Coaching Exercises and Ideas!
Before you choose to work with a therapist, or a coach, or join a support Group, you must begin by trusting and liking yourself. If you don’t have compassion for yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to see your value.
Begin with the following tools:
- Self-kindness is the first step.
- This involves soothing your hurts and not waiting for someone else to wave a magic wand.
- There are no magic wands!
- Be aware of the commonality of your challenges amongst your community. You are not alone. (Listen to AVOID the Maze – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/avoid-the-maze/id1619332196)
- Note guests that have been on a life journey like yourself, and you will note you are not alone.
- Be mindful of facing your challenges and selecting the opportunities that will lead you to your next challenge.
- Life is challenging and we all must live it.
When you put these three tools together you will be more capable of completing each step as you move towards your goal.
Asking for help/assistance/guidance and mentoring you need to be prepared. Not everyone will be a good fit to help you walk through your journey.
A coach will never (or should never) tell you what to do or how to do it. A coach will set up scenarios and offer you options while asking you in-depth questions so you can make your choices. It is imperative that you hold the reigns and if your horse runs in the ‘wrong direction’ you have the power to tug and direct them back on your path.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Are you socializing or are you waiting to socialize? What is your motivation or what is preventing you from becoming motivated? Humans are not meant to be alone (according to science). We need connections and note not all will be your BFF. You’ve heard the phrase, “The family you have been born in is not the choice you made.” For most of us we are connected to our family members because they established themselves in our life from our day of birth. However, family may be extended, which means friends you make through school, work, spiritual connections, etc. That is why it is paramount for each of us to identify our purpose and seek like minded people who will enhance us as we too will contribute to them.
- Take a moment, who is in your inner circle?
- Why have you chosen or accepted this person or people to be part of your inner circle to help form your core?
- Are you willing to connect with negative people just to be part of their circle?
- How do you meet people?
Even married couples need to ask themselves this same question. You may be married to your best friend but is it enough, and what if????
The phrase, “Variety is the spice of life,” is valid we all need a little Ying to our Yang or Yang to our Yin.
The process of meeting and engaging with new people is not easy and yet you would think with the internet it would be easier, however, what you see or what you read may not be valid and so it is wise to be careful and even skeptical. However, that does not mean you cannot find someone to be part of your inner or outer core to connect with.
I am hearing from my Millennial clients as well as my Boomers that the world is a lonely place. We are making it lonely if we don’t attempt to engage and learn to be safe. Create safe zones, meet in public and when in public smile, be friendly and make connections.
Do you go to a Starbucks, Panera, or local coffee shop, if so, shine your light by saying hi to people and making small talk. This may be a one-time conversation, but it can curb the loneliness. One time conversation may build if you see this person the next time you are in this space.
Be honest with yourself and the people you know. It’s ok to admit your loneliness or aloneness. If others don’t know what you are looking for, they can’t help you find it.
Reach out to me – I understand loneliness and I push myself to find what I need not to feel alone.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Have you ever heard of the GLAD TECHNIQUE? I have to admit I had not before today. Even as a coach I am learning new concepts and challenging myself to optimize my toolbox. GLAD is an acronym, it seems we are living in a world of acronyms, but this one might lead us to that HAPPINESS state of mind.
G = Gratitude
L = Learning
A = Accomplishment
D = Delighted
There once was a time that gratitude did not surface into my mindset, I was so busy gratifying others I was overwhelmed, burned out and angry.
Therapy, coaching, and surrounding myself with positive/authentic motivators I began to understand the what gratitude was and how much I have to be grateful for. (more on this later!)
I once thought learning was difficult for me until I returned to college when I turned 58 years evolving. I dropped the word old from my age and found new opportunities for learning and exploring life.
Receiving both my Bachelor’s and Master’s License with honors, the stigma of difficulty faded away.
Growing up I dreamt of achieving but I never experienced it in the manner I do today. Accomplishments need not be award winning recognition, they may be as simple as learning to be happy and enjoying each breath we take.
Once I stopped looking for the approval of others, I began to see what I was capable of doing and I have continued to challenge myself to go one more step.
I used to believe I was not worthy and when you have that belief system it is difficult to feel gratitude, learning, or your accomplishments. However, I am delighted to see the forest for the trees. Today I am experiencing life one morsel at a time.
My GLAD has provided me the opportunity to COACH and lead others to GLAD!
I am challenging you to do the following:
Share with me one ‘thing’ you have gratitude for, big, small, or minute.
Share with me what you are learning about your challenges and options.
Share with me one accomplishment and it need not be earth shattering.
Share your Delight with me in your new knowledge of GLAD.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Does your brain ever wander into the crevices of the unknown causing you unnecessary anxiety and stress. Well, if not, you must be a perfect specimen of humanity, and I am not sure that specimen exists. So let me share what I am referring to:
- You call a friend or text them and you don’t get a response. Initially you think nothing of it until you call or text again and there is still no reply. Do you begin to wonder, “what did I do?”, “what did I say”, “why am I being ignored”? Well, I’ve been done this road many times and assume (Assume means making an Ass of You and Me!) it must be my fault and I spend hours of my 168 hours in the week taking responsibility and worrying.
- Have you ever tried to do something special for someone, only to have them angry at you for your effort? My mother related a story to me that she and neighbor tried to do a nice thing for our landlord (this is 60+ years ago). His name was Charlie, and he was a single dad of a young teenage boy. Charlie’s flat was a mess with piles of newspapers and clutter throughout. My mother and her friend Phyllis went into his home (those were the days when we kept our doors unlocked) and cleaned it/scoured it and made it clean and beautiful. When Charlie came home, he was angry, he liked his home the way it was, he didn’t see or mind the clutter, but he did mind the organization and the smell of cleaning supplies. My mother and Phyllis thought they were doing Charlie a favor when in fact the anxiety of his messy clutter there’s to own or not.
In both of these scenarios we allow our brains to work overtime and if we only have 168 hours in a week, why are we wasting hours concerned over something we don’t know or have control over. (Just so you know Charlie got over his anger, and my mother and Phyllis ignored his mess.) I share this concept with you because we all complain that we don’t have enough hours in a day or a week to get out “STUFF” done. The reality is we all have the same amount of time in the day and a week that it is to our advantage to learn to use the time wisely. So, what does wisely mean?
“Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things” (unknown)
Yesterday is an example of using 8 out of the 24 hours in the day to be idle. As beautiful as it was outside with the sun shining (although cold), I chose to enjoy the sunlight from inside my home. I took personal time to lazily relax on my bed with the sunlight pouring in my window while I cuddled under a blanket and binged watch ‘something’ on TV. Most days I would consider this frivolous, and I would have allowed my thoughts of what I thought I should do put me in overload. But not yesterday, I used the tools in my toolbox, and I released those thoughts of need and chose what I once would have considered nothingness. What I did was true selfcare including choosing not to cook dinner, releasing a responsibility that typically falls on my shoulders. I am learning not to feel guilty for enjoying my time.
When we allow our minds to wander into those crevices of the unknown, we create messages that we feed our brain, and too often those messages are based on something we may have heard or thought in the past. Being mindful of what is and isn’t, can take us from misconstrued thoughts to reality. So let us all learn to clear our thoughts, stop the assumptions, and live in reality!
A wonderful quote from the late Joan Rivers: “I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive. Things are happening.”
My father stressed to all who would listen to enjoy living, take the good with the bad and allow your mind to see the positive even in the worst of circumstances.
And the playwright George Bernard Shaw said: “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
When ANGER becomes a Problem!
