both my Grandpa Abe Moss and his brother Joe Moss played baseball with the Holland Wooden Shoes a barnstorming team.)
Sunday was a ritual day even as those rituals changed as I all grew older I was pulled in different directions.
What I hated about Sundays was school was the next day and that meant the day was cut short in order to prepare for the return to the daily routine. My memories of school are not ‘terrible’ but I found it difficult moving from one subject to another and switching gears. Although I have never been diagnosed with ADD I can see signs of that in my past. Actually, I wonder if that is what led me to be more Type A (and a bit OCD). For the last 10+ years I have been working on reducing that Type A personality and today is an example of that.
The traditional Sundays were eliminated from my life when I got married and started raising a family of my own. Neither my first husband, nor my current husband of 40 years liked living on a schedule or being responsible for visiting family or friends. Sundays have just been whatever days except for the ten years I worked a part-time job on Saturday’s and Sunday’s. However, it has been two years since Sunday is just another day and often like today, I escape into what I call laziness and allow myself to nap or just do nothing special. Yet something always propels me to get up and write my blog. My blog/journaling provides me with focus through my memories.
I have recently networked with several groups where I am virtually meeting other people like me who may be noticing what was and what is and too often asking is “This all there is?” For me I am still evolving and finding how to adapt some of my old ways with some new and refreshing ways. The words mindful and awareness keep me looking forward to who I truly want to be and each day I am in the right place. (Because I choose to be.)
When we are children, we develop a picture in our minds of who we will be when we grow up and for me that picture has changed over the years. I have allowed myself to redraw those pictures, but I do not throw the old ones away (those are my memories). I use my memories to create new pictures and develop my journey which is forever evolving.
Not everyone has this mindset and for many years I fell off my path and allowed negativity to encroach my life. The day I realized I was blaming everyone else for my unhappiness was the day I chose to tackle happiness. I truly found my happiness when I chose to move and spend 2 ½ months with my mother as she was facing her end of life (and was unaware of it.) Without an apology to my husband and my youngest son I knew that I had to do this not just for her but for me. It was difficult being 3+ hours away from home but it worked for all of us. When my husband and son could get away, they would travel to spend a day or two with me while I was attentive to mom’s needs. Although this was not a happy situation with the assistance of my brother Joel and some of mom’s wonderful care givers, I was able to smile, laugh and cry with my mom and all who loved her. Today some of my memories of this time make me smile. When mom was lucid, she would make remarks there were cute and funny, and when her memory confused her, she still brought humor in her words and actions. The one thing I will remember for the rest of my life is when mom was asked how many children she had, her answer was 6 (she had 3). When she would list off our names as, Joel, Joel, Gary, Joel, Joel & Gary. If you asked her about Kiki (me) she would say, “Oy, she was a troublemaker. In the last week of her life, she thought my name was Gital. The morning of her funeral I learned Gital was her Baube.
So how did I get from stating I loved and hated Sundays… I think it’s because my memories of Sunday are so profound, and I identify with my family who helped shape me into the woman I am. I am proud that I have chosen to find happiness even when my children live hundreds of miles away as do my brothers and their families. I cherish our phone calls, emails, text messages and visits when they occur and in the meantime reach into my bag of tools that keep me smiling from the inside out.
May today put a smile on your face.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
“Expectations are not based on reality. They are observations, expected realities, or beliefs of what you think will happen. Expectations of others stop us from acting as our highest selves and reaching our full potential.”
Jay Shetty
I just read this quote and it created one of those ‘AHA MOMENTS”! Ask yourself this question: Are you doing things others expect of you, or are you doing things for yourself?
You are never too old (or too young) to follow your dreams. Do not put them on hold because others expect you to…
“Groundhog Day (Pennsylvania German: Grund’sau dåk, Grundsaudaag, Grundsow Dawg, Murmeltiertag; Nova Scotia: Daks Day)[1] is a tradition observed in the United States and Canada on February 2 of every year. It derives from the Pennsylvania Dutch superstition that if a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day and sees its shadow, it will retreat to its den and winter will go on for six more weeks; if it does not see its shadow, spring will arrive early.”
Ok this tradition makes no sense to me! If the groundhog emerges and sees his shadow, why does that mean 6 weeks till Spring? I would think sunshine and the warmth from the sun would be an indicator of an early Spring. Living in Northeast Ohio I live for sunshine and during the Winter we get very little direct sun as it hides behind the clouds. It’s a tradition and we all await to get the message from Punxsutawney Phil to tell us we will have 6 more weeks of Winter.
