Courage to Caregivers Kristi Horner
We’re on to a new theme this month – relationships – and our first topic is connections. Unfortunately, social distancing is getting all of the publicity these days. But while physical distancing remains important during this pandemic, maintaining our social connections is also important, especially for caregivers.
Connecting with others is a basic human need that is hardwired within us from birth. As caregivers, we gain a lot from our social connections, including emotional support, respite care, and a sounding board for our concerns, just to name a few of the benefits. As this article notes, connecting is one of Mental Health America’s 10 tools that can help you feel stronger and more hopeful. Research shows that feeling socially connected can increase happiness, improve health, and lead to a longer life.
Gideon Rosenblatt notes that connections are different from relationships. Connections, or points of contact, can take many forms. They typically involve some kind of action and are usually time-constrained. Relationships are about the experience of connecting with someone over an extended period of time. “One way to think of connections is as a kind of handshake between two parties,” he says.
Sometimes, a connection can take the form of a heart-to-heart, spill-it-all talk. Other times, just a laugh-out-loud e-mail can do wonders. Spending time connecting with others in pleasurable activities can be a welcome release from our daily worries.
And we can all learn something from our connections. During the past four years, as we’ve launched Courage to Caregivers, I’ve met some extraordinary people along the way, and every one of them has helped me better understand the unique challenges of caregivers. I’ve also learned how to listen better and how to be a better human.
That’s why it’s so important that we continue to connect while we also continue our physical distancing. I like to think of this time as an opportunity to strengthen our social solidarity. We need all of the solidarity we can get right now, and that goes not only for caregivers but also for those we love who are living with mental illness.
In the spirit of solidarity, if you’re looking for a new way to come together and expand your connections, consider joining one of our programs at Courage to Caregivers in our new virtual format. We’d love to support you and have you join our community.
Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers
Words from Jeannie Ralston – Thanks for Your TIPS!
https://thenexters.org/
The big holiday is upon us, and if you’re like me, you’re not going anywhere. Our friends’ Fourth of July parties have all been canceled down here in Texas, so I will be hanging out with the fam, playing card games, and shooting off our own fireworks. So not exactly quiet. Happy Fourth to all!
Here are 4 bits of news from the NextTribe offices:
1. We learned about the 4 pillars of the “house of health” through menopause and beyond during our Nutrafol-sponsored Embrace the Change talk on fitness, energy and sleep.
Read all about it here.
2. A lot of us have been embracing our gray, out of necessity, during the pandemic. We say don’t hide away your gray, strut it. Win prizes and recognition by posting photos with hashtags: #NextTribe and #HoorayforGray.
Details here.
(Members are eligible to win bigger prizes.)
3. We’re setting up our summer virtual events. The first one is on July 16th with Erica Heller, editor of One Last Lunch and yes, Joseph Heller’s daughter, and Muffie Meyer, a director, and editor of Grey Gardens.
Details here.
4. I’m very proud that so many truly accomplished women are being considered for the VP slot on the Democratic ticket. Which one do you think will make the best candidate?
Stay safe all, and wear a mask if you’re out and about.
–Jeannie Ralston
Welcome BACK BASEBALL 2020
June 23, 2020
THE DAY THE MLB OWNERS AND TEAMS AGREED TO PLAY!
“Major League Baseball’s owners have approved a restart plan for MLB and, in keeping with the acrimony and suspicion between management and the players we’ve seen for the past three months, sent it as more or less an ultimatum to the players association. But it does mean the sport is coming back.”
I have always enjoyed the game of baseball. I grew up in Detroit and my introduction to baseball was the Detroit Tigers. Although we didn’t go to many games back in the day my Father either listened to the game on his AM Radio or we watched in on our Black & White TV. During my teens, we lived in Minneapolis and I felt like a trader rooting for the Minnesota Twins, but Harmon Killebrew played for them and my dad’s name was Harmon, so became loyal to them only to feel torn when in 1968 we moved back to the home of the Tigers.
During my lifetime, I have lived in cities with other teams such as the Phillies, the Reds, and the Indians! My first introduction to the Indians was in the late eighties or early nineties when they were still playing at Municipal Stadium. My husband and I were invited by one of his clients to attend a game and party in a Logue. Well everyone else partied (assuming the Indians would lose which was their pattern at that time,) I sat and watched the game rooting for the home team.
In 1994 as I traveled for business one night when I called home, my youngest son Alex who as 4 years old at the time informed me he was watching the Oreos on TV and he couldn’t talk to me. After he hung up on me very abruptly I called back and his father told me that Alex was mesmerized by the baseball game and was intently watching it. That was the beginning of true love in our home! Ever since the summer evening, Alex has gravitated and absorbed the game that it is difficult not to enjoy his love for the purity of the sport.
COVID19 has hit us all hard and baseball not starting on time in March has been difficult on many (but it is very apparent here in our home.) You see Alex always wanted to play baseball and despite the lessons he took and his knowledge of the game past and present, some obstacles (COACHES) stood in his way. However, his dream has always been to work for the Cleveland Indians. Two years ago that dream came true and although he is working his way through the system for him it’s not just working because when he is at Progressive Field he feels complete!