Anger is a normal emotional reaction to something that we do not like or disagree with. AI defines it as: Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance or upset that can be caused by something wrong or bad. It can also be described as a strong feeling of displeasure and opposition toward someone or something.”
According to my communications training and certification in Coaching, there are five major underlying feelings of anger:
However, in coaching we discuss the reasons for these feelings and how we each have the ability to change our reactions. (Not easy, it takes work, but it is possible.)
First let’s agree or admit to our anger.
Second let’s acknowledge the impact this emotional feeling is having on ourselves as well as other people and situations.
Third it is important to apologize for our reactions (not feelings) and find the path to resolution.
Fourth, take action to correct the actions caused by the anger.
What is Angering you? Is it a person? Is it a situation? Is it something you have control over?
Write out your anger/or if you are like me type it out and keep it as a record.
Is there something else triggering your Anger, or is it specifically in regard to a person and or situation that affects you?
Write out your answer and begin with what caused you to get angry – was it an impulse or through a thought process.
How does your body feel when you are angry? What hurts and is it a stationary discomfort or does it travel throughout your body? Can you make the pain go away and how?
Write out your pain levels identifying how they escalate and where in your body they begin and travel.
Ask yourself, do you like the emotional and physical sensations you have over this anger? What are you willing to do to release these sensations?
Write out a list of emotional and physical symptoms and how you are willing to reduce and or release them.
Begin with these simple steps and if you need additional assistance and support to work through your anger contact #yesican coaching with Karen.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
To make changes in your life it starts with getting up!
Create a purpose and a reason for the change. If the change is to lose weight center, it around eating healthier and being mindful of the foods you need to eat to become healthier. Did you know that healthy eating habits not only contribute to weight loss but also for those that may need to gain weight. Do not fill your body with the junk that decreases your odds for a more positive outlook on tomorrow.
Practice a form of mediation whether it be a formal conscious time filled with spiritual icons and added incense or a walk-through nature listening to the sounds of your feet, the birds or animals in the trees and bushes around you. Mediation can take a second or more…deep breath and refresh your body, soul, and mind!
The practice of yoga whether using a mat or a chair all ages and all body and mind types can find the changes they may need.
Journaling has been my life starter. For many years I would journal in my mind and one day I began journaling on paper with pen and now I sit at my computer, and I share my thoughts and energy hoping to touch one person, maybe just myself. Put your thoughts and ideas down, keep them and reflect on them. Share them to help others and become comfortable in your thoughts.
Connect with other people. I know many of us have become intimidated due to the changing social norms. However, human beings are not meant to be hermits, isolated from others and in fact we have seen how isolation can lead to memory loss and early death. We are here on earth to live, and we can make the choice to be part of something bigger than ourselves.
Join a group whether it is a religious or spiritual organization or one where like-minded individuals share their thoughts, ideas, and DREAMS. The Ethel Group on Facebook has brought women 50 and up together. I have met women I would never have known, and many are in my community. Even if I have nothing in common with a member, I may learn something from them, and learning is part of our evolving into our best self!
As a Personal Change Coach, I live by my words and each day I see the sunshine…even during the cold grey winter skies.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
A week ago, we ended 2023 and now on the 6th day of 2024 it is time for you to get up and begin your journey through life with mindfulness.
I have spent time this past week looking through social media and I have seen everything from story book renditions of how many ushered out the old year, and in the new year. For my husband and I were asleep before the ball dropped in Time Square at 12:00 am EST. We are not party people although we can enjoy a party when it happens naturally, and we are not forced into it because the rest of the world expects us to.
Too often we get caught up in what others think. We are raised in an environment where advertising and social media influence us. Today it is a real job to be an influencer. An influencer is anyone who creates a large audience often through social media and engages them to receive their opinions, and behaviors. When I was growing up my mother directed me away from anyone that implied, I needed to follow in their footsteps. Mom would say, “If your friends told you to jump off a high bridge, would you?” My momma knew I had a fear of heights and she wanted to see if I would endanger myself following their advice. My response was ‘no’ because I was mindful of how I would feel and knew I had to make my own choices. But when it came to fashion or trying to test the waters of my independence, I tried to follow the recommendations of others who may not have my interests and needs to heart. Developing a true identity provides us with the ability to make choices for ourselves.
Influencers can provide a positive effect on us, but it can also cause negativity. It is important we understand where the message takes us both physically as well as mentally.
- Take a walk and observe your surroundings – listen to the sounds, birds, traffic, the voices of other people, the wind.
- Breathing and noticing how you sound deep inhale and long slow exhale – changes in your physical body and listen to your emotions.
- Mindful eating! It is easy and fun to grab junk food but it’s more important to listen and see how your body reacts to clean eating over junk eating. (We all love junk food.)
- Exercise, do something healthy for your body and visualize the changes you are achieving.
- Treat yourself as you want others to treat you.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Do you sabotage yourself? Traditionally many individuals choose to make resolutions for the first of the New Year, or they promise themselves they will start on Monday. However, the magic bullet is starting and not focusing on the new year or the day of the week. Often, we are afraid of breaking our resolutions, however most of us do before we even start. So, what is the secret? For me it’s not about setting a date and time, it’s about starting, and starting now. Instead of announcing I am trying to lose weight I work on eating less and healthier. Rather than focusing on making a change I focus on what is best at the moment and allowing myself to adapt, it is part of the path of mindfulness.
It can be easy to get thrown into the social media mayhem, believing you won’t be happy until you lose weight, get a better job, get married, have children, win the lottery…
However, it is important to focus on the reality of what you want and why you want it.
Albert Einstein was more than a brilliant quirky mathematician. This quote shows another side of him, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” —Albert Einstein
And to quote Michele Obama; “Always stay true to yourself. Never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals.”
The theme of these two quotes revolves around you and the person you are and maybe trying to become.
Developing self-efficacy is the key to finding yourself, liking who you are and understanding what it is you want to change. “Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments.”
- Do not change for anyone other than yourself.
- Be committed to your purpose in changing.
- Create a plan to reach and allow the plan to weave into a pattern that works for you.
- Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend, be honest and treat yourself with the respect you deserve.
- Journal your journey and reflect on it, allow for growth.
YOUR INNER CHILD –
It is still holiday time and if you are similar to me many thoughts of yesterday are flooding your memories. What was significant as a child, a teenager, a young adult, and now an evolving adult, often creep into our thoughts when we might remember how different (better or worse) those days were. As the youngest of three by the time I was old enough to understand New Year’s Eve., not only were my parents going out with friends, so were my brothers. More often than not I was home alone or babysitting. My senior year in high school the boy I was dating had asked someone prior to our dating out for New Year’s Eve and he felt it was the right thing to take her out. There was a huge teenager New Year’s Eve Party most of my friends were going to, including this boy. I wanted to go in the worst way, I was sad that he chose someone over me and who would consider taking me? I did get an invite at the last minute by a guy who was much shorter than me in flats, let alone heels. He was known as a nerd, and I was too proud or too insensitive to accept his invitation. I remember sitting in my room crying most of the night.
For years that inner childhood feeling of not being the chosen one by the person I wanted to be chosen by invaded not only my New Year’s but all holidays and special event days. The thoughts I threw at myself hurt even more than if someone was hurling them at me. It took me years to stop hurting myself and believing what I construed as a child and teenager.
