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My friend Suzanne Kulperger wrote this and I am sharing her & her words – because her words ring so true and go so deep and because, well, I love her to pieces.
“There are days when you stand up for yourself and or the people that you love, and you end up getting slammed.
There are days where you set boundaries, even though you’re scared, and end up relaxing them because the fallout from a confrontation is more upsetting to your peace of mind than holding your ground.
There are days that instead of receiving a deserved apology, you receive a hard wall of “how dare you“ and “I’m right, you’re wrong.” You let it go because you realize you’ve been tried and judged and found guilty in a trial you didn’t know had been held, in a courtroom, you weren’t even in, but you let it roll knowing that those who judge you so harshly are not your people and don’t have your back, and it‘s not worth the fight.
There are days that you try to speak your truth and end up being insulted to the core of who you are. Gut punched right where it hurts the most. And you let it go because you refuse to engage in a firefight where your honest responses would hurt someone to the core of who they are, and you refuse to throw those ugly punches.
Remember this on these days…
You stood up for yourself. You stood up for your people. You turned the other cheek. You spoke your truth. You made peace when your instinct was to lash out. You refused to be hurtful in response to being hurt. You refused to hurl insults in the face of being insulted. You swallowed a horse feed sized bag of shit because the alternative was nastiness and conflict and an adrenalin-filled poopnado. You realized, in the face of people not having your back, that there are so many that love you and do.
You know the truth of your heart. You know the truth of your soul. You know the truth of your experiences. What other people choose to believe is out of your control. Stand in this.”
Alex Bevan writes 12/18/19
It’s only about 600 yards to the lake from our driveway at the end of the street… I can hear the lake rumbling and churning from here… i imagine the wind at the shore will be brutal… but I’m putting on my heavy coat and wrapping up and shooting for a walk to the little park at the end of the lane.. …. but I think I hear the voice of the Lion from the Wizard of Oz saying, ‘Somebody talk me out of it!!!”,….. lol…. good morning… y’all be safe!
On June 21, 1941, despite a World War going on, my mother and father who met at a mutual cousin’s wedding in 1940, said their “I do’s!” My parents were married for sixty-three years until the passing of my Pops in 2004. If mom and dad were here to celebrate us today, Pops would be 102 and my mother 99, and this would be a spectacular 78th Wedding Anniversary. However, Mom and Dad are up in the heavens together and so through some magical force, the love and compassion I hold in my heart for them, I am making my connection in the only way I know, how, sharing them with you.
Sixty-three years is an amazing tribute for their love. Although my parents were dubbed, The Bickersons, despite their loud (not screaming) conversations became a running family gag that they were there own sitcom. The stories my parent’s shared about their meeting at a wedding was kismet, even though my mother played hard to get; she was not sure Jay Harmon Moss was her Prince Charming. My father continued to pursue Dorothy Friedman since his own mother thought she was a damn good catch.
My parents didn’t have the easiest life, but they managed to make it through the perils of Ups and Downs. They taught my brothers, Gary and Joel, as well as myself, to keep reaching for the stars. Now that I look back over the years, we may not be the richest family, but we are wealthy in memories. Our memories are what propel each of us forward. The world may not look beautiful right now with political storms and with mother nature’s in rage, but we are survivors as we learned our lessons well.
On this June 21st, 2019, the first official day of Summer, I am thinking of my loving parents with a heart full of joy. If I could thank them for giving me life and the opportunity to share the sunrise and sunset with others, I would do so with much love and gratitude.
Happy Anniversary D’vasha & Hunkle!
Our children are not being murdered, Jewish people are not being massacred, Muslims are not being killed, Blacks are not being slaughtered, Police Officers are not being bludgeoned and LGBTQ folks are not shooting ranges: all of these humans – each & every single one – are being assassinated.
That is the word.
By definition that word means to murder in a surprise attack for political or religious reasons; to murder premeditatedly and treacherously; to target and stake out and deliberately kill.
There is a theory – a belief – that only prominent important people are assassinated and that ‘common folk’ are murdered.
I am of the absolute belief that that theory is wholly & deeply & royally flawed and fucked because all of the humans who have been gunned down in this country – over 37 thousand humans to date since 2013 – while doing their daily school work, their daily life, their daily prayers, their daily shopping, their daily business were all important & prominent – none of them – not one was common and all of them – each and every one of them – were invaluable worthy humans.
Every single fucking day innocent worthy invaluable important humans are assassinated in our towns, in our cities, in our communities, in our schools, in our movie theaters, in our malls, in our supermarkets, in our temples, in our churches, in our mosques, in our grocery stores; on our streets.
