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It’s Getting to ME!

Like many of you, I did not expect that hunkering down would be easy, but I also did not expect my emotions to rise and fall numerous times during the day. However, my reality is more like living on a teeter-totter than a roller coast. When something sends me to the top, I feel my heart beating extra fast, numbness in my dangling feet, and tension in my arms as I hold on with a fear of heights and falling. Yet, when I lower myself and touch the ground, I feel as if I am being pushed down as my knees sink into my chest, and my head leans down, almost in a fetal position…
This is not how I expected to spend the Spring of 2020. As summer 2019 came to an end, I was making some positive life changes beginning with working out every day, developing better eating habits while finding an inner peace that helped strengthen my relationships, new and old. And then, one day, I hurt my knee, and the best-laid plans of this ‘chick’ changed overnight. Instead of working out, I was attending Physical Therapy. The weight loss and physical changes that I had made began to diminish and try as I may keep that positive attitude; it teased me with bouts of anxiety and depression.
2020 was to be the year to get my new bionic knee (total knee replacement) and return to daily workouts and redeveloping my positive plan. If you have been following my journey, you will know that I had surgery seven weeks ago, and yet I am not as recovered as I would have thought I should be or planned to be. I am having excessive nerve type pain in my knee to my ankle, and I am walking with a limp, which is throwing off my whole right-side, causing aches and pains. I think this discomfort is noticed more due to the limitations of the STAY AT HOME and BE SAFE PLAN.
This pandemic has touched all of us, and for some, it includes the loss of a parent, child, friend, or relation of someone you know. Trying to do what is right is simple, but it can feel painful, both physically and emotionally. The physical pain comes from the change in our routines, and that affects our emotional state as well. If you are like my family and me some days, you get inspired, and you do something active like cleaning out a drawer, reading a book, baking, or planting a garden.
Whatever it is, it most likely makes you feel accomplished, and that, in turn, raises your endorphins, increasing your wellness state.
It may not be easy to do something each day to provide this endorphin rush and try as I may do so, I find I am napping and vegging out, losing time to nothingness. Some nothingness is good for us, but too much can be infectious. It is not unusual for us to feel like we are riding the waves, and the rush may make us feel physically ill. However, we each have this opportunity to turn it into that “aha” moment. We can do something that erases the ills and leads us to health.
This pandemic time will end when it is supposed to end. We can do our part now to stay well, so when that day comes, we will walk out with pride and confidence for a better tomorrow.


4/15/20 From Amy Ferris – She knows what the FUCK she writes!

When you pulled the lever for trump in 2016, did you realize you were voting against humanity? All of humanity? Donald Trump declared – during 9/11 – that HIS buildings were the tallest BUILDINGS in New York City. Holy fuck, right? You can google that. He actually said that and doesn’t deny that he said that. Did you know that the reason your family is getting money for being a first responder has nothing to do with Rudy Giuliani or George Bush, it has everything – everything – to do with Senator Hillary Clinton fighting with everything she had so first responders would be compensated. Yeah, you can google that. Go on… google it. Hillary fought for you. Donald Trump didn’t give a shit about your life, he cared about filling the tallest building in New York – his building and charging an astronomical amount of money for rent. Yeah, google that. When you pulled the lever in 2016 you voted against Women’s rights and human rights and probably human’s who you say you love but don’t support legally. Gay rights, trans rights, health care… yeah, google that. You voted against the people you claim you love.

He’s a sham. A bullshit artist. A conman. A bully. He cheated on all his wives. ALL HIS WIVES. He left Ivana for Marla and Marla for Melania. He paid hush money to porn stars. Shhhhhhh. Shhhhh. Quiet. And he was friends with Jeffrey Epstein. But you don’t care about that, right? You don’t care that he was fucking 14-year-olds? Right. Right. Right.

When you pulled the lever for trump in 2016 did you think for one second that you were destroying, annihilating humanity, or did you just give a shit about your bank account, because that’s disappearing also.

You shoulda voted for the woman, especially if you’re a woman because I got news for you – HOT-FLASH BABE – you are deeply, deeply fucking flawed also.

Her emails were never gonna kill you.

He doesn’t give a shit if you die.