My first New Year’s Eve date was with my fiancé. I remember my mother made me a very special outfit and I was dressed for sophistication. I thought my fiancé was going to be romantic and plan a special night but instead we went to a movie and out to dinner at a diner like restaurant. I felt crushed and wondered why I was being denied the excitement of New Year’s Eve. For the 7+ years we were married there was no magic and excitement on New Year’s Eve, and yet all my friends would brag about their special adventures ringing in the new year.
Many years later and with my current husband (of almost 40 years), we spent the evening with another couple that we were friends with. We went for a very nice dinner and to a hotel bar with entertainment. We were all dressed up and feeling festive until the waitress dumped a pitcher of iced tea on my husband lap- soaking wet and cold he went into the men’s room to dry off, but it was not to happen. It was 11 o’clock and we went home and at midnight we kissed, wished each other a Happy New Year, and went to sleep.
I took on the persona that I hated New Year’s Eve, and I was not deserving to celebrate like they do in Hallmark™ movies or like many of those who plaster Facebook with their beautiful lives.
The child inside of me would continue to show her sadness on this one night of the year, and for many years I would ask myself why I couldn’t, didn’t, celebrate like the masses.
If you are asking what this inner child is, it is a symbolic version of ourselves that lives in our subconscious. The feelings/thoughts need not always be negative or sad. The inner child can produce thoughts from our past experiences. We often think of these as memories, or our hopes and dreams filled or unfulfilled.
Positive Intelligence taught me how to talk to my inner child. The picture in mind is a toddler in a red organdy pinafore with a heart on the front. I look happy and perfect, and yet my memories are not from that time but later on when I developed into the gawky stages of life and referring to the picture of me, but with all the self-disparagements that I chose to feel. I know talk to that the little girl and remind her that she lived a ‘normal’ life; there were many wonderful experiences and some not so wonderful, but she has grown into a strong loving independent woman. That little girl is part of me as is that gawky older version of myself.
Sometimes I channel those feelings. Not to feel the hurt but to feel the strength the gains and love I have for myself.
Connecting with my younger self has provided me with tools to achieve and maintain happiness.
Ask yourself these questions:
- How did your younger self feel?
- Do those younger feelings define who you are today?
- Do you want to feel like your younger self?
- How did the situation affect me, and do you have the ability to change it today?
- Could someone else have helped me through these feelings?
- How can you support your life and feelings today – are you building a toolbox?
- Can you accept you may not have had the tools/the maturity to change before now?
- Can you accept that sometimes you react based on the feelings of your inner child?
We all have the ability to be happy…Are you ready to take the next step?
Sending you all wishes for a Happy, Healthy, and Wonderful 2024!
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Have you been cheating your creative mind. Are you convinced that you don’t have a creative bone in your body. (By the way, bones are not creative, that is just a phrase.) If you believe you have nothing to offer, then it’s possible you have not identified your purpose. For most of my life I believed I had zero talent, in fact I identified talent as someone who is artistic, someone who has musical abilities whether vocal or instrumental. I looked up to my father and brothers who were/are wordsmiths. Writing, delivery, and presentation brought out their creative juices.
My father not only wrote poetry and lyrics (not professionally), he also was a carpenter and furniture designer, (not professionally). My mother was a seamstress and designed clothing not only for herself as well as for me, but she was also known in her social circles as the MAVIN of Creation. She also was an astute baker and was called upon by many to prepare baked goods for others.
I felt like the wallflower not knowing what it was I might be good and creative at. I was afraid to explore and share what I thought might be my creative side fearing failure, rejection, and mocking. However, as I have explored my inner self coming to terms with my best self, I have found my creative ‘bone’. Throughout my school days I participated in Glee Club/Choir and loved being one of many voices. I loved singing and performing and thought one day I will use this skill/creative ability. That same year I fell in love with the creation of artwork, and I designed some pieces that began to rebuild my confidence that I may be creative and have a talent to cultivate.
I did not follow the path of drawing, painting, or sculpting but three significant pieces I created when I was 17 remind me that I am like the little engine as I repeat, “I think I can, I think I can!”
Writing did not come easy for me until 20 years ago when I chose to put together a work of love designing and writing a cookbook with stories of my mother’s favorite recipes. When I completed this project and shared it with my parents I realized, it’s more than thinking I can, it’s I can, and I will!
“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Creativity has allowed me to experiment and feel successful even if the end product is not perfect. I can put it aside and when ready modify it or resurrect it for a later time and place.
- Find your creativity – become a divergent thinker -allow yourself to find various options for one idea. Do not let self-judgment deter you.
- Become a free-form thinker, do not depend on what may be obvious, allow for innovation. Allow your thinking to produce quantity, quality will develop itself.
- Feel the challenge and the opportunity you are providing yourself. Share your ideas and take them to the next level.
- Allow for collaboration and elaboration despite how farfetched your thoughts may go; the strangest ideas may be your most creative ones!
#YESICAN coaching with KAREN
440 526 1530
The Gift of Self
What do you need to know about COACHING? As identified, I am a coach, not a therapist or social worker. My services to you do not include medical advice or treatment. If I believe that those services may be beneficial, I will share that information with you as my client, however it will be your personal choice whether to seek any additional help out. The majority of my clients come to me because they want to make better choices. As humans we often get in a rut doing the same thing over and over again and we are lucky if we are treading water and keep our heads held high. However, coaching can help us find our way back to the shore and once there keep ourselves actively moving in the right direction. What is right for you may not be for me, and that is the way it should be. So is time for you to identify what you want and need to change?
Begin by asking yourself:
- What are my needs?
- Take one at a time
- How can I or how do I want to meet that need?
- What are the needs of others that are in my control?
- Consider one at a time
- Remember you can only be responsible if this is in your control.
- How can I ensure they are met?
- Acknowledge your willingness to make a change.
- Acknowledge only what is in your control.
- Acknowledge your responsibility to yourself.
Here are a few examples:
- You are feeling overwhelmed. Your personal and social life feels like a failure to you. You may be blaming others for this and instead of being mindful of the situation and seeing it one segment of a time, you are trying to fix everything at once.
- You have not planned for what feels like a financial failure. Maybe you have lost your job or have had trouble finding a decent paying job, ask yourself what you could do differently. Be honest with yourself because often the problem is you have been doing things the same way over and over and that may not be the best solution. Be creative and think about another path you may walk down to rescue yourself and rebuild your financial future. (I am not saying you will be earning 6 figures in no time, but you can find a solution to paying your bills.)
- Your family has always rescued but they are not willing to rescue you now – create your own rescue mission with the guidance of your coach. Create a new mindset for self-care and development.
We all have been on the downside but if we believe in ourselves, we can climb out of the pit we have fallen into. You must want to make a change.
It may be the Holiday season and we often believe happiness and self-gratification comes in the form of pretty wrapped things. The best gift you can give yourself and those around you is becoming the best version of yourself. You have the tools, and together I can help you uncover them.
“Waiting to be happy limits our brain’s potential for success, whereas cultivating positive brains makes us more motivated, efficient, resilient, creative, and productive, which drives performance upward.”
— Shawn Achor
Kindness – do you know how to be kind?
Is it possible for us to learn how to be kind in what may feel like an unkind environment. Listening to the news can turn your kind feelings into not-so-kind emotions.
If we can each take the time from a few seconds or more to meditate. To mediate we “think deeply or carefully about something.” It is training ourselves to take a bad thought/feeling and see it as a good thought/feeling. Don’t tell me it’s not possible, because it is. However, we must want to be kind to ourselves. If not, we will continue to see the negativity not just in this feeling, but it will spill over into other sensations as well.
So how do we practice kind meditation.
- Do not set expectations, perfection is only in Hallmark™ movies, this is part of the journey you are traveling forward on.
