Don’t Call Me a Widow – Part 42 – Stop the Intruding Thoughts

Intruding Thoughts, Brain Fog, and the Tools That Help Us Find Our Way Back

We all experience intruding thoughts, but some of us have learned tools to resist them or calm them down. Intruding thoughts are those mental “pop‑ups” that break into your focus, your calm, or your sense of safety. The simplest way to identify them is to notice how they arrive and how they affect you. These moments often feel sharper and more disruptive when we are grieving.

Merriam‑Webster defines grief as “the deep emotional and physical pain caused by a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, a major life change, or the end of a relationship.” When grief is present, the mind becomes more vulnerable to interruption.

Intruding thoughts often:

• Arrive suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere
• Connect themselves to what you’re doing or where you are, anchoring your brain to old emotional patterns
• Pull your attention away from the present, leaving you in a fog — not as an excuse, but as a reality
• Spark fear, shame, sadness, anger, or confusion
• Loop repeatedly unless addressed
• Feel out of proportion to what’s actually happening
• Trigger self‑criticism, especially when others don’t understand how catastrophic these thoughts can feel

The good news: we can learn to manage these disruptions.

Tools to Regain Control

1. One deep breath at a time. Slow breathing reduces the adrenaline rush and helps your nervous system return to center.
2. Ask yourself: “Did I choose this thought?” If not, gently tell your brain to release it. Refocus, breathe, walk away, or use a mantra. You are the master of your thoughts.
3. Practice mindfulness. Bring your attention back to what you should be thinking or doing right now. Interrupt the hijacking.
4. Observe the impact. Notice what these thoughts do to you physically, emotionally, and mentally. You don’t have to navigate this alone — seek support when needed.
5. Label the intruder. Name it: “This is an intruding thought.” Then tell it to leave.

Some people naturally manage intruding thoughts with ease. Many of us struggle, allowing these thoughts to hurt us and affect those around us. Both experiences are human.

When Intruding Thoughts Become Brain Fog

Intruding thoughts can create intense brain fog — that dimmed‑lights feeling, like walking through a tunnel where nothing feels quite normal.

I’ve talked about “normal” before: it isn’t a constant, even though we expect it to be. Any deviation can place us in a fog. Brain fog is often caused by grief, stress, disrupted sleep, dehydration, illness, or medication. Too often, we don’t notice the fog until we make a mistake — and that can feel like falling down a well with no rope in sight.

We cannot blame family, friends, or colleagues for not understanding. Until someone walks in another person’s shoes, they cannot know their experience or the intruding thoughts that shape it.

As a life coach, I emphasize the importance of communication and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

My mother used to say, “Don’t hang out your dirty laundry for the neighbors to see.” She was right — but she was also wrong. It’s okay to ask, “How can I clean my dirty laundry?” Seeking help and exploring solutions reduces the thoughts that create havoc in your life.

I used to let intruding thoughts control me. Rich would say, “Just let it go!” His heart was in the right place but not knowing how to let go was more upsetting than the thoughts themselves. Friends may say, “Think about something pleasant,” yet your brain keeps reverting to the unpleasant because you don’t have the tools. We can let go and think pleasant thoughts — but we must build our toolbox and practice using it. Mindful living requires observing ourselves from the inside out. And yes, we will falter. But we can get back up and try again.

Suggestions for Reducing Brain Fog and Intruding Thoughts

• Wake up gently so your nervous system can ground itself.
• Hydrate early — caffeine dehydrates, so balance it with water or hydration products.
• Add protein in the morning; it supports nervous system stability and mood.
• Stop multitasking. Doing too much at once fuels forgetfulness and fog.
• Take breaks. Acknowledge what you’ve accomplished and plan what comes next.
• Name the fog. Over time, you’ll recognize its triggers and build tools to minimize it.
• Practice grounding. Walk barefoot, feel the textures beneath you, step outside and notice the concrete — sensory shifts can reset your mind.
• If the thoughts feel too heavy to manage alone, seek support from a coach, counselor, therapist, or doctor.

(As I was writing this I had to take several breaks because I began having intruding thoughts – a deep breath, looking out my window at nature, and just shifting focus are some of the tools I use to lighten the load.)

Please join me in on my journey.

#YesICan Coaching with Karen
Email: Kh.yesican1@gmail.com