Scientifically we all know Spring does not start until March 20-21st; “The vernal equinox, or spring equinox, occurs on March 20 or 21 in the Northern Hemisphere. This is when the sun crosses the celestial equator, an imaginary line in the sky above the Earth’s equator, from south to north. The vernal equinox marks the moment when the Earth’s equator is directly aligned with the sun.”
I am not trying to take away the Hoopla that Punxsutawney Phil creates. We all need something to cheer for, even though we no truth, there is no Little Leprechaun for St. Patrick’s Day, there is no Easter Bunny, and Uncle Sam is not a real person, and I am sorry to report there is no Santa Claus or Chanukah Harry. (But it fun to think that they all do, giving us pathway to fun!)
So, whatever the results are, we will all celebrate Spring on March 20, 2024, however, there is no guarantee Winter will linger into the next season. My advice to all, embrace today cloudy or sunny, freezing cold or cold, and don’t wait till tomorrow to get out and enjoy the day. Listen to the birds singing (they are), look for some of the trees and bushes developing for the next season to arrive. Find the beauty if only for a moment!
Winter is not my favorite season as I don’t like the cold, but I have always lived in a city that experiences 4 seasons a year. My secret to getting through the winter is getting involved in something that I appreciate, and I won’t let the cold take away from me. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
February 1, 2024 Are you feeling blue or grey today? I love the color blue and the various shades of this hue. When I think I am blue (“Feeling blue” is an idiom that describes a feeling of sadness, melancholy, or gloominess. It can also mean feeling somber, glum, depressed, unhappy, dispirited, or sorrowful), I look for the yellow (the sun) that can elevate my mood. It is a normal feeling however gaining the tools to reduce or eliminate the sensations of sadness, melancholy, and gloominess are essential for YOU and ME to live our best lives.
For the past 3+ years I have been hosting the “Avoid the Maze” podcast. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggnxQkcre4xD9_TvFIAzBZ3N
The majority of my guests are Coaches, Mentors, Trainers, and entrepreneurs. Not only do I learn from them, but they are also learning from me as well. I am finding new tools to use or modifying old tools. It’s all about making the choices that make us happy. For the majority of my life, I lived by the motto; “Make Someone Happy and You Will Be Happy Too.” However, happiness comes from within, and it is up to us to use our tools to fuel our personal positive emotions.
What it took me 50+ years to understand was it is not selfish to approach our emotions and create our own sunlight and let that shine down to assist others to find their joy
When you live in a 4-season environment where the winter months are more GREY than Blue, it is imperative to find the light whether it is the sun behind the clouds or the lighting in your room where you can see beyond the GREY.
11 years ago, when I was pushed out of my Corporate America job that was paying me exceptionally well, I fell into a deep depression. It did not help (or maybe it did) that I experienced this during the grayest winter months, February & March 2013. For the first week I found myself laying in bed with my curtains open feeling, “WHY ME-WHAT NOW!”
My medical team helped me through this and although I did not want to resort to medication, I needed it to get me up and out of bed. I needed it to find my purpose and within a month I found a part-time job writing blogs for the Health Care Industry. The vision in these podcasts were formed around becoming a Senior Adult and living your best self (with or without a lot of retirement money.) My research became my toolbox and the more I learned the happier and healthier I became. To this day I am still on medication, a much lower dose as maintenance because I know and understand that this is one of my tools. I’ve taken to exercising regularly to keep my body and mind strong and even with some setbacks like my fall last summer, I knew I would and could recover from it. I learned how the power of our mindful thoughts can provide us with a path to happiness. (As an aside, when I fell last summer initially, I could not use my left leg. I laid in a hospital bed for four days and it wasn’t until they transferred me to rehab that I started to use my left leg, painfully and slowly getting stronger with less pain.)
Pain may develop at the drop of a hat. One moment you are feeling happy and strong and then something happens and shatters those emotions due to the hurt that has invaded your body and mind. If we have a first aide kit available when life happens it will be easier to get through pain.