Just so I NEVER forget….. April 2, 2020

Posting April 3, 2020

Gas price a mile from home was $1.69
All schools abruptly moved online.
Self-distancing measures on the rise.
Tape on the floors at stores to help distance customers (6ft) from each other.
Restaurants closed, take out only.
Limited number of people inside stores.
Non-essential stores and businesses mandated closed.
Parks, trails, entire cities locked up.
The entire sports season canceled.
All of Disney World Parks closed.
Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events – canceled.
Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings, funerals- canceled.
No masses, churches are closed.
No gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, now 10 or less.
Children’s outdoor play parks are closed.
Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers.
Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill.
Panic buying sets in and we have no toilet paper, no disinfecting supplies, no paper towels, no laundry soap, no hand sanitizer.
Shelves are bare.
Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizers, and PPE.
The government closes the border to all non-essential travel.
Airline tickets are under $20 but we can’t travel.
Fines are established for breaking the rules.
Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of COVID-19 patients.
Press conferences daily from the President and Governors. (Wine with Dewine)
Daily updates on new cases, recoveries, and deaths. (Snackin’ with Dr. Acton)
Government incentives to stay home.
Barely anyone on the roads.
People wearing masks and gloves outside.
Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.
Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families.
“Flatten the curve” is a daily saying, along with “We are in this together,” and “Let’s meet on Zoom.”

This is the Novel Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic, declared March 11th, 2020.

Why you ask, do I write this status?

One day it will show up in my memory feed, and it will be a yearly reminder that life is precious and not to take the things we dearly love for granted.

We have so much!
Be thankful. Be grateful.
Be kind to each other – love one another – support everyone.

We are all one! ❤️

Thank you Matt Greminger

We R Going Zoom

Every Wednesday is Viagra Diaries with Barbara Rose Brooker. I love Wednesday because Barbara makes me smile from ear to ear. At 83, she still has her eyes set on becoming a “STAR.” Well, in my life, she has accomplished that as a daughter, woman, mother, writer, painter, teacher, public speaker, and a friend to those who meet her. Age is not a number to stop her or scare her from living life. In fact, like a fine wine, she too gets better. Barbara Rose Brooker does not seek to be Peter Pan, but she is not willing to stop dreaming and doing what makes her feel whole!

Leave it to this precious human being, who is a sister to womanhood, to always take me by surprise. Today she enlightened me to a new direction she wants to take her podcast series. So when she suggested we add a Zoom Meeting Podcast to her weekly series, how could I refuse? I love the idea of involving you, the listener, friends, family, and colleagues to join us as we discuss AGEISM / Viagra Falls. Let’s discuss life at any age and the relationships we develop. Are they good, bad, or previously unidentified? What is important to us? And does living have to stop because we reach a significant birthday? (NO!) We have the opportunity to feel whole.

During this time, when many of us are hunkered down in our homes, we awake each day to a new grey hair, or what we may consider being bedhead that only our stylist can resolve. Pedicures and manicures are growing out, and many may feel less attractive based on the images the Ad Agencies offer up. When we come out of this, will embrace our grey, changing our beauty regiments, or will be lining up to be the first to make our self over? There is no right or wrong answer, ask Barbara, who likes to dress up and fuss with her makeup as I do too! However, I still love myself with a clean, washed face without makeup and wrinkle concealer!

Coming together via zoom will open the discussion and understand the many messages Barbara Rose Brooker has discussed in her various books. Take a moment to download the kindle version of her newest book, Love Sometimes, or any of her other finely written manuscripts. Fall in love with this beautiful woman, and let’s chat!

A must Share from AMY FERRIS 3_30_20

Donald Trump spoke today at a briefing and said the very words I posted below. Those words came out of his mouth. I suffer from depression; I tried suicide when I was 15 and a few years ago I created and compiled an entire anthology (Thank you Seal Press!) around suicide and depression and thirty-six brave & courageous, bold & fierce as all-mighty fuck humans contributed to that anthology – and I will tell you right now that his words, the ones I posted below, do not inspire or encourage or ignite hope. They instill fear and sadness and worry and worse, they instill defeat. If I have said it once, I have said it a million times, he does not deserve to be sitting in the Oval Office. He is not a leader, he is a bully, and fuck him for using the Presidency as a bully pulpit. It is up to each one of us – each and every one of us – to help every single human being who suffers from depilating depression and great sorrow and unbearable worry during this horrific health storm; to help every single human who is falling to their knees out of hopelessness, whether they are in prayer mode or collapsing under the weight of their own pain and worry, it is up to each one of us to help get through this together, and shame on him for not having the decency and humanity to inspire us, to lift us, to help carry us through this horrific and dangerous time.

Here is his briefing from today:

“You’re going to have massive depression, meaning mental depression,” the president says. “You’re going to have depression in the economy, also. You’re going to have large numbers of suicides. Take a look at what happens in a really horrible recession or worse. So you’re going to have tremendous suicides, but you know what you’re going to have more than anything else? Drug addiction. You will see drugs being used like nobody’s ever used them before and people are going to be dying all over the place from drug addiction. Because you would have had a wonderful job at a restaurant or even owned a restaurant … and in one day they have nothing. They’ve gotten wiped out. One day. From our enemy, this invisible, horrible scourge.”


Entertainment Should be Just That Entertainment (thanks Amy Ferris!)