However, this horrible virus has meant he is out of work along with many others working for Major League team, however, he plans on returning when the opportunity avails itself. Now that an agreement has been met he is all smiling because he will at minimum be able to follow his team and the sport he loves. I too am smiling again because despite being from Detroit, and once rooting for Twins, Phillies, and Reds, my love and devotion go out to the Cleveland Indians.
I don’t want to wish the summer away but I cannot wait till they take the field at the end of July so I can, “Root, Root, Root for MY HOME TEAM. GO INDIANS!
As Joel Says: Quacks Like a Duck
Sunday – June 21, 2020
I think it was my paternal grandfather, Abe, who first laid this simple piece of folk wisdom on me, “If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, most likely…”. Navel contemplators may have a burning passion to delve deeper into the spiritual or philosophical possibilities of that perception, but I’m pretty sure, most of the time, the feathery creatures, attempting to look adorably hungry to the strangers disregarding the “Do Not Feed the Ducks” sign, are ducks. Ergo, racists are racist, liars lie, thieves steal, politicians spin, guns kill, bullies abuse and everyone poops. At this unique moment in time, at the confluence of pandemic and racial unrest and mad king despotism in the White House, most of us are experiencing a moment of widespread clarity where it may just be possible to clean our very messy and disingenuous slate, if only we take this opportunity to stop trying to reimagine the obvious. It is better to be at peace than at war. It is better not to harm the life-sustaining nature of our planet. It’s cool to be kind. We can, should, must do better while abiding zero tolerance for inept, corrupt, ill-thinking public servants at every level of governance. We are all created equal and everyone’s life is better when life is better for everyone. Certainly, BLACK LIVES MATTER! Equally, blackened hearts DO NOT! Quack
Lori Sokol _ Thankyou_ A Gift for Her Father
When you believe that #Black Lives Matter – you share your story – https://womensenews.org/2020/06/a-gift-for-my-racist-father-a-biracial-nephew
Courage to Caregivers_Kristi Horner 6_18_20
Now more than ever, we all need to take time to recharge. This week’s topic – sleep – is the body’s natural way of recharging our emotional, mental, and physical batteries every night.
Yet, studies show that one-third of American adults don’t get the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Just getting to sleep is an issue for many people. And physical problems, environmental disturbances, or emotional concerns can often interrupt a good night’s sleep.
I’ve had plenty of issues with sleep, and I’ve found that having a consistent routine around sleep hygiene has made a huge difference. Here are some things I do to help me get to sleep:
- Get plenty of exercise during the day. My goal is to get 3,000 to 10,000 steps a day.
- Turn off all technology at least one hour before bedtime … my goal is two to three hours before bedtime … and no TV in the bedroom!
- Limit caffeine. I’ve tried this in many ways, and no caffeine after my morning coffee works best for me.
- Don’t eat after 8 p.m. Did you know that some foods (citrus, spicy, fatty, and heavy) can disrupt your sleep? I’ve set a goal to “close” the kitchen after dinner.
- Control the lighting and temperature. I’ve removed just about all the ambient lighting in the bedroom and turned down the thermostat a notch. Did you know that cooler temperatures help you sleep better?
- Once I’ve checked the above boxes and tucked myself in to bed at night, I say a prayer of gratitude for all the good in my day.
Another way to improve sleep quality is to focus on your breathing. One thing we’ve heard over and over again from the participants in our breathing meditation classes is that they get their best night’s sleep of the week after the classes! That’s because of the great work of our facilitators – Polly, Sarah, and Cathy.
Here are some breathing techniques that have helped me:
- 2:1 Breathing – There are different variations of this, but in all of them, the exhale is twice as long as the inhale. For example, breathe in for a count of four, then exhale for a count of eight. Or try a five count for the inhale and a ten count for the exhale. Just be sure the ratio is 2:1. This stimulates the relaxation response and prepares the body for sleep.
- 4-7-8 Breathing – This is the same as above, but with the added step of retaining the breath for seven counts before you exhale.
I can tell you from experience that if I wake up at night, focusing on my breath instead of whatever is repeating through my head can help me get back to sleep.
Maybe it can help you, too. Consider joining us for a breathing meditation class soon. We’d love to have you!
Kristi Horner
Founder and Executive Director
Courage to Caregivers
Terri-Lynn Pellegri Writes 6/14/20
Believe
I have to believe that we are all connected and continue to be, even when our bodies are no longer here…when we cease to breathe and our flesh is no longer alive with blood pumping through our veins. I have to believe that we somehow still communicate, have interplay, that our energies relate to one another in ways that we are not aware of. I have to believe that we all matter and that it matters what we do and how we live, and that we live. I mostly have to believe that loving matters, and that the energy that love generates, that our caring for one another, and our support for each other is necessary. I have to believe that the space in between one human being and the next is not a void or a distance…but an invisible glue that is our human connection. #saratoga #saratogasprings #love #lovematters #brother #create #creativephotography
Happy ANNIVERSARY Helen & Lanny Light 6_14_81
Today is a SPECIAL DAY – one of my truly BFF’s and her Prince Charming got married 39 years ago today (and thanks to Prince’s mother the beautiful Iris,) I met my Prince Charming the day before at their rehearsal dinner!
