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40 YEARS of MARRIAGE

February 3, what this date means to me.

Forty years ago on February 3, 1984, Rich and I got married by Rabbi Eisenberg (May he REST in PEACE), witnessed by friends Debbie and Dave.  Although I had been living with Rich since 1982, and we talked about marriage it was extremely important for me that when he asked and I said, “YES”, it would be for life.

I came into our relationship with what is often termed as baggage.  I had been divorced for almost 2 years and I had custody of my son from that marriage who was almost 5 years old.  I was living in Cincinnati when we met and Rich lived in Peninsula, Ohio, a 5-hour drive that I took every couple of weeks leading up to moving in, in 1982.  We made the long-distance relationship work so moving in was the next step.

 

We became an instant family, accepted by his parents and his friends.  However, we faced numerous obstacles including the cost of transportation so my son (Steve) could visit his father.  Rich was involved from the get-go, but it started to take a toll on our relationship.  Soon after we settled in my ex-husband was not happy about our new living relationship and this soon turned into a custody issue dragging us all through the court system.  Although the court continued to grant me custody, on February 8, 1984, we were scheduled to go to court and face the judge.  My attorney at the time suggested if we wanted to retain custody, we should get married.  This led to our marriage in the Rabbi’s study on February 3, 1984.

 

Rich and I agreed to go through the formality, however I did not want to get married until this issue was resolved.  Since I did not have that choice, we agreed to silently get married, if it didn’t work, we said we would end it in the future or plan another wedding that would include family and friends.  Yes, we won custody in court after spending a lot of money (well worth it for my son), we returned home and decided to plan a summer wedding and we chose the date, July 15th.

Yes, this year we will be married for forty-years twice, does that mean we have been married for 80 years????

Now let’s talk about marriage.  I am grateful for my first marriage as my son Steve is a gift from that union.  Although I initially blamed his father for not (never) loving me, time has healed those wounds as I realize we were young when we met and got married and we were so different from each other that those differences divided us and created what now I see as a toxic marriage.  I have learned so much over the years and acknowledge the divorce was needed for us to find our personal happiness.  My son’s father and his wife will also be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year.

When I met my husband, Rich, I realized for me that the second time was the charm.  I married my best friend, and I became his lover and go to person.  It has not been easy, we have faced numerous challenges and we have tripped over the obstacles, but even when we have stumbled and fell, we got up and brushed ourselves off and kissed and made-up.

Kissing and making up doesn’t mean you have to give up your opinion and turn your differences into a mutual like, it’s ok to be different and not always OK with each other.

Rich and I made it through a custody issues, two weddings in one year, and bringing family and friends together to accept our union even when some said it would not last.  (Thank you all for the challenge but somehow, we have made it.)

Rich and I struggled having a child, many rounds of IVF that we were told would be covered by my insurance only to find out that they weren’t, and we had a billed of $40,000+ to pay.  Three plus years of dreaming, hoping, and praying, and a miscarriage, in December 1989 we were finally pregnant.  (This pregnancy almost didn’t happen, the night before the insemination, I was molested by a doctor.)  With the love and support of my husband and my OB/GYN I went through the procedure because we knew it was the right decision.

Not easy getting pregnant, and not an easy pregnancy.  Sick for the first three months, and Braxton-Hicks’s contractions for the last three months, we brought Alex into the World in August 1990.  And all went well for the first 30 days until our baby became violently ill and underwent abdominal surgery.  When we brought him home all went well for 6 years. At six Alex was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers and faced the challenges of what Special Needs meant.

Alex made us better and stronger as we did our best, adjusting when needed, and allowing him and us to live in a more traditional and normal state.  Life is not like in the Hallmark™ movies, and Facebook has provided me with the insight that ‘perfect’ does not exist, well maybe for an hour or two when we are playing at something we like and want to do.  I wouldn’t change a thing, well maybe a few tweaks here and there.

Today, I have three special men in my life, my husband Rich, my son Steve, and my son Alex.  I love all three of them and I feel blessed they love and like me too.  As a teenager all I wanted was that one special guy and I was living to find him.  When I met Rich (at Helene and Lanny’s wedding rehearsal, I was not looking for a relationship) I was beginning to feel secure as a single woman, single mom, and being single.  However, as fate may have it, once I met Rich something clicked, and that feeling is still within me.  I am with my person, and despite the fact that not every moment in the day is perfect, I would be lost without this man who continues to provide me with my independence.  I am blessed that he accepted my oldest son and has been a father and friend figure for him for 40+ years.  Rich is a wonderful father and has been involved from the first moment we conceived.  He has been by side when we experienced the loss and miscarriages.  He developed a strong loving bond with my parents and brothers taking a seat at the table.

