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40 YEARS of MARRIAGE
February 3, what this date means to me.
Forty years ago on February 3, 1984, Rich and I got married by Rabbi Eisenberg (May he REST in PEACE), witnessed by friends Debbie and Dave. Although I had been living with Rich since 1982, and we talked about marriage it was extremely important for me that when he asked and I said, “YES”, it would be for life.
I came into our relationship with what is often termed as baggage. I had been divorced for almost 2 years and I had custody of my son from that marriage who was almost 5 years old. I was living in Cincinnati when we met and Rich lived in Peninsula, Ohio, a 5-hour drive that I took every couple of weeks leading up to moving in, in 1982. We made the long-distance relationship work so moving in was the next step.
We became an instant family, accepted by his parents and his friends. However, we faced numerous obstacles including the cost of transportation so my son (Steve) could visit his father. Rich was involved from the get-go, but it started to take a toll on our relationship. Soon after we settled in my ex-husband was not happy about our new living relationship and this soon turned into a custody issue dragging us all through the court system. Although the court continued to grant me custody, on February 8, 1984, we were scheduled to go to court and face the judge. My attorney at the time suggested if we wanted to retain custody, we should get married. This led to our marriage in the Rabbi’s study on February 3, 1984.
Rich and I agreed to go through the formality, however I did not want to get married until this issue was resolved. Since I did not have that choice, we agreed to silently get married, if it didn’t work, we said we would end it in the future or plan another wedding that would include family and friends. Yes, we won custody in court after spending a lot of money (well worth it for my son), we returned home and decided to plan a summer wedding and we chose the date, July 15th.
Yes, this year we will be married for forty-years twice, does that mean we have been married for 80 years????
Now let’s talk about marriage. I am grateful for my first marriage as my son Steve is a gift from that union. Although I initially blamed his father for not (never) loving me, time has healed those wounds as I realize we were young when we met and got married and we were so different from each other that those differences divided us and created what now I see as a toxic marriage. I have learned so much over the years and acknowledge the divorce was needed for us to find our personal happiness. My son’s father and his wife will also be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year.
When I met my husband, Rich, I realized for me that the second time was the charm. I married my best friend, and I became his lover and go to person. It has not been easy, we have faced numerous challenges and we have tripped over the obstacles, but even when we have stumbled and fell, we got up and brushed ourselves off and kissed and made-up.
Kissing and making up doesn’t mean you have to give up your opinion and turn your differences into a mutual like, it’s ok to be different and not always OK with each other.
Rich and I made it through a custody issues, two weddings in one year, and bringing family and friends together to accept our union even when some said it would not last. (Thank you all for the challenge but somehow, we have made it.)
Rich and I struggled having a child, many rounds of IVF that we were told would be covered by my insurance only to find out that they weren’t, and we had a billed of $40,000+ to pay. Three plus years of dreaming, hoping, and praying, and a miscarriage, in December 1989 we were finally pregnant. (This pregnancy almost didn’t happen, the night before the insemination, I was molested by a doctor.) With the love and support of my husband and my OB/GYN I went through the procedure because we knew it was the right decision.
Not easy getting pregnant, and not an easy pregnancy. Sick for the first three months, and Braxton-Hicks’s contractions for the last three months, we brought Alex into the World in August 1990. And all went well for the first 30 days until our baby became violently ill and underwent abdominal surgery. When we brought him home all went well for 6 years. At six Alex was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers and faced the challenges of what Special Needs meant.
Alex made us better and stronger as we did our best, adjusting when needed, and allowing him and us to live in a more traditional and normal state. Life is not like in the Hallmark™ movies, and Facebook has provided me with the insight that ‘perfect’ does not exist, well maybe for an hour or two when we are playing at something we like and want to do. I wouldn’t change a thing, well maybe a few tweaks here and there.
Today, I have three special men in my life, my husband Rich, my son Steve, and my son Alex. I love all three of them and I feel blessed they love and like me too. As a teenager all I wanted was that one special guy and I was living to find him. When I met Rich (at Helene and Lanny’s wedding rehearsal, I was not looking for a relationship) I was beginning to feel secure as a single woman, single mom, and being single. However, as fate may have it, once I met Rich something clicked, and that feeling is still within me. I am with my person, and despite the fact that not every moment in the day is perfect, I would be lost without this man who continues to provide me with my independence. I am blessed that he accepted my oldest son and has been a father and friend figure for him for 40+ years. Rich is a wonderful father and has been involved from the first moment we conceived. He has been by side when we experienced the loss and miscarriages. He developed a strong loving bond with my parents and brothers taking a seat at the table.