I met Helene right after I separated from my ex-husband, she became not only my friend but also a sister, cousin, aunt, and sometimes mother of advice. Helene is the best friend everyone wants. She understands you (me), and even though we can go months and sometimes years without a real conversation, our connection is honest and robust. I have known my BFF 40 plus years, and we will continue this friendship for eternity.
It’s a funny story about how I met Richard the day before their wedding. Rich, the friend of the groom (Lanny), was also the videographer for their wedding, and in my life, at that time, I had a plant and floral business, so I was their floral designer as well. As we met at the Temple for the rehearsal, in walks Richard in a white suit – reddish cropped beard – looking like he owns the place and I mistake him for the Rabbi (only to learn later he was not, and he also wasn’t Jewish, OH MY!)
Rich and I collaborated on the ceremony details, and at the end of rehearsal, I went home while the rest of the party went to dinner. (This was in the days before Cell Phones!) When I walked into my townhouse, I heard a message playing on my answering machine, and it was Lanny suggesting I come to the dinner, Richard requested my presence, and Iris was quick to accept his wish. Without thinking twice, I turned around and went to the dinner.
At dinner, I felt like Richard, and I had known each other for years. We sat with four of his friends, and they included me as if we were all life-long companions. After the dinner, the guys separated and went to a mini bachelor party held in the hotel room of one of the male guests, and the women went back to Helene’s place, and chit chatted. I don’t think an hour elapsed before Rich and Will (Lanny’s brother-in-law) came over to Helene’s room, suggesting that it may be more fun hanging with the females, and slowly the other men converged on the room too.
By this point, Rich and I were on a mini date.
The next morning, I had to get up early to pick up the flowers and set-up the Temple (the Chuppah), and my new pal Rich, helped. That whole day we were inseparable, and when Helene arrived at the Temple to get dressed and have me prepare her make-up, she was smiling from ear to ear. Although she wasn’t sure, Richard was my perfect Prince Charming; she had witnessed the immediate connection. She gave me some words of wisdom, “BE CAREFUL!”
The wedding was beautiful, and the appropriate number of happy tears were shed. Rich and I took a stroll down the aisle right after I fell catching the bridal bouquet. I could say the rest is history because June 13, 1981, Rich and I met, and now we have been married 36 years because of the union between two of our friends and the huge heart of Iris Light.
Helene and Lanny have been extended family since that day 39 years ago, attending family events as well as accepting the honor to be our son’s God Parents.
In addition to Lanny and Helene, we gained Will and Cindy Metzger (brother-in-law and sister to Lanny.) We have been blessed because of their union on this day in 1981.
If you had told me on June 12, 1981, I would meet my Prince Charming, and thirty-nine years later, after many detours in our lives, the four of us would still have a lasting relationship despite – Sickness, Health, Richer and Poorer we are still standing strong!
Happy 39 years to Helen and Lanny Light, may you continue to LOVE!
Sharon Allen DeMakes thanks for this POEM
First they came for the communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me
And there was no one left to speak for me.
– Pastor Martin Niemoeller
Make History with the Virtual AgeMarch™
Why should you want to Make History with the Virtual AgeMarch™ on 9/12/20? Because the AgeMarch™ is for you – ONLY YOU CAN HELP PREVENT AGE DISCRIMINATION! At some time or another, we have been faced with prejudice or discrimination based on our birth date. It is like the story of the Three Bears, either it is too hot (TOO OLD) or too Cool (TOO YOUNG), rarely is it just or right!
Too often age or the appearance of it involves treating a person less favorably and that is not fair, nor is it the justice we all deserve to follow our passion and or perform a job. People should not be discarded because someone believes with age comes an inability to function, the number of years someone has lived should not be a factor. With age often comes experience, a worthwhile asset.
My friend, Barbara Rose Brooker, founded the AGEMARCH.org in 2010 and she has successfully brought people together to celebrate and proudly promote their AGE of ABILITY. This year on the 10th Anniversary we will be hosting a VIRTUAL AGEMARCH, allowing people from around the world to attend. We want you to join us.
MAKE HISTORY!
Sign up on www.agemarch.org, for the first GLOBAL VIRTUAL AgeMarch in history. This will be on September 12, 2020 – AgeMarch was FOUNDED by Barbara Rose Brooker in 2010. Send your photo and sign with your age printed on it. Also, check it out at https://www.facebook.com/barbara.r.brooker
You will be on global zoom (YouTube) holding up your sign and each of you will share your story about why you’re on AGE MARCH. Help change our anti-age culture into a pro-age culture, age equality for ALL, promote a generation where age doesn’t count, and where people aren’t defined by age!
JOIN TODAY.
D5 Creation