I’ve said it before, and I will repeat it – Depression Sucks!
But depression is real it comes out of the woodwork of our minds and festers, often we have no idea what is causing this eruption of doom, gloom, and foggy thoughts.
I should be happy, smiling, and elated. My health to wellness journey is working for me, or is it the reason for this feeling I am having? I refuse to believe it so it must be something else, like waiting for a medication refill that got delayed causing me to miss four doses, or could it be something else that is not as apparent?
Weird dreams have been inhabiting my poor sleep pattern, and I am waking up in a sweat feeling like I need to do something, finish the scene I was just in, and how did my mother appear as if it were years ago when she is hovering over me from the heavens above? DEPRESSION!
I smile when I am working, and saying yes too many times, creating my own mania, as well as the lows that I come crashing into when behind safe walls. I refuse to let this overtake me, but there are moments like now that I feel like screaming and pushing the world away – not suicidal at all – just wanted my space, my time, and not to think of the needs of everyone else both near and far. But my personality tells me that if I stop being me, the one who must prove herself not so much to you, but to me, that I will not recognize myself, and then I will indeed be depressed.
If this sounds confusing to you, then you do not understand depression. I am among millions in this universe that experience the ups and downs of chemical changes in the brain. I make no excuse for this, but I share with you that after a mania high with the beautiful people I spoke to and interviewed today I have stumbled into the whirlpool of the grayness of life.
I know the sun will shine again and I will be the capable me without the fake smile, but for now, this is what you get.
Depression is real!