When I told my mother Rich and I were getting married she commented, “The first time you marry for love, the second time for money…” Although this was to be a long-standing joke between us, I told her this time is for a lasting friendship/love with a man called Rich.

Here is to 40 Plus!

I LOVE RICH

2024

Getting Older means WE R ALIVE AND EVOLVING

Women can be beautiful and amazing – it is time WOMEN like YOU & I 2 Believe in OURSELVES – JOIN me!

Saturday – September 4th 2021

Feeling Overwhelmed When Nothing is Wrong | A Highly Sensitive Person's LifeThis past week has been less than enjoyable however I sought to find Happiness and Joy in my podcast recordings and take some ME-TIME in bits and pieces.  Although I may dream of exotic vacations, or a day of self-pampering when I take mini breaks I am happier and it refreshes my thinking.

This week I have been experimenting with social media and groups that have formed to help individuals like myself (newclevelandradio.net), expand our network, our reach, and deliver a better product whether it be my website designing business or my love of communication through blogs and podcasting.  However, as I dove in headfirst I became overwhelmed and it is not taking a toll on me.  However, it is Saturday and I am switching hats to work my training and sales support part-time gig.  Due to the holiday weekend as well as Rosh Hashannah beginning at sunset Monday, I will not be back at the podcast wheel except for one recording on Monday afternoon.

How to look after your mental health when you're feeling overwhelmed |  EdexecI need this time to regroup, reflect (as we do during the High Holy Days), and find my inner peace.  As I am writing this I am experiencing ANXIETY that often proceeds my depression, but I am present and I am prepared to face it head-on and move on.  A very special thanks to many of my friends and extended family friends who under that there is nothing to be ashamed about when we are vulnerable if we prepare for it and don’t let it pull us down into the RABBIT HOLE!

A memory and A thought

I may wake up feeling BLAH – and I may not understand why – BUT even the BLAHS are an opportunity for me to make my FUTURE the best – starting now!

newclevelandradio.net welcomes JFTSOI – this is a joint website!

newclevelandradio.net has welcomed JFTSOI to join our website page.  As you may know, newclevelandradio.net is not just podcasting as we are not just Cleveland.  We offer a multitude of services including building website designs for YOU at a minimal cost as well as provide maintenance and upkeep to provide awareness to your site.  Websites can get Stahl unless they are updated and relevant.  JFTSOI has been maintained by us and most recently to assist with expenses of website development and more we have chosen to share the site and now you will see some diversity to the site.

Here are a few of the other sites we have built and are maintaining.  If you have any questions or would like a quote on our designs please contact Karen at newclevelandradio@gmail.com

 

 

http://www.kyaks.guru/

 

http://postcoffeeprewine.com/

http://theintentionalitygurus.com

Podcast with newclevelandradio.net

10 May 2021
MAY THERE BE NO EXCUSES!

Ok Ladies and Gentlemen it is time to share your story, your journey, or your mission in life.  We are not promised tomorrow, but we have today, we are in the present, and on behalf of newclevelandradio.net, I want to invite you to become part of our podcasting family.

Have you thought about starting a podcast but didn’t know where to begin?  Are you motivated enough to invest in the right equipment, software programs, and editing tools to make your podcast stand out?  Sure you can podcast on your Smart Phone and you may have a zillion and one friends but will you reach all of them when you post your link?

I have been podcasting now for over 5 years and recording for another 5 years before that and I am still learning the tricks of the trade.  I have taken over newclevelandradio.net from my son Alex and I have grown the podcasts and listeners exponentially.  When you team with other podcasters you are privy to their friends and contacts and they are privy to yours and together we can be successful.

Our mission is to produce only positive messaging shows.  The majority of us are not experts in our field but we know enough about life experiences to share them and learn from them.  If we touch just one listener we have created a decisive moment for them.  Wouldn’t you like to help someone just by sharing what makes YOU FEEL GOOD?

We are not here to sell products but to share products, ideas, concerns, strategies, and a lot of smiles and laughter along the way.  So it’s your turn and you are welcome to be part of something bigger than any one of us alone…  TRY IT, YOU MIGHT LIKE IT!  (Mikey tried and he liked it – the 70’s Life Cereal Kid!)

Email karen at newclevelandradio@gmail.com

A Message from Kristi Horner Courage to Caregivers

We have several topics to discuss this week – all wrapped up in creative expression. There are so many methods of creative expression: art, music, writing, dance, visual arts, drama, crafts, etc. What’s common about all of these is that they let you translate your feelings and emotions into a medium that you can share with others or keep private if you wish.