- The positive thoughts and emotions you are seeking may be hidden, it’s OK, with practice of self-care you will see the sunshine on the negative views that may still be in your line of sight.
- Practicing meditation self-care will reduce pain and suffering if you allow for mindfulness.
- Allow meditation to take you to another place, this is a mindful vacation.
- Create mantras that will assist you to reach mindfulness. g. “Allow me to reach peaceful space”; “Let me find a sense of happiness”; “Let me release my worries”. (The mantra is not an absolute.)
- Use your mantras when you believe you are facing a situation that may increase your anxiety. (If you need more help you may need to discuss this with a medical professional. Anxiety is natural but when it leads to depression it is time to seek out your medical team.)
- Self-care meditation may be your Apple – “An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor away.
**This morning I was hit with a sense of overwhelming anxiety. I am the rock for my family but even a rock has emotions and can feel mentally and physically consumed. A few seconds / minutes away from my desk, restating to myself, “This too shall pass,” while looking out my window and taking in the seasonal changes, I was able to pull myself together and some deep breathing was beneficial too. It is my form of cleanse. **
Building a Positive Relationship!
- Do you know how to build a positive relationship?
- Are you too busy to identify your skills before making a commitment?
- Do you have a toolbox?
- Do you put the time into creating relationships?
- Do you believe all your friends on Facebook, Instagram, X, or any other social media form are your friends?
- How many BFF’s do you have?
- Would you choose yourself to be your friend?
If we answer these questions openly and honestly allowing our vulnerable self to be exposed most of us may answer these questions incorrectly.
Let me begin with #7, “Would you choose yourself to be your friend?” If your answer is ‘no’ you must ask the next question, WHY? If you answer ‘yes’, identify the reasons why you would choose you.
(You must like yourself, not in a boastful conceited manner but genuinely for the positive attributes you bring into a friendship/relationship.)
Answer #5 honestly, “Do you believe all your friends on Facebook, Instagram, X, or any other social media form are your friends?” Having 1000+ BFF’s is impossible. In fact, if we are truthful, we may feel a connection or kinship with these friends and followers, but it is not humanly possible to be intimately acquainted with all of these connections.
In order to build a real relationship, you must begin with getting to know yourself. Take the time to appreciate your positives and negatives. We all have negatives we can turn into positives with honesty. Accept your vulnerable emotions as you evolve. You will need to put some work into this, be patient with yourself, take the time you need, this is your journey.
Learn to set boundaries, you need to draw lines in the sand to develop a healthy mental, emotional, and physical presence. When you speak, remember to listen. Listen to learn not necessarily to respond. Let go of what doesn’t work. Journaling and making lists may help this process, sometimes it is necessary to see the words in print. Release your need to control, sometimes it is more beneficial to let others lead, reducing additional stress and anxiety.
The key words in developing a relationship include Empathy – “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”; Honesty – “the refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way”; Responsibility – “the state or fact of being accountable’.
Remember we are not seeking perfection, we are creating tools to help us reach these achievements to ensure that we live our best lives.
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
“How do you relax, de-stress, or re-energize?” Is it important to take some down?
We all need to take care of ourselves before we care about others. Remember the message the flight crew gives before takeoff if the oxygen masks are released place your mask on first before assisting another person. The same is true when it comes to our family or work, we will not be productive if we are stressed, overwhelmed, as well as physically and mentally exhausted.
It is important that we understand our personal tendencies and the behavior we demonstrate when we do not provide ourselves with self-care.
There are many techniques we can use and add to our toolbox.
- Use an activity to help de-stress, a walk, exercise, yoga, something that provides you with a sense of healing.
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and a deep breath out – you may want to do this several times.
- Journaling, identify three positive things that take the weight off your shoulder, can help you mentally refocus.
- Ask yourself important questions, become mindful of your thoughts and seek positivity.
- Laugh, Laughter Therapy is real, we can provide our own laughter therapy allowing ourselves to think of something funny or listening or watching something that ignites laughter.
- Partner with someone to help you remain accountable to relax, slow down, and smell the roses and listen to the sounds of nature.
- Try a massage or going to a SPA or creating your own SPA time at home.
These are just ideas that each of us can do and at little to no cost. If we don’t, we will find ourselves physically and mentally ill and known of us want to push ourselves into that spot.
Looking for a coach to help you reach your goals, destress, finding your personal answers?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
What are you waiting for? You’ve been struggling with something, and you want to make a change. Well guess what, I’ve been there (even there now) and I’ve done something about it.
In 2011 my husband was diagnosed as a Diabetic II and to assist him on his journey I changed what I cooked and what garbage I did not bring into the house. I knew I could not change my husband, but I could make the changes, at least in the home that would benefit us both. I was almost 100 lbs. too heavy and with cutting out sugar and poor snack options I lost 100 lbs. Funny this is the way I carried my weight it was noticed that I lost but no one suspected it was that much. I stayed at the health weight of 160 for 2 plus years. But in 2013 I was faced with depression, and it was not what I was eating it was the medication I was on that I ballooned by 25 lbs. and could not drop it. In 2021 I was placed on additional medication for an immune disorder and that medication packed on another 25 lbs. I was fighting the weight but not losing it and felt miserable when I looked in the mirror.
February 2023, I decided to begin exercising moderately and to cut out calories that were not healthy and I am succeeding. I am down 24 lbs., and this is now my lifestyle. Even with Thanksgiving and traveling not sticking to the best choices I maintained my weight and today I am back at my routine. I have given a couple of friends permission to ask me how my journey is going and to be my encouragement to keep living a healthier lifestyle.
Some people join Weight Watchers™ and others use NOOM™, I am using “Lose IT” and the judge that resides in me. Being two sizes down makes me feel beautiful. We all need to make our life’s journey our own and that means something different for you than it might be for me. With that said, what is it that you want to change, or what is the one thing you have wanted to do and haven’t. No more excuses! We are never too old to be the person we want to be.
When we set goals, it improves our motivation. When we improve our motivation, it improves our self-confidence and self-confidence provides us with the energy to fulfill our purpose.
- WHAT is YOUR PURPOSE? Take a sheet of paper and start writing down what you see as your purpose. Keep writing, let the images flow to the paper.
- NOW Go Through the List and start the comments/points you truly believe lead you to your purpose.
- YOU NEED A PLAN -With out a thoroughly thought-out plan, you cannot conceive or structure your goals to meet your purpose.
- DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES – what you think you CAN’T DO is only a challenge. There are several options to get to the top of the mountain. We all can reach the peak!
- Turn CAN’T into CAN – ask for assistance and listen to how others have met similar challenges.
- DO NOT ASSUME YOU WILL FOLLOW the SAME PATH – it’s OK to choose your own path to achievement.
If you would like assistance to move forward:
#yesican coaching with Karen
What are Your STRENGTHS
Do character strengths matter?
Your character strengths identify your true self, including your vulnerabilities. If you are mindful of your strengths and use them to supplement your weaknesses it is almost like having superpowers. Individuals who key into their strengths often create more meaningful relationships, as well as setting and achieving important goals. Being mindful helps you avoid distractions.
You can use your strengths to better yourself. Once you are aware of them you can start using them. Allow yourself to use your ability to build up your weaknesses to enhance your future results.
How can you identify your strengths?
- Reflect on a past experience that you succeeded at.
- What tools did you use?
- Ask friends and family what their perception is.
- Be prepared for some direct honesty.
- Take Assessments.
- Google Strength Assessments – some are free/some have a cost association.