When I told my mother Rich and I were getting married she commented, “The first time you marry for love, the second time for money…” Although this was to be a long-standing joke between us, I told her this time is for a lasting friendship/love with a man called Rich.
Here is to 40 Plus!
I LOVE RICH
2024
More Than a Blog- It’s 39 Years of Marriage
Yesterday, July 15, 2023
Richard and I celebrated 39 years of marriage, but we’ve been together 41 years – as they say “Oy Vay!” Rich and I are not much on celebrations. In fact, in the early years, just as we are now, we were both working to make ends meet. Sometimes we drive up to Detroit to see my family for a free dinner out, and other times it was my dear mother-in-law who always made sure we did something special. That meant not going to McDonalds, but maybe to Pizza Hut for an all you can eat buffet. (Do they still have that?)
Once Alex was born our celebration included him and we went out to entertain him more than ourselves.
This year was different. For the first time in 32 years, we were alone for our anniversary. Alex is working and living in Fort Worth and circumstances did not provide him with the opportunity to come home. Steve was just here for Mother’s Day and truly he should be on vacation (he works too hard.) However, last night we were joined for dinner with new friends Kristi & Rob (who are now our new family). I met Kristi a year ago through an online group and despite our age differences and backgrounds growing up I know we are kindred spirits. Dinner was fun as they got Rich to share stories on how we met (Thank you Iris, Lanny & Helene), how he proposed (a long story, anyone for a McDonald’s), and much more including his life before we met…
Kristi picked up on something I posted yesterday that it was our anniversary (not the original reason for going out), and gave us the sweetest loving card, but also had a piece of chocolate Oreo cake brought to the table with a candle. The dinner and evening were wonderful, and it was simple. (Kristi and Rob, we must do this again, before next year!!!)
I know for some birthdays and anniversaries are celebrated for days and I hear some celebrate the whole month. We have never been like that, nor do I think we ever will be. The reality is we love each other as well as like each other and spending our lives together is a celebration. This year I missed so many of the people who were part of our celebration on July 15, 2024, including our parents who became friends and family over the years. My in-laws and my mom and dad enjoyed the company of each other, and they would get together when they were both in Florida and when my parents came to visit us.
Sadly, in addition to our parents no longer being with us, we have experienced the loss of friends, and other relatives who made our day a true MITZVAH. On that day I never thought we would experience the losses we have in 39 years. Naïve as I was, I thought our parents would be with us year after year to continue to acknowledge the longevity of our marriage.
When we announced, we were getting married we had friends who swore we would never last. Well to those who thought it or said it out loud, “Looks like we made it” despite the Manilow lyrics – we did not leave each other to find another. In fact, our gift to each other was a renewal for yet another year. We are on to 40!
Getting Older means WE R ALIVE AND EVOLVING
Women can be beautiful and amazing – it is time WOMEN like YOU & I 2 Believe in OURSELVES – JOIN me!
Saturday – September 4th 2021
This past week has been less than enjoyable however I sought to find Happiness and Joy in my podcast recordings and take some ME-TIME in bits and pieces. Although I may dream of exotic vacations, or a day of self-pampering when I take mini breaks I am happier and it refreshes my thinking.
This week I have been experimenting with social media and groups that have formed to help individuals like myself (newclevelandradio.net), expand our network, our reach, and deliver a better product whether it be my website designing business or my love of communication through blogs and podcasting. However, as I dove in headfirst I became overwhelmed and it is not taking a toll on me. However, it is Saturday and I am switching hats to work my training and sales support part-time gig. Due to the holiday weekend as well as Rosh Hashannah beginning at sunset Monday, I will not be back at the podcast wheel except for one recording on Monday afternoon.
I need this time to regroup, reflect (as we do during the High Holy Days), and find my inner peace. As I am writing this I am experiencing ANXIETY that often proceeds my depression, but I am present and I am prepared to face it head-on and move on. A very special thanks to many of my friends and extended family friends who under that there is nothing to be ashamed about when we are vulnerable if we prepare for it and don’t let it pull us down into the RABBIT HOLE!
A memory and A thought
I may wake up feeling BLAH – and I may not understand why – BUT even the BLAHS are an opportunity for me to make my FUTURE the best – starting now!
