Try describing the sensation of pain!  Too often we are asked the most mundane question is why are you feeling pain?  Did you hurt yourself, or did someone hurt you?  Is it dull, throbbing, achy, or sharp?  Exactly, show the spot where your discomfort is!

Sometimes these questions can be answered easily.  Most of the time whether it is a medical advisor, friend, or family member, the response to distress becomes more quizzical.

As a migraine sufferer for almost 50 years, I have been denied my feelings.  I am unlike the traditional migraine individual in that I fight through my (almost daily) episodes.  In my early years these attacks took me down, but my initial reaction was to always fight through it.  It was like a war going on in my head, and all I wanted to do was forge through the hell hole of symptoms and find a soft light to guide me and soothe my pounding head.  I learned that if you don’t look ill (whatever that means) people are skeptical and too often assume you are either a hypochondriac or just making excuses to get out of something.

The migraine headache can take on various forms, and the diagnosis becomes even more difficult when women are considered hypochondriacs when they are experiencing them.  I experienced first hand over the years I have been served a cocktail of medications that rendered me a zombie, or sent home and prescribed to relax!  Let me be the first to tell you it is near to impossible to relax, to think about a beautiful warm, sunny, sandy beach when the pounding and flashing in your brain is screaming, “PAIN SIGNALS,” throughout your physical and emotional body.

I have been seen by many physicians that have run SCANs, MRIs, as well as vestibular tests to identify what is happening in my internal housing.  My medical team over the years has consisted of neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrist, physical therapist, gynecology (I am woman hear me roar,) as well as chiropractic.  My diagnosis is stated as unexplained mixed headaches with an emphasis on migraine.

Yesterday, March 1^st, the first day of the meteorological day of Spring, I had the culmination of a week of pain.  Each day got worse with periods of relief, but on Friday the black cloud, flashing lights and agonizing take over of my body grew minute by minute.  Medication was not touching the source, and I knew to succumb to it and laying down would not reduce it, and I had things to do.  My day consisted of remaining upbeat for two podcasts as well as follow through on other business related items.  I muddled through my day including some housekeeping chores, making serving as well as clean up for dinner.  Even after dinner I completed one last home assignment (I make the assignments) and finally curled myself into a fetal position hoping to fall asleep.

Most of the night I slept fitfully waking every 20 to 30 minutes.  Upon each awakening, I noticed I was getting little if any relief.  Instead of relaxing with each deep breath I worried about the what if’s of my sense of debilitation.  When 5 a.m. came upon me, I realized I was feeling more like me.  I was wide awake with little no reference to the last 24 plus hours.  I almost had to pinch myself to feel some painful discomfort to reassure myself this was not a dream or that I had died and gone to heaven!

This is my life!  I have learned to accept what I have the ability to change and to attempt to change what I am told I have no control over.  Because we never know what we are capable of and without taking a step in a positive direction we may not find where our strengths lay.

Today is a new day!