WORD OF THE DAY 2024
Word of the Day was influenced by Gary Moss – https://just4thespellofit.com/word-of-the-day/
The word of the day is HURT/Pain – we all experience hurt/pain in our lifetime. However, we do not all hurt/pain in the same way. Some have a higher tolerance for pain than others. [A tolerance level lies on a continuum from high tolerance to low tolerance, with high tolerance meaning that you tolerate more of the behavior you don’t like and low tolerance that you tolerate less of that behavior.] When I fall and skin my knee, I may brush it off as an oops, yet when a child falls, they may scream and wither in pain or hurt pride. We learn over time what our reaction will be and sometimes we revert to having a higher tolerance to avoid attention. Someone else may resort to a low tolerance for the attention.
Much of learning begins at childbirth and although it continues throughout our lifetime, [According to firstthingsfirst.org, children’s brains develop most rapidly between birth and age five and are most flexible and adaptable to learning during this time. The first 1,000 days of a child’s life are particularly critical, with 80% of brain development occurring during this period. The first three years are also the most rapid period of development in a person’s life.] I must admit being the youngest of three, and the only girl, I had a low tolerance for hurt/pain. I have shared in my writings, if my father came home from work and was not smiling, I assumed he was mad at me, and I would react negatively feeling hurt/pain and creating a negative situation that was not necessary. However, I connected smiling with love and acceptance and seeing his weariness, or what I thought was an expression of anger, I took it upon myself to make assumptions.
Over the past couple of days while podcasting with my various guests I have had flashbacks of the hurt/pain I have experienced and those emotional feelings. Too often I created them by making assumptions based on something I learned or witnessed as a young child. For too many years of my life it was all about why me? I did not have the tools to see beyond myself.
As a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friends, and business associate I too often take on the pain and hurt of others. I will tell you this is not healthy behavior to adopt. In fact, if you do this as well, it is time to find a Coach or someone who you trust to help teach you the tools to change this behavior. It’s ok to empathize with someone, however, feelings of hurt and pain are personal. What we can do when we find ourselves in this position is to listen, not judge and if possible, share the following.
- If the pain is physical guiding this individual or yourself to the appropriate source(s) to address the situation.
- Remembering you cannot take the pain away if it’s not yours. You need to step back and provide opportunities for the individual to face this challenge. (Again, guide them and allow them to take the path they choose.)
- If the hurt/pain has been caused by someone else – through words or lack of words – help guide them or yourself to envision that this is out of their control but experiencing and letting go, is in their control. (Is the hurt/pain positive?)
- Prepare for hurt/pain. Become mindful of what is important for you mentally and physically. Remove yourself from hurtful and painful situations while you are mindful of the outcome.
Here’s an example of something hurtful, this goes back 50+years but I remember it like it happened yesterday.
It was my senior year in high school. I had a boyfriend who attended a different school. We were dating for two months, and New Year’s Eve was looming in front of us. (I assumed we would go out together.) There was a big teen New Year’s event happening at a local hotel, and my brother Joel was taking pictures there of all the couples. I was excitedly planning this event in my head. However, a week before the event my boyfriend informed me, he could not take me to the party. He had asked someone else before he met me, and he insisted his mother told him he had to take ‘her’. I was hurt/pain and all I wanted to do at the age of 17 was die! I remember crying as he apologized and said we can go out the night before and again the following weekend. I felt like I didn’t matter to him, and I began picturing him with this other ‘girl’. The pain felt intense, and I thought I would never recover.
We did go out the night before and it was not the best date night in my life because the pain was bubbling up inside of me. The next day, New Year’s Eve Day, a guy called me and asked me to attend the party with him. My hurt was so painful I took it out on him and said no. I was a rude 17-year-old because this nice guy was not someone I wanted to go out with or be seen with. He was much shorter than me and, in those days, labeled as a ‘nerd’. My hurt/pain intensified, is this all I was worth? So New Year’s Eve I sat in my room and cried. I believed I would never be happy again.
On New Year’s Day, I got a phone call from my boyfriend who asked me out. I do not remember what I said but we did go out. It was a cold icy winter day in Minneapolis. All I remember is we drove around holding hands and talking. He tried to tell me about the party, but I refused to hear anything about it. I wanted to bury the past and move forward.
50+ years later I understand why I felt the pain/hurt however in 1967-68 I did not have the toolkit I have today to help me through situations like this. I now realize I had the choice on how to react to my feelings. I could bury myself in the hurt/pain or I could have looked at as it was one night and if we were meant to be Boyfriend and Girlfriend that one night would not destroy the relationship.
The first week of January 1968 changed my life more significantly than not having a date on New Year’s Eve. My father announced he had taken a job back home in Michigan and we would be moving. Dad left to start his job, leaving me at home with mom to begin packing up. It was mid-February, at the end of the winter term, in the middle of my senior year when I left behind friends and my Boyfriend. A new hurt/pain, a new journey and all my experiences have led me to where I need to be.
We may not understand the hurt/pain at the time but if we can use the tools that are available to us and accept that Challenges lead to Opportunities, we had lessen the degree of hurt/pain we experience by lowering our tolerance and taking charge.
How can I coach you?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is resilience and I encourage everyone who reads this to find this superpower, I believe we all have it within us. “Resilience is the ability to adapt to challenges in life, maintaining psychological well-being in the face of adversity.”
Life is not a perfect journey. From the moment we take our first breath until our last we will encounter obstacles and challenges. If we want to get through the maze of life, we must become mindful of where we are and where we want to go.
In our podcasts, Avoid the Maze – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggnxQkcre4xD9_TvFIAzBZ3N we share life’s journey. The guests on this podcast are individuals just like you and me and many (If not all) have face diverse challenges as they maneuver life’s path. They have learned trail and error, we all make mistakes, how to continue walking forward without falling down. They may trip along the way, but they are mindful of the steps they are taking.
GRIEF BeLIEF, another podcast on newclevelandradio.net – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggnctzQjFDEjEqKyMJ6nwvQR -discusses the subject that many of us don’t want to face, but we all face it, the elephant in the room, GRIEF. “Grief is the emotional and physical response to loss, such as the death of a loved one, serious illness, or divorce. It can involve intense sadness, shock, numbness, denial, and anger. Grief can also be described as “the cost we pay for being able to love in the way we do”.
Greif is not just about death, dying, the loss of another human, it includes all loses. If you talk to women 50 and up many reflect on the loss or estrangements in their life. Adult children who choose to disassociate, Siblings who separate due to career, relationships, or just because. Late in life divorce, feeling vulnerable. The loss of a job creates this emotional pain as well. Health issues creating a decline in what you may have done earlier in life is not as easy or possible which develops a huge void for many.
For men it often is what some define as a midlife crisis and that may be associated with job loss as well…now what?
If we build resilience into our daily lives, creating options for ourselves and looking at grief as real and allow it to lead you down a new path. The new normal need not be negative if we turn it into something positive.
While grieving, allow it to occur, listen to your heart and make the decisions that work for you. If you are able to share your feelings, do so. Others should not judge you for your emotions, they are yours. No one else can take the pain away but you can learn to understand it. Understanding will build your ability to be RESILENT!