Podcast with newclevelandradio.net
10 May 2021
MAY THERE BE NO EXCUSES!
Ok Ladies and Gentlemen it is time to share your story, your journey, or your mission in life. We are not promised tomorrow, but we have today, we are in the present, and on behalf of newclevelandradio.net, I want to invite you to become part of our podcasting family.
Have you thought about starting a podcast but didn’t know where to begin? Are you motivated enough to invest in the right equipment, software programs, and editing tools to make your podcast stand out? Sure you can podcast on your Smart Phone and you may have a zillion and one friends but will you reach all of them when you post your link?
I have been podcasting now for over 5 years and recording for another 5 years before that and I am still learning the tricks of the trade. I have taken over newclevelandradio.net from my son Alex and I have grown the podcasts and listeners exponentially. When you team with other podcasters you are privy to their friends and contacts and they are privy to yours and together we can be successful.
Our mission is to produce only positive messaging shows. The majority of us are not experts in our field but we know enough about life experiences to share them and learn from them. If we touch just one listener we have created a decisive moment for them. Wouldn’t you like to help someone just by sharing what makes YOU FEEL GOOD?
We are not here to sell products but to share products, ideas, concerns, strategies, and a lot of smiles and laughter along the way. So it’s your turn and you are welcome to be part of something bigger than any one of us alone… TRY IT, YOU MIGHT LIKE IT! (Mikey tried and he liked it – the 70’s Life Cereal Kid!)
Email karen at [email protected]
PETS by Kristi Horner (Courage to Caregivers)
“Have you ever thought that your relationship with your pet is one of the best in your life? Pets provide simple, supportive, confidential support without criticism, advice, or conflict. They provide unconditional positive regard and make us feel needed, wanted, and valued.” – Shawn Burn, PhD
This week’s topic is a fun one – it’s all about how much we gain from having a pet. Just think of all the physical, mental, and emotional benefits we get from pets. Pets have an incredible ability to calm and soothe humans. They don’t judge, they provide unconditional love, they are a source of empathy and companionship, and they’re great to have around during a pandemic!
If you don’t have a pet, there are many reasons to get one. Having an animal friend can help you increase your activity level, get out of the house more, be more social, and get rid of that lonely feeling. Pets are great listeners, and they can be great motivators to help you meet your goals. For example, if you need more exercise, try walking the dog a few more times each week. Or if you just need more self-care time, maybe some extra snuggles will do the trick.
If that’s not enough, here’s a list from Paws for People of some of the therapeutic benefits we get from the simple act of petting:
- Produces an automatic relaxation response
- Stabilizes blood pressure
- Reduces the risk of heart disease, heart attacks, and stroke
- Improves cardiovascular health
- Slows breathing in those who are anxious
- Releases hormones such as phenylethylamine, the same effect as chocolate
- Diminishes overall physical pain
And there’s more. According to HelpGuide, studies have shown that:
- Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression than those without pets.
- People with pets have lower blood pressure in stressful situations than those without pets.
- Playing with a dog or cat can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax.
- Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.
- Heart attack patients with pets survive longer than those without pets.
- Pet owners over age 65 make 30 percent fewer visits to their doctors than those without pets.
Perhaps most important of all, Shawn Burn notes that “the emotional bond between people and their pets is particularly therapeutic because it’s nonjudgmental. Your pet won’t judge you for wearing sweatpants 24/7, being grumpy, or having that extra glass of wine.”
In other words, pets will accept you for being YOU.
Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers
there’s never enough time in the day Kristi Horner
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L’shanah Tova with Love
9/13/20
SUNDAY
We are preparing to celebrate using new virtual methods, Rosh Hashannah. The other day I read a Facebook message and someone from my generation (growing up in the 50s and 60s,) asked how many of us remember getting new Fall Outfits for Yom Tov? Often they were wool or something very warm despite the temperatures that may influence something less, but it was September/October and we must be dressed appropriately for the Jewish New Year. I remember one year my mother sewed me a black & white hounds-tooth wools suit and I got this corduroy black corduroy hat that today has the 60s written all over it.
Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur were traditionally spent in shul, while my parents sat in the synagogue with all the other parents and grandparents, the three of us went to youth services and met up with our parents when their services ended. It was a solemn day of reflection and it also was a time to show off your best and make your parents proud.
