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40 YEARS of MARRIAGE
February 3, what this date means to me.
Forty years ago on February 3, 1984, Rich and I got married by Rabbi Eisenberg (May he REST in PEACE), witnessed by friends Debbie and Dave. Although I had been living with Rich since 1982, and we talked about marriage it was extremely important for me that when he asked and I said, “YES”, it would be for life.
I came into our relationship with what is often termed as baggage. I had been divorced for almost 2 years and I had custody of my son from that marriage who was almost 5 years old. I was living in Cincinnati when we met and Rich lived in Peninsula, Ohio, a 5-hour drive that I took every couple of weeks leading up to moving in, in 1982. We made the long-distance relationship work so moving in was the next step.
We became an instant family, accepted by his parents and his friends. However, we faced numerous obstacles including the cost of transportation so my son (Steve) could visit his father. Rich was involved from the get-go, but it started to take a toll on our relationship. Soon after we settled in my ex-husband was not happy about our new living relationship and this soon turned into a custody issue dragging us all through the court system. Although the court continued to grant me custody, on February 8, 1984, we were scheduled to go to court and face the judge. My attorney at the time suggested if we wanted to retain custody, we should get married. This led to our marriage in the Rabbi’s study on February 3, 1984.
Rich and I agreed to go through the formality, however I did not want to get married until this issue was resolved. Since I did not have that choice, we agreed to silently get married, if it didn’t work, we said we would end it in the future or plan another wedding that would include family and friends. Yes, we won custody in court after spending a lot of money (well worth it for my son), we returned home and decided to plan a summer wedding and we chose the date, July 15th.
Yes, this year we will be married for forty-years twice, does that mean we have been married for 80 years????
Now let’s talk about marriage. I am grateful for my first marriage as my son Steve is a gift from that union. Although I initially blamed his father for not (never) loving me, time has healed those wounds as I realize we were young when we met and got married and we were so different from each other that those differences divided us and created what now I see as a toxic marriage. I have learned so much over the years and acknowledge the divorce was needed for us to find our personal happiness. My son’s father and his wife will also be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year.
When I met my husband, Rich, I realized for me that the second time was the charm. I married my best friend, and I became his lover and go to person. It has not been easy, we have faced numerous challenges and we have tripped over the obstacles, but even when we have stumbled and fell, we got up and brushed ourselves off and kissed and made-up.
Kissing and making up doesn’t mean you have to give up your opinion and turn your differences into a mutual like, it’s ok to be different and not always OK with each other.
Rich and I made it through a custody issues, two weddings in one year, and bringing family and friends together to accept our union even when some said it would not last. (Thank you all for the challenge but somehow, we have made it.)
Rich and I struggled having a child, many rounds of IVF that we were told would be covered by my insurance only to find out that they weren’t, and we had a billed of $40,000+ to pay. Three plus years of dreaming, hoping, and praying, and a miscarriage, in December 1989 we were finally pregnant. (This pregnancy almost didn’t happen, the night before the insemination, I was molested by a doctor.) With the love and support of my husband and my OB/GYN I went through the procedure because we knew it was the right decision.
Not easy getting pregnant, and not an easy pregnancy. Sick for the first three months, and Braxton-Hicks’s contractions for the last three months, we brought Alex into the World in August 1990. And all went well for the first 30 days until our baby became violently ill and underwent abdominal surgery. When we brought him home all went well for 6 years. At six Alex was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers and faced the challenges of what Special Needs meant.
Alex made us better and stronger as we did our best, adjusting when needed, and allowing him and us to live in a more traditional and normal state. Life is not like in the Hallmark™ movies, and Facebook has provided me with the insight that ‘perfect’ does not exist, well maybe for an hour or two when we are playing at something we like and want to do. I wouldn’t change a thing, well maybe a few tweaks here and there.
Today, I have three special men in my life, my husband Rich, my son Steve, and my son Alex. I love all three of them and I feel blessed they love and like me too. As a teenager all I wanted was that one special guy and I was living to find him. When I met Rich (at Helene and Lanny’s wedding rehearsal, I was not looking for a relationship) I was beginning to feel secure as a single woman, single mom, and being single. However, as fate may have it, once I met Rich something clicked, and that feeling is still within me. I am with my person, and despite the fact that not every moment in the day is perfect, I would be lost without this man who continues to provide me with my independence. I am blessed that he accepted my oldest son and has been a father and friend figure for him for 40+ years. Rich is a wonderful father and has been involved from the first moment we conceived. He has been by side when we experienced the loss and miscarriages. He developed a strong loving bond with my parents and brothers taking a seat at the table.
