As some of you may know, when you do what you love to do, life is sweet.  However, sometimes we add a little flavor to our life that includes change.  This weekend I returned to Repping.  For those who may not know what that means, I am representing a product as a third-party vendor.  18 years ago, I took my first assignment for AT&T cellular, and I moved on to Epson Printers, as well as Disney Home Video, Microsoft, and many other tech products.  Today I began a new journey as the Saturday and Sunday Rep for Intel© at the BestBuy store where I started my journey.

I am now wearing many hats and still enjoying life as I returned from my first-day supporting sales and customers to do a podcast with comedian, Mike Polk, Jr. of Cleveland, and I am preparing to do another podcast with Marcus Ruggiero, a performer, and composer, a multi-talent man.  Also, I am still blogging, as well as being a mom, a wife and a friend to many.  (This is one of my personal blogs!)

I am not sure that I will remember today as a day of many positive pathways as I am saddened as well as furious with our elected officials for voting in Kavanaugh.  I am incredibly disappointed in the FBI for accepting to make a “hurry-up” inquiry, and I wonder if they genuinely did not find any evidence to the claims made against Kavanaugh.  It is true we all have some skeletons in our closets, no one has led a pure life, as someone recently told me G0D and Adam tempted Eve to take a bite of the apple, as well as the ASP in the GRASS.

I do believe that we should not be judged by one mistake, but one mistake can often turn into many others.  I think we must decide and protect ourselves from any possible harm that mistakes can make!

I have reached out and shared my story of being molested 29 years ago.  I have not shared the details as the records have been locked.  The perpetrator was found guilty.  As others learned of my claim they too came forward.  Moreover, despite the punishment he received, I still live with the thoughts, the feelings, and the shame that somehow, I participated or allowed this to happen to me.  I know I am the victim, I was not a participant by will, but doubts surface my brain as I grow more confident in my maturity.

As I said, I am not a perfect person, and I am sure I have said or possibly displayed unfavorable behavior.  However, I take ownership of my faults/differences, and I spend an intentional part of my days seeking to be the best me without destroying another person through lies and accusations.  I, like Dr. Ford and others that been victims, have the legal right to tell our stories (they are not fake news) and to resolve the pain.  Some victims are so ashamed they never express themselves in words and actions that will provide healing.  Also, there are others like Dr. Ford, who dared to be grilled publicly, on the record, and yet once again a hand was put over her mouth to muffle the truth!

I will continue to share because there are good people out there on both sides of the aisle. However, some of those people are victims themselves and chose not to do the right thing yesterday when voting for Kavanaugh.  Kavanaugh now represents every victims NIGHTMARE.

I pledge on November 6th to do my best to use my right to vote and eliminate as many of these individuals’ men and women who chose to close their eyes, ears, and hearts to the truth!

For me, it is not so much about religion as it is, “Tradition,”  or the customs that were passed on through my grandparents, to my parents, and then to me!  They say (whoever they are) that we either remember the best things in our life or the worst moments, and although I may have some somber lingering thoughts in the crevices of my mind, when it comes to synagogue (or maybe in your case church) I chose to remember the happy, warm feelings,

Attending high holiday services this year at Temple Israel in Akron, Ohio I was blessed to find something I have been missing for a long time.  With the passing of my father in 2004 on my 20th wedding anniversary and the loss of my mother on 2016 on the eve of Yom Kippur the holiest time in an observant Jews life, my personal need for tradition, warmth, and family became apparent.  It was my weekly phone calls to my mother that had been filling the void, and my visits to Detroit to visit her that filled my heart and soul with “Tradition.”  And although my father was not a pious man, he was a man of words, “Words by Harmon,” that fulfilled my needs, Pops may not have received a college education, but he was a learned observer.  Sometimes he would get into heated discussions to share his thoughts and prove a concept, but in the end,  he loved and respected not just his children, but everyone for their thoughts and opinions.  It was with the death of my mother that an empty pit in my stomach needed nourishment.  Nourishment for me included making numerous changes experience life on my new journey.

Although we are still the same today as we were yesterday, we can evolve and modify ourselves to fulfill those personal needs.  Personally, I may have felt bullied, abused, even unloved during my life, but, I found a way to trudge through the dark forest and climb the rugged terrain.  I am no different than anyone else except I have chosen not to be a victim.  It’s an easy choice to make, but it does not stop the voices, thoughts, and the past experiences, to impinge upon that journey.  Even when I felt weak and alone, somehow, I took a step each day to find my “Tradition.”  For my survival and my happiness, I must continue taking this journey.

