My name is Karen and I am a Widow

But what does it mean to be a widow?   Being a widow, I am still a whole person, even when I don’t feel like one.

I’m not half of a couple and less because I am now alone.

Widowhood should not feel like a tragedy however due to the pity from outsiders we are treated as fragile pieces of glass, many people avoid us and too many try to take advantage. (More on that later.)

I was a  wife who loved deeply, lost deeply, and is still here and now I must grow by choosing to rebuild my life through connecting with others.

Widowhood is not who I am.  It’s just a label for others to attempt to identify me.

I am still me even while I am walking through life feeling a bit dazed by the eruption, that earth quack that pulled me down and into a vortex of confusion.  As I come out of the rubble I will evolve into my person just as I evolved when I met and fell in love with my husband.

The road is different and I am using my internal GPS to get me to my destination and that is where I will find contentment and happiness that initially felt like it was stolen from me.  My internal compass is energize by 42 years memories to my best buddy, my husband Rich.

However, widowhood is not a club women want to join.  Also, men experience loss and grief as well, but women tend to outlive their spouses.   However, when our partner dies whether we join an actual group or we grouped in by label, we often become the extra at the dinner table, or the one not invited.

What I’ve learned in these five months as a new widow is this: I must accept the love and support offered by family and friends, but I also have to learn to depend on myself as I create a new circle. And if you’re reading this, please don’t tell yourself you’re too old or too busy to make new connections. It is possible — and it’s necessary. There are countless online, virtual, and local groups, and the support can be remarkable.

Support and guidance are only as good as you allow them to be. We all have choices to make, including asking for help and choosing who we will accept it from.

Grief coaching, therapy, and medical support are all valid avenues, and over the course of this series, I will explore different forms of coaching that may be beneficial. Ultimately, the choice is yours — and your needs may change over time.

If you’re looking for a place to start, here are some communities many find helpful:

Online (Facebook)

• Widows and Widowers Together
• Grief Support for Loss of Spouse
• My Husband in Heaven
• Late Night Widows & Widowers
• When We Became Me – A Journey Through Widowhood (Private Community)

Local Resources

• Cornerstone of Hope
• GriefShare (griefshare.org)
• Reserve Care (formerly Hospice of the Western Reserve)
• Solace – Grief Crisis Support for Seniors

My personal preference is grief coaching. As a life coach myself, I appreciate the engagement, structure, and forward‑movement coaching offers. I’ve participated in both therapy and coaching, and each served a purpose at different times in my journey.

Grief therapy is clinical, diagnostic, and focuses on mental health conditions or trauma. Grief coaching is non‑clinical, present‑focused, and centered on practical support, coping tools, and forward movement.  (This takes me into my tomorrow.)

Both are valuable — they simply serve different needs, and only you know which one supports your journey.

What I appreciate most about grief coaching is its focus on helping you understand your grief experience. Together, you and your coach develop coping strategies and navigate the identity shifts that come after loss.

Key Characteristics of Grief Coaching

• Focuses on present‑day challenges and future goals
• Helps create structure, routines, and coping tools
• Supports meaning‑making and rebuilding life after loss
• Does not explore trauma in depth or treat clinical symptoms
• Provides guidance, accountability, and emotional support
• Works well for people who feel stuck, foggy, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward — which describes my own experience

Widowhood changes everything, but it doesn’t end your capacity to grow, connect, and rebuild. You are allowed to seek support. You are allowed to choose what works for you. And you are allowed to create a life that honors your past while still moving toward your future.

Join me on my journey – #yesican Coaching with Karen

Kh.yesican1@gmail.com