Practice Resilience:
- Create relationships with like-minded, nonjudgmental people
- Practice Selfcare – allow yourself to feel
- Set reachable goals – tasks to reach resilience
- Embrace change – allow yourself to see options
- Learn from your mistakes and be willing to make new mistakes
- Love yourself – find your best features inside and out
- Think positively – push out the negative – create a MANTRA
- Use your solving skills – ‘if this’, ‘what if’, etc…
Make Changes:
- Volunteer, help others
- Nurture yourself
- Find a spiritual presence – seek nature
- Allow yourself to be flexible – don’t judge
- Identify your strengths – don’t think about weaknesses
- Think positively – push out the negative – create a MANTRA
If you need assistance contact:
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The Word of the Day is SMILE! At 7:59 am as I look out my office/studio window the skies are gray and cloudy, a typical winter day in Northeast Ohio. However, according to the calendar today is the first full day of Spring. We reached the Spring Equinox last night, March 19th at 11:06 pm. However, mother nature has the choice to tease us and bring winter back. For the next seven days the predictions are cloudy, rainy, and windy with highs 40 – 54 degrees, with two days dipping back into the 30s. Many of us got spoiled over the last two weeks with sunshine and temperatures hovering in the 70s. Although we may be able to control some of the weather changes, we are experiencing, Spring will arrive soon. For today as I look outside my window, I will envision the sun shining brightly behind the clouds and that will keep me warm and smile.
Smiling is a facial expression that often indicates enjoyment, amusement, and or complete contentment. If we are asked to smile when we aren’t experiencing these positive emotions the upward curve in our lips may look more like a downward curve indicating distress or unhappiness.
Did you know there is power in smiling. Even a forced smile can produce positivity and release the endorphins in our body, this release may be seen on your face, your actions and your words giving off an aura to those around you. Happiness is contagious. Notice the difference in your body when you smile, or you catch the smile of someone else. [Have you ever found yourself smiling or reacting to a character in a movie or on a T.V. show? I have and if I am paying attention to it I find a little giggle escapes my lips as well.]
Sixty years ago (I know a lifetime), I met a wonderful family in Sioux City, Iowa. As much as I loved the daughters who were my age, it was their mother and father who took a place in my heart. I remember the mother (Sue) would tell me how much she loved my smile, I didn’t know how nice it was, but I believed her and found myself practicing smiling. Although I didn’t stand in front of a mirror observing what she saw, I imagined my facial features curving in an upward motion and it would bring me happiness. Even as I am writing this blog, I am smiling thinking of this family who have lived in my heart all these years.
As a young child I assumed my father was mad at me if he wasn’t smiling when he came home from work. What I didn’t understand when I was 8 or 9 years old was that my father was exhausted when he came home at 5:30 or 6:00 pm each evening. My dad, similar to my husband today, had to wake up very early in the morning as he had a 1-hour drive to work, working for 8+ hours and another 1-hour drive home. I notice the same with my husband and I no longer assume that he is mad, I recognize he is tired and that’s OK.
It is helpful if we are mindful of what a smile means to us. If our expectations require someone to show us love and compassion through a smile, we must also accept that no one is happy 24/7 and it’s OK. Just because their facial expression may be bland or sad, they actually may be tired, ill, or sad about something NOT RELATED to you.
Recently I was watching T.V., and my husband looked over at me and saw tears running down my cheek. Whatever we were watching was not sad; when he asked if I was crying, I had not realized I was…however something triggered me, and I was thinking of something that made me sad. I was unaware that it was obvious, and I had no idea why my thoughts went in that direction. However, once he mentioned it, I felt the tears drying on my cheeks, my neck felt stiff and painful, and my body, mind, and soul felt empty. He kept pressing me to tell him what was wrong, he wanted to fix it, make me feel better. His voice was soothing, but it triggered more sadness. I remember asking him to let it go, I had no answers.
I took some personal time, went into the bathroom to splash water on my face and as I looked into the mirror and saw my reflection, I forced a smile and soon I felt giddy. Why was I sad? I have no recollection of what triggered it, but I knew I was the only one who had control to turn my frown upside down.
In case you are wondering, I have been smiling writing this today.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the Day is STOP! I have done this myself, but I get very upset when I hear people making excuses why they can’t do something. My father did not like hearing, “I can’t do that!” He would ask, have tried? Even if the answer was yes, he asked why you think you can’t, you tried so you did do it! I never understood his logic, but I do now!
As I look back over my life, I see many things I thought I could not do that I did.
- I may have wanted to be in with the popular crowd in high school, I wasn’t, but I was popular in the youth group I was actively involved in.
- I wanted to do something important for my brother and sister-in-law when they lost their first child to ‘Crib Death’; I started a group for families that had experienced this, and we supported each other through the process of loss at various levels. (This may be another reason I chose to create, GRIEF BeLIEF on newclevelandradio.net)
- I wanted to create a business and I have created various ones that fit me through my years beginning with a tie-die business, to becoming an interior plant designer, developing an interest in photography and video starting a business with my husband for weddings and special occasions.
- When diagnosed with a chronic illness I developed, The Chronic Pain Support Group initiated groups in various hospital settings and was interviewed nationally for this organization.
- When pressured to find a job/career to assist with our family income I became a software consultant and trainer. I worked at this for 10 plus years full time and I took my talents into the higher education arena where I became a coach to my students.
- Helping students took me to finish my degree and advance my learning, something I never thought I could do, graduating with honors.
- Jumping in headfirst and creating my niche in podcasting, blogging, and public speaking has brought me too today.
I never said I couldn’t do these things. When I decided to do each of them, I just did it. I followed my heart and intuition.
Today I was talking to an individual who for years has used obstacles as a reason why she doesn’t do things. She keeps busy, she is always doing something, but she makes excuses for everything she does as the reason why she is not reaching her success model. I understand she may have some large obstacles to go around but until she decides to stop the self-sabotaging dialogue, she will never be happy.
We all do our share of self-sabotaging, but when it becomes a biggest hurdle to overcome, we have to stop if we are allowing it to get in our way. Since starting my podcast business, I have never said I can’t. I look for guests and I find them, my voice is heard, I know I am helping at least one person. My guest is getting exposure, and I am finding healing words.
Stop making excuses! If something is not working ask yourself why, do not blame it on others. Once you start blaming others you are not being honest with yourself, who is the problem, you are them? It is imperative that we don’t feed off of someone else’s negativity. Sometimes their negativity is envy for what we are trying to do. My husband is my biggest cheerleader, he wants to see me succeed and be happy. Because of his support even my ‘failures’ are successes. I learn from them and find the answers to not repeat the same failure twice.
I won’t be obnoxious, and have you believe I am perfect, and I never make excuses, but they are rare. In fact, often share my mistakes and weaknesses to become more aware of what I may need to do to avoid them in the future.
As a Personal Change Coach, I can help you as I have helped myself. I will bring my tools to our sessions and share them with you…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is DEPRESSION! Just like GRIEF, we will experience this emotion during our lifetime. For some, sadly, it is an emotion that is difficult to shake, and it is more than a WORD!
When I met my husband 40+ years ago he was a different person than he is today (we all change and evolve). He used to be a happy go lucky type of guy who cried at sad movies and had a heart laugh for anything that tickled his funny bone. Together, like many who have grown into their 70s, we have experienced many ups and downs that influenced the changes in our personalities. I began to notice his changes the day he was officially diagnosed on the Spectrum. He finally had a better understanding of the term marching to the beat of a different drummer. I believe he was influenced by the diagnosis and slowly the happy go lucky man in my life became a little more dependent on me. He had observed for almost 15 years how I was parenting and conversing with our son who is also on the spectrum. I noticed his need for my confirmation with his personality traits as well. (I am not blaming him for my bout of depression 10 years ago but feeling the obligation – out of love – to ‘take care’ of him, had me questioning my love and my needs.)
I tried working through my feelings through therapy and it did not work for me. What worked was the opportunity to sit and talk to myself, journal, and accept that the man I married was no different today than yesterday, he just had a label, and I chose to erase it from my daily thoughts. Just like our son he is capable of doing anything he wants to do. What has been difficult for me even to this day is not jumping in and doing things for him, like taking his dinner dishes from the table to the sink and dishwasher. I created a situation in which I have had to accept or make the move to change it. (I have been changing slowly breaking my bad habits helping my husband to create new habits that will work better for us.)