When I told my mother Rich and I were getting married she commented, “The first time you marry for love, the second time for money…” Although this was to be a long-standing joke between us, I told her this time is for a lasting friendship/love with a man called Rich.
Here is to 40 Plus!
I LOVE RICH
2024
GENEROSITY as Stated by MY Friend AMY FERRIS
One moment of generosity can change a human heart.
These days, here in America, are hard right now. Folks are suffering, folks are mortified, folks are feeling disconnected, folks are feeling the unbearable weight of anger and frustration and worry and scared to fucking death; fear running through their veins.
Folks need love, compassion, understanding, generosity, sympathy and goodness.
Let’s give what we have to all those who need a bit more; let’s not hoard kindness, let’s give that away.
Kindness is meant to be shared not owned.
Sherapy with Sherry Amatenstein
I am so proud and excited to be introducing you to a new podcaster who will begin with us in January 2020. Her name is Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, who is an NYC-based psychotherapist and author. Sherry will be creating SHERAPY, and you can read all about this right here on the website.
In keeping with the theme of awareness and finding the path to travel or detour in life, this nationally known psychotherapist will be sharing your stories with our listeners. Sometimes it is easier to be anonymous (faceless, nameless) when you begin to open up. I agree with Sherry; we must not be afraid of what we think our frailties are; instead, we must strengthen our inner selves to love life to the fullest.
If you have a story or want to share issues, please contact us here at newclevelandradio.net, and your information will be sent on to Sherry Amatenstein. You need not reveal any information to us other than a name and email so Sherry may connect with you.
Sherry portraits
2020 is going to be a big year for all of us at newclevelandradio.net, and you don’t need to be in Cleveland, Ohio, to become part of the big picture, your PORTRAIT!
D-DAY make a POSITIVE Change 4 PEACE
Today 75 years after D-Day, D-Day the day it happened on June 6, 1945. On this day 425,000 Allied and Germans were killed, wounded, or went missing. Only one out of four survived!
The above should be one of our many reminders of why we want to stop warring with each other. Begin with yourself, family, friends, neighbors, and move out to the outer edges of your comfort zone, and extend a hand in understanding that you are no more important than the person you declare as your enemy. Let us rid this word from all languages.
We do not have to be antagonistic towards another; there is no need for harm, injure, or overpowering another. Isn’t time to “Lay down our sword and shield,” down by the riverside? Isn’t it time to study war and declare NO MORE?”
If D-Day does not trigger you to empower yourself to change, we will never truly live in a peaceful world.
In memory of those that sacrificed their lives to stop WARRING and bring us together in discussions, awareness, and acceptance of differences, I say RIP! To the families, friends, and battalion brothers who survived, a special thank you for contributions.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life; it is D-Day, the day to make a positive difference.
Do U LOVE COMPOST? I DO!
When you think of beauty you have a very specific ideal that often comes to mind whether it be of a newborn infant pure and innocent, a bride in white perfection, a flower with petals of velvet glistening from a ray of sunshine or new morning dew, or your leftover scraps that you will recycle and or compost to bring forth a new life cycle!
Terri-Lynn Pellegri has been a photographer for most of her adult life. She shoots photos of things that make her smile and as she brings life into her viewfinder. My friend and sister-in-law is not a PollyAnna but prefers to see the glass flowing over, as love and happiness will never empty the vessel. If needed, she will pour herself into it to keep it beautifully alive. You must view her collection of Love Compost, now seen at Uncommon Grounds, in Saratoga Springs, NY. This collection is just the beginning of her legacy for a global society coming together to save ourselves from destroying Mother Earth. This collection should be traveling from city to city for individuals like you and me to appreciate enough to make some trashy lifestyles we all have.
Most communities have recycling. However, if you don’t recycle or recycle per the rules the separation of those items like plastic, glass, aluminum, and paper will go into the trash piles creating bigger and unusable landfill areas. However, rinsing out containers, and establishing what is truly recyclable or not is our first commitment, and it is not difficult to do. Understanding how to compost is another stance we can take, and even for those of us living in a community, condo, apartment or urban area, it is possible to do ‘some’ composting. If you drink coffee or tea, those ground beans and tea leaves can be added to your plant dirt. I have seen a remarkable surge in the growth of my plants and I dump the grounds in and around my plants; I let it sit for a couple of days, and then I turn the compost over into the soil.