My parents made a choice to have children, and I was the third of their three, following the birth of my brother Gary and Joel.  As a young child, I use to tell my brothers I could have been the oldest, but I pushed them out first!  Although that idea of mine drew laughs in the past, it was another survival mechanism I had when my brothers (naturally) picked on me as siblings do.  I would bring up this subject when I was feeling left out, when my parents would include my brothers, but left me out because I was too young, I was the baby girl.

This baby girl has spent the better part of life trying to be the good person, the friend, and achieving the best results, not to out best someone else but to be on an equal playing field.  I met success along the way, but I did not nurture it as I felt unworthy.  So, just like Hertz, “I tried harder.”

As long as I live and breathe, I will continue walking through the mysteries of life but thanks to inner strength, I have reached out to find a home.  I have a house that I live in with my loving husband and my youngest adult son.  My heart and soul has been with them as well as with my oldest son, many miles away.  I am not giving up that part of my heart, but I am now filling the void that has been gnawing at me for a very long time.

This takes me back to Rosh Hashanah services of this year, just a few weeks ago.  I chose to experience what I hoped to be missing piece in my life.  I went to Temple and although the beauty of the service was welcoming, and Cantor Kathy’s voice seeped into my bloodstream, sitting alone was just like the song says, “One is the Loneliest Number.”  I looked around me and saw families, friends, and acquaintances sharing in a “Tradition,” well I observed and craved for the community.  My need to belong led me to contact Rabbi Brown (and I cannot say enough about how special he has made me feel!)  My contact drew and introduction to Elaine, who put me in the sweetest embrace of Teri, who has become my sister from another mother.  But it has not stopped there…I have met (do not give me a test on names, but I do recognize the faces and the friendship) so many kind, and warm individuals that have allowed me to develop some new “Traditions.”

We are living in a troubled society as 2018 rapidly becomes 2019 and the Jewish year of 5779 just begins.  If we look at our history, “In the Beginning…” life has always been challenging, more so for some, and less for others.  Or that is what we believe.  We look at the outside and make assumptions creating much of our own angst that seeps into the veins of those around us.  I can’t and do not desire to go back and be a child in the home of my parents to find the loving warmth that filled my soul, because I know that there were cold, damp days that sent chills up and down my spine as well.  But as Rabbi Brown shared with us yesterday Yizkor Services (memorial services), for us to evolve, we must remember the good and the beauty and weave a pattern that will bring us the peace and fill the voids.  If we do this, we will evolve and expand our friendships and find Shalom.

Temple Israel is not a magical place, however, for me, it is like walking into OZ, I see color that is fulfilling my soul.

I must share a few thanks:

• Candace Pollock – The Intentionality Gurus – for sharing her podcasts with me on newclevelandradio.net. It is through the coaching from Candace that I am more intentional. I am observing life and selecting pathways that I chose to explore because I can!
• Rabbi Josh Brown – Temple Israel, for finding the time to answer an email from someone he had never met who felt lonely. Not all Rabbis are created equal.
• Rabbi Robert Barr – Although, Rabbi Bob has no idea that he influenced me the teachings go back over thirty years. However, on Yom Kippur Night when I streamed Temple Beth Shalom’s Kol Nidre service, I knew that I was on the right path.  Your sermon and words were relevant, and as I heard your story about running for office in Ohio, I connected with you and knew that even from a distance we were still family.
• Elaine and Teri, no last names needed, you are so special to me. I have a few women in my life I call girlfriends.  This is not the time and place to go into this, but I can say you are my girlfriends even though we are just getting to know each other.  I cherish your warm spirits, and I look forward to many years of growth.
• Cantor Kathy & Scott Fromson, the beauty and tradition style of chanting brought me joy and delight. Surprisingly many of the tunes were the same, or like those, I learned in Hebrew School some 50+ years ago.  Your voice rings in my years, and for me, it is a delightful sound.  When Scott was introduced to me he was identified as the Mayor of the Temple, however, unlike many Mayors, I have met, his warmth, smile, and sincere handshake melted my heart.

This adventurous journey is just beginning, and only as my past as has many bumps, turns and roadblocks along the way I do not expect this to be any different, but I will be resilient because I am a survivor and “Tradition” makes me smile.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Cody Cooper today, a local comic going who is spreading his wings.  He has given newclevelandradio.net permission to share his podcast:  Gabbing with Grandma.  We think you will enjoy the dialogue.  Please listen and share:  https://newclevelandradio.net/gabbing-with-grandma-cody-cooper-bill-squire/

soundcloud.com/gabbingwithgrandma

Senior Director Rabbi Joseph Krakoff was interviewed on the Simplify Cancer podcast. Listen or read a transcript at: http://simplifycancer.com/ep034/

What do you do after you receive your doctorate?  http://mixlr.com/new-cleveland-radio/events/and-they-call-him-dr-bryan-boatright

The other day I posted on Facebook that my husband and I took a short get-away. Vacations and overnight trips for us have always been about family and or business. I am not complaining, however, for the last 34 years our life has a financial, and we chose to live it within our means while not sacrificing the hand that feeds us (business) or missing out on family and the traditions that are important to us.