Over the 40+ years of our relationship we have been through huge highs and lows. I have experienced a number of health issues and the majority of them have either been resolved or are being treated. Even during these health episodes, I rarely have taken a break as I have chosen to give my recoveries my full attention. My husband has needed more of my support, he went through radiation treatment for an overactive thyroid right after our son was born, 33 years ago. His next health episode scare came months later when he went through a heart catheterization as his doctor at the time suspected he may have heart issues. (He does have a big heart full of love.)
He got a good bill of health and went forward with no health issues until he was diagnosed as a Type II diabetic. Initially he went full steam ahead as I did, throwing out foods that were not good for him and only purchasing and preparing foods to reduce his sugar levels. We both followed this plan for a couple of years until he either got bored of not eating the foods he likes or believing he could do it his way. (For the most part despite his poor eating habits, he has kept his sugar levels at acceptable levels.) My husband loves sweets, and he has found a way to eat the cookies, candy, and ice cream even being diabetic.
In the summer of 2022 Rich was diagnosed with early-stage prostate cancer. We followed up immediately with his medical team and he went through radiation treatment, and he has been Cancer Free after one month of completed treatment. He still needs to be checked regularly but the prognosis is positive that he will remain Cancer Free.
A few weeks ago, he complained of being dizzy. He has had dizziness in the past and it had contributed to inner ear infections. Upon examination his primary physician suggested he may have carotid artery disease and he ordered an ultra-sound. Yesterday morning he had the test and last night in MYCHART we read the results.
We are not doctors and we found as we read the results, we could assume he needs surgery due to blockage or the blockage recorded is normal for his age… Neither one of us got much sleep last night. I can’t imagine my life without my best friend. I know I cannot take his depression away he will need to work on that, but I now need to take care of me for him, and for ME!
I will not be the first spouse to ride the rollercoaster of fear. I am shaking as I slowly move up the incline and I am prepared to scream if the plunge is deep. (I hate rollercoasters.)
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Emotions! Have you ever been told you don’t show your emotions? Or have ever been told you are too emotional? What is the correct quantity of emotions to possess?
I love this AI definition of the word, “Emotions are mental reactions that can be short-lived or long-lived. They can be associated with thoughts, feelings, and behavioral responses. Emotions are reactions to stimuli, and feelings are what we experience as a result of emotions.” Based on my interpretation there is no set number of feelings we experience, and we may not react in the same manner to those experiences.
Growing up my parents referred to me as ‘Sarah Barnhart’. Sarah was a French actress known for her extreme dramatization. However, what I did not know was that she was much more as an artist and successful businesswoman. She lived her passions and often when we have commitment like Sarah our passions drive our emotions.
I grew up in a family of 5 with two older brothers. As the baby of the family and the only girl, I was and to some degree still am the most sensitive. I’ve shared before that when my father came home from work if he wasn’t smiling and overly cheerful, I would take on a fearful thought that he was mad over something I had done or said. It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I was able to see his demeanor had nothing to do with me, but after a long day at work he was tired. What I witnessed as a child was his experience of being tired. As mindful as I am of that trigger today, I often will look over at my weary husband and ask, “are you made at me?” My emotions have escalated over a look, a sigh, a murmur, but I continue to work on those feelings and search the whys for my response.
Recently I have become in-tune with how a Netflix™ movie can trigger me. As I binge watch I find I may get absorbed into the emotions of the characters on screen and I have to stop and physically remove myself from the storyline. Emotionally I feel as if I am living the story line even when it is far removed from who I am. I may cry, get angry, laugh blissfully, and witness myself as someone else, the character who is on screen. (Maybe my parents were right labeling me ‘Sarah Barnhart’.
Emotions can run deep. Sometimes they drive us to act, sometimes not necessary. These fast-moving actions may result in mistakes that may hurt us or others, affecting their thoughts and feelings. It is important that we work to be mindful of how we have arrived at this point and what will result in our actions positively or negatively. We must not blame our emotional health on someone else, we have the choice to direct our feelings to enhance us rather than cause pain and or regret.
When you laugh – do you know what triggered that emotion?
Does someone else’s laugh create a positive response for you?
When you cry – do you know what made you sad?
Do you cry when you see someone else crying?
When you reach out to hug someone (hugging is an emotion) – do you have a sense of need?
Do you hug for comfort or ????
When you kiss someone, or they kiss you – do you know what you are thinking and or reacting to?
Is kissing intimate for you or friendly?
Take a look at your emotions and know you can fine tune them and if you do you will feel healthier. Allow yourself the opportunity to understand yourself. Others will not understand or accept you for the person you are unless you accept and like yourself. Create your emotional response to fulfill your needs.
You Can Do It! I Can Help You!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is YOU! For most of my life I thought if I was thinking of myself that would equate to me being conceited. Who thinks of themselves over other people? I was raised during the 50s and 50s where family, not just parents, but grandparents, aunts, and uncles as well as related extended family taught us to be nice to others, to do for others and that would fulfill us. However, at the same time we were reminded in case of emergency to put on our oxygen mask first so we would have the strength and capacity to help others. The information on happiness and extending ourselves surely could confuse us. (It did me!)
When I suggest we focus on the word YOU, I seriously think we need to be more mindful of who we are, what we want, and the best way to achieve our goals/dreams. If I have learned anything in my 74 + years on this earth if I am trying to make everyone around me happy, assisting them with their tasks/goals/ and dreams, I am leaving myself depleted of the oxygen I need. This is not to suggest we shouldn’t assist others along their path, but before we do, we must ensure we are whole.
When I was getting married (to my first husband) my paternal grandmother, Jenny Moss, told me her secret to happiness. She said, “never go to sleep angry.” Saying you’re sorry will wipe away the tears that may otherwise fall on your pillow. I lived by this during my first marriage [7 years] and into my current marriage of 44 years. I have spent most of my life as a pleaser to others while ignoring my needs. I convinced myself I was happy because I was helping others achieve happiness and personal success. If you had asked me what makes me happy, I would have said helping others. (That was entirely true!)
I am blessed. I have been married to my husband for 40 years. From day one he believed in me. He has witnessed my strengths even when I identified them as my weaknesses. He has been my cheerleader encouraging me to keep taking the steps forward. Even when I doubt his motivation, he pushes me but is there to help me if I fall. We are a true partnership and I have come to learn that it is natural, therefore easier, to make someone happy that appreciates you. My husband ensures I allow myself to feel my happiness.
If YOU think of yourself do so in a positive manner. Take the time to be mindful of YOUR needs. Don’t wait for someone else to fulfill you. When you are lacking the self-love, it is noticeable and if you don’t love yourself how can you expect anyone else to? If you lack the confidence to love yourself reach out and find yourself a coach, a mentor, or if you believe it is more extensive than that, a therapist or doctor. Find the path to positive feelings even when you slip, fall, and make what seems like the worst mistake ever. Learn from the mistakes and embrace them.
“Self-judgment is the act of judging oneself. It can be a result of conditioning, negativity bias, insecurities, or being unaware of one’s own thoughts.”
We all judge ourselves and sometimes more harshly than what we would place on another person. We may know we aren’t perfect, but we expect perfection, and the reality is there is no perfection. If there was, we would live in a world of love, peace, acceptance, unity, with no wars, resentments, or negativity. Since that is not a reality it is imperative we understand the imperfections and work on making the positive changes. You can do it!