As I observed the photograph display at Uncommon Grounds, I was amazed and excited to see how a banana peel can look so beautiful, or how a cracked eggshell with the right light shining on it can bring happy tears to your eyes when you witness life, not death and not decay. Each photo is an act of love, and the compassion of saving the earth resonates loud and clear. Not only are the pictures a lesson to protect our future, but they are also works of art as presentations in our homes.
I hope to help Love Compost raise the awareness and funds to take this show worldwide. I welcome musicians and other artists to consider creating a new LOVE MOVEMENT as we compost our trash in more ways than one!
It’s Almost Charlie Eble Day!
To my friends and family, Alex is almost back home and ready to return to work for the Cleveland Indians homestand, and we are in NY – at the Seneca Alleghany Casino tonight and on to a park and photo adventure tomorrow, arriving in Saratoga Springs sometime Friday. This is the weekend of Charlie Eble Day, and if you don’t know what that means, please listen to these podcasts: https://www.spreaker.com/show/charlie-eble-day-may-19-2019-cafe-lena.
On Sunday starting at noon for a mere $5 if you cannot get up to Café Lena in Saratoga Springs, NY., you can stream the concert benefit on the Café Lena Concert Window. You will not be disappointed with the talent, including our own, Alex Hale. Alex will return to NY while our house is cared for by friends. The benefit is produced by Joel Moss http://managramusic.com/site/, not only is he my brother, he is a phenomenon human!
If you come up to Saratoga Springs, please stop by Uncommon Grounds https://www.uncommongrounds.com/ for their great coffee, tea, bagels, etc., and catch a glimpse of my sister-in-law’s (Terri-Lynn) photography. Feel free to make an offer and purchase one of her magnificent visual creations.
On behalf of https://newclevelandradio.net/, I want to thank all those involved in Charlie Eble Day beginning with Sara Craig and her crew at Café Lena. The Mayor of Saratoga Springs, Meg Kelly (and if you are from the area vote for her re-election!) A special thank you to the many musicians in the area that will provide their time, talent, and love for Charlie in putting this event together. It is our way of sharing with Joel Moss how special Charlie was not only to him but to all of us! He was Joel’s brother from another mother, and he will always have a place in our hearts. To Charlie’s sister Patty – thank you for allowing us to honor your brother, not just this Sunday but for years to come as a scholarship fund will be set up in his name to train future production engineers the art he so loved.
Charlie may not be with us in person but you surely can feel his spirit in all of us, even those who barely knew him.
CHARLIE EBLE DAY – TENTATIVE SCHEDULE 2
Getting closer. Please start blasting this out on your social media platforms…especially the fact that it will be STREAMED LIVE ON CONCERT WINDOW so people can check in from anywhere, enjoy the music and contribute to this worthwhile tribute to our friend, Charlie. If you have talked amongst yourselves and decided to collaborate, please let me know so I can make adjustments to the schedule.
Caffe Lena presentation, Sunday, May 19, noon – 5:30 pm
Noon Welcome by Sarah & Me – “Charlie Eble A/V Internship”
12:10 Mayor Meg greeting and declaration of Charlie Eble Day
12:20 Me and my sister Karen, story about Alex and Charlie
12:25 Alex Hale performance to pre-recorded tracks
12:40 Garland Nelson
12:55 Vinnie Leddick
1:10 Patty Urell
1:15 Jonathan Greene, Sergei Nirenburg, Brian Melick
1:30 Bob Warren and Mark Griffin
1:45 Judy Wyle
1:55 Ralph Pascucci
2:00 Jeff Halstead
2:15 Michael Jerling
2:30 Will Severin
2:45 Joe Bruchac
Chris Baker
3:00 Ria Curley and Chuck Lamb
3:15 John Nazarenko
3:30 Tim Wechgaelar and Chris Carey
3:45 Marcus Ruggiero
4:00 Peter Davis
4:15 Steve Candlen
4:30 Rick and Sharon Bolton
4:45 Alex and Garland
5:00 Jeff Brisbin
5:15 Group Finale
A Prince Was Born in England Today – But CHARLIE EBLE will always be our PRINCE
Two years ago as I prepared to send my brother Joel a birthday gift I learned that his brother from another mother had lost his battle with the ugly disease known to many as the BIG C. Charlie Eble fought a strategic fight to overcome his rare and aggressive condition. As much as he could, he remained productive and smiled through the pain and anguish. However, May 2017 was to be his last hurrah, leaving behind a sad and grieving family and community that goes beyond Saratoga Springs, NY.