With the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur) just weeks away I had a personal need (a tradition that I learned from my momma and pops, to visit the cemetery and stand by my parent’s graves. I remember as a child a couple of times a year around The High Holy Days as well as Passover (in the spring) my parents would make their visit to Machpelah Cemetery to pay their respects. Richard and I did the same yesterday.

When my pops died in 2004, I felt an emptiness and loss, but because my mom was still in full bloom, the impact was not as significant for me until two years ago when momma had her stroke, and I spent weeks with her as she fought her battle until the end. As I have shared in the past it was not until I moved into my mother’s apartment and spent hours by her side did I recognize the immense love I had for her, and her for me (even though she would tend to forget my name, and often called me Gittel, Gittel was her grandmother).

Today I feel close to my parents in a very spiritual (not religious) way. I often seek their advice by asking myself what would they think or say, and although I don’t always follow it, I appreciate the memories and the loving connections that allow me to hear their thoughts in my mind.

The 24 hour trip to Detroit gave Rich, and I time to chatter about topics that were important as well as those that were just inane to keep us occupied on a 3+ hour trip up and back. We stayed at a familiar hotel, one that we would stay at when visiting my mom at Hechtman, the only difference was we would not be sitting in her apartment shooting the breeze and hearing her tell us how much she disliked the food. Instead, I would be visiting her in my thoughts as I stood next to her and my father’s resting place.

Today is a new day and one that I hope my parents are observing from the heavens above knowing that Rich, Alex, Steve and I are happy, healthy, because of their influences.

To all who celebrate Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, may you have a Healthy and Sweet New Year. For those who don’t my thoughts and wishes for you are the same, may we all live in peace and harmony.

The healthy rule of thumb is that we all need a good solid 8 hours of sleep per night.  Our brain needs to rest and refresh.  Sadly, my mind is on 99% of the time, and it battles the concept of sleep even when I feel depleted.  It’s not that I don’t sleep at all, and I am not sure that is humanly possible.  However, when tired I fall asleep and continuously wake up every 45- 6o minutes.  Today, Sunday, August 12, 2018, I crawled out of bed at 5 a.m. with the hope that I would feel drowsy soon after and climb back into bed.  No such luck, it is almost 7 a.m., and I have answered emails, followed up on some show notes and have played a couple of hands of MAJ.

Soon I will be putting on my exercise garb and head over to Anytime Fitness (Sagamore Hills) and get my groove on.  I have become obsessed with wellness and despite the lack of sleep.

About a year ago I asked a RUNNER why they ran.  To me, it looked not only exhausting but almost like torture to the body.  The answer she provided me with as do other runners I have met is that running is something you do for yourself.  If you prefer being outdoors rather than on the treadmill it provides you the opportunity to observe nature through sight, smell, and sounds. Needing a change in my life at that time, wanting to lose weight and be fit I started the journey to observe running.  I began with walking (outdoors) and loving my solitude even when walking in the rain or the gloomy chill of early winter.  However, as the seasons changed into a bitter snowy winter, I began the journey at Anytime Fitness.  Within a month I was hooked, and then I became ill and had to take a hiatus.

At the end of April, I was given the green light to begin again, and I did!  However, this time I added the APP – Lose It, and life is even brighter.  What I have learned is if you want something badly enough you will make the changes and take the steps that will lead you to what is essential.  For me, it always has about liking myself so others would like me, but most of my life I did not like me.  I always wanted what “she” was having even if I didn’t like it.  I used to believe if I could be more like “her” my life would be complete.

Now, I want to be like me and make the choices that inspire me to be the best I can be, and that does not mean better than YOU or anyone else.  I wake up and choose to live and enjoy the day, and when I hit the downs (which is normal), I seek out a new path to turn things around.

I had shared in the past that in 1968 when I graduated and started college my parent’s hopes and dreams were that I would get my teaching degree and an MRS.  Little did my parents know I was studying communications and broadcasting.  After two years of college and struggling through the deception, I told my parents I had been lying, and despite illness, I had completed an Associates Degree.  My parents assumed I had wasted good money and refused to let me continue on their dime.  However, as many moms and dads of that generation, they were pleased that I was also earning my MRS.

To sum it all up, I thought I was happy and convinced myself that this was my journey. However, it changed numerous times, including divorce.

For me, the sun shines on the gloomiest of days when I am true to myself, and that means putting myself first without being selfish.  In the past, my time was for everyone else, now I am included, despite the lack of sleep.

Oh well…it’s just sleep.