- Journal your positive thoughts
- Create Affirmations
- Look in the mirror and smile at yourself
- Allow yourself to experience a mistake and looking for the corrections YOU can make
- Make yourself happy and watch the ripple affect
- Be as kind to yourself as you are to others…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Spring. I have always associated my birthday, March 4th, with Spring. Officially March 19th this year is the first day of the Spring Equinox, “the day when the Northern and Southern hemispheres receive roughly the same amount of sunlight.” Here in northeast Ohio, we experienced a taste of this upcoming season this past weekend with temperatures in the 60s and 70s and now today it is cloudy and in the low 40s and dropping. For me the thought of Spring makes me smile and think positively of the months ahead. However, I have to admit this is probably one of the first winters that I can honestly say I was not depressed. But with the time change upon this weekend as we Spring forward in time, I will truly enjoy the daylight at the end of the day. Personally, the darkness in the morning works for me but having it get dark in the early evening chips away at my happy moods.
It has been scientifically documented how light affects our moods and is most notable in individuals with cognitive disabilities (Dementia and Alzheimer’s). Light heightens our senses and improves our emotions. For many of us it reduces fatigue as we find we have more energy to actively participate in activities that we are less active with when the sunsets earlier in the day. Although we are surrounded by light every moment of every day, it is the lighting format that can either improve our moods or worsen them. (https://illuminated-integration.com/blog/how-lighting-affects-mood/)
According to Psychology Today, natural light like sunlight has the potential to enhance our mood, creativity, and cognitive performance. I know this is true for me. In the past I noted that I would feel sad, unmotivated, and somewhat lost on a very gray winter day. (We get a lot of those in Cleveland during the winter months.) However, one of my coaches mentioned to me that even though I did not see the blue skies and yellow sun beams, that even on a gray day the sun was shining but on the other side of the clouds. That little reminder that the sun was shining has transformed my moods during the winter months.
Warm light can make us feel warm and cozy, giving us comfort. I have learned to use specific warm light in areas of my home to enhance the emotional comfort I need taking me closer to Spring.
Cooler or white light triggers discomfort for me. Often medical offices have an abundance of cool lighting as it is more efficient for examining and working with a patient. (Maybe that’s why my blood pressure spikes during a medical visit.)
Spring is about renewal and life as flower buds peak up from the ground, and the leaves on the trees slowly emerge. The sound of the birds and the rustle of sounds that appeared to go silent in the dead of winter. Now I cannot complain because winter here in the Cleveland, Ohio area was fairly mild this year. The weather maps were good for us steering the storms, north and south of us. However, with the weather patterns changing we all know is caused by global warming. And although I like the warmer, milder weather, I know it is not good long term for mother earth. I want to continue to look forward to the seasonal changes and specifically the rebirth when Spring is Sprung.
Do you need assistance getting through the doom and gloom? If so…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is actually two simple words, “DO IT”.
I just read a post on one of my Facebook sites where a woman in her early seventies mention she loves to socialize however she finds herself not as involved as she once was. She noted that she used to be the one who made the plans and brought people together. Today she noted that she hasn’t done that in awhile and even though she is not a loner and by no means a hermit, socializing has become more difficult, she enjoys the quiet of her home.
My response was I believe many of us are walking in her shoes since the pandemic. We have become more comfortable with ourselves and our surroundings. Depending on what the event is we are invited to or plan ourselves it may feel more like work than enjoyment. However, she did mention when she plans or attends, she enjoys herself immensely.
I can related. There once was a time I did a lot of entertaining but over the years I have become less of a hostess because it is work.
- When planning a menu everyone seems to have special needs, allergies, likes, and dislikes.
- When selecting a time what works for you doesn’t work for your guests or guests believe they can show up or not.
- When inviting friends, it seems we need to be more cognizant of who likes or dislikes someone and choosing who to invite or not.
- Back to the food, there is the subject of alcohol or non-alcohol beverages as well as your responsibility as a host when serving alcohol.
- If you have an animal (we do not) being respectful of your guests who may not appreciate your dog or cat climbing all over them.
Since the pandemic I have found it even more of chore to entertain, as prices have inflated food choices and some of the guests have chosen not to eat in someone else’s home. We still have a fear of the contagious COVID 19 germs.
Despite the hesitation of socializing my husband and I are working at getting out and about and enjoying the simple things in life. When we invite guests to our home, we ‘KIS’, Keeping It Simple! When we go out either alone or with other couples, we don’t get caught up in what everyone else may want, we enjoy what we want. We are not drinkers (for medical reasons) but we can enjoy our evening with diet coke, ice tea, or water with lemon. Food is secondary to us which means we are willing to share a meal or appetizer experiencing our delight. We are finding new ways to get out and about and live our best lives.
If finances are an issue, there are various events and sites we can all experience. It may take some work Googling what is happening in your area, but there are plenty of choices if you choose to explore. If you have a streaming service and your friend(s) don’t, an invite for a movie night might be a fun experience. As the weather is getting nicer as we get closer to Spring a picnic in the park or on your patio or front porch could be a Simple Invite.
Don’t sit around waiting to be invited, ‘Do It’, invite others to socialize or go out and about on your own. My husband is really good at going into a restaurant (alone) and starting up a conversation with someone at a table near him. He does this regularly on his lunch break from work and he always has something new to share with me at the end of the day. I tend to have conversations in the grocery store or pharmacy, sometimes it is those conversations that get me out the door to get my shopping and errands done.
‘DO IT’ can relate to anything that you want to do, don’t wait!
“You shouldn’t be challenging yourself to change a habit for just a short period of time. The point of habits is to change behavior over the long term.” (Richard D Rawlings, author) [https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B00V6O5BHG/about]
Habits need not be bad! As a young child I had the habit of sucking my thumb and despite my parents and brothers tugging on my hand when they found me with thumb in mouth, I was unable to break the habit. Since my mother didn’t want me to start kindergarten with my thumb in my mouth, she obtained this horrific tasting medicine that is applied to the thumb, it stinks when applied and the taste cured me immediately. I chose to break the habit (subconsciously), I never wanted to taste that YUCK again!
It is difficult for most to break habits that quickly unless there is a significant event that moves them away from it, such as the medicine.
If we can be mindful of what we are doing and what works for us, we can create new patterns to rid ourselves of some action that is not beneficial to who we are or want to be. Breaking a habit for a short period of time can be bad for your physical and mental health.
Let’s talk about smoking. Maybe you have chosen to give smoking up for Lent. (I’m not Catholic so I’m not sure if this is one of the sacrifices you can make.) If you know this is temporary it may be easier to give this up for a short time but in the end when you return to this ‘bad’ habit you have not succeeded in making a lasting change. Give yourself the credit if you can stop for a day, you can stop for two until that habit is nixed.
Many of our habits are not Tangible. Procrastinating may be a habit that is adding stress to your life as well as your family, co-workers, etc. To move away from this behavior, you must want to make a change. Procrastinating may causes others angst but if it works for you, you may not want to change this habit. Before making any changes take the time you need to understand your purpose for change.
Purpose is the essential key to turning bad or un-useful habits into good nourishing ones.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
“Good habits can be developed through repetition. By incorporating behaviors, tasks, and attitude to the regular routines, they usually become a habit, thus becoming natural and virtually effortless.” (Kellie Sullivan, author). [Dream Expert, Bestselling author, Hypnotherapist, Inspirational Speaker]
How often have you used the phrase, “I can’t!” I remember telling a math teacher in high school that, “I can’t do math, it makes no sense to me.” That teacher told me as long as I said, “I can’t”, I would never be able to do math. Hearing that from my teacher I fell into the well of shame, and I created a new persona for myself, I was ‘STUPID’.
When I chose to complete my college degree 40+ years after earning my associate degree, I found myself face to face with two math classes I needed to take. My anxiety was taking over my thinking process until my husband said, “Honey, you can do it!” He became my cheerleader, and I ACED both classes. I stopped thinking of myself as Stupide at the age of 62.