After services on Rosh Hashannah, we would either walk home with friends or pack into my dad’s car for the short 5-minute drive home. Once home, the men in the family took off their jackets and loosened their ties, but we all remain in holiday finery. I would help my mother serve the traditional foods like homemade chicken soup with noodle kugel, and course after course I would jump up to assist. Momma made a tzimmis (a carrot, honey, prune sweet side-dish), sweet and sour 
meatballs, a sweet kugel with raisins, brisket, and or a roasted chicken (and sometimes we would go to the Shechitah days before to pick out our live chicken and watch the Rabbi, kill it, bless it, and make it kosher.) Can You Say Tradition?
That was Rosh Hashannah and ten days later for Yom Kipur again we would have our traditional meal before attending Kol Nidre Services. Much was the same as the week before, but in our home, my mother added Kreplach to the meal (a Jewish Ravioli.) After filling ourselves up to the gills with food, we began our 24 hour fast for the Day of Atonement. And just like Rosh Hashannah, my parents sat in the main chapel while my brothers and I went to youth services.
I miss those days – those were the days when my paternal grandparents attended our Shul and they were part of our inner circle, and years before my mother’s parents would join us for the break the fast 24 hours later. Again, break the fast was centered around food, fresh bagels, and rolls with condiments including LOX, also my mother baked Mandel Bread, Chocolate Chip Cookies, a yeast coffee cake. Food brought us together after a day of repenting.
Many of those traditions faded for me when I got married and moved away. It took me over 36 years to find a Temple where I feel accepted. However, this year I will not be able to sit in the sanctuary with my new family of Temple Friends I will be sharing in a zoom service like so many of us due to COVID. However, I hope and pray next year we can feel safe in coming together as one, and as we say at the end of the Yom Kippur service, “Next Year in Jerusalem,” May we say next year in our Temple/Shul.
2020 or 5780 has not been the best year of my life, nor the worst. However, I pray that 5781 will bring new peace to OUR LIVES so we may live in harmony. Even those of us who sing off Key should be appreciated for the value we bring to this world. We must make this year the first step to doing this and making it an everlasting journey for those that follow.
I ushered in 5780 last year with my Temple Israel Akron family. Sadly, too soon after that COVID crept into our lives and turned things upside down. However, if I have learned nothing else as I turned 70 in March, I am responsible for my feelings that can contribute to my happiness or sadness, and I have chosen Happiness! I have spent the last year reaching out and making new friends and relationships. I have continued to follow my dreams with newcleveleandradio.net. I have been a support system for my family encouraging them to follow their dreams and not settle because someone has told them to. I will go into the new yeat 5781 with new hopes and dreams and I will take the steps forward because that is what life is all about.
To all who may be reading this whether you observe the Jewish Holiday or not, know that I believe in you and all the good you too will put forth in the days to come.
L’Shanah Tova!
Love, Karen KIKI
49 Years ago Today
Forty-nine years ago, I said I do for the first time. On that Sunday afternoon, I honestly thought this was a forever marriage – although as I waited behind closed doors to walk down the aisle, I had second thoughts “it was too late” to change my mind. I was more concerned about what my parents would say and how I could explain this to anyone, even myself. So, I walked down the aisle, sobbing on my father’s arm as my future husband was waiting for me with his parents.
In Yiddish, if this is your destiny, it is said to be, beshert. Sadly, this marriage was not meant to last. We went into it caring for each other and trying to please our parents by finding a Jewish Mate. His parents never liked me, and my parents never felt a connection with him.
However, if not for that day in 1971, we would not share our son, and Steve is the icing on the cake.
We eventually found our soulmates, and despite the early years of anxiety and tension between us, we moved on, putting the past behind us and enjoying the lives we detoured and created. We both celebrated 36 years of marriage to our soulmates this year.
The reason I am sharing this story today is to let you know that even when we think we are on the right road, it is possible to take several turns that will lead you in a new direction.
The direction you choose to take may create changes for others in your path and but it should be by personal choice to live our best lives. Too often, we try to please others, hoping that it will reflect on us, creating an aurora of happiness. However, making someone happy does not always make you happy, it may happen in love songs and movies, but it does not always relate to real life!
Forty-nine years ago, today, I had no idea what my future looked like. I knew I was saying “I Do,” but I was too young and naive to understand what that would mean as time moved forward. However, today with hindsight, I can look at the years that have passed and know that I am where I should be today. I have matured in becoming an authentic version of myself.
D5 Creation