- Analyze your goals.
- Are these your goals?
- Have these goals been assigned to you?
- Track your progress.
- Celebrate the steps of achievement.
- Practice Mindfulness.
- Are you thinking linearly?
- Are you jumping from one thought to another.
- Set reachable goals.
- Do not overextend yourself.
- Use logic and reasoning when setting your goals.
- Accept constructive criticism from others as well as yourself.
- Being mindful of your vulnerability will help your structure.
As a coach I can assist you in assessing your strengths and strengthening your weaknesses, but you will do the work.
Contact #YESICAN coaching with Karen email@example.com
440 526 1530
Rocks, Pebbles, Sand, and Water
(A special thank you to Seph Fontane Pennock, the co-founder of PositivePscychology.com)
#yesican Coaching with Karen
Is there something that you have control over that you could possibly spend less time doing to give yourself some added, “me time”?
We are all looking for that extra time we claim we don’t have. It is true we all have the same amount of time in our weeks, 168 hours. It is up to us to use those hours mindfully. It is essential for us to be self-aware and discipline ourselves to avoid excessive temptations that too often deplete us of time. (Do you ever get distracted and off course?)
My coaches remind me of the metaphor of filling the jar with small particles like sand and pebbles I will not have room for the rocks, and the rocks are the most important tasks to complete. However, if we add the rocks first to ensure we accomplish those tasks then the pebbles, next the sand, we may have room for the water.
If we focus on the rocks first, ‘tasks’, we may be able to eliminate some of the pebbles, sand, and water providing us with that extra time called, “me time”. The time for self-care, reflection, sometimes for a little more sleep. (Often time the pebbles, sand, and water have been accomplished by the rocks.)
Mindfulness allows us to see what is important and what is not. Too often we over fill our jar to prove to ourselves and others how accomplished we are in being busy. But we must ask ourselves what does busy work accomplish? (Do you believe you have to be busy to be noted as accomplished?)
Contact: #YESICAN coaching with Karen @ firstname.lastname@example.org
440 526 1530
“What are your communication blind spots?” (A special thank you to Seph Fontane Pennock, the co-founder of Positive Psychology.com)
- Do you listen to be heard _with responsiveness?
- Do you hear but not comprehend because you are not listening?
- Do you listen with your eyes and get distracted?
- Or do you listen with your eyes in an observant manner?
- Are you judgmental when listening to another person speak or are you mindful that differences are an opportunity to learn from?
- Are you judging yourself as harshly as you may judge another?
- Before responding to a dialogue do you ask for clarification or do you make assumptions.
To obtain good communication skills it may take CHANGE and most humans fight change. Once they are set in their ways, they often believe that change is not necessary. In order to communicate effectively we must understand SPEAKING, WRITING, LISTENING, and READING. (These basics are taught in our homes and schools!) In addition to becoming efficient in the four forms of communication it is imperative that we understand the non-verbal communication we receive and participate in.
As a coach I can assist and guide you through the communication skills you are using today and how they may be refined to provide you with the results you are seeking.
Contact me at email@example.com or call 440-526-1530.
We all experience stress and for some stress is that added release of energy that pushes our mind and body to perform. For others stress causes a chemical reaction that can stop us in our tracks and produce what many have labeled foggy brain. When your brain is foggy it is difficult to stop the sensations that are causing these feelings.
There are methods to reduce stress and to prevent it, but we must be mindful and understand our bodies, thoughts, and the emotions created.
- Staying active produces endorphins that provide us with feel-good chemicals. The more positive energy you produce will allow well contented feelings to move you through the stress.
- When faced with stress taking deep breaths – you’ve heard of counting to 10 – well it works if you allow yourself the permission to slow down…
- When emotionally stressed, when everything looks bleak – write or type out the things you are grateful for. Often, it’s the little things like the sunshine or the soft sounds of rhythmic rain. Or maybe it’s a childhood memory that brings a smile to your heart.
- Laugh – laughter lightens our moods- listen to something funny- stream a comic or the sounds of children laughing, or just force yourself to laugh with a little giggly and growing it from the deep crevices of your diaphragm.
- Listen to music that you enjoy – let the music sway you or dance to it – releasing the pain physical and emotional that stress can cause.
- Reach out and talk to someone – someone who will listen and allow you to talk without judgement.
- Find something meaningful whether through religion or another form of spirituality. Mother Nature can lead you to peace of mind.
- Don’t remain isolated, surround yourself with like individuals and actively find your positive purpose.
- Appreciate nature, step outside, and feel the heat, the cold, the rain, the snow, the softness of the grass, the singing birds, or the stay animal, all of which can bring you joy.
– according to the Oxford Dictionary the definition is, “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome. We all have problems/challenges, and opportunities to face these situations head on. However, too many of us, me included, have felt at least once in our lifetime that our problems are worse than anyone else’s. However, if we do not resolve the problem, we are faced with it will be compounded with another and yet another and we will find ourselves in a tornado of destruction.
To resolve the issues that can cause us to end up in a downward spiral it is essential for us to be mindful and know when to ask for assistance and when we should stop being our worst enemy and judge.
What if you fell down and skinned your knee, what would you do? Ignoring it may make it worse and become infected, however cleaning it with an antiseptic and bandaging it may allow it to heal without repercussions. Again, if you fell and your skinned knee was not the only injury you incurred, if ignored you are allowing yourself to compound your problem into PROBLEMS. (Defined by the dictionary, “make (something bad) worse; intensify the negative aspects of.”)
Humans, you, and me, tend to ignore our problems, or we intensify them waiting for someone else to fix us. Most of our problems do need medical attention, instead we must learn how to reduce the cause and effect. Often this can be done through counseling or coaching. When reaching out to a professional to guide us, it requires honesty and vulnerability when seeking guidance. It is important for us to find the inner truth rather than placing blame on something or someone else.
We are not perfect human specimens and sometimes it feels easier to place the blame on someone else, parents, spouses, children, co-workers, bosses, etc.
It’s my parent’s fault I had an accident in their car. (Who was driving the car and how is it their fault?)
It’s my spouse’s fault that I am paying the bills late, he told me to do it! (Why did your spouse say this, and why did you listen?)
Your child takes money from your wallet – you told them too. (You go to pay at the grocery store, and you don’t have the money you thought you did, and you blame your child -who told them to take the money?)
You ask your co-worker to help you with a project and they make a mistake. (You blame them before you accept the fact, they were helping you and maybe they didn’t have all the information they needed- is it their fault?)
I could go on and on with examples, we tend to want to make ourselves innocent of the problems/burdens we are carrying on our shoulders. The more we carry the more we tend to blame others for not understanding our circumstances. Most of the time our circumstances are due to not facing the first problem before we incurred another.
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives… Begin by resolving one problem. Take the first step and lessen the weight you are carrying on your back. Release the blame on others and find comfort in the fact you can lessen your own problems.
Many of us needed guidance so reach out – as a coach I will guide you to find your answers…
#YESICAN coaching with Karen – firstname.lastname@example.org or 440 526 1530.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care is more than taking an hour of your day every eight weeks to get your color, cut, or redesigned.
Self-care is much more than taking a day off of work when you wake up with a fever of 101+.
Self-care is “a conscious act that people take to promote your own physical, mental, and emotional health.” Self-care I necessary to be part of our daily routine like brushing our teeth, eating, and sleeping.
Too often we sacrifice our need for sleep for work plus the additional personal commitments we have that include shopping, cooking, laundry, and other necessary chores to ensure our quality of life. However, if we don’t find time to have fun and enjoy the little (and sometimes) big things in life, none of those other things are worthwhile.