To get through those two math classes I hired a tutor who provided me with everyday scenarios to understand Algebra and Geometry. He helped me develop new behaviors, mantras that I said before each session with him as well as prior to class assignments and exams. Each day had a task to complete (often very easy) to provide me with the confidence I was developing to shed the negative voices and beliefs I harbored since high school. Now, I use these same tools to rid myself of habits that do not enhance my life.
Over the last 10 -12 years I have found myself completing tasks that I would have either passed on to my husband or hired someone else to do. Although I do not like to paint, I can do it, and I have done it. When it comes to technology and I have pushed myself to at least understand what the problem is, I may not fix all the problems technology can cause but I at least know who to contact for help. Asking for help does not make me stupid, it makes me smart.
Any one of us can change a habit if we choose to do it.
Sometimes we need a little guidance, knowing when to ask for help is essential.
In the past year I have been working on losing weight, getting healthier as well as loving myself. In June of last year when I fell and injured myself resulting in a 4-day hospitalization, and a week of live-in Physical Therapy Rehabilitation, I chose to make the changes to avoid another fall.
- I can no longer wear flip-flops which I typically wore from the 1st of May till the end of October, but flip-flops contributed to my fall.
- Following up on all the exercises that provided me strength during PT have become part of my routine -REPITION is the KEY.
- Exercise is now part of my routine as well and although I have not achieved the perfect body dimensions from exercise, I know how much they mean to my physical and emotional well-being.
- Eating healthy and exercising are as easy for me as getting showered and dressed each day and putting on my make-up.
- Sleep and relaxation needed to be improved for my health situation and having a system in place has provided me with that.
We all can do whatever we want if we allow ourselves to look outside the box. A coach can guide you in the direction you may want to travel.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Habits (and more) – “We can use decision-making to choose the habits that we want to form, use willpower to get the habit started, then — and this is the best part — we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over.” Gretchin Rubin, author. (https://gretchenrubin.com/)
Every day, for many hours each day we make decisions.
- We decided if we get up when the alarm rings or hit the snooze, one, two, or more times.
- We select what we eat or don’t eat for breakfast.
- We shower and dress or we rummage through our clothes finding something that has a fresh smell.
And that is just the beginning of the day with another eight plus hours ahead to choose how we maneuver through our daily journey. The decisions we make over the simple things in life can determine our authentic success. If the choice is to just do something that fits in the moment that is habit that may or may not work for you.
Let me share a scenario that includes my husband, of course he doesn’t mind me talking about him! His name is Rich and ever since he was a little boy, years before I met him, his mother referred to him as marching to his personal drumbeat. He typically is never late but he has a habit of not observing time as many of us do. He pushes his snooze alarm and then gets frazzled if he pushes it one time too many. His daily routine in the morning includes down time, despite the fact he had eight hours of sleep or more. However, he always gets to work on time. At work he is aware of time and tasks whereas at home he can ask me several times in a minute what time it is. Once he is at home the precise person, he is at work turns into a nomad wandering through time. If he wanted to change this habit, he could but he has to want to and identify his purpose for change.
Too often when we get married or are in some form of relationship with someone, we believe we (you and I) can change them. As frustrating as this behavior is for me, it works for him as my habits work for me.
Women tend to be fixers and organizers and too often when we meet a significant other, we create this pro and con list in our heads, and we are determined that we can change those cons into pros. But we cannot unless he or she wants to change.
- We can use decision-making to choose the habits that we want to form – At some point in my husband’s life he chose that pushing the snooze and running around like a chicken with his head cut off in the morning works for him. If I attempt to change it, he may not be as productive at work as he is.
- Use willpower to get the habit started – willpower is not my power or yours in the scenario above it is his power. Could he change the habit that I see as bad/annoying/frustrating, he could, if he wanted to!
- We can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over – however, we must see the purpose behind creating a new habit. PURPOSE in LIFE is necessary, purpose gives us strength, often known as willpower.
If my husband does not see a purpose in changing his routine (habit), I need to change my habit of feeling bad/annoying/frustrating. In this case I have, and my purpose is to not take on the weight of something I cannot change into something that I can. I can approach this from my angle and allow him to do what is best for him. (I guess that is how we have reached 40 years of marriage and 42 years of friendship.)
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Habits (of course it is) – we have many, both GOOD and NOT so GOOD! “Self-doubt is the greatest enemy of any new good habit” (Victor Moran, author). What is your reason to change your habit(s)?
I remember when I was around 5 or 6 years old, I was still sucking my thumb and I was creating terrible blisters which caused me pain. My parents were constantly telling me to stop sucking my thumb and my brothers would swat at my hand if they caught me in the act. Finally, my mother purchased this awful tasting liquid that she brushed on my thumb and the first time I put my thumb in my mouth after that was the last time. I was able to quit that bad habit immediately. The taste of that ‘stuff’ was horrible and the thought of it even today 69 years later makes me want to gage. However, quitting or changing a bad habit typically takes time and using a repetition of new skills b
Self-doubt plays a major role in our behaviors and the habits that we create. If we want to move forward and take the fork in the road, we must begin with believing that WE CAN!
When I chose to return to college in 2009, I took an extra six months prior to enrolling due to my self-doubts of being able to succeed. The voices of my past tried to remind me I was not smart enough or possibly even capable of doing well in completing and furthering my degree. I began taking online CEUs one class at a time earning one certification after another. I was on a roll and after completing 21 courses, I enrolled into an online program and excelled. The certifications were my fork in the road to reduce and eliminate the self-doubt that I COULD DO IT.
During that time, I looked back at my life, and instead of saying and thinking that I had wasted all those years, I chose to see all the positive elements that brought me to my success completing my degrees in less than 3 ½ years. Additionally, not only was I attending online classes to fulfill a dream, but I was also still working full-time, volunteering, mothering my son, sharing my life with my husband, and being in tune with the needs of my aging mother. Hindsight shows me how far I have come.
Doubting ourselves is destructive and it leads to others doubting us as well. When I felt like the odd one out in a group, I didn’t realize that it was me, holding me back. It was me doubting my ability that led others to doubt my ability. Even when others saw the positive in me, I was going through a stage of negativity.
My challenge to you is to be mindful of what negative energy you are carrying around and find the ray of sunshine peeking out from behind the clouds that will energize you creating positive action.
Remember these words: “Somebody said that it couldn’t be done – But he with a chuckle replied – That ‘maybe it couldn’t,’ but he would be one – Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.” (Edgar Guest, poet)
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Habits (once again!) “Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” Words from the wise, Benjamin Franklin.
If we want to change our habits that may be bad for us, preventing us from living our best authentic lives, we will always be on the journey to find happiness. However, once we accept that happiness is not a destination, the sooner we can begin the journey to live with positivity. It is not human to be happy and positive 24/7, life happens and with it will come triggers that may produce grief, sadness, and even anger. If we choose to look for the positivity in all situations, we can break the habits that are no longer serving us.
When I began working with a coach about 4 years ago, I was still struggling with the happiness issue. Too much of the time I was searching outside of myself and what I found I was more sad than happy. I thought making someone else happy was the pathway to my happiness and contentment but instead I was feeling negativity. One day my coach asked me how this was benefiting me, and I heard myself say, “It’s not!”. I didn’t even wait for my coach to ask me the next question and I yelled out, it’s time for me!
When I said it, I had no idea what that meant and I am still a work in process but here are a few examples.