I have had the pleasure of podcasting with many individuals that have offered their memories and stories to be part of a library on a life lived well. https://www.spreaker.com/show/charlie-eble-day-may-19-2019-cafe-lena
May 11th, 2017 as much as I wanted to send Joel (Joelie) a gift I could not think of anything that would make him happy now that Charlie was gone. Joel and Charlie were introduced to be golfing buddies, but as the story goes, they became much more engineering, producing and creating beautiful music with so many.
Last year at this time I wanted to ensure that my brother Joel celebrated life as Charlie would have wanted. As I considered many different gifts for him, what do you buy your brother who can afford more than you? As I racked my brain, I was about to make him smile with a coconut cream pie, but when I went to order it the bakery in Saratoga Springs informed me, I was not the only one with this idea, so I scratched it and instead had a gift card for dinner for two at Mama Mia’s awaiting him. But unbeknownst to him, I had begun a campaign with Brian Melick, Jeff Brisbin, and a few others including Marcus Ruggiero to plan this special event that will take place on May 19th. Alex and I, (my son and Joel’s nephew) thought this would be a special way to remember Charlie and keep his name alive at Café Lena. We wanted Joel to produce this event and acknowledge his own talent and love for his friend.
It took us many months to share our vision with Joel (Joelie to many), and as expected he went the extra mile including two of Charlie’s favorite eating establishments, Hattie’s and Mama Mia’s. In addition, he reached out to Meg Kelly (for Mayor AGAIN) to proclaim May 19th, Charlie Eble Day!
I feel so blessed to have met Charlie and share in his life (not as much as many of you) and to know how special he was and still is. It was the friendship that Charlie developed with my son Alex that helped him grow and become the wonderful young man he is. Alex will be performing with some of these wonderful musicians on the 19th paying tribute to Charlie, Joel, and to Lena Spencer who created this special place, Where the Music Never Dies!
I hope to meet you all and remember to say Happy Birthday to Joel on May 11th!
Remembering Baube Ida and Mr. Ed
60 years ago my Baube, Ida Olshansky Friedman, passed away, I was just nine years old. Just days before I was in the car, my mom was taking Baube and Zayde on errands, and when we dropped them off at their apartment at Blackstone Manor, Baube promised they would see me for my birthday on March 4th. However, I never saw Baube again. She suffered a massive stroke the day before my 9th birthday and passed on March 9th, 1959. Tonight according to Jewish tradition is her Yarzheit, I will light a memorial candle that will shine for 24 hours to remember her. (The Yarzheit date is based on the Jewish date of passing.)
March 9th has another solemn significance as well, my father-in-law very much a father to me, passed away in 1987. Edwin Peter Hale hung on through my birthday barely able to wish me a Happy Day, but in his humorous way congratulated me on my 39th year, two years early. I will be 39 forever, thank you, dear Mr. Ed.
The loss may stay with us forever. However, it is time that allows us to look back and appreciate the love and special moments we were able to spend with one another. As a young child, I spent many days with my Baube and Zayde. I use to call them my old fashion grandparents as they never learned how to drive a car, and they share stories of the old country, Russia. My zayde read the Yiddish paper (in Yiddish) and sprinkled Yiddish into his English conversations. My Baube always appeared more American at least in my company she spoke only English. She was a short, plump lady who could give you that soft loving hug even from across the room (or in your memories.) She was a cook, a baker, but not a candlestick maker. I loved her (and still do) despite our short time together.
My father-in-law was only in my life for a short time. He also taught me love and share big bear hugs along with words of wisdom that he learned in the school of hard knocks. Edwin was a gentle giant, and I am so blessed to call him father!
So today I remember life as it was 60 years ago and also 32 years ago and I hold their memories close to my heart and share with you that they were two special people who guided me on my path to today.
Time does heal sadness and loss; it doesn’t take it away it provides us a way to hold it near and dear with fewer tears and more smiles as we see the shadows that provide us strength.
Happy February 1, 2019
February has many fine meanings for me. First, it’s the month before my birth month. It’s a short month, and soon it will be Spring, that makes me smile a lot. However, this month is full of challenges that could be obstacles.
Tomorrow, February 2nd, Puxatawney Phil sticks his head out of the ground, looks for his shadow, and always, without question announces six more weeks of winter. Winter not being my favorite season, especially this past week with sub-zero temperatures, I am not to keen on listening to his premonition for the end of winter.