Dear Hollywood,

How about no more disaster movies or bad reality shows with hosts who become Presidential candidates and decide to march us into hell, how about no more limited TV series that fill folks up with fear & worry & shaking in their boots – keeping humans under the covers for days on end. Please, no more crap about the end of the world and who’s gonna save us – fuck, man, no more of that. Please, no more dreck about millions of folks dying from pandemics and the apocalypse and for the sake of all fuck, no more movies where people are trapped in buildings and elevators and homes and cruise ships for weeks & weeks & weeks on end wishing they could see and touch and hug their loved ones. No more of that shit. No more. No more spending hundreds of millions of dollars on movies and TV series that could be spent on bringing humans joy and love and truth and a few hours of glory and grace into their hearts. There are so many fucking Heroes and SHEroes and Warriors and Goddesses and Mensches and WOmensches in the real world, so many, real ones, humans who put their lives on the line every single fucking day and none of them, not one of them, wears a cape. Those folks are wearing humanity straight out. Make movies about redemption because who the fuck doesn’t need to believe that their mistakes can turn into their mission – who doesn’t need that? Find those folks, make those movies. Make movies about the human condition – folks who scale mountains of rejections and piles of sorrow and make it to the other side and stand up tall and inspire the rest of us that we too can fulfill our dreams. People need to be inspired and encouraged – to believe in beauty and goodness again, to have hope, to find love; folks need to sit in a movie theater – or stare at their massive flat TV screen – and think: holy shit that IS me up there, that IS me. Make movies that fill humans with the belief that they too can change the world not because they need to be SuperHeroes but because they are SuperHearts.

Reality TV gave us trump, dumped him in our living rooms where he was firing folks without even so much a care in the world and look what he’s doing now – the same exact shit except we’re all paying the price of his cruelty and ignorance, and all those disaster movies – look, look… we’re all sitting in our homes wondering who we know who will die next from this horrific unbearable pandemic that is giving us all the heebie fucking jeebies, so how about throwing some compassion & hope our way, some good sexy humor, ROMComs and love stories where yes the people up on the screen are in their 50’s and 60’s and 70’s and the lines on their face are the lines we remember because they are us, how about making movies about the human spirit and the irrefutable magnificent power – the superpower – of humanity.

How about giving us some of that?

Best & warm,

AMY FERRIS _ Thanks for the Smile and Hope

Thank you

Even though I am bone tired, truly bone fucking tired I am thankfully not worrying about iKen today, so thankful that I can put that – worry – into a box & close the lid for the time being – so, I’m gonna try my best to encourage you with some good shit.

Here’s what I know, or more appropriately what I knew when I opened my eyes this morning: for three years plus now fear has been the very foundation of this travesty of a regime led by a fucking bully. The man who lives in the White House has been filling stadiums – rallies – spreading fear & hate, inciting violence, encouraging anti-semitism and sexism and misogyny and homophobia, igniting anger and vitriol. For three years he has thrown a match onto the embers and he acts and speaks and tweets with such disdain and such disregard for humanity.

And now here we are – fear manifested: we can’t touch or hug or love each other in person. We can’t visit loved ones who are sick, we can’t fly to see friends who hold our hearts in their hands, we can’t go to concerts or movies or festivals or restaurants. We can’t fall in love and hold that human – who we have waited for – in our arms. We isolate and hibernate and keep a distance. We wear masks and gloves and stand six feet apart and those who are dying from this horrific pandemic are now six feet under. Six feet, how ironic.

Here’s the good shit:

We get to wake the fuck up.

We get to wake up to our own heart, our own desires, our wants and our needs and think about what it is we want this world, our world, to look like – how we want it to look and feel and smell like. Because right now we get to sit with our own lives, our own hearts and souls and decide how we want to live from this moment on. From this moment on. Right now we get to choose a different path, choose a different mate if the one we’re with is causing us grief or abusing us, abusing the privilege of our lives; right now we get to say no, no more, to what and who causes us suffering & unwanted pain, we get to say yes to what and who we have wanted but have been afraid of wanting, right now we get to awaken that very thing that has been laying dormant in our bodies and our souls because other folks didn’t think it or us were good enough. Fuck that. Right now, while we are sitting in our homes or apartments or on a bench outside inhaling some fresh air – isolating, hibernating, keeping the world at bay, at arms length – we get to have personal time to go in deep and excavate and bring out what we have abandoned, what we left for dead, what we gave up on; that dream, that human, that creative path, that piece of writing that needs to be written or rewritten, that canvas that needs some color, the piano that needs tinkling, that song that needs to be written and sung, that dance that needs a bit more choreography, that voice that needs to be heard.