For the majority of my life, I have been a workaholic and I thought that I was fulfilling my needs and obtaining my wants when in reality I was miserable while I played the game that all was perfect. However, I realized one day while sitting in a team meeting at work that I was only fooling myself. My supervisor asked what should have been an easy question to answer. The question was, ‘what is your favorite food?’ Everyone in the group answered describing savory foods and when it was my turn all I could think of was a bagel. I remember feeling foolish, but most of all sad that I was so busy being busy and trying to make others happy, I was not considering myself. I was ready to eat a plain dry bagel while watching others eat their favorite, pastas or Chicken Cordon Blue, or Broiled Lobster with warm drawn butter followed by delish desserts with names I have never heard of.
My zest food is fairly simple, however, I can now with honesty tell you that bagels are not on the top of my list. If someone were to ask me what my favorite foods are today, I would begin with Chinese, nothing too spicey but there are a variety of dishes that I sometimes crave. I also love Italian as well as French foods and it’s not about working to afford these foods. I will also admit I LOVE SALADS without or with meat added to them, an all-vegetarian salad can be the best meal for me!
My self-care includes identifying my time to sit and do my own manicure. I will carve out my time and let others know this is for me. I love to pamper myself; I don’t need someone to pamper me to have the time I need to be special. Being special is a state of mind, appreciating who I am and what I have to offer others. Self-care for me also includes binge watching TV, or binge reading a good book or listening to someone else’s podcast.
My husband and I also encourage self-care for our marriage and after many years of cheating ourselves out of date nights we encourage each other, and we date each other. Date night may be sitting and watching TV or going to the Comedy Club or enjoying a Dairy Queen™ together. We also take occasional overnight trips just to get away and not have the home responsibilities.
Self-care is important for our mental and physical health. This is an opportunity to remove ourselves from the everyday stress and change our pace if even just for an hour, a day or allowing it to evolve into a daily routine…Self-care is Self-love and that is not selfish it is necessary.
Take a moment and make a list of something you can do for yourself right now.
Take a moment and think about how you will feel.
Take a moment and plan your self-care routine…
The phrase, “Emotional Intelligence” is being bantered around!
Emotional Intelligence is important for anyone who wants to make a change in their life. Before we can successfully walk a new path it is vitally important that we understand why or what is, or was wrong with the path we were on? Our emotional intelligence is personal and unique (although it may be similar to others), it is our internal chemistry that fires off our thoughts and actions. However, if we become mindful of who we are and how we can eliminate many of the negative behaviors that may take us back into the maze of confusion, we will be establishing mindfulness.
I am my own personal expert who has struggled with my identity until I chose to embrace it. When I woke up one day and realized I could keep going down the path I was traveling and not listen to my gut, my heart, and all the pieces of my being that were inflamed, I might not reach my full potential and what a waste would that be, not just for me, but for the people I encounter in life.
Sadly, too many of us (worldwide) are drawn into belief systems taught by our families, communities as well as outside influences. If we are not mindful of what we are being taught and how we use that knowledge we may find ourselves experiencing emotions that we refuse to acknowledge. If we allow ourselves to connect to the sensations those emotions are causing, we can find the path that will enhance our journey.
- Learn the triggers- what makes you happy, sad, anxious, or lead to depression.
- Male or Female we all need to connect to our emotions, specifically those that cause a reaction.
- Being aware of our feelings provides us with the opportunity to maintain control, without being REACTIVE.
- When practiced, emotional intelligence can provide us with a positive action rather than a negative/destructive action.
- Learn to exercise control whether it is deep breathing, closing your eyes and creating a peaceful environment, excusing yourself and walking away, or finding a personal de-escalation method.
- Finding the positive in a negative situation/thought is healthier than zoning in on the negative.
- When triggered or stressed by a situation, being mindful of your reaction will provide you with more opportunities, some of which we may not see at the moment.
***If you would like to be coached through the practical step of Emotional Intelligence contact – #YESICAN coaching with Karen at email@example.com.
Have you ever made a mistake? If the answer is yes, you are HUMAN!
“All people commit sins and make mistakes. God forgives them, and people are acting in a godlike (divine) way when they forgive. This saying is from “An Essay on Criticism,” by Alexander Pope.”
If you are reading this you most likely are HUMAN, and your answer should be YES! Own your mistakes and learn from them.
“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” (The earliest recording of this proverb in print is from a book called The Court and Character of King James by Anthony Weldon, 1651). Fooling yourself makes you a fool!
Mistakes are a process of learning. The negative connotation that comes with a blunder needs to be reformulated into a positive which allows us to be mindful and resourceful in finding the resolution.
Do you remember answering a question on a test incorrectly? (Even the smart guys on Jeopardy make mistakes.) Sometimes that wrong answer is often called a ‘brain fart’ oops I forgot. Or maybe you just don’t know the answer and you guess it. Either way a mistake should be used as a learning tool and not an indictment.
“A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again.” – Roy H. Williams (1958-), U.S. author and marketing expert.
- Own your mistakes. Accept that you may not know something and take the opportunity to learn from it. Find the solution and if needed, ask for assistance or guidance. You don’t have to fail twice if you own up to it and take the steps to resolve it.
- Reframing is an important concept. Instead of throwing your hands up in the air claiming you are stupid for the error you committed, reframe your thinking. Use this as an opportunity to learn and teach. When you acknowledge your mistake, you can take action to make it right.
- Use your analytical brain. Ask yourself what was I trying to do, where did I go wrong, when did it go wrong, and why? (Maybe it wasn’t you!)
- What did you learn from this mistake. There is always a positive spin. Look for it, be mindful of it and work with it going forward.
- Stop punishing yourself for mistakes. If you can own up to it, reframe it, analyze it, and learn from it, you will be your wiser self.
Learning from our mistakes is called experiential learning, learning from our mistakes.
Allow yourself to make mistakes, be kind to yourself, no negative self judgement.
Learn to handle your mistakes with grace, you do not have to atone, take this time for self-awareness.
Learning from our past mistakes can be difficult, our brain holds on to those negative memories, but with practice you can change the thought process to positivity.
If you choose to own up and make changes, your past mistakes will not define you, you have the choice.
You can Accept your Mistakes and Move on
- Accept That Mistakes Happen – not just to you but to everyone.
- Learn From Your Mistakes – ask for assistance, guidance, re-evaluate.
- Stop Being So Self Critical – kick the negative to the curb!
- Apologize When needed – be sincere.
- Plan Ahead for The Future – reflect, reassess, and plan.
- KNOW you are not your mistakes (see #1)
- Be Kind to Yourself – treat yourself with respect as you would respect others.
Did I hear you say you want to CHANGE? What is prompting you to come to this conclusion? And do you know what it is you want to change?
I know I have written about this and as well as discussed it in many of my podcasts @ https://www.youtube.com/AvoidtheMaze. I don’t know when I started to have negative thoughts about myself, my looks, my weight, my lack of talent, etc. I would look into the mirror and wish my hair was long when it was short and short when it was long. My reflection was not meeting up to what I thought I wanted to see.
It took me years to stop the internal struggles I created for myself. It took me a long time before I stopped wanting to change everything about me. I had an epiphany (not one bur many) that took me from seeing all my negative traits to accepting that I had many positives going for me.
