Don’t Call me a Widow – Part 18

Finding Connection and Forward Motion — One Trivia Night at a Time

Who would have imagined that on Monday evenings I’d be sitting with a group of eight to twelve people playing Trivia? If you know me, you know I’m not a memorizer. What I retain comes from doing — living, practicing, experiencing. So, in a game built on random facts, I often feel like my mind is an empty shelf.

But one of the group members encouraged me to treat Trivia night as a chance to make friends and learn. And the funny thing is… I’m doing both. This is not an activity Rich would have joined me in; games were never his thing. Still, I believe he’d be proud that I’ve found something that helps me live more fully.

This journey — this series of steps I’m taking — is teaching me how to navigate life in a new way. As widows, we may walk a similar road, but each of us moves at our own pace. Some crawl, some walk, some skip, some run. And some sit quietly, waiting for the moment when moving forward feels possible.  (We have to make it possible.)

Eventually, though, for our mental and physical well‑being, we must place one foot in front of the other. We need time to mourn, but we also need time to heal. Grief will return again and again, but when we recognize it, we can soothe our wounds with the tools we’ve created — tools that ease the pain rather than deepen it.

Trivia nights may seem small, but they are part of my forward motion. They remind me that connection, learning, and even a little laughter can coexist with grief. They remind me that healing often begins in unexpected places — around a table, with new faces, answering questions I may or may not know, but showing up anyway.

What “Showing Up” Really Means

The term showing up gets used often, but what we truly mean goes much deeper than simply being present.

• Showing up is awareness — choosing mindfulness, honesty, and vulnerability in the moment.
• Showing up is participating even when confidence is low or preparation is imperfect. (Like walking into Trivia on Monday nights and letting yourself be part of something new.)
• Showing up is engaging with people and allowing activities to bridge the gap between where we’ve been and where we’re going.
• Showing up is choosing ourselves — giving growth and healing permission to take shape.
• Showing up is honoring the moment and accepting that this is the time to be here.
• Showing up is being fully present, with 100% awareness, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Showing up is how we stay connected to our own life.

Why Change Feels So Difficult — Even When We Know We Need It

Change is not a single decision; it’s a layered process. It asks us to understand our emotions, reshape our identity, and still feel safe while doing so.

• Change disrupts our comfort zone, even when the comfort isn’t healthy.
• Change often requires letting go — not forgetting but releasing our grip.
• Change takes time. We cannot expect immediate results; we must find the process that fits who we are.
• Change is not linear. It twists, pauses, and surprises us.
• Change can make us feel unfamiliar to ourselves as old patterns fade and new ones emerge.

And yet, change is how we grow. It allows us to use our challenges as stepping stones toward the next version of ourselves — stronger, softer, wiser, and more aligned with the life we want.

Join me on this journey.

#YesICan Coaching with Karen

Email: Kh.yesican1@gmail.com