Doing something creative can change our perspective, point us down new paths, influence our problem-solving, inspire us to take risks, and much more. When we’re being creative, we might find that we feel less depressed, less stressed, more engaged, and more able to control our emotions. Feelings can be messy and sometimes irrational, but it’s healthy to express your feelings in a creative way that leaves you balanced and in control.

Many people find that creating, viewing, or discussing art can help them release or express their feelings. Art can be a healthy outlet to highlight awareness of hidden feelings and a way to communicate something that may be difficult to put into words. Reflecting on art can provide greater insight and understanding, and by sharing art, the viewer validates the feelings of the artist.

Music is also a powerful form of creative expression. Whether you’re listening or playing, music can transport you back in time, influence your emotions, set a scene, or inspire you to take action. It can console you in times of grief or loneliness, allow you to release anger in a healthy way, bring peace and calmness to your life, or encourage you to move your body. When words aren’t enough to encompass the intensity of your feelings, music can help.

The choice of creative expression is highly personal, and it includes self-reflection and self-discovery. Journaling is a creative and safe way to gain greater insight about your deepest thoughts and feelings, your most difficult challenges, what brings you joy, and what makes you uncomfortable. By writing about these things, you have the opportunity to dissect, analyze, and reframe them into something that makes better sense or presents new solutions. You gain greater perspective, insight, and understanding of yourself and others.

Whatever way you decide to create, remember the words of Henri Matisse: “Creativity takes courage.” Creativity is not about drawing inside the lines, hitting the perfect note, or finding the right words. It’s about having the courage to take chances and make mistakes. And COURAGE is important to us. It’s part of our name.

So, get out there today and try something new. Take a RISK. Be brave, bold, courageous, and CREATIVE with your day.


Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers

PETS by Kristi Horner (Courage to Caregivers)

“Have you ever thought that your relationship with your pet is one of the best in your life? Pets provide simple, supportive, confidential support without criticism, advice, or conflict. They provide unconditional positive regard and make us feel needed, wanted, and valued.” – Shawn Burn, PhD

This week’s topic is a fun one – it’s all about how much we gain from having a pet. Just think of all the physical, mental, and emotional benefits we get from pets. Pets have an incredible ability to calm and soothe humans. They don’t judge, they provide unconditional love, they are a source of empathy and companionship, and they’re great to have around during a pandemic!

If you don’t have a pet, there are many reasons to get one. Having an animal friend can help you increase your activity level, get out of the house more, be more social, and get rid of that lonely feeling. Pets are great listeners, and they can be great motivators to help you meet your goals. For example, if you need more exercise, try walking the dog a few more times each week. Or if you just need more self-care time, maybe some extra snuggles will do the trick.

If that’s not enough, here’s a list from Paws for People of some of the therapeutic benefits we get from the simple act of petting:

  • Produces an automatic relaxation response
  • Stabilizes blood pressure
  • Reduces the risk of heart disease, heart attacks, and stroke
  • Improves cardiovascular health
  • Slows breathing in those who are anxious
  • Releases hormones such as phenylethylamine, the same effect as chocolate
  • Diminishes overall physical pain

And there’s more. According to HelpGuide, studies have shown that:

  • Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression than those without pets.
  • People with pets have lower blood pressure in stressful situations than those without pets.
  • Playing with a dog or cat can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax.
  • Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.
  • Heart attack patients with pets survive longer than those without pets.
  • Pet owners over age 65 make 30 percent fewer visits to their doctors than those without pets.

Perhaps most important of all, Shawn Burn notes that “the emotional bond between people and their pets is particularly therapeutic because it’s nonjudgmental. Your pet won’t judge you for wearing sweatpants 24/7, being grumpy, or having that extra glass of wine.”

In other words, pets will accept you for being YOU.

Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers

MY VOICE and I WILL CONTINUE TO USE IT

Three weeks and one day is the last day you can make a difference and VOTE Blue!  I am asking you if you have not voted yet, and if you haven’t requested an absentee ballot to consider early voting, call your local board of elections and get the information you need to make a change.

We have lived with Trump for 4 years and he made promises and he could have followed through on them but he spent so much time talking about his PLAN but never offered US the American people what that entailed.  He gave us a tax break and took it back the following year when we paid our taxes, yet he has not paid his taxes!

Talk does not take care of the American People, you and me.  Talk, discussion, weighing options, and listening to what the average Joe needs is what our President and the House of Representatives and the Senate should be responding to.  Trump created such commotion in building a wall that is now crumbling and falling!  What a waste of money that could have been on Health Care and or Job Creation.

