Being a Widow – Part 13

The Thoughts and Words of Others

Every day, new posts appear across widow and widower support sites, and so many of them begin with the same questions: When will I stop hurting? When will I stop crying? When will I stop missing the person I loved? When will it get better?

The truth is that the answer lives inside each of us. We may never stop hurting entirely, but we can learn to soften the pain. There is no magic wand, no shortcut, no potion. Healing begins with a shift in mindset — allowing yourself to grow around the loss instead of fighting it.

You may never stop crying, but tears don’t have to fall every day. Sadness can come in waves, and love, memory, and positive energy can gently wipe those tears away. You can smile again — not because you stopped loving your spouse, but because you loved them so deeply that they would want to see that smile.

You will always miss your person — their touch, their voice, their quirks, the little things that made them uniquely yours. You’ll remember the less‑than‑perfect moments too, but over time even those may soften into something more humorous than painful. Let your memories comfort you. With time and mindfulness, they will.

There is no timeline for grief, and grief and mourning are not the same. Mourning can follow rituals, traditions, or personal practices — whatever brings you comfort. But even while mourning, you are still allowed to laugh, to smile, to feel joy. Life continues to unfold for you.

I am finding my own strength by listening to my heart. For more than 42 years with Richard, I lived for him and for our family — and I would not change a moment of that. But now, I am learning to live for me. It’s exciting and rewarding, but also difficult. I’m building new friendships Richard will never know. I’m trying new things — Trivia Night, Mahjong, socializing in ways we put on hold for years. I know Rich would be happy for me as I walk this new path, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sometimes I ask myself, “Should I be doing this?”

And I know the answer is yes. I should be living my life. I should be filling the loneliness with connection. Yet at times it feels almost disrespectful — even though I know, logically and spiritually, that it isn’t.

We can help each other through this journey, whether our loss happened yesterday, last year, or decades ago. It is never too late to begin living fully again — and you get to decide what “fully” means for your life.

None of us have to walk this path alone. Together, we can create a community that supports us as we step into tomorrow.

Please join me on my journey

#YesICan Coaching with Karen
Email: Kh.yesican1@gmail.com