This first tool that was handed to me when I chose to follow my heart and provide my brain with a new way of thinking. Maybe I wasn’t going to be the cute, “cheerleading type” in high school; but I found my niche in youth group, and I developed both leadership and team skills. My soul needed acceptance and popularity and when I found it, I cherished it. The tool is allowing yourself to be open to other opportunities and not force yourself to be something you thought you wanted to be.
Developing this tool is not always easy. We may have convinced ourselves we will only be OK when we become the person, we think we want to be. Challenging oneself to look beyond the goal we may find that taking the fork in the road is the change we need / want to take. When challenging oneself to take a new path often the path is smoother and positive when you allow your coach to guide you. Your coach has experiences just like you and often those experiences will help you forge a new path, your choice.
Take a moment and ask yourself the question I proposed, why do you want to change? What is negative about who you are, where are those negative feelings coming from. Are these just random thoughts that you allow to float around in your head? Do these thoughts benefit you or not? These negative thoughts may be making you physically and emotionally ill. What does this illness feel like, and do you want to keep feeling like this?
If you change what does that look like to you? Are you convinced change will be all positivity or will you still feel like you are not enough?
Remember we cannot run away from ourselves – we take ourselves into the future even if we change the way we look on the outside. The history of what we found to be negativity will be in our luggage and we are the only one who can choose to archive those thoughts or find the tools to convert them into positivity.
This is a challenge to identify If, Why and How you want to Change!
Step aside – spend some time in nature, experience artwork and or music to see the beauty and choose.
You can take a different path if the first one doesn’t work. #YESICAN coaching with Karen 440 526 1530.
What are you waiting for? Do you feel like everyone else has it, and you are waiting to find it? Have you asked yourself WHY?
The WHY question is the most difficult open-ended question we can ask ourselves. If you are brave enough to answer it, are you brave enough to listen to your answers?
Before you can grow and make changes you have to STOP what you are doing and begin the investigation process. Successful change is possible when you have a purpose. Change just for the sake of change will not fulfill that missing piece we call IT. It is our purpose and to seek and meet our purpose we must be introspective. If we don’t connect with those inner feelings, both negative and positive, we will remain stuck in the maze.
I have to work on meeting my purpose daily. The changes I have experienced because I chose to make them have fulfilled that missing puzzle piece. I have stopped asking why everyone has it, because the answer is they don’t they too, like you and me are on our journey of life. We each take different paths to arrive at our destination. Even when the destination is the same or similar our paths will differ.
We have options in life but unless we opt to experience them, we will continue to wait and waiting often leads to being stagnant. Living is not about stopping time, it is about evolving through time and space and becoming the best version of ourselves.
Join me #YESICAN coaching with Karen.
Did you know what your saboteurs are? We all hear the voices of yesterday, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, the neighborhood bully, teachers, etc. Each one of these individuals left messages that float around in our brain and those thoughts, voices, often lead us into behaviors that we identify as our saboteurs.
- The Judge that lives within us – the words we may say to ourselves – the unkind thoughts.
- The Avoider – procrastinating changes because the judge may lead you to believe you are not good enough.
- The Controller may lead you to believe if you hold the keys, you are strong and safe, but do you?
- Hyper Achiever – often the work acholic believing if you are always doing you are meeting success, even though you may feel depleted.
- Hyper Rational – the inner voice giving you the assurance that if you do this you will achieve that and if you achieve that all is OK.
- Hyper-Vigilante often feels the effects of anxiety over hyper achieving and hyper rational not truly working for you.
- The Pleaser, the part I have played most of my life, believing if “Make someone happy and you will be happy too…”
- Restless – this may be a combination of many of the saboteurs, but nothing is working for you.
- Stickler – this is when things have to be perfectly done your way, no deviation often bringing out the Judge tell you when things are right or wrong.
- The Victim, sometimes we believe others are pointing at us and yet most of the time we develop this persona to get attention and to feel justified.
When we allow ourselves to be more self-aware, and mindful of what is happening around us, then we can focus on our purpose and create a plan to achieve it. Sometimes we need a little guidance. If you are reading to achieve your purpose, #YESICAN coaching with Karen 440 526 1530.
How do you make decisions? Do you review and assess first or do you react before your thought process has solidified your approach?
If you decide based on experience and knowledge you may succeed in a reactive decision, however; taking the time to assess and evaluate is always beneficial to ensure your success. On the other hand, if you fail, it is not a failure, it is a lesson to be used the next time. When you label something a failure it takes on a life of its own and often does not allow for a positive recovery.
When you have experience and knowledge you can use your intuition to create a positive response. You have the ability to understand without the consciousness the need for deep thought. Using your instinct will lead you to answer, Yes or No!
Despite your instincts to respond without processing, it may be best to rationalize, and take an analytic approach. Being mindful of your surroundings may be an indicator that your experience and knowledge may not be enough to decide.
Positive Intelligence encourages us to build our muscles. This is not turning you into a body builder, but what it does is build your brain and thoughts to; Stop, Look, Listen, and Think. The more you work at this the stronger your brain will become, and the reactive impulses will lessen.
Can you read your body? When you react, what are you feeling and where in your body are you feeling this? When you decide, do you feel impulsive? If you begin to feel anxious, is it physical or emotional? Mindfulness and the practice of being present will allow you to calm the fires that may take you down a path you are not comfortable with. You have the opportunity to command your own ship using your knowledgeable brain.
Do you have the tools for making decisions? Are you looking for guidance and support?
#YESICAN coaching with Karen
440 526 1530
Do you ever wake up in the morning (specifically on your day off), and feel BLAH? I have no other words to explain the feeling but it’s almost like your emotional health is dipping and your brain and body are not connecting. Positive Intelligence (also The Intentionality Gurus – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSdL23sBfggmjrQLY_iaPtsrK-ls19Bh6), tell us that being mindful of these emotions is important for us to work through them. In the Positive Intelligence program (to learn more please contact Candace Pollock at firstname.lastname@example.org) we practice exercises that help strengthen our brain muscle. If we want to get stronger and able to identify the negatives and turn them into positives, we can enhance our emotional health.
This morning (like many weekend mornings) I woke up processing my own agenda, however, since it included my husband, I knew I had to accept compromise because his agenda and mine would not match up. Even knowing this as I prepared to start ‘our’ day he was slowly moving to the slow beat of his drum and our agendas grew further and further apart. I understand that Rich, my husband, has a grueling schedule during the week and the weekend is really his only time to relax, play, and accomplish home tasks. There are not enough hours in his day, however, in my day those same tasks can be accomplished with some time left over for, who knows what.
Compromise means, “to give up something you want in order to reach an agreement.” In reality we need to collaborate; “work together with others to achieve a common goal.” However, if our goals are not in alignment, it often falls back to compromise and that is where I fall into that state of BLAH! I’m not inferring my husband does not compromise but as the wife I tend to want to keep calm rather than stir up my frustrations that can become hurtful.
It has taken me a long time to come to grip with, “It is What it Is!” I can change the effect it may have on me; I have little if any control on how it affects my husband. If he chooses to move slower, instead of sitting and waiting for him, I find that something fulfilling to me. I have finally learned if I can control my emotional health, it is best for me to do so as it has a subliminal effect on others.
Let’s begin by taking a dive into the BLAH and accept it for what’s worth while identifying if this is worth the risk of negative thoughts and emotions that can turn a good day into a bad day/
Take the time through meditation, young, exercise, listening to music to touch those feelings and let them go. Release them if they don’t provide you with comfort.
As we become more aware of our feelings (good and bad) we develop mindfulness that often stops the negativity that claws away at our positivity.