Here is another example of dealing with pain. From that same accident and the physical therapy, I went through to heal my injuries, one of those injuries was masked. What I mean is I was concentrating so much on my left leg that the pain in my right arm was not as obvious. However, in the Fall I had a follow up appointment with my doctor, and I mentioned that my right arm was experiencing pain and it kept me up at night. Assuming it was arthritis I began treating it as such but by December I was routed for Physical Therapy, and I am still in treatment. What was identified as arthritis is a rotator cuff injury. I am religiously going to PT and doing exercises at home and what I have learned is these exercises may be a lifetime commitment. When I develop new skills if I formulate them into my life as just one additional thing to do, like brushing my teeth, it is less of a choir than thinking of it as exercise. Even at 74, I can make changes to enhance my life. I do not have to resort to moan and groan…Yes, I do complain (to my husband) but I do not use it as an excuse to eliminate any happiness I am achieving.
As a coach I have a huge bag of challenges that I have worked through, I use my educational expertise my lifetime know-how to coach my clients.
If you are facing a challenge please contact me, the first visit is FREE – Don’t wait till…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
January 31, 2024 It’s almost February, we have already traveled through 1/12 of 2024. I am looking forward to the growth I intend to create with #yesican Coaching with Karen and newclevelandradio.net the parent platform for Coaching and Podcasting.
I first want to acknowledge that I am ignoring all the hype some Coaches and Podcasters are spouting about the key to a 6-figure income. We all know it takes money to make money and for those who are coaching and podding, we don’t all have deep pockets. Now I understand everyone wants to make a buck but it’s like hiring an attorney every time you feel wronged and want to prove a point, it is the attorney who is making the money first…
I have gotten caught up in purchasing classes online and, the get rich books only fill someone else’s pockets. Not everyone is scamming US, but I have learned before I spend another dime, I need to do some research and ask myself is this for real?
When I was in the process of creating and building newclevelandradio.net, I saw the need to offer an opportunity to podcasters to bring their message to our platform keeping our rates to a minimum and provide the podcasters with a venue to promote their messages. Our podcasters do not have to be concerned with the technical side of recording, uploading, and initial promotions. I encourage our podcasters to do crossover interviews to increase their exposure and to develop a network of supporters.
When I expanded the business and created #yesican coaching under the newclevelandradio.net umbrella I did so to offer experience and educational expertise to clients who want to make changes in their life needing assistance to face what they see as challenges and lead them to opportunities. The coaching fees are on a sliding scale to provide my services for those who are facing financial challenges. I am not podcasting nor coaching to earn 6 figures. If I do that will be a bonus, however, I have learned it is more important to do what you LOVE to DO and for me that is sharing, caring, and offering to assist others in need.
Contact me today.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
January 21, 2024 Good morning – for most of us we have faced a week or more of Frigid Temperatures and too many inches of Snow! However, the weather bureau claims that we (nationwide) are in for a warmup, a thaw and Rain instead of Snow and that could mean additional challenges feed to us by mother nature. Now, I grew up in Michigan, and went to high school in Minnesota, returned to Michigan, lived in Philadelphia, Cincinnati and for over 40 years in Northeast Ohio. I am not a stranger to winter weather, but I do not like it!
In Michigan I was exposed to the winter harshness. I walked to school (not miles) since we did not have busing. We bundled up wearing leggings, mittens, boots, scarves and often looked like the Michelin Man™. Despite not liking winter I played outside in the snow, went sledding, made snow angels, and built snow forts and attempted ice skating (I was very wobbly!) When I lived in Philadelphia winters were not as harsh as Michigan and Minnesota, and Cincinnati was also much milder. Since living in Cleveland, other than the constant grey winter skies I cannot complain about the winter, but I am not a fan!
Compared to some many across the United States the winter storm we just experienced was mild in comparison. Buffalo, NY sure got hit hard 5 -6 feet of snow that the Buffalo Bills fans came out to shovel out the stadium for today’s Superbowl playoff game. (I think the stadium needs a dome!) I am blessed that my husband and I have a roof over our heads that comes with a working furnace that keeps us warm. However, I know there are millions who are homeless with no where to go and the municipal areas are doing what they can to provide warming stations and shelters, however we should not have so many displaced people.
So many of us are on the verge of being homeless. Jobs are not secure as they once were in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Too many jobs today are part-time or contract. My husband has been a contract worker for the majority of our 40+ years together. What that means he makes good money when he is under contract, however, contracts are typically not continuous. If the company can get someone else to do the job ‘cheaper’ guess what happens? Even having your own business is not secure because there is always someone else offering your product or services and customers and clients will check out the competition.