- I have always felt compelled as the wife/mother/woman of the home to prepare meals. Although I enjoy cooking, I realized I only enjoy it when I have something or someone to cook for who appreciates it. It was not that my family didn’t like my menus, it was that they expected my meal preps. So, once I made the choice to share this with them – I am no longer responsible in their minds. If I tell them I am not preparing or cooking, they either fend for themselves or we go out. It has taken a long time to change this habit of responsibility. I don’t place expectations on them, and they are still learning not to place them on me. (Find your voice)
- I was brought up in a home where there were female obligations and male tasks list. I watched my mother make excuses for my dad and brothers when they didn’t fulfill their task list, but she worked outside the home, in the home as well cared for other family members. I learned the obligations from her and took them into my adult years causing resentment for my husband and son not fulfilling their tasks. Again, my wonderful coach helped me understand I had created the obligations and the tasks, and I was expecting my family to conform to fill my needs. What I learned was many of those obligations could be deleted or put off or outsourced. As for the task list, I learned that if it wasn’t mine, I would have no control over it. (What a weight off of my shoulders.)
- My type A personality has made me OCD and that too became an obvious negative factor in my life and when I took The Positive Intelligence training, I found ways to shift from A to B and slowly to C, D & E, I am still a work in process. For me it was more than a training it has become part of my life and yet sometimes I do revert to that type A person when it works for me and my happy heart. (The individuals I met in my group [POD] have become part of my family.)
Ben Franklin, the wise man, was correct that it is easier to prevent a bad habit, EXCEPT, life happens and if we don’t have the tools to prevent the bad habits they will occur and infringe on our happiness. Having a coach as a support system can be the key to fulfilling your Happiness Quotient.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is Habits (again). “Humans are creatures of habit. If you quit when things get tough, it gets much easier to quit the next time. On the other hand, if you force yourself to push through it, the grit begins to grow in you.” (Travis Bradberry, author)
Travis Bradberry is a world-renowned expert in emotional intelligence.
Did you know that you (me too), we have the opportunity to create happiness. We earn our happiness through our habits, and our thoughts can lead us to happiness or sadness.
To increase happiness the experts/specialist recommend the following:
- Slow down, stop chasing the end of the rainbow, begin with the path and follow it.
- Begin to exercise whether it’s a slow walk or a daily workout at home or at the gym. Increased endorphins supply your brain with happiness chemicals.
- Take time for selfcare – it’s not just about sleeping or eating well; we must listen to our bodies and nourish it with self-love.
- Surround yourself with positive people – reduce negativity.
- Create positive affirmations.
I know this works but it does not happen overnight. It is not a quick fix creating a new habit to replace an old habit that no longer fits who we are or want to be.
Follow the 21/90 rule – according to studies it takes 21 days to create a new habit and 90 days to make it part of your lifestyle. This is a commitment and for many commitments are difficult. To commit means to promise or to dedicate yourself to make a change. It’s an obligation, an obligation takes dedication.
The reason I know this works is because I am a living example of someone who has changed her habits through my evolving life’s journey. There once was a time I changed my habits to fit into the lives of others, that didn’t work for my happiness. When I would look into the mirror, I would see who I wanted to be but couldn’t be because I was pleasing others and ignoring my needs. I believed I didn’t have a choice. However, I am very excited that I woke up in my 50s and began to see the beautiful person I was inside and out and realized I could change my habits and still be loved by my husband and family and the new friends I would meet as I took this journey.
For me change means being mindful of my body, mind, and soul. When I am living my authentic life I can experience happiness, even being alone. When I am authentic, people like me and love me.
Are you willing to make the changes that will allow you to experience true happiness?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The Word for the Day is Habit- “Self-doubt is the greatest enemy of any new good habit.”Victoria Moran, author
How often have you said, “I CAN’T”? Be honest! I will be 74 in March and much of my life has been lived with self-doubt despite the fact that I was achieving in numerous ways, but I was not acknowledging it and therefore when change was an opportunity, I believed the voices in my head that said, “Karen cannot do this”.
Dieting and exercising are good examples. I would hear people rave about WW and share their glorious stories of losing weight, getting fit by counting points. Each one would state they were not hungry after a meal nor did they have cravings because you can eat real food, anything, even cake. Well, I tried this diet and when the pounds didn’t melt off, I created self-doubt in myself because others were successful why not me. (Last year at this time I changed my eating habits, and I began exercising because I wanted to feel good! I have lost about 25 pounds – approximately 2 pounds a month and I feel healthier.)
Since my mind-shift, 10+ years ago I have been able to change many of my old habits. “It is never too late to change!” It begins with making a choice -your choice – not for someone else including your medical team. Remove the self-doubt slowly, do not feed in it. Create what you need and if you do it slowly one step, one bite at a time you will create a new GOOD habit leaving the old BAD habit behind. (As describe above I did not go on a diet I began eating healthier and found exercises that fulfill my need.)
Self-doubt is the lack of confidence in oneself. Often when we manifest self-doubt the end product is anxiety, depression, or PTSD. For some of us therapy and or coaching may be the first step to change and create opportunities.
I still have self-doubt but when it occurs, I face it and push it away with affirmations. I once thought affirmations were “Woo-Woo”. However, for me it is controlling the bad thoughts and creating new ones, and that is a GOOD HABIT.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The Word of the day is Communication
Yesterday was not a GREAT Day – someone whom I care about was having a bad day. Listening to them vent hurt my heart and soul. My feelings for this individual made me mindful of how difficult our world can be today, despite technology that we once believed would make our lives simpler and happier. (Be careful what you wish for.) However, our global world has put more demands on us and the pressures many are living with create volcanic explosions.
I grew up in the 50s and 60s and life was simpler. Meeting people and developing friendships was much easier. We had less fears, in fact many of us were not afraid to leave our doors unlocked and neighbors and friends would stop by and walk into our homes without knocking or ringing doorbells. When our phones rang, we ran to answer them, they weren’t in our hands, and they didn’t display who the caller was. We just said hello and had conversations.
Today a conversation is considered a text message, having a conversation on the phone for Generation X and even Millennials is rare. And since we are all in such a hurry, text messages are acronyms and emojis. Trying to stay up with the technology even as a Baby Boomer I too find too many of my conversations are in text form. I miss having a real verbal conversation, maybe that’s why I love podcasting and coaching because I have the opportunity to use words and sentences, what a concept.
Going back to yesterday I believe one of the reasons this person was having a bad day is that the texting that may have led to the doom and gloom they were feeling developed out of simple words that did not complete a sentence and lead to overthinking and processing over and over what they thought the words meant. I have found myself in similar situations and then I remember, I have a voice and I use it.
I doubt we will ever get back to the simplicity of my childhood, but my challenge is to reach out and talk to people, allow others to hear your words and ask you questions and build a conversation.
Conversation – “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day today is REMEMBER – in order to move forward it is important to remember how you got to where you are today. We can either blame our decisions in the past or we can embrace them and look at the challenges and opportunities that they provide us. I used to blame my past which took me in various directions that I followed without being mindful. I did not look at the terrain before I took my next step which led to a lot of trips, falls, bruises, and tarnished ego. I assumed I was not ‘good enough’ placing me in a very bad head space.
Despite having a poor mindset and image of myself I continue to make the attempts to succeed and with each ‘fall’ I got up and tried again. It wasn’t until 2006, prior to my 55th birthday, that I took a job with a for profit college as a speaker/trainer for high school students encouraging them to look at higher education opportunities. I excelled in this position which led to a full-time position as the high school admissions representative. As a rep I refined my coaching and consulting skills and developed plans not only for my students but for the program and myself. I took my challenges and created a new opportunity. Within two years I went back to college myself where I achieved my bachelor’s in communication and my Master’s License in Communication Technology. This led me to look at the terrain and create visions for my success and happiness.
Since the completion of my degrees in 2012 I was faced with some new decisions that were difficult for me to face. I loved my job/career but the culture I was working in was making me physically and emotionally ill. I was hanging on by a thread because I enjoyed my clients/students and I saw potential not just for myself but for the individuals I was coaching. By 2014 I was forced to leave my job, I was not willing to risk my health and happiness and I had begun down a path of depression spiraling quickly in a direction I did not want to go.
