Don’t Call Me a Widow – Part 22

Vacation?

It’s not my vacation but having my son spend his vacation here feels like a small break from my own routine. And yet, routine is what makes me feel steady and whole, so stepping away from it happens in gentle, manageable shifts.

I am noticing the shift in rhythm with Alex home — not a full break from routine, but a loosening of the edges. For me routine isn’t confinement, it’s scaffolding. It’s the thing that has always given me shape, direction, and a sense of “I know where I’m going next.” Even as a kid, even when I didn’t want to go, having a place to be meant I had a purpose to fulfill. That thread has run through my entire life.

Routine has always given me purpose. Even as a young child—kicking and screaming in my head on the way to school—having somewhere to be and something expected of me created a sense of direction. It gave me a reason to show up, to accomplish, to grow. Over the years, school became work, and work expanded into caring for my husband and children. Each role brought challenges, and each challenge became an opportunity to learn, adapt, and strengthen.

So, while Alex enjoys his vacation, I’m allowing myself a little time away from “work” too. On his first day home, I claimed some guilt‑free “me time,” binge‑watching Netflix without feeling the need to jump up and be productive. We ran a few errands together and later headed to the Guardians game. If you know Cleveland baseball—and Cleveland weather—you won’t be surprised that a rain delay sent us home early, just before another walk‑off win. Getting soaked didn’t dampen our spirits, only our clothes.

Today was another slow, easy day until this evening, when we tackled some purging in the garage. Alex uncovered pieces of his childhood and items that belonged to Rich. Even though he chose to donate or toss much of what we found, the act of touching those memories, of holding pieces of Rich’s life in our hands, brought a quiet comfort. The memories were happy ones, and the evening offered both of us a bit of healing we didn’t realize we still needed.

Tomorrow Alex will spend the day with a friend at the Guardians game. Anyone who knows him knows how deeply that team is woven into his heart. He learned to love baseball sitting beside his dad when he was just two years old. For years he insisted the Orioles were the “Oreos,” and honestly, who could blame a toddler for that.

Because this is Alex’s vacation, I’m giving him the space to enjoy it fully. He loves his job, so it’s not about escaping work—it’s simply about stepping away long enough to breathe. And this year, coming home seems to be exactly what both of us needed.

The landscape of the house feels different with him here. I’m grateful for the company, for the way his presence fills the quiet places. But I’m also mindful not to depend on it, knowing the familiar ache will return when his vacation ends. I’ve learned to prepare for the emotional rollercoaster that comes after my boys leave. Adjusting each time isn’t easy, but life is full of difficult moments—and I’ve learned I can meet them, move through them, and come out whole.

Join me on my journey.

#YesICan Coaching with Karen

Email: Kh.yesican1@gmail.com