Trump walked into the Oval Office with a strong economy, he made the economy worse for the average Joe but kept his cronies gaining wealth that was not shared!  JOBs, let me tell you that the JOB market even before the Pandemic was meek.  If you or someone you know what looking to garner a job (not even career) to put food on the table and roof over your head it was not easy, why do you think so many of us are working multiple jobs with no benefits, including sick days.

If Trump didn’t make the promised changes he eluded to over the last four years why do you think the next four years will be any better.  Get a grip Trump and his cronies do not care about US.  If Trump cared about you, and your well being he would, he would have listened to the scientists.doctors and would have shared REAL Information with us from the get-go.  He has not taken the precautions that he needed to take and he continues to go out in public without a mask and not socially distancing, well making ‘fun’ of those of us who are trying to reduce this Pandemic!

I won’t even discuss his need to outbalance the Supreme Court and yet says he must do this because the Dems will do it if they win.  The American People 52% to 44% believe the Supreme Court decision should not be made until after the Election.  Why is he in such a hurry, have you caught on to his garbage yet?

Check this out and see the Republicans backing Biden https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/18/politics/republicans-supporting-biden/index.html

Also – “The last living former Republican president, George W. Bush, has said he won’t back Trump. Nor will his brother Jeb Bush, the former governor of Florida who was mercilessly ridiculed by Trump when they fought for the GOP nomination in 2016.”  https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2020/09/27/all-the-republicans-who-have-endorsed-joe-biden-for-president/#3bc762557340

Consider the facts, Trump wants to cut or eliminate SS – if you are a senior or if you are approaching age 65 or know someone – do they have enough money to survive even one year on SS?  What if they were to have less or none?  Are you going to support mom and dad, your grandparents, or your neighbor next door?

Biden and Harris have a plan https://www.forbes.com/sites/johngoodman/2020/09/28/the-bidenharris-economic-plan/#28cb2dcc73ce

Yes, Biden will raise taxes for those that can afford it- if they earn 400,000.00 dollars or more a year.  If you earn less like many of us – guess what our taxes will NOT INCREASE.  Taxes are necessary without them infrastructure cannot be maintained or improved.

Make a plan now – VOTE Blue – If you have an absentee ballot if possible take it directly to your board of elections, I am taking mine to Summit County here in Ohio today.  My son, husband, and I have completed our absentee ballots and I will take them all sealed to the DropBox, and I will track them to ensure they were received and ready for counting.  If you cannot deliver them personally mail them and track them.  If you can get someone to drive you to your Board of Elections – not your precinct, accept the ride to place it in the dropbox!

Please note – if you do not want Trump – a vote for anyone but Biden supports TRUMP – help bring the United States back in line with the needs of the Average Citizen – do not be bullied!

Mental Health Awareness Week

First, I want to remind you that this is Mental Health Awareness Week, and Saturday, October 10, is World Mental Health Day. Show your support for those living with mental illness by keeping the conversation going and working to end mental health stigma and discrimination.

As we begin the month of October, our new theme is outside interests, and this week’s topic is hobbies. During this global pandemic, and perhaps as a caregiver in general, how often have you found yourself asking, “Who has the time for fun or outside activities right now?” But that’s the point. It’s so important to set aside time for YOU, to do an activity that you enjoy, with no connection to caregiving. Having outside interests, such as a hobby that brings you joy, can help you relax, reduce stress, and expand your horizons.

One of the silver linings of this pandemic is that it has given many people the opportunity to pursue outside interests and hobbies – pandemic pastimes! Here’s an article on how hobbies have helped people stay positive during lockdowns.

People are finding the time to do many things, such as completing old projects, updating photo albums, discovering new possibilities in the craft bin, renewing their love of photography, singing, or journaling, or even finishing a jigsaw puzzle. Some have turned a love of sewing into sewing masks. Others have used their talents in the kitchen to provide baked goods for frontline workers. Maybe you dedicated some time to de-cluttering and were able to donate some clothing or gently used items to someone in need.

I have a lot of hobbies, but one of my favorites has always been gardening. Spending time outside in my garden in any season connects me with the earth. I love the fresh air, sunshine, and just digging in the dirt!

Sometimes, the smallest things can give you the greatest joy. We love this concept of finding micro-joys, shared by Thrive Global. “The secret to micro-joys is that you are aware and tuned in enough to appreciate them around you. To find the joy, you have to simply be present and ‘smelling the roses,’ even for just a moment.”

So, if you’re looking for a new hobby or outside interest, start by thinking about what brings you joy. What are those things that bring a smile to your face and make your heart sing when you just think about them? What fills YOUR soul?

Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers