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Saturday, May 2, 2020
It Should be Kentucky Derby Day
It’s another Saturday in this new Pandemic World. I am fortunate to have somewhat of a schedule for newclevelandradio.net during the week, recording and preparing podcasts. However, most weekends seem to zap me of energy as the days drag on with little to do. However, today is different. My husband and I did some closet cleaning in the studio/office this morning as we are attempting to do some reorganization. Now if you have ever been in the home studio I will tell you that my husband is a pack-rat, not a hoarder. I think we have three or four end of life computers in the closet and one set out in the room. As my hubby would say, you never know we just may need parts from one to fix another. Did I mention parts that go back to a Commodore 64? If you have no idea what that is, you are very young indeed.
Additionally, I have two podcasts today and both should be fun and interesting. The first is with Just4theSpellofIt.com, lead by Gary Moss my big brother. Isn’t it interesting that we call an older sibling our big brother or sister, and the truth is I am as tall as he is or maybe taller? Gary’s podcast is all about words and Scrabble™, yet the techniques he uses teaches and creates to become a better Scrabble™ player, any one of us can use to become better at anything we want to achieve. The second is with Rick Bolton, musician extraordinaire.
Currently, I am trying to achieve patience with the #StaySafe #StayAtHome orders. I agree with the orders and I would rather be safe and struggle financially than get this horrid virus and possibly die. I understand the need to get back to work, earn a living, and feel accomplished at the end of the day, but COVID19 has invaded us and it will linger and combust again in the Fall.
Earlier today I posted ion Facebook that I feel like I am in a time warp, that each day is the same, nothing changes, and yet the slogan #WEAREINTHISTOGETHER continues to play through the media. Together but alone and that is what is warping my senses. I need to chill and breathe and make it to the tomorrow and the many days after that when it is safer to spin out of this feeling.
Have a Happy!
4/24/20 Amy Ferris Says it for me:
He’s now claiming that he put the idea out there ‘sarcastically’ just to see what would happen. The idea of humans injecting disinfectant into their bodies. He’s now back peddling. Rewinding. Saying it was just a joke. He wasn’t serious.
This is what I have to say to Donald trump:
Fuck you. Fuck you for being an asshole, fuck you for treating human life so shabbily, for testing people’s hearts and souls day in and day out. Fuck you for making this horrific and devastating pandemic meaningless in your eyes. Fuck you for treating the United States of America like some porn star you fuck for kicks and then want her hushed and silent. Fuck you for not instilling hope, for not inspiring compassion, for not inspiring dignity or decency. Fuck you for humiliating people, for bullying people, for making fun of people. Fuck you for treating human life with such cruelty & disdain – what a disgraceful vile creature.
Sarcastic, my ass.
Get outta our house, you’ve dirtied & sullied it quite enough.
A lot of my friends – tons of friends – are alone this year, this Thanksgiving. Many folks are estranged from their families; from friends or from a life they once had & held.
I know this feeling. Estrangement.
And I will tell you that there were many days – many days – more than I care to count – where I’d rewind, replay, re-adjust, re-calibrate, recall, & review all the crazy ass-shit that went down, all the shit that went sideways & just blew up. Imploded. The pain was unbearable. And what I can tell you, what I know – most of the guilt & shame & regret we carry around – schlep around – is not our own. It’s not. We inherited it; a collection – a greatest hits album – an entire lifetime of family history: the anger, the shame, the guilt; years of he said, she said, they said. Fuck you, no, no fuck you. fuck you more. Years of crap. Years of garbage piled on top of more garbage.
Years of mistakes & wrong turns & rebellion that are treated like felonies instead of misdemeanors – without forgiveness, or acceptance. There is nothing worse than having the past thrown up in your face over & over & over again. To be reminded of all the crazy crap you did when you didn’t know better. When all you wanted was to be seen, to be heard, to be held – when all you wanted was to be loved.
And the truth is – the rub is – everyone has their own shit.
Everyone has their own guilt.
Everyone has their own crap that they have dealt out, that they spewed, that they tossed into the heap.
Everyone has stuff that they need/want to hide, keep secret. Everyone has stuff they want hidden deep – way deep – kept in the darkness.
We are all broken. We are all filled with shards and jagged edges and sharp pointy pieces that can hurt like a motherfucker. We are all imperfect creatures. Each & every one of us, and my heart breaks, cracks, for all my friends who will sit alone this year wishing for forgiveness over stuff they said or did when they were younger. Foolish. Over mistakes they made because all they wanted was to be loved or liked, over actions they took, words they said, because they wanted a piece of a memory, a token of a love from someone they once cherished, adored. A reminder to hold. Wishing to hear the words: I’m so sorry. To hear the words: I was wrong. To hear the words: I hurt you, abused you, mistreated you.
We treat our own so unkindly and we wonder why the world is so deeply chaotic, so deeply troubled, so deeply wounded, so deeply steeped in pain & suffering; so unforgiving, so horribly mean-spirited.
So for all my friends and all the folks out there who are deeply, deeply pained, who are sorrowful during the holidays because they have been discarded, dismissed, forgotten, left out – please know this – we get to choose who we wanna share our lives with. We get to choose who we want in our lives. We get to choose the folks who lift us, inspire us, make us feel like we swallowed the sun. We get to choose who we walk side by side with, and stand with. We get to choose who we love. Blood may be thicker than water, but water is so much easier to clean up.
So, please, love yourself.
Please, forgive yourself.
Believe in the greatness of your own life.
Believe in your beauty.
Believe in your own amazing, stunning, messy, complicated, gorgeous life.
And if anyone – one soul – makes you feel that you are not worthy, not enough; if anyone makes you feel small, insignificant, less than – they do not deserve the privilege of you.
I hold you tight.
Donald trump is not “feeling up” America, people, he is FUCKING her; he is fucking her and he is abusing her and he is raping her and he is doing this every single day. He is trafficking her. He is trafficking America, selling her out – selling her, period.. This is how he treats women. Enough of this horrifying ugly nasty shit. Enough of this vulgar man. Enough of him and his ilk. Any man who can claim that he can grab a woman by her pussy because… he can – because he has the fame and the means and the money, any man who mocks the disabled, any man who claims the truth is fake news, any man who leads his followers to chant consistently and repeatedly Lock Her Up Lock Her Up Lock Her Up, any man who demeans & disgraces & devalues women, any man who throws his allies under a bus, any man who stands with White Supremacists & White Nationalists, any man who tosses babies into cages, any man who lies through his teeth…any man like this would be out on bail awaiting trial.
I don’t want him impeached, I want him impaled.