The above was not to scare you or believe it all dooms day rhetoric. However, the reality is that your neighbor, sibling, parent, or one of your 1,000s of friends on Facebook, may be teetering on homelessness.
I read a message the other day on Facebook written by a neighbor who invited us to an estate sale. The women who lived in the home that will be sold as well as her belongings had to go on Medicaid and has zero funds to support herself, whatever is made on her belongings at the estate sale will help. She has no immediate family and the distant family and friends she had (not including her neighbor) gave up on her as she sank further and further into poverty and homelessness. Her neighbor has helped her navigate and she is moving into an assisted living facility that accepts Medicaid. Sadly, the majority of the facilities are not the nicest, but they offer shelter and food. I do not believe this was the path this woman had planned for her life, but circumstances challenged and her, and she is one of many.
I chose to write about this subject today so we can all be more proactive and connect with family and friends before we may find ourselves in a dire situation. The wealthy may tell us we should have saved more over the years but the reality of it is some of us never had enough to save or we had to use our savings just to make it one day at a time.
I ask each one of you as you read this to think of one thing you can do to help another-some people are tying scarves, coats, and hats to light poles or bridge over passes for someone in need to take and stay warm. Instead of handing the pan handler money put together snack bags or toiletry bags, or warm clothing – they need immediate substance. We all can do something simple. And for those that can do more, provide shelter in an empty office building or providing supplies to the soup kitchens…let’s do it, you never know who may need it today, and it maybe you tomorrow.
January 15th, a Monday legal holiday here in the United States. To day is a day to commemorate Dr. Luther King. It saddens me that despite that fact his is a legal holiday we have not learned to accept each other as equals. You may think you are smarter or better in some manner than another, but the reality is we all have out strengths and weaknesses. If we could throw out the entitlement that so many people believe in, we would all live more peacefully and happily.
If we take the words of Martin Luther King and apply them to all scenarios in our life, we might be that peg that contributes to a better life for all. We do not require and or need some of the things we possess, I have experienced doing with less and being happy. However, it is not for me nor you to judge what others select as their needs! So how do we change this belief system and learn to be inclusive, kind, and caring.
I am saying that if we are reaching to succeed and meet our wants that we should not feel selfish, ashamed, or unworthy. We are entitled as free-thinking humans to want and gain the possessions that we believe identify us; however as human beings with a brain that allows us to think and process, maybe we don’t need what we think we need! I have been asked if I had one wish to make what would it be? For years my answer was more money to pay my bills! However, I have learned that the more money we have the more we spend and unless we are frugal and mindful, we may never have enough. Another wish I had was for good health. Until recently I did not equate that with what I could do to ensure good health. It may not be 100% perfect and reliable but eating healthier, exercising, and reducing my stress levels has helped considerably.
Yes, I still get daily migraines, but I have found tools that provide me with relief or at minimum a reduction in pain and discomfort.
I may be treating a rotator cuff injury, I have no idea when it got injured, and I am still meeting my demands on my daily schedule although I may approach them with more ease.
Winter weather has not been my friend in the past, but I refuse to waste my energy in complaining or fighting the inevitable seasonal change. I focus on what is yet to come Spring will be here soon and today despite sub zero temperatures the glorious sun is shining bright.
I allow my medical team to treat me for mild depression. I don’t want to feel the grey and blackness that I had in the past. I also treat myself to mindfulness and accepting that my thoughts can be changed. Not everyone who suffers from depression has the energy to refocus and even if they do, they may not have the support system. Support systems come in many shapes and sizes and one size does not fit all. It me years, decades to find my support system. Strangely it began with my youngest son who was also experiencing depressive thoughts. When he recognized my symptoms, he brought them to my attention, and I sought medical assistance. I grew up in a home where depression was not a word that my family would use or recognize.
My son also sought additional medical assistance to recognize his highs and lows, learning new tools that would help him as well as share with others. Once again, we are all unique and what works for one may not work for another but when we recognize what we really need and want, life is much more beautiful. It takes time and energy to heal whatever pain we may be experiencing. We must get involved and face it head on and learn to move through it to get to the other side. It is OK to ask for help, asking for help only makes us stronger.
Today the pain of antisemitism is all around us and we are inflicting hate on others through prejudiced thoughts and harboring hate for someone who is politically, religiously, and or culturally different.
Dr. King preached: “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
It is already January 12th; we are 12 days into 2024 – what have you accomplished?