So let’s try to stop worrying incessantly – I know, almost impossible – and let’s put the fear in a corner somewhere for the time being – I know, I know, it’s the “when hell freezes over” concept – but still, let’s try and let’s find the beauty within our own lives and start thinking about who we wanna be and what we want this world to look like and how we want to live and how we wanna love because when this virus slows down and starts to retreat we – we, the humans – get to create a better world for everyone – everyone – and please, for the sake of all fuck, do not let anyone, not one soul, ever tell you again that you can’t do or be what you have dreamed of doing and being your entire life because now, right now, is the opportunity for us to stand in that truth.

The life that you led that you did not like, that no longer fit you, that needed to expand and grow but was kept in a small little box – that life you do not have to go back to; let us all create a bigger and better life because the worst that can happen is that we go back to mediocrity and the fear that is the very foundation of this Presidential regime.

Be fucking huge.

A post from FB worth reading 3_25_20

Reposted from a nurse.

Tonight is the last night that I’ll hug my kid’s goodnight until god knows when. Their things are packed and lining the hallway because tomorrow they will go to stay with my best friend and her husband.

My floor is now a main suspected Covid 19 floor and it means that the odds of being exposed over and over again are now a 100% guarantee. So I just wanted to talk to everyone stuck at home with your family, bored out of your mind and itching to get out. A little perspective is sometimes all you need to feel grateful for the things you have that others don’t.

Starting with my shift tomorrow, I’ll come home from work and I’ll strip naked and put everything straight into the washing machine on sanitize mode. I’ll use a Clorox wipe to clean anything I touched in the process. I’ll then take the towel that my husband has left for me and use it to walk to my master bedroom covered up. In there, a room that nobody else is allowed to enter after today, I’ll shower on hot. After my shower I’ll sanitize everything I touched again, then hand sanitize and get dressed.

I’ll have been using the same single disposable face mask for a minimum of an entire shift and I can’t be sure that the moisture from my breath didn’t render the mask ineffective. So I must treat myself as though I have it and am contagious.

I’ll get to talk to my kids via phone, but I won’t get to touch anyone I love. It’s the only way I can protect them. I’ll probably have to assure Evan for the millionth time, that mommy will stay safe. I’ll have to pry to get Cody to talk about his feelings. I’ll worry constantly that Tyler will act out his feelings, he internalized so much! And Brenna, she’s lucky that she’s too little to understand what’s going on. When that’s done, I’ll give the kids air hugs and wish them goodnight. I know their safe and loved where they’re going!

This will be my life, every day. Even my days off (until those are no more) because I could be contagious before showing symptoms. So until this thing is gone, my reality will look a lot different. I’ll probably hug my co-workers because they are just as dirty as me, but at a time of heaviness, I won’t be able to receive the human touch of love from the people who I love the most. For weeks, for months, who knows- that part is in the hands of the American public.

So my ask of you is this, as you sit at home with your children on your laps snuggled up watching a movie- please end this thing quickly by not going out unless absolutely necessary. My arms stay empty every day that you don’t. I go to bed alone every day that community spread is still a thing. Stay home. Hug your children, sleep with your spouse, sip wine from a long-stemmed glass and give thanks for the things that you can still do that some of us can’t. I’m doing my part.

Please do yours.

From Michele Samit

Public Service Announcement:
DON’T listen to President Trump, AKA Dr. Death.
He will get you and those you love killed.
DON’T listen to other members of his death squad, AKA his fascist administration, AKA the evil regime.
DO listen to Dr. Fauci
DO listen to Gov. Cuomo, AKA Rock Star
Do listen to Gov Newsom
Do listen to Mayor Garcetti
DO listen to Rep. Harley Rouda
? Possibly listen to Huntington Beach mayor Lyn Semeta, but she’s been inconsistent, so only listen to her when she follows the advice of the experts.
In a nutshell, please feel free to listen to ANYONE who advises you to stay at home.
PS: I put most of the money from the sale of my house into the stock market, and even though I am no longer looking at balances, I know it is falling daily. Even so, lives are more important than dollars. Staying home is the only thing that will save lives. We’ll figure out the rest later.
Stay home. Stay safe. Stay healthy!
Be kind.


From My Brother _Joel Moss


Something unseen
That knows no border
Merely trying to survive
Has taken hold
And challenged us
To try to stay alive
And I wonder
At the distance we must keep
If this living
Will change the way we love
And sleep
And dance and trust
And count our worth
If the time is ripe
To pay the price
Of our hubris here, on Earth
For those who may survive
If the rebuild for tomorrow
Is crafted by important men of note
Citing hopelessness and sorrow
As bandied items of the day
And war and hate and enterprise
Are the shrines to which they pray
We will have wasted our fair warning
Even the least schooled can plainly see
That the way we humans live
Is not the way life’s meant to be