In our Country, on our land – every single fucking day right here.
I was in a Goodwill Store a couple of days ago and purchased a cast iron skillet… i was toying with the idea of getting a carabiner* and clipping it to my belt… not exactly concealed carry… but… I figure if Wonder Woman can use her bracelets to deflect bullets … with a cast iron pan i can bounce those SOB”s right back at the shooter…. it takes a good guy with a pan to stop a bad guy with a gun… so keep in mind.. when you see me I will be packing enough heat to not only cook breakfast, but return lethal fire to any desperadoes foolish enough to fuck with “EL SKINNATO TERRIBLE”… …. … even though I am not paid as much as the reigning NRA leadership pukes… I am smart enough to be prepared when the spit hits the fan… … … (this post was inspired by the Second Amendment Sanctuary resolutions proposed in Virginia recently)
Editors note: A Carabiner is a metal loop, which can be opened on one side. This side is called gate. … Carabiners are often used for rock climbing, sailing and canoeing. They also are used for construction of high buildings or window cleaning. The word comes from the German word “Karabinerhaken”, which means “hook for a carbine”.
“Mark Twain said: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition, it is important with whom you regularly associate.
The moment you tell your dream to small-minded people, they would discourage you, belittle it, steal the idea or become your competitor. Your dream is not to be shared with everybody, especially with small-minded people, who would make you see several reasons why the dream cannot work, but blinded to the reasons why it would work.”
Years ago she – an older woman I deeply admired & respected – told me to become a secretary, that I’d never make it as a writer, I looked her in the eyes – both eyes – and I told her that I would show her what I was fucking made of and that I would prove to her the mighty fierce power of my determination to be a writer, a woman of her words.
Let’s all encourage & inspire and root on and cheer on and support and champion all our friends & folks with dreams and hopes and off-the-fucking wall wild ass mind-blowing ideas and projects that need to be born, brought to fruition!
Please check out BEAUTIFUL as amazing as Elise Lieberth herself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jVWnsCSOxA&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR13uNxzn2WxD731SKvq7b9zFE9BIp7IfrG7YTfRccdN5EcHownOmlvL5ts
We have no cable or wifi, power is iffy, so I’m gonna make this short & sweet and hope to fuck this posts. And please forgive all typos!
Today is giving Tuesday, please give. Give to the causes that move your soul & your heart, give to organizations that need support and dough to continue doing good work in the world, but mostly… give kindness & love and goodness and be generous because love & kindness & goodness and generosity never go out of style. You can accessorize all of that with whatever you’re wearing.
Give unconditionally because no one needs conditional love or kindness. Give a word of encouragement, give a hug to someone who needs to know that they matter, give a hand up to a human whose life needs to be lifted, give warmth to folks who are shivering from being unwanted, give a good look at folks who feel unseen, give a good listen – pay attention – to anyone who feels unheard. Pay a compliment to someone who feels invisible, unnoticed.
Please, don’t hoard generosity – the world is aching from cruelty. And if you got some extra love & kindness & goodness left over, give that away to someone who only knows what it’s like to be shun, turned away from.
Ken & I are giving to these org’s today:
Women’s eNews (The Ovary Office) because Lori Sokol makes this world better & more beautiful and she lifts me every single day.
Peters Valley School of Craft because Art Saves Lives & I am grateful to be on the board and be apart of that glorious community & because Kristin Muller makes the world shinier & more creative.
The SERO Project because Sean Strub a true champion of all that’s good & kind & glorious in this world and because no one lifts & inspires young people like Cindy Stine – she is a magnificent glorious SHEro!
Planned Parenthood, ACLU, and yes, the Humane Society because pets love us even when we don’t love us.
I love you all.
Give today so tomorrow feels kinder.
Ray, thank you for allowing us to post the link to your story https://medium.com/@rayngoldberg/the-three-stories-where-i-have-to-deadname-myself-644985dc26eb
You are an amazing individual that I am proud to call friend, and almost MISPACHA (family.) As we approach 2020 many changes in our world/society are evolving and if we are lucky we can journey in life that makes us feel whole. Too many of us have traveled down many paths taking right turns when we felt the urge to turn left, or going straight when we saw something on the horizon to our right. It takes courage to climb a mountain but when we do and we reach the APEX we can agreed that the sight is beautiful.
I hope your beautiful story will enlighten and encourage others to live life and dance as if no one is watching!