My father used to tell me to find my happy place each day; when I found it, I would be at my personal best, and I could accomplish anything! Although I doubted him for a long time, as I matured, I found wisdom in his words. When we are happy, we believe in ourselves and the energy flows. Often it is so contagious that others around us begin to excel as well.
On the 7th day of January, I felt as if I was not well. I could not pinpoint what was wrong but all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and just wait out whatever was brewing inside. However, the words of my father resonated in my thoughts, and I looked for that happy place and I found it! I may have a cold/virus and physically I may not feel well, allowing my emotions to find the positive glow of the day has helped me through this.
It is easy to feel the pain whether physical or emotional and allow that pain to engulf us, however I choose not to. I look for the light at the end of the tunnel and sprint towards it. Each day we have choices to make and I choose to smile rather than frown and to laugh rather than cry…but even I must be reminded that each step I take is an accomplishment.
January 7, 2024 Thank you for being supportive of newclevelandradio.net (Avoid the Maze) and #YESICAN coaching with Karen.
During the months of January and February I am offering a special pricing for coaching to all new clients. I am honestly empathetic to what I hear so many people are saying regarding their financial commitments. However, I believe we all need to have a Coach/Mentor/Therapist or someone who can assist us to find happiness. Too often we are caught up in the day-to-day ‘crap’ that takes us down a path that may not fill our needs. It is also apparent that many of us may not know what those needs are until we develop a relationship with someone who can walk our path and help find the road markers.
Coaching guides the individual to learn how to check-in with themselves. I truly learned this technique through Positive Intelligence and my wonderful guide and coach.
Reflect on experiences positive and negative and identify why they fit into specific categories – this takes mindfulness another area of our thought process we must exercise to find happiness.
When working with a coach it is important to check in with that guide. It is significant that you trust the conversations you have are one-on-one and your privacy is significant in your working relationship. It is also OK to ask for guidance.
Learning to be assertive and following your path is the key to your happiness. Observing others is OK but do not expect that you will follow the same road maps.
Be good to yourself. Stop judging every move you may make or assume that everything you do is perfect. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
Whether your coach provides you with learning assessments or not it is important that you take the time to review who you are and where you want to go. Sometimes it is best to see things in black and white.
Assess your relationships – you cannot change another person – even if they change to be accepted – if they don’t believe in the change, it will not last. You are only responsible for yourself.
I am looking forward to working with you as a guest on Avoid the Maze, possibly receiving coaching referrals, or being a guest on your podcast. I also would like to team up with some of you and create an online program advocating coaching. Those of us who coach we know the importance of this process and many of us are being coached as well.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
January 5, 2024 – The Golden Bachelor has not only been a great success for ABC and Disney, but it has also brought hope to many individuals that love is not just for the young. We are never too old to find that significant other if that is what will complete us.
As I watched the reality series which we all know is somewhat scripted I swore to myself if I was ever in a position of being single again, I would never put myself through the ‘cattiness’ often displayed in this series. However, understanding that there is a great portion of the dialogue that is created for entertainment, that a majority of the women truly developed long lasting friendships as observed in the wedding special for Gerry and Theresa.
I want to encourage everyone to find love with self-first. In my younger stages of life, I was always searching for someone to love and find love in return. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it is difficult to establish that with someone else. I truly am blessed that I am married to my best friend. Rich has taught me what true love is. Our true love is not about romantic dinners, expensive gifts, and the glitz of a Hallmark™ movie. Our love is sharing the everyday issues of life together, and sometimes it means we compromise, picking our battles before they develop into a war.
My paternal grandmother told me the secret to a successful marriage was not going to bed/sleep angry. Although I understood her secret to success it took me a long time to drop the anger or dispute before closing out the day. Anger often creates a mountain out of a mole hill. It is easier to smooth out the mole hill, whereas the mountain is rugged often causing danger as it grows larger.
You may be reading this and thinking, wow Karen, you lucked out and yes, I have but it took work to get to where I am today. Life is a journey, and we must continue to walk the path that leads us to our purpose. As we continue to evolve through life the journey may shift from North to South with a sharp right or left turn. Just like the Golden Bachelor, things may not be what they seem, and it is up to each of us to take off the rose-colored glasses and find the beauty in reality.