We must acknowledge that living in a state of 100% positive healthy emotions is not doable. As we know life happens and negative situations develop for all of us, when we balance our emotional health through awareness and mindfulness, we have a toolbox that will assist and guide us through those emotions.
Combining Positive Intelligence with Emotional Intelligence may be the perfect toolbox for us. Emotional Intelligence suggests we let go of the unhelpful thoughts. Those thoughts are coming from past learned behaviors and can paralyze us if we aren’t prepared. When we worry, we become anxious. When we are anxious, we repeat those thoughts over and over in our brain. Those thoughts may lead to fear and sadness. Using tools like deep breathing, visualization, and exercise (physical or mental) will be helpful in finding our balance.
You are not alone if you feel anxious, sad, or angry. Your emotional library has been documenting your feelings your entire life. Don’t listen to others when they say just get over it, or you shouldn’t feel that way. You feel that way because of years of emotional experiences and until you can fill your toolbox with practices that will alleviate these thoughts you will continue to suffer.
Learn to set boundaries. On days like to today when I am Ying, and my husband is Yang we set our boundaries. My boundaries often include my writing in solitude or taking the opportunity to binge watch something he doesn’t want to view. For him it is often his opportunity to take a nap or binge watch his favorite programs of the 60s and 70s. This is helpful to sustain our 39-year marriage.
This all leads us to self-care. If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect others to understand our needs? If I can’t tell you what I need, how would you know? Just because I love chocolate candy does not mean chocolate candy is what I need when I am feeling BLAH. What I may need is the opportunity to face it head in privately to see it for what it is and if necessary, share my thoughts (but I cannot expect my husband or anyone else to understand or agree with my thoughts). Before I share it is my responsibility to understand that I need recognition, I do not need approval.
As a personal coach I help my clients learn to like themselves. There is at least one thing we can acknowledge and work towards developing the best relationship with ourselves that others will see and like.
For more information on coaching and costs #YESICAN coaching with Karen
Let’s Enjoy the Success that WE PERSONALLY CREATE!
Before Monday let’s try doing something that will propel our success. The next four steps can be easy, or you can fight the process and make it difficult. Ask yourself how you can use less energy and yet be highly successful this weekend!
Avoid procrastination. If you have a task that YOU must complete by a certain date, use the NIKE slogan and “Just Do It!” Procrastinating is putting off something you will have to do whether it is now, tomorrow or a week from now. Procrastination often creates a sense of anxiety and forced anxiety is not healthy.
Give yourself permission to be human and accept your mistakes as a learning experience. If you watch Jeopardy™, you will notice that even the smartest players make mistakes by calling out the wrong answer or forgetting to replay with answer in question form. Also don’t you think Einstein or Edison ever made a mistake?
Keep a list or use a vision board to identify what you must do and what you do not have to do and everything else in-between. g., If you are a nursing mother you must feed your baby, however do you need to take the garbage out or is there someone else who can do that?
STOP being AFRAID to ask for help/assistance/or/guidance. Think of asking as an empowering move, not just for yourself but for the person you are requesting this from. We need not be responsible for everything!
We all want to be more productive, I am always looking to achieve the concept of working smart, rather than working hard. When working smart, we gain a sense of accomplishment, and the production of the work does not feel overwhelming or challenging to the point of defeat!
(A special thanks to Positive Psychology.com I am learning how to be the best version of me, and I am guiding my clients through the practice.)
- Is the space you are working in conducive to your productivity? If not, pick up and move to another area, or rearrange your area to suit your needs. These changes often unplug the ideas that may have been blocked out, this provides a new perceptive and often provides new energy.
* I have been a furniture mover most of my life. When I feel stagnant, I often start rearranging my room(s) in my head and create an area that provides me inspiration. Sometimes I just move into another room.
- Create your vision board whether you use a white board, bulletin board or your online calendar. This vision should provide you with your end goal and work backward to achieve it.
* Working backward for many can be less daunting. For some like me, it provides me with the vision of accomplishment even before I start on my first task.
- When creating your vision take the time to think through the mission you are attempting to achieve. It is important to know why and how you plan to achieve this. Sometimes, more often than not, having a guide, mentor and or coach will provide you with the opportunity to see, touch and taste your plan often before you add the first ingredient.
* A coach is someone who provides you the paths of learning/training and helps you enhance your skills to gain the performance you desire. As a coach it is my responsibility to listen and provide you with techniques that will become part of your lifelong toolbox.
- I use spatial planning that enhances my needs. There are times working in my home office studio is proper and there are other times I need to rearrange my desk to help me avoid the challenges how the clutter of my desk will distract me. Occasionally I will take my computer and go sit in a Starbucks™ or Panera™ for a change of scenery, sometimes the sound of other people talking can be encouraging to my task at hand.
* I have also taken hours out of what seems to be an unproductive day and I reset my office, turning my desk towards the window to enjoy the sunlight, trees and changing season sky can be just enough for my creative juices to percolate.
Identify your internal Judger voice.
Do not battle with it, but engage with it and learn from it.
- The judge is spewing out thoughts formed in your brain – many of these opinions come from other people that you have absorbed.
- Ask yourself why these feelings are affecting you – and focus on change.
- You may be your own worst enemy but that can change today.
You have all the control….
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!!!!
OK – Let’s Label Ourselves and I Don’t Mean What is Your Pronoun!
Label yourself with 5 Negatives Comments – Do you believe these comments truly identify you and if so, how would you label yourself positively. See example below.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? (Negative)
- I am fat!
- I ‘m OK?
- I am ugly!
- I’m awkward…
- I am dumb!
What do you see when you look in the mirror? (Positive)
- I like my blue eyes…
- I like my straight hair.
- I look pretty/handsome.
- I am thin!
- I am smart!
Where did the above comments come from? Who has made these comments and convinced you of their reality?
Now think about the Negative acknowledgements – has someone told you …
- You’re too fat, was it a parent/sibling/friend/social media?
- When you say you’re OK what does that mean…
- What does the word ugly mean, what makes you ugly? Eyes, nose, hair, etc.
- Has someone called you awkward and in what context?
- Are you dumb? What is your definition of dumb?
Now think about all your Positive qualities -how can you be so confident?
- What is it about your eyes that make you beautiful/handsome?
- What is it about your straight hair that pleases your looks?
- What is your definition of pretty/handsome?
- Why is thin so important?
- Are you smart both in book knowledge as well as in socialization?
Before we can begin to make any changes we must understand the reason for the comments and how they affect us…
I want to introduce you to the Wheel. This Wheel will provide you with some needed information to assist you in your navigating the coaching process. Please keep in mind that as your coach I too use these tools to improve my skillsets that keep me in focus as I continue to evolve into the person I want to be. I spent too many years trying to be like someone else or allowing others to dictate to me, who and what I should be.
The wheel as seen below may have a different segment and for your benefit it you choose to change the segments feel free because this is your journey. However, for now use this as your first exercise.
The information you put in this exercise no words or explanations are needed – you assess each segment which is design to give you a sampling of your wellbeing. It is important that you are honest with yourself as you contemplate where you are on a scale of 10 being TERRIFIC to 1 being at your low point. Together we will discuss how you can change those numbers for a more fulfilling life’s journey.
Below is an example of what it will look like:
In our coaching session we will talk about these areas and how you perceive the changes you can make to achieve wellness.
(I use the wheel on a regular basis to see if I am on track, and I find that I cannot fool the wheel. The results for me truly pinpoint where I may need to focus to get back on track. The wheel is my friend it provides me with perspective that I sometimes don’t give myself credit for seeing.)