On February 3, 1984, my best friend, my partner, became my husband. We had a private ceremony on that day. Although we had every intention to marry, we married on that day to prove to a custody judge that our relationship was legitimate and retaining custody of my oldest son was appropriate. Although this is a day to celebrate, we chose to have a wedding with all the trimmings in July of that same year, to share with friends and family, not for maintaining custody. However, 20 years to the day, my POPs passed away. Now that day and date are filled with a rush of emotions. Additionally this year on said date, I will be attending a Memorial Service (Funeral) for a cherished musician who recently befriended me.
February 4 for most of my life was a great day, my favorite cousin, Gloria celebrated her birthday just four weeks prior to mine. As soon as I was old enough to send her cards or call her to wish her a happy day, my yearly routine included this very special girl. In my mind, she will always be the cute petite cousin who I looked up to with respect and so much love. Sadly, my Gloria passed away just weeks before my mother in 2016. I am blessed to still be in touch with her children and grandchildren keeping that connection alive and bright.
February 14th has never been special in my past. I was not the young girl in high school or college with boys or a boy sending me flowers, and or professing love for me. Although my husband of 35 year treats me special every day, Valentine’s Day is just another day in our lives. Rich refuses to be nice to me for just one day! (I am blessed.)
One reason I loved this short month is that my mother was a Leap Year Baby. It became a standing joke that not only was my mother shorter than all of her children; she was also younger in birthdays! When mom died on October 11, 2016, she was 96 in years but 24 in Birthdays. (Don’t worry, we never let her go a year without a celebration, she enjoyed birthday wishes on the 28th of February and the 1st of March.)
So as this month begins I will face it head-on. Each day is another step closer to my favorite seasons, Spring, Summer & Fall. Join me in sharing memories that will warm us adding sunshine and smiles into our lives. We are not guaranteed a future, that is why we must live in the present!
NO EXPECTATIONS December 25, 2018
As the story goes, a baby was born, the mother was Mary, and the father was Joseph. Although for some it seems, Mary was a virgin, and Joseph was not the biological father, God was. As the story continues, this baby boy was named Jesus, another word for Messiah. The Messiah is a leader of a group of people who need to be saved. History (through the Bible) creates a moving story of this baby through manhood who was a carpenter by trade as well as a first-century Jewish preacher and religious leader. However, upon his death, the Christians took them for their own.
Today, Christmas Day, Christians celebrate/commemorate the birth of Jesus by gifting to others as the Three Wise Men (Kings), presented presents to Mother Mary. Gold was provided as a symbol of kingship/leadership on earth. The incense, frankincense, symbolized deity, and myrrh an embalming oil signified death. These gifts exemplify the life that Jesus was destined for.
Today, many celebrate Christmas as a day of gifting that is more about receiving than giving. It is not that we do not have kindness in our hearts and provide for the less fortunate, but many ask the hollow question what is
in it for me?
As many will sit around their living room’s early in the morning, around a tree glowing with lights and shiny objects, they will be impatient to find out if the biggest or the smallest gift-wrapped box is for them and will it be the item from their long list of wants, not needs? In some homes, there will be looks of disappointment, in others satisfaction or ecstatic joy!
In our blended religion family, today is a day of caring and remembering each other. Often our gifts are not expensive surprises, but the acknowledgment of want and need combined. We typically spend the day alone, no big family gathering quietly in most respects. Sometimes we take in a movie, and other years we nap the day away, exhausted from work and other obligations. Our home is not a Norman Rockwell painting of what the holidays are supposed to look like, ours looks like the reality of the moment.
The reality of the moment sounds mysterious, but it is all about accepting who we are as individuals and not placing expectations in our way that may ultimately turn a Good Day into a Bad Day. I have been known to do just that over the years. I would listen to the PR hype and the comments, of co-workers, friends, and family and expect that today would be a “Hallmark Movie” day, when often it would turn out more like a “Twilight Zone” episode.
December 2016, after losing my mother two months earlier, and accepting the fact that I was no longer a child, I chose to enjoy life with all its ups and downs, and to stop assuming my day, Christmas or any other should be a certain way! Growing up we did not celebrate, being Jewish as we are, but we would enjoy the day in some small way, maybe even extending Chanukah beyond the traditional eight days and nights. Perfection is only a mindset, and sometimes I would dream about a repeat performance, and other times I could not wait for a redo. However, each day is a new day and unique from another. I am working on making each day bright and festive, not just for myself but for others, with a smile, a nod, words of acceptance, and a spirit of friendship and love that begins with self.
It is not selfish to take care of yourself when you share yourself with others, freely and willing!
May you enjoy your Christmas, December 25th, 2018 (and beyond) without expectations as you share your spirit to be felt by another.
The reality is we need a newer photo
D5 Creation