Susan, who performed the marriage ceremony for Gerry and Theresa was also one of the Bachelorettes in this series, she too was looking for love/. She hoped she and Gerry would find it together, however she knew it truly about following your heart. I believe Gerry kept her in the mix as long as he did was due to the loving friendship and connection they had. When she left the mansion, she encouraged him to follow his heart which was selecting Theresa. Susan may not have found her Golden Bachelor to marry but she found a love of friendship which may be her pot of gold
I have been identified as a pleaser in every personality or psychological survey I have taken. If I could, I would encourage everyone that is not selfish to please yourself. We need to learn how to be in relationships while still caring for ourselves. When the oxygen mask appears, take a deep breath before you help someone else.
Happiness is the experience of joy, feeling content, and being the positive, finding the sunlight behind the clouds, feeling the warmth from the sun on a cold winter day, and finding your purpose that beings a smile to your lips from deep inside your heart.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
January 4, 2024 Do you ever ask yourself, “When is it my turn?” Before you assume this is a ‘pity party’ blog, it’s not! However, I have concluded that it has not been my turn because I have made the choice to be available to others. Being a people pleaser or attempting to be a people fixer has been the path I have traveled the majority of my life. This year I will be turning 74 and I am working on being a Karen pleaser and a Karen fixer. For the last 10 plus years my focus has been in finding my purpose and creating personal happiness. This is a work in process and this morning I asked myself that question, “WHEN?”
As a wife I established a responsibility in my marriage, now going on 40 years I am finding some of those responsibilities overwhelm me. However, I continue to choose to follow the path I created more than half of my life ago and I am realizing that maybe I need a new focus. No, not divorce or an affair, just to re-identify if what I chose to do 40+ years ago is still necessary today. My husband is my best friend and the love of my life but there are times I want to scream, do it yourself and instead I begrudgingly do whatever it is to keep him happy. (OOPS – it doesn’t work that way!) If I am unhappy, he picks up on it and it alters his mood. I am trying to use the tools I have collected over the years to reduce my unhappiness, taking my turn!
As a mother (with two grown sons) I find myself still trying to be their protector and taking on their distress with the hope to connect and reduce their stress/unhappiness. However, coaching has taught me that it doesn’t work that way. In fact, when I allow their anxieties to creep into my veins it is not healthy for any of us, particularly me. I don’t expect them to respond to my needs in that way and I need to continue to work on allowing them to experience and feel in their manner. So, I asked myself how I can release this energy and use it for ‘my turn’.
Holidays have always been difficult for me and in 2024 I am going to take some time to understand why so I may release the anxiety I bring upon myself. 2023 holiday’s, including Mother’s Day was spent with my family. I had no expectations which provided me lasting happiness. I am no longer waiting for that Hallmark™ movie plot to be part of my life. What this past year has provided me with is a better understanding of who I am which I will continue to share in blogging, podcasting, and coaching. I am challenging myself to say ‘no’ when it makes me happy. I will say ‘yes’ when I know that is the best answer, although sometimes the best answer is based on the old tapes that rewind within us and remind us of the past.
I am accepting it’s ‘OK’ to ask the question, “When is it my turn?” This will be my reminder that I need to make a choice and the choice is mine even if the answer is, “Not Now!”
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
January 1, 2024 – who would have thought that, yet another year is in our rearview mirror. I can honestly say that despite upsets (WARS ranging in the world) and antisemitism, and the pure hate being spoken among many, I do believe the majority of us are kind, loving, humans. I have chosen to believe in GOOD rather than to focus on the negativity that only produces more angst.
Growing up I witnessed family discord and all it produced was sadness, and then one day, the family members put their negativity away and the discord was no more. I wish it was that easy and the Russians – Putin, would shake hands with the Ukraine’s -Zelensky, and the war would end. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if the Middle East would learn to live in harmony and respect those who think and look differently?
OK, if I cannot convince the world to live in peace and harmony with respect for one another I can at least live my life in this manner. I have known discrimination and I have pledged to never treat another human in such a disrespectful way. I am no better than anyone else, and no one else is better than me. We all can be our best selves and if we strive to be our best, we need not be better.
In my almost 74 years I have learned that not everyone will like me or agree with me and that’s OK; that means I do not have to like or agree with everyone, but we are all entitled to our opinions and choices without hurting or injuring another.
As a Personal Change Coach #YESICAN coaching with Karen, I support my clients with the opportunity to become their best selves. I work on myself daily through self-care as well as caring for others. I have learned to be mindful and make choices that are meaningful for me and those around me.
Please join me in starting 2024 with developing opportunities of Kindness for yourself and others.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
D5 Creation