Don’t Call Me a Widow – Part 48

People Pleaser!

I’ve come to accept that the people‑pleaser in me has been part of my identity for a very long time. It may always be there. But I’m finally learning to shift the balance — to please myself more than I please others. And here’s why.

I spend so much of my day asking how I can help, what I can do, how I can ease someone else’s burden. That constant outward focus is exhausting and often leaves me feeling depleted and unseen. I’m not trying to become selfish or ignore the needs of people I care about. I’m trying to become mindful of how often helping others leaves me vulnerable, drained, and alone..

Grief has amplified the old voices and old pictures that float through my mind. What I’m noticing is my own need to be cared for — not by anyone else, but by me. I need to make clearer, cleaner decisions that may look uncaring from the outside, but are actually acts of self‑respect. I’ve spent a lifetime pleasing everyone else. It’s my turn.

I’m not ashamed of being the go‑to person. I know I may still be that person for many. But going forward, my first question will be: “How is this working for me?” If the answer is that it harms my physical or emotional well‑being, I will step back. My health matters as I evolve into this next version of myself.

I don’t expect to look different on the outside, but I already feel the shift internally. I’m learning to stop letting other people’s needs infiltrate my priorities. By doing so, I’m releasing years of anger and frustration I carried quietly — blaming others for what I continued to allow. I’m finally practicing what I preach: I am responsible for my actions, my choices, and my happiness. I carried the weight of everyone else’s expectations, thinking it made me a better helper. In reality, it only made me heavier.

Please don’t mistake this for becoming a “Class A Bitch.” What I’m becoming is mindful. What matters now is less nonsense and more living my best life each day.

For some, living their best life is about places, purchases, and accomplishments. For me, it’s about being present, honoring kindness, and returning love where it’s given.

As a parent, I once believed my job was to make my children happy. Now I understand my role was to help them build the tools to create their own happiness. Through reading, observing, and learning, I’ve accepted what I can control and what I cannot. I can only control my happiness — and I’m finally tending to it.

If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be this: stop blaming “things” for your attitude.

• We all get the same 24 hours.
• We choose how to use them.
• We accomplish differently because we are
• We are not clones or machines.
• We are human.
  • So, stop blaming grief, your car, the weather, other people, or yourself.
  • Make a plan. Be aware. And stop creating reasons that don’t serve you.
  • Some days you’ll accomplish X. Some days you’ll accomplish half of X.
  • Some days you’ll try a new approach and discover it works better.
  • Some days you’ll simply do less.
  • Set expectations that allow for being human.

And stop placing blame.

• Stop blaming yourself or others for temporary deficits — they change.
• Stop blaming disruptions — they’re part of life.
• Stop blaming Mother Nature — you’re still here, still living.
• Stop blaming your upbringing — you can choose differently now.

I will be the best version of a people pleaser only when I learn how to truly please myself.

Please join me in on my journey.

#YesICan Coaching with Karen
Email: Kh.yesican1@gmail.com