Removing myself from my job took me down a very dark path during a very cold and dreary February. My husband and my youngest son stood by my side and encouraged me to face my situation and allow it to heal me. I did not do this alone; I sought the help of my medical team and even though I did not want to rely on medication it was the first step to a renewed health. Through therapy I had to think, process, and remember what brought me to this point. My therapist was more like a coach. It was not about blaming my parents, husband, or friends, it was not about blaming myself, she taught me to listen to the voices in my head (my memories) and choose how to look and listen to them in a healthier way. Instead of remembering an incident and assuming because I did something wrong once, or I made a mistake that it was defining me as less than I am or could be, I could be the person I want to be!
I believe in you, my future clients, that you too can be the best version of yourself. It begins with remembering and focusing on how you have the ability to ‘change’. If you need assistance to make the first move or continue down a path of change – reach out. I’ve been there!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
The word of the day is FORGIVE-in order for us to reduce our anger, anxiety, or the thoughts that lead us to these emotions we must begin with forgiving ourselves. Too often we are our own worst enemy. We all carry baggage with us that we begin to collect as infants, and we carry them to our end of life. UNLESS we learn to forgive ourselves for allowing words and actions to derail us.
When I was a young child, maybe 8 or 9 years of age, I remember thinking either I was unwanted, or I was adopted. I am not sure where those emotional triggers developed but I remember suggesting my thoughts to my family, which they laughed/brushed off. I was soon convinced I was not adopted as my parents reminded me how much I resembled my dad and his sister, my aunt Leiba. This did not replace the feeling of not being wanted and I harbored that for many years. I perceived my older brothers were far superior to me and appreciated by my parents and family, as I felt like the odd one out. (Today I think about those thoughts I question why I was led to those beliefs.)
Growing up not only did I not forgive myself for those thoughts I allowed them to direct me as well. I also did not forgive my family and I worked at proving my worthiness.
As the baby of the family, my brothers did not see me as the unwanted or odd one out, in fact I know there were times that they may have thought the opposite, but it took many years of growth and maturity to see the truths. The truths were manufactured in my brain because of a minor incident where my emotions took the far side of reality. It took one word or one gesture when I was a young for my brain to harbor these beliefs that caused me anger and anxiety.
Over the years I have sought therapy, joined support groups, and opened up to family members and shared these distracting thoughts that made me feel inadequate. Initially I blamed my parents, my brothers, and even some family friends for these emotions that crippled me in various relationships. I didn’t start to heal and understand the importance of FORGIVENESS beginning with myself. I had to look into a mirror and apologize to my reflection for allowing something (that I have no exact recollection on) to continue to grow inside of me fueling anger and anxiety that was misplaced and not needed.
My husband Richard taught me the art of forgiveness. Through his love and friendship, he guided me to see how the demons from the past were hurting me more than they were hurting others. When I realized that these demons may be misguided thoughts that were haunting me, I was able to face them down and acknowledge that I am OK, and I deserve to Forgive Myself for the negativity that I created!
When my mother has her stroke in 2016 and I made the choice to move into her apartment and spend her last days, weeks, and months with her; was the first time that I faced some truths. One specific truth was that my mother and I had a love hate relationship – the reality is we had a love relationship. I didn’t understand until that time what I saw as the hate was not. (Hate is a negative emotional response to people, things, or ideas…) What I was witnessing between my mother, and I was just disagreement and not to the point of hate but the point of having our own thoughts. Yet something led me to believe it was so much more and if I hadn’t had those last months with my mother, I may never have identified the true love. I had to forgive myself for those thoughts and I forgave my mother for any part she may have played in me incurring those emotions.
Forgiveness is not meant for the person, thing, or idea that may have caused us pain, discomfort, and obscure thinking. Forgiveness is for us, you and me, to make the road smoother ahead as we walk through life’s journey.
The word of the day is maintenance or maintain – Maintenance is the act of maintaining or preserving something. Today is my day to provide myself maintenance to preserve myself so that tomorrow I will not be depleted. As I have shared, I grew up being a ‘do it now person’, and too often doing it now caused me to make mistakes and fear the results of those errors. Growing up in the 50s and 60s there was little for errors, in school that may be the difference from an A to C or a C to F. However, if you were always on task doing ‘it’, it left little room to process right from wrong. For a great portion of my life, I wondered why certain things appeared difficult for me and it wasn’t until developing into a mature adult that I realized that if things are not maintained they will fall apart due to the lack of attention in our maintenance.
My day began today by looking over the newclevelandradio.net website and cleaning it up and doing some internal restructuring. The maintenance may not be noticeable to you, but it is something I needed to do to keep that part of my life in order.
A friend of mine asked me what I’ve been up to recently, my answer was doing some early spring cleaning. However, the answer truly is maintaining my life physically as well as mentally and emotionally. It began by straightening out my personal closet after organizing my husband’s closet after having new shelves and rods replaced. It feels so good to look in the closets and see what we have as well as note some of things we have removed and prepared to give away. Both closets are maintainable, we can easily see what we have and choose what we need without those feelings of overwhelming, “Where the heck is my….???”
Prior to 2024 I began maintaining my relationships. It is not as easy as going through your friends list and discarding people, but I have chosen to be with the people that compliment me and with those I compliment as well. The word compliment typically refers to telling someone how good they look or how well they did something. For me it is being with people who provide me with positivity and to whom I can share the sunlight with as well. It is not to say I never have a negative thought but turning negativity into positive possibilities is my focus for happiness and contentment.
We have heard that “Life is too short”, for some shorter than for others. However, I believe we have been put on this earth for a reason. We may not always understand what that reason is if we are hurting and suffering from an illness or the grief of loss. Pain can overtake our beliefs unless we control them.
In 1969 I began experiencing severe migraines. I was treated for a hyper-thyroid condition as my medical team at that time identified that as the cause. When medication did not control my condition, I had a sub-total thyroidectomy and that did resolve the migraines, in fact they got worse. I have lived with headache pain now for 55 years and sometimes the pain has been so blinding that I resorted to bed, but I have been a fighter and I have learned to live and work with the pain and since 1969 I have been maintaining it. Somedays are easier than others but I refuse to give in 100%.
Maintaining my migraines includes watching my diet as well as getting exercise and sleep. My go to is the work I love that often eases some of the throbbing which allows me to see the sunshine.
Selfcare is essential and sadly most of us do not take the time to ensure we are devoting the needed time to be our best selves. I have noted that Millennials and Gen Xers have learned this art, and many of us who have witnessed their need to take time have seen it as selfish or more like entitled to be lazy. I was one of those that thought these two younger generations were taking advantage of those of us still struggling to do things without taking time for ourselves. Recently my perception has changed, and I truly admire these younger individuals who are living life more fully. I am grateful for my younger son who has guided me to listen to the rain or see the sun behind the clouds or allow myself to binge watch or do nothing at all…
At some point we must maintain and provide maintenance to ourselves and our surroundings. Don’t wait for the walls of our home/life cave in on you. Repair and support them before!!!
Word of the Day is “OK”, it’s OK to be OK. The definition of the word is “used to express assent, agreement, or acceptance.” It is also can refer to “satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good, just ‘OK’”
Too often we believe that “OK” is not enough, we are influenced by the media that we need more, and when we achieve more, we still need more. More is not always a tangible object it could be those feelings that are wavering on the fence.
Have you noticed when you ask someone how they are the answer often is “OK”. We assume that means this individual has no worries in the world and their journey in life is a clean and neat path. However, life is not a perfectly laid path, we all face obstacles and challenges along the way. Nothing is flawless, mistakes are made, and the purpose is for us to learn and look beyond the road that lay in front of us. The person who answered “OK” is a realist, despite challenges they are mindfully aware of their navigation.
Beware of the sunshine and roses, people who try to convince you their lives are perfect, none of us are free from flaws or defects. What we observe as our deficits can be developed into our opportunities. It takes believing… Take a moment read these lyrics by Journey:
“Don’t Stop Believin'”
Just a small-town girl
Livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on, and on, and on
Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people
Livin’ just to find emotion
Hidin’ somewhere in the night
Workin’ hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on, and on, and on
Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people
Livin’ just to find emotion
Hidin’ somewhere in the night
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’
Streetlight people
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’
Streetlight people
The word of the day is Democracy. I am not pointing fingers at the Caucus in Iowa but my questioning those that truly are supporting TRUMP, why? What did he do for our country other than cause a lot of anger. His words always come in a tone that resounds with anger and demanding phrases that shake me to my core. I cannot believe he refused to share his tax returns when it is part of the process when you are in public office. If I am paying my fair share of taxes, why is he allowed to hide the information and if hiding that sends a signal that he has done something inappropriate – even corrupt. We all witnessed the January 6th invasion of our Capital. Remember how homeland security had kept people oof the grounds unless they have the right credentials and yet the proud boys and onlookers who swarmed the Capital have been appalled by Sir Donald Trump who has said he is willing to be a Dictator, Day 1 if elected. Excuse me, where does the word democracy fit into a Dictatorship.
I see my ancestors losing all they have worked to achieve here in the United States of America. The word United has meant something despite the human need to try to be better than another. I believe the majority of us are United and want to keep our country a Democracy where our voices are heard and not stifled and our vote counts. Yes, we have rules and regulations in a Democracy to ensure that the laws are fair, and the enforcement is as well.
I understand that someone and some groups may feel as if they are ignored and left behind, but unless we use our freedom of speech responsibly this will not happen. Once we start raising our voices, our arms, and make threats on others we are killing our Democracy. Practice Democracy at home. “Democracy is a form of government where the people have the power to participate in decision-making. The word comes from the ancient Greek word demos (the people) and kratos (to rule).” Participating must be peaceful and mindful, and that our decisions must be for all. There will always be someone(s) that will not be happy with the results and if they peacefully within the laws of the democracy share their dissatisfaction the laws and rules can be changed. Yes, try this form of democratic diplomacy in your home.
When I was growing up in the early 60s, I remember my family having a family meeting/gathering on Friday nights. Party of this gathering was for us to observe the Sabbath Meal. We also shared wants and needs around the table. My oldest brother always asked if he could leave the gathering early (especially if he had a date), but most Fridays nights the responding majority said ‘no’, and he sat through the meal and the conversation like the rest of us. Sometimes the democratic process was one on one with our parents and although as parents they had the final say, if our words were convincing, we might get what we needed. We learned the art of negotiating and fairness that has served me well through my journey of life.
Whether it’s my political choices or changing grocery stores because I can no longer get the products I want, I accept that we all need to make concessions to live in peace and harmony and not be dictated too. However, going back to Iowa I still do not understand how Americans who have taken American and World History who may have family members who have fought in the World Wars or some of the other warring conflicts that have been brought on my Self-Centered Politicians – explain how this person(s) can be the leader of the United States. The person in question did not defend the United States on January 6, 2020.
The word for the day is understanding. Just because two people are married does not mean they understand each other 100%. You can be compatible with someone in any relationship but that does not equate to be totally in-tune with each other. My husband and I will be married for 40 years on February 3rd of this year. We are compatible because we accept that we will not agree on everything and there will be times we will not understand why we do certain things. I love my husband with all my heart but there are times, moments that grow into hours, where I may feel so totally from him and yet there is that magnetic pull that brings us back together. He too has expressed this same feeling, almost like he wants to run in the opposite direction, but he always finds himself returning because we love and understand each other enough!
My Interpretation of the Webster Dictionary definition.
- We grasp the meaning of what we hear or see
- We grasp the realness of the situation
- We are familiar with the issue/thought
- We have the power of comprehension as well as the ability and willingness to ask questions to enhance our comprehension
- To understand is to empathize with the individual that is sharing information or actions.
I have been watching the series, “Love at First Sight”. The premise is that Psychologist and Marital experts link-up couples. The couple first meets at the altar. They know nothing about each other including their names until they meet in front of family and friends and the minister who will conduct their nuptials. They agree in advance they will continue through this ‘experiment’. The series follows four couples for 8+ weeks. Now the idea sounds ludicrous. I am not sure I would have ever considered such an arrangement. However, the evening I met my husband (over 40 years ago) we clicked. We met at the rehearsal dinner of mutual friends. No one would have ever suspected that we would be drawn to each other, but we were. After the wedding ceremony the next, we jokingly walked down the aisle together. I think we are proof that love can happen quickly. However, it was more like ‘LIKE’ than ‘LOVE’ at first and two individuals became two friends that liked each other and liked making the other one happy.
Two totally different backgrounds, we created an interfaith relationship from day one and we have faced the challenges and found answers to complement our differences. It is all due to that one word of the day, understanding, understanding that it’s ok to disagree. Disagreements should be learning experiences that provide understanding. It is important that if you want to be happy for the rest of your life be mindful of feelings and create an understanding that is not threatening to your relationship.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
My word for the day is ‘OK’ – it’s ‘OK’ to feel wonderful and it’s OK not to feel wonderful. Feelings are perceptions we experience through our senses causing an emotional reaction. Being mindful is essential for our reactions to be appropriate with the situation.
We often ask the question, “How are you?” and the reality is most of us don’t want to know the long version in fact we are hoping to hear, “OK”, “Good”, or something in the positive form. If the person answers truthfully sharing the negative emotional state, we are often stopped in our tracks as we are not prepared to deal with someone else’s truth.
I tend to use phrases like; “I’m Ok”, or “Peachy” which may be a sarcastic way of saying “OK” without need for explanation. ‘OK’ covers a wide range of emotions and sensations and if we are not careful leaving it up to the imagination of others can lead to a spiraling affect. Assumptions are made when our words can be vague, and implications may be presumed not representing our, “OK”.
Too often the words we used are not always complete. We tend to text and use emojis and various other forms of incomplete conversations. I grew up in an era where we used words and full sentences whether in a direct conversation or in writing. As a communication major, I learned that communication takes on many forms.
Verbal communication involves the use of language to share information and ideas through speaking (this includes sign language). We often think of this as a face-to-face conversation, but in today’s world of technology it may be on the phone, Facetime, Skype, or Zoom. (Real time.)
Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions, posture, eye contact, hand movements, and touch. We describe this as body language, and this may be more important in the interpretation than the words themselves.
Written communication whether it is an email, a memo, a report, social media, or the many forms of written communication if the information is not disseminated in a clear and concise manner, the objective may not be achieved.
Visual communication is often one that triggers our senses and wants, not necessarily our needs. Consider a television commercial that engages us to get and go to the refrigerator for food or drink. The mention of a savory morsel and we respond often without thinking or mindfulness.
Active listening is a key component to listening. If we listen, not just hear, we can engage in responding with clarity through mindfulness. We are present, we are doing more than just listening.
- When I say, “OK” what does my body tell you? What do you see and hear, does the word fit the emotions?
- When I write “OK” are there words that make you think otherwise and how does this impact what I am saying?
- When I provide a visual with my “OK”, whether it is an emoji, or a gif file, does it add clarity to the word?
- When I share “OK” with you are you listening or just hearing the word?
My word for today is “OK”! Today that means everything is status quo for me. No highs, no lows. No huge smile, and no tears. I am taking each moment as it develops being mindful that I’m OK!
Each of us is capable of “OK”, let’s talk about